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DJ 'H' · Jun 20, 2006, 04:44 AM

Had a lovely weekend and a great chat with Petes dad when I returned. I was telling him how I just had to accept Pete and I were over and his dad looked at me and said "Just give him some time" - what do you think he meant by that?

Also Pete surfaced after I had been there ages. He did not even realise I was there. After he hd, he kept walking in and out of the kitchen, backwards and forwards past me wilst I was chatting to his mum, dad and grandad - what was he doing there? He was looking for any excuse to keep coming back into the kitchen?

I got myself a Midwife yesterday and I actually heard the babies heart beating. It was the most amazing feeling ever! :)

I have been invited to Petes house (by his Mum) for tea tonight; we are going to discuss the literature I have been given and decide what screening test to have and not have. Not sure if Pete is going to be there though.

Krs · Jun 20, 2006, 04:48 AM

It probably means a lot, what Petes dad said, but only his dad knows. But I would keep that as a good sign, as no one knows you better than you actual flesh and blood.. your parents.

Glad you had a good weekend break, you probably really needed it.

I bet Pete was curious to hear what was being said between you, and his family.

Maybe slowly slowly he will come round.

Xx

fredg · Jun 20, 2006, 04:49 AM

Hi, DJ,
I am so sorry to read this, but was not on the computer much last week.
Life is full of surprises; some good, some not so good.
At 21 or 22 yrs old (sorry, I forgot which), you have your whole life ahead of you, with many years.
Not all romances work out... my first marriage ended in divorce after 7 yrs; I was 24 when I first got married. This second marriage is now 29 yrs and still going strong.
We all learn, make the best of it, and get on with our lives.
Pete may be just wanting some "space", or I know this hurts, but may be moving on. Since you are pregnant, he may have decided this "is not for him"!
I do wish you the best.

DJ 'H' · Jun 20, 2006, 04:52 AM

Originally Posted by Krs

It probably means alot, what Petes dad said, but only his dad knows. But i would keep that as a good sign, as no one knows you better than you actual flesh and blood.. your parents.

Glad you had a good weekend break, you probably really needed it.

I bet Pete was curious to hear what was being said between you, and his family.

Maybe slowly slowly he will come round.

xx

All he has been doing since we split is spending time with his dad (mainly) and family. He has not even been out with his friends. So I would be inclined to trust his dads judgment. - we will see what happens tonight; I will keep you all posted. X

Krs · Jun 20, 2006, 04:54 AM

Well there you go.

Please do and take care of yourself and your unborn little one ;)
Xxx

Chery · Jun 20, 2006, 05:00 AM

Originally Posted by DJ 'H'

Had a lovely weekend and a great chat with Petes dad when I returned. I was telling him how I just had to accept Pete and I were over and his dad looked at me and said "Just give him some time" - what do you think he meant by that?

Also Pete surfaced after I had been there ages. He did not even realise I was there. After he hd, he kept walking in and out of the kitchen, backwards and forwards past me wilst I was chatting to his mum, dad and grandad - what was he doing there? He was looking for any excuse to keep coming back into the kitchen?!

I got myself a Midwife yesterday and I actually heard the babies heart beating. It was the most amazing feeling ever! :)

I have been invited to Petes house (by his Mum) for tea tonight; we are going to discuss the literature I have been given and decide what screening test to have and not have. Not sure if Pete is going to be there though.

Glad you had a nice weekend.
Please try, for now, not to read into things that you don't have any control over at the moment. That way, you don't set yourself up to fall again. You don't need the added stress.

For now, just go about your life, concentrate on staying healthy and emotionally stable - as much as you can - for your's and the baby's sake.

There are no guarantees in life for any of us. We can hope for the best - but should not be obsessed by it. I sometimes think the 'worst' and thankfully get surprised when the 'worst' does not happen. This has helped me out many times.

At least you now know that Pete will not 'run away' every time you are in the same area, and that's a good sign. Just don't try to 'crowd' him right now at any point, or he might feel under pressure.

Good luck, dear, and keep us posted.

Am crossing my fingers for you!

DJ 'H' · Jun 20, 2006, 05:05 AM

No chance of crowding him Chery. I am staying at my Nans and very rarely see or speak to him. I think I am giving him plenty of space!

I am also not being optimistic; however do need to know if he wants to be involved or not? I have a lot of decisions to make soon and I will be going for a scan too; I don't want to be unfair and just make all of the decisions and go to the scan without him, if he wants to be involved. That's partly the reason I am going to see his mum tonight and accepted her offer to go round for tea, so that his parents are in the picture and if pete wants to know anything then he does not have to come to me and ask, as I know he is not ready to discuss the subject with me, however he does with his parents.

Krs · Jun 20, 2006, 05:07 AM

Do u think, maybe it's a good idea to ask pete is he want to accompany you when you go do the scan of your baby?
Just a thought!

DJ 'H' · Jun 20, 2006, 05:10 AM

Originally Posted by Krs

Do u think, maybe its a good idea to ask pete is he want to accompany you when you go do the scan of your baby?
Just a thought!

No, if he knows about it and wants to come, he will ask me. I would rather it be his idea than he feel like I am pressuring him to come with me.

Krs · Jun 20, 2006, 05:16 AM

That's true!
But then again he may be feeling uncomfortable to ask you if he can come, maybe he feels that you don't want him to come.
Sometimes I find its best it take initaitive.

DJ 'H' · Jun 20, 2006, 05:19 AM

Well Pete and I were like this when we were trying to ask each other out. Neither one of us would actually come out and just say it. It was down to me in the end - we are as bad as each other sometimes.

I just don't want to smother him.

Lets just see what happens tonight. If he is there, then we will have the perfect opportunity to talk.

Krs · Jun 20, 2006, 05:21 AM

Funny you say that.
It was exactly the same for me. When first meet James.
All my mates used to tell me Kris, he fancies you big time. And he used to get the same! And after 2 months I decided to say something first.
Men are scared of rejection...
That's why maybe just ask him, and make it clear its completely down to him, no pressure, and tell him you're asking him because its his child too!

Chery · Jun 20, 2006, 08:43 AM

Originally Posted by DJ 'H'

No chance of crowding him Chery. I am staying at my Nans and very rarely see or speak to him. I think I am giving him plenty of space!

I am also not being optimistic; however do need to know if he wants to be involved or not? I have alot of decisions to make soon and I will be going for a scan too; I don't want to be unfair and just make all of the decisions and go to the scan without him, if he wants to be involved. Thats partly the reason I am going to see his mum tonight and accepted her offer to go round for tea, so that his parents are in the picture and if pete wants to know anything then he does not have to come to me and ask, as I know he is not ready to discuss the subject with me, however he does with his parents.

Hey, I have an idea... Maybe his mom could go along with you to get the scan, then make a copy of it for her to keep. That way Pete will be 'indirectly' involved in the progress through her.

I'm sure he's thinking ahead too, and I hope that all will work out to your satisfaction, dear.

DJ 'H' · Jun 20, 2006, 09:05 AM

It's an idea. N I think I just need to see what happens tonight!

Depressed in MO · Jun 20, 2006, 09:30 AM

I think everyone is being too nice on the Pete person.
Give him space? He straight up told her he did not love her anymore-just one day out of the blue. Then she tells him she's pregnant-from what I am reading he is not offering her any support or anything at all. Their main communication is between her and his mother (for the most part). His mom did not get her pregnant.
No one asked, but I think this guy is a jerk and needs to grow up and take responsibility. Believe me, I've been with enough losers to be comfortable enough to share my unasked opinion on this subject.
I'm not saying he needs to get back into the relationship with her or marry her or anything like that, but he does need to have the balls to speak to her and be involved in her pregnancy with his child for anything she may need.What a ****!

DJ 'H' · Jun 21, 2006, 01:06 AM

He wasn't there last night. I think that says it all. I am on my own!

Krs · Jun 21, 2006, 01:10 AM

Screw him.
I know its easier said then done, but screw him!
He doesn't deserve you! AT ALL...
You have been so patient with him after he broke up with you, and even the fact that he is showing no remorse at all, shows his immaturity.
You don't need it.
You are a mature adult and he is a kid. He doesn't even deserve benefit of the doubt.

You have loads of family and friends behind. I can just imagine how hard it is for you, carrying his baby and he doesn't want to know.

But I think he had his fair share of space, and now its too late.

xcandybabex160 · Jun 21, 2006, 01:17 AM

That's real sad. I have guys like that. Guys are werid they should give you mixed signals to get all confused and play a game. Its good you told him about your pregnant but if he don't want to be involved then that isn't every good if he does that you got help and all. Have you asked him if he wants to be inovolved in the pg thing?
For the signals of breaking up with you:
1. never calls you back
2. don't bother with you much
3. says his busy when you ask him to go somewhere
4. don't answer the phone
5. don't hug you or kiss you no more.

I hope some of that helped sorry couldn't help much.

DJ 'H' · Jun 21, 2006, 03:00 AM

That's just it if I called he would answer, he I text him, he replies and if I see him speaks.

Just if I don't make an effort, he won't make an effort.

Krs · Jun 21, 2006, 03:12 AM

My last suggestion would be, call him ask to meet him ALONE for a cuppa tea somewhere just you 2.

1. if he makes excuses that he can't make it or whatever, than screw him as I said before. He isn't worthed.

2. if he says yes, then ask him all the questions you keep asking yourself about him, he needs to understand you need to know.

This isn't just a standard break up... an unborn child is involved and at least he can make the effort to answer your questions.

That way you know completely where you stand if he can't understand this esp that his unborn child is in question, than he is simply not mature enough to be part of this family at all.