[chris28]

Well being a woman I must say that the clubbing thing will get tired, she needs to be fulfilled but in the wrong way.. Seems to me she is crying out for attention... Don't be jealous because the guys you meet in a club or never the ones you want to establish a relationship with.. All this clubbing just says she is not happy.. Getting drunk and meeting strangers is her way of coping although she may have broke up with you she might get lonely but knows that she doesn't want to go back to you... because she thinks she is missing out on something, But one day when she is not partying and she actually sits and think with a clear mind she will think about what has happened... That's what I think when I got divorced I was the same way.. the only difference is that I didn't hook up with anyone I met.. But after the going out got bored I was ready to settle down and date again... I GOT IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM...

Yea your right I think that's were the bitterness will come in a bit for me if it happens sooner then later and I find out. I no I shouldn't be putting this much thought into it. But if she starts settling down with some after all this and stops the clubbing and all it would make me feel even worse like what was wrong with me. I rather not know anything about her or what she's doing. It makes it easier. I am going to hang with someone I met 2morow but I really don't know what I want if anything at all I guess I'm just totally confused... Im looking for the companionship I had but I don't want to put work into it cause I'm not into anything serious yet, and of course I don't want a rebound so what's the answer if I'm not ready to day but want that feeling?

[jolienoire]

Yea ur right I think that's were the bitterness will come in a bit for me if it happens sooner then later and I find out. I no I shouldnt be putting this much thought into it. But if she starts settling down with some after all this and stops the clubbing and all it would make me feel even worse like what was wrong with me. I rather not know anything about her or what shes doing. It makes it easier. I am going to hang with someone I met 2morow but I really dont know what I want if anything at all I guess im just totally confused......Im looking for the companionship I had but I dont wanna put work into it cause im not into anything serious yet, and of course I dont want a rebound so whats the answer if im nto ready to day but want that feeling??

The best advice I can give for that situation is don't contemplate on "will you ever love again" But focus on the NOW. Let things happen naturally, don't say "I Can't because my heart was broken" Just let things flow but take your time. If the bond is there don't ruin it, but don't look so hard... Just whatever you get into establish and let the person now From the start about your feelings.. If she is understanding she will be willing to accept, and will take things slow.. Don't feel pressured into jumping into something if you meet a women who wants a relationship from the start... At least, if you tell her upfront this will save you and her a lot of heartache... Let it go and let it flow..

I hate to say this but even if your EX was to run back with open arms you may not even want her especially knowing she was kissing other guys and Who knows what else... You will feel foolished that you waisted time waiting, and missed out on what is happening in life now.. Even if she runs back you realize it would never be the same... You will resent her for making you go through such a horrible stage of waiting and wishing..

[chris08]

How would you react Jolie or anyone else if your ex told you that they finished the relationship because they weren't happy over the last week or so. I found it really harsh and unfair that my ex couldn't sit down and talk to me about it. Is this a girl thing? She said she was scared too say anything, she asked me to give me some space (on a friday) but I was so confused and the next day (saturday) I rang asking what's happened and she just come out with I don't want to be in a relationship anymore.

Does time really work?

Sorry for going on about what happened with me in Chris's thread, but it just feels like we are in a similar position, with how we feel and what we are dealing with. Oh and we're both called chris!! Must be a curse!

[jolienoire]

How would you react Jolie or anyone else if your ex told you that they finished the relationship because they wern't happy over the last week or so. I found it really harsh and unfair that my ex couldnt sit down and talk to me about it. Is this a girl thing? She said she was scared too say anything, she asked me to give me some space (on a friday) but i was so confused and the next day (saturday) i rang asking whats happened and she just come out with i don't want to be in a relationship anymore.

Does time really work?

Sorry for going on about what happened with me in Chris's thread, but it just feels like we are in a similar position, with how we feel and what we are dealing with. Oh and we're both called chris!!! must be a curse!

I don't know maybe that's GIRL THING I am a WOMAN I communicate I would have said something to you about it, and see if you changed and try to make it work Then if it was not repairable then maybe I would have requested space.. It is unfair that she couldn't sit down and talk to you at the first time she was unhappy. But to be honest this just don't happen over a few weeks, you just don't say today I don't love you anymore.. Maybe it was dying out over some time.. I don't wake up and say you know yesterday I had a bad relationship and today I WILL BREAK UP.. You may have seen prewarning signs. And your intuition volume may have been turned up prior to this break up but you ignored them.. Of course we ignore them because we think People really love us and we take the relationship for granted and sometimes just brush it off.. But then when we here those words "I need my space" we freak out... I think this is the best thing that could have happened to you.. You will come out so STRONG, trust me.. Because you were true to her and yourself, and you were willing to do any and everything to repair your relationship.. You can only be the BEST person you can Be and if you are giving your all and she is giving nothing HOW CAN THIS WORK? It can't.. there needs to be some balance.. I have some tips from this site maybe this will help you.. COPE

1. Take her off that pedestal
Don't idolize her and build her up into something great. She is nothing of the sort. So don't gaze lovingly at pictures of her. Don't jump to answer her e-mail or phone calls. And definitely don't go out of your way for her. She no longer deserves preferential treatment.

2. Get closure...
It's essential to definitively end any hopes of reconciliation between the two of you. And if you can't get that into your head, she owes you the courtesy of making it crystal clear. She should tell you: 'I never loved you. I don't love you now. We'll never get back together.' After some prodding, she'll probably do it, just to get rid of you. It provides what therapists call 'closure.' And you can begin to heal.

3.. . then don't contact her
After the relationship reaches finality, you have to break off contact or you will go mad. Don't beg or cry. Don't drunk-dial. Don't write her e-mail. Don't send packages or CDs. Don't dedicate a song to her on the radio. Geddit? She will find you if she wants to. And even if you can talk your way back into her arms, it's only a temporary reprieve. She already knows you want her back, and she doesn't care. Take that as a sign.

4. Get negative feelings out on paper
Write her a letter pouring out your negative and weepy feelings, then disassociate them from yourself. Throw the letter away or burn it. But definitely don't send it to her. You will only regret it. She will show her friends and her new boyfriend. And they will all share a good laugh.

5. Avoid her friends and any places she goes to
Don't venture into her territory. You won't be welcome. Find new places to hang out for the first few months and make new friends, if necessary. If any of your friends insist on maintaining contact with her, you may have to shut them out, too - at least temporarily. After some time has passed, you should go back to living normally, and that means hanging out at these places and reconnecting with your mutual friends.

6. Throw away anything that reminds you of her
You don't have to burn it all, but definitely get pictures, gifts, clothing, letters, and e-mail out of your living area, or at least out of your line of vision. If that means giving away roughly half of your wardrobe to get rid of the memory of her, so be it. As a rule of thumb, if the object makes you think of her, discard it. This can also save your sanity.

7. Don't try to get your stuff back
Unless it's a diamond ring or something that's one-of-a-kind, you're better off not contacting her to get it back. DVDs, clothes, your extra toothbrush... just let 'em go. They're only possessions. Is it really worth the pain of being in her presence just to reclaim a pair of boxer shorts? Don't exchange your dignity for menial belongings.

8. Spend time with your friends
Let your pals give you a wake up call on how your ex wasn't that perfect to begin with, and that there are more fish in the sea. A little male camaraderie can go a long way towards getting your head straight. We've all been detonated by a woman before and most of us will li9. Exercise your newfound freedom
Freedom is always intoxicating. There's a world of activities you can partake in that you were never able to enjoy because your 'other half' didn't approve. So indulge. Travel. Build a model ship. Go hiking. Play video games on your computer. Watch TV all weekend. Do anything you want. Why not start boxing? Ideally, you want to find an activity that allows you to release your anger and alleviate stress.

10. Remember the bad times
If you feel nostalgic, then think of all the times she was a cow to you. That should do it. Remember the time she made you wait by the dressing room as she endlessly tried on clothing? Or the time she reminded you not too drink too much in front of your mates? Nobody wants that back.



11 tips for getting over your ex: iVillage

[chris08]

Thank you so much. That gives me everything I need to know, and everything I could wish to read when the time gets tough. I sound so stupid now don't I.

She has said everything apart from 'I don't love you anymore' But I will definitely not get my hopes up.

[jolienoire]

Thank you so much. That gives me everything i need to know, and everything i could wish to read when the time gets tough. I sound so stupid now don't I.

She has said everything apart from 'I don't love you anymore' But I will definately not get my hopes up.

DOn't because She can still love you but obviously she is NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU... there is a big difference.. And for some reason people associate the two... You ever loved someone, but couldn't stand to be around them? EX: a friend, relative,. You love them in the sense that you don't want anything bad to happen to them but don't want to be with or around them... well you have to look at it that way... It hurts.. but you know what.. You did everything right... Some people can't appreciate that, or just can't grasp...

I wouldn't worry one bit, I have been talking to you back and forth, and from what I gather from our conversations you are a great guy and once you start to feel and believe that Then you MY MAN HAVE BEEN TRANSFORMED,

Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.” You already mastered this relationship, by allowing her to fall in love with you.. . Now it's time for you to grow..

“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

[chris28]

I don't know maybe that's GIRL THING I am a WOMAN I communicate I would have said something to you about it, and see if you changed and try to make it work Then if it was not repairable then maybe I would have requested space.. It is unfair that she couldn't sit down and talk to you at the first time she was unhappy. But to be honest this just don't happen over a few weeks, you just don't say today I don't love you anymore.. Maybe it was dying out over some time.. I don't wake up and say you know yesterday I had a bad relationship and today I WILL BREAK UP.. You may have seen prewarning signs. And your intuition volume may have been turned up prior to this break up but you ignored them.. Of course we ignore them because we think People really love us and we take the relationship for granted and sometimes just brush it off.. But then when we here those words "I need my space" we freak out... I think this is the best thing that could have happened to you.. You will come out so STRONG, trust me.. Because you were true to her and yourself, and you were willing to do any and everything to repair your relationship.. You can only be the BEST person you can Be and if you are giving your all and she is giving nothing HOW CAN THIS WORK? It can't.. there needs to be some balance.. I have some tips from this site maybe this will help you.. COPE

1. Take her off that pedestal
Don't idolize her and build her up into something great. She is nothing of the sort. So don't gaze lovingly at pictures of her. Don't jump to answer her e-mail or phone calls. And definitely don't go out of your way for her. She no longer deserves preferential treatment.

2. Get closure...
It's essential to definitively end any hopes of reconciliation between the two of you. And if you can't get that into your head, she owes you the courtesy of making it crystal clear. She should tell you: 'I never loved you. I don't love you now. We'll never get back together.' After some prodding, she'll probably do it, just to get rid of you. It provides what therapists call 'closure.' And you can begin to heal.

3. ...then don't contact her
After the relationship reaches finality, you have to break off contact or you will go mad. Don't beg or cry. Don't drunk-dial. Don't write her e-mail. Don't send packages or CDs. Don't dedicate a song to her on the radio. Geddit? She will find you if she wants to. And even if you can talk your way back into her arms, it's only a temporary reprieve. She already knows you want her back, and she doesn't care. Take that as a sign.

4. Get negative feelings out on paper
Write her a letter pouring out your negative and weepy feelings, then disassociate them from yourself. Throw the letter away or burn it. But definitely don't send it to her. You will only regret it. She will show her friends and her new boyfriend. And they will all share a good laugh.

5. Avoid her friends and any places she goes to
Don't venture into her territory. You won't be welcome. Find new places to hang out for the first few months and make new friends, if necessary. If any of your friends insist on maintaining contact with her, you may have to shut them out, too - at least temporarily. After some time has passed, you should go back to living normally, and that means hanging out at these places and reconnecting with your mutual friends.

6. Throw away anything that reminds you of her
You don't have to burn it all, but definitely get pictures, gifts, clothing, letters, and e-mail out of your living area, or at least out of your line of vision. If that means giving away roughly half of your wardrobe to get rid of the memory of her, so be it. As a rule of thumb, if the object makes you think of her, discard it. This can also save your sanity.

7. Don't try to get your stuff back
Unless it's a diamond ring or something that's one-of-a-kind, you're better off not contacting her to get it back. DVDs, clothes, your extra toothbrush... just let 'em go. They're only possessions. Is it really worth the pain of being in her presence just to reclaim a pair of boxer shorts? Don't exchange your dignity for menial belongings.

8. Spend time with your friends
Let your pals give you a wake up call on how your ex wasn't that perfect to begin with, and that there are more fish in the sea. A little male camaraderie can go a long way towards getting your head straight. We've all been detonated by a woman before and most of us will li9. Exercise your newfound freedom
Freedom is always intoxicating. There's a world of activities you can partake in that you were never able to enjoy because your 'other half' didn't approve. So indulge. Travel. Build a model ship. Go hiking. Play video games on your computer. Watch TV all weekend. Do anything you want. Why not start boxing? Ideally, you want to find an activity that allows you to release your anger and alleviate stress.

10. Remember the bad times
If you feel nostalgic, then think of all the times she was a cow to you. That should do it. Remember the time she made you wait by the dressing room as she endlessly tried on clothing? Or the time she reminded you not too drink too much in front of your mates? Nobody wants that back.



11 tips for getting over your ex: iVillage

Question me aqnd my ex have now a lot of mutual friends they were her friends first so I'm sure the loyalty is with her. But I still talk to them and hang out with them. From time to time I ask how she is doing and all and how she is acting is this bad?? Does this give her the upper hand?

[jolienoire]

Question me aqnd my ex have now alot of mutual friends they were her friends first so im sure the loyalty is with her. But I still talk to them and hang out with them. From time to time I ask how she is doing and all and how she is acting is this bad????? Does this give her the upper hand?

There is a BIG problem! Because a lot of time with mutual friends don't like to choose sides, so every time you ask about her they can tell her, and vic versa, get some new friends... ONE VERY IMPORTANT RULE IN DATING,. PARTNERS SHOULD HAVE THEIR OWN SETS OF FRIENDS.. Don't ask about her, don't hang out with them they can be telling her things about you.. so she knows how you are doing, therefore there is no need for her to worry about you.. You're still an emotional mess.. Leaving her with control.. She can also be telling them to tell you things... Definitely a problem

Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.” You already mastered this relationship, by allowing her to fall in love with you.. . Now it's time for you to grow..

“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
__________________

[chris08]

Question me aqnd my ex have now alot of mutual friends they were her friends first so im sure the loyalty is with her. But I still talk to them and hang out with them. From time to time I ask how she is doing and all and how she is acting is this bad????? Does this give her the upper hand?

Yeah the more you ask or talk about her, it doesn't matter what is said, the longer it is going to take to heal your pain!

[jolienoire]

Thank you so much. That gives me everything i need to know, and everything i could wish to read when the time gets tough. I sound so stupid now don't I.

She has said everything apart from 'I don't love you anymore' But I will definately not get my hopes up.

“Take a second out to think about this: in your life you search and search for the right person for you. Every time you break up with someone you get one step closer to that person. You should look at moving on as getting closer to meeting the one.”

Ian Philpot

[chris28]

“Take a second out to think about this: in your life you search and search for the right person for you. Every time you break up with someone you get one step closer to that person. You should look at moving on as getting closer to meeting the one.”

Ian Philpot

If you don't mind me asking how many years of experience do u have? And where you from??

[jolienoire]

If you dont mind me asking how many years of experience do u have?? and where you from???

I am from New Jersey.. and lets say about 10 years..

[friend4u178]

Jolie
I was going to give you a greenie for all the great advise you have given the 2 Chris's but I have to spread the rep first.

Guys , eveything Jolie has been saying is so true and you should really take note. I was going to give my own 2 bobs worth when I logged on this morning but she has said it all. Real good stuff!!

[jolienoire]

Jolie
I was going to give you a greenie for all the great advise you have given the 2 Chris's but I have to spread the rep first.

Guys , eveything Jolie has been saying is so true and you should really take note. I was going to give my own 2 bobs worth when I logged on this morning but she has said it all. Real good stuff!!!

Aww thanks... I hope they are listening this is coming from a woman... Take heed.. or don't but just thought I would put my two cents in.:p

[friend4u178]

Aww thanks... I hope they are listening this is coming from a woman... Take heed.. or don't but just thought I would put my two cents in.:p

I'm sure the are... right guys? I wonder if they've seen your picture in "member discussions" "Pictures of our members"

Take a look guys , Jolie is a stunning looking woman :-)

[jolienoire]

I'm sure the are........right guys? I wonder if they've seen your picture in "member discussions" "Pictures of our members"

Take a look guys , Jolie is a stunning looking woman :-)

Ha ha thanks

<a href="http://photobucket.

[friend4u178]

I liked the other one too :-) can you show the guys that?

[jolienoire]

[chris08]

I'm sure the are........right guys? I wonder if they've seen your picture in "member discussions" "Pictures of our members"

Take a look guys , Jolie is a stunning looking woman :-)

She is 100% correct, couldn't ask for anything more. She's been like a mother to me!

[chris28]

Ha ha thanks

<a href="http://photobucket.

Dam you are stunning lol.

I definitely plan on taking the advice seriously I'm 28 and I'm tired of games and not getting what I want from a relationship. Thanks for all the advice keep it coming. Hot PICS.

I haven't seen anyone like that in brooklyn lately, lol :)

Thanks!!