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emopunk7 · Sep 20, 2009, 12:08 PM

Well I had so much strength yesterday... today I woke up not feeling so good. I ended up going to her job again today before going to work. I had to tell her face to face that I sent her a text message saying I couldn't pick her up and that her waiting for an hour and a half was not intentional. It was a mistake and I didn't mean for that to happen. She said she is just frustrated and will call me on her break... I said to her that she said the same thing yesterday and she didn't call. So I'm waiting for a call now to see what's going to happen. I feel so lost and confused and hurt

Sariss · Sep 20, 2009, 12:15 PM

In the mean time, just leave her the heck alone. She'll take her time and contact you when she's ready.

Cat1864 · Sep 20, 2009, 12:17 PM

Where's the list? :confused:

Time to show what you have learned that will help you get out of this rut.

emopunk7 · Sep 20, 2009, 01:22 PM

Well she called and we spoke calmly. She said she didn't go to a bar and that I should have spoken to her and that she doesn't want to deal with these things anymore. I told her "yes I shouldn't have done that but since I have spoken to u, but I have spoken to u several times before and you knew not to do that and u ignored me and made me suffer. I asked her if we can make this work and she said no. she doesn't want to try and that I just make her miserable which is a lie. We were happy a lot but of course went through some issues... Just that Friday we had a great day and she ruined it. I don't get it! Why!!

Cat1864 · Sep 20, 2009, 01:39 PM

Originally Posted by emopunk7

I have spoken to u several times before and you knew not to do that and u ignored me and made me suffer.

No, you gave ultimatums and didn't listen (Just like you aren't listening now) and made yourself suffer.

Stop putting the blame on her for you being unable to think and act rationally.

Remember this has been going on for a lot longer than ONE week.

emopunk7 · Sep 20, 2009, 02:09 PM

Why are you saying its my fault? I am listening. I know I reacted stupidly. And now she is upset about it but my point is that it wudnt have happened if she didn't do what she did.. which wasn't her first time. Isn't that her fault? I had spoken to her many times before and she said she will be more honest but she lied and hurt me again. Why are you saying I sudnt blame her... I tried with this problem..

Cat1864 · Sep 20, 2009, 02:26 PM

Originally Posted by emopunk7

why are you saying its my fault? I am listening. I know I reacted stupidly. And now she is upset about it but my point is that it wudnt have happened if she didn't do what she did..which wasn't her first time. Isn't that her fault? I had spoken to her many times before and she said she will be more honest but she lied and hurt me again. why are you saying I sudnt blame her...i tried with this problem..

You aren't listening to her now and I would bet you haven't really listened in the past.

When you use phrases such as "I had spoken to her", it sounds like you told her what to do. Okay, she said she would be more honest. That sounds like she was trying to diffuse the situation more than anything else and try to make you happy.

You accuse her of lying. When did she first lie to you this past week? When she said she was going to bed, but ended up going out? Did she lie or did her plans change. Should she have had to call and get your permission to change her plans? When you "made her prove she was in her friend's car'? You're lucky she didn't break up with right then and there.

friend4u178 · Sep 20, 2009, 02:33 PM

Emo
It doesn't really matter who's fault it was for anything. It's irrelevant now because she has told you that this relationship is finished as far as she's concerned.

This is a decision she has made over time and this last incident was probably just the straw that broke the camels back , so you continually bugging her and not leaving her alone is not only making you lose your dignity but it's also vindicating her decision to leave you .

Time to accept it and instead of wasting time trying to win her back it's time to start your healing process. So leave her alone and start NC.

ohsohappy · Sep 20, 2009, 03:13 PM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

You aren't listening to her now and I would bet you haven't really listened in the past.

When you use phrases such as "I had spoken to her", it sounds like you told her what to do. Okay, she said she would be more honest. That sounds like she was trying to diffuse the situation more than anything else and try to make you happy.

You accuse her of lying. When did she first lie to you this past week? When she said she was going to bed, but ended up going out? Did she lie or did her plans change. Should she have had to call and get your permission to change her plans? When you "made her prove she was in her friend's car'? You're lucky she didn't break up with right then and there.

I agree, it sounded to me like, the whole post, he had just DECIDED that she had lied to him. I'd be pretty pissed to. I mean, seriously, If something changed he should take her word for it. And when she left she was probably in a hurry and didn't feel the need to call. He had already assumed that she was in bed, and her friend needed her. Why bother her boyfriend when she’s trying to help her friend? It’s none of his business.

EMO
Going to point some things out.

Originally Posted by emopunk;

Right before I went into work I called to say I love you because I was going to work from 12 midnight to 8 AM. when I called, she answered her phone by mistake and I heard a club scene in the background really loud with people talking. It lasted about 12 seconds and then it hung up. she didn't know she answered but I was shocked because she was out while I thought she was sleeping.

WHY would you call if you thought she was asleep? And even then, if you thought she was in bed, why didn’t you just send her a text? She was going to sleep, why wake her up to tell her you were going to work, when you could have texted her and not disturbed her.

Originally Posted by emopunk;

She tells me she is in her friends car and so I told her to prove it and she did. She says that her friend was sad n they went to talk n they are at a store.

Once again, if she was in a hurry to get to her friend, why bother to call you? Her friend needed her. You TOLD her to prove where she was, and she did, and yet you still INSIST that she had to lie to you? What more proof did you need? I would have said it was done then and there and hung up. No need to talk to a guy that doesn't believe me, even when I've told AND proved the truth.

Originally Posted by emopunk;

While I was at work I called and called and text and text. she didn't call me back till 5 am!
She says she was driving around and walking at a park talking to her friend and got home at 3 am but slept and then called me at 5 because she was mad that I asked so many questions and was angry.

First of all, if you're at work, concentrate on your work, she had already told you where she was and what she was doing, WHY the heck would you still pester afterward, especially when you're supposed to be doing your job. Not to mention, she was out all night with her friend, and she was mad at you. She was probably very tired and didn't want to deal with your childish behavior. I'm sure she had enough to deal with helping her friend out, and you added a heap of bulls*** to the mix. I'd go to bed too.

Originally Posted by emopunk;

Well my problem is that I feel she took advantage of me going to work and then she lied to me about sleeping and decided to go out. That really hurt me soo much. Then I caught her at a club scene and she denies it but yet from 12 to 5 am she doesn't answer my calls. If she was really driving or walkin and talking she could have answered to speak to me. we never ignore each other for that long which leads me to believe she was partying..

Did she even know that you were going to work until you called to tell her? If she did, she was helping her friend anyway, no problem with that, she told you what she was doing. And in bold up there she told you she was in her friends car, and she PROVED IT, how did you catch her at a club scene? Cars have radios, and radios play music, sometimes loud music. Probably why she didn't answer her phone in the first place, I would have waited until I was in a quieter spot too.

You were not her main priority that night, her friend was. YOU were at work. Now she's ending the relationship. Do you still insist that it was HER fault?

emopunk7 · Sep 20, 2009, 04:33 PM

OK to make everyone happy it was my fault. Ill take all the blame just like I always did in the relationship. Thanks a lot. She might as well be here... ur more of her friends anyway. Bye.

Cat1864 · Sep 20, 2009, 04:49 PM

Originally Posted by emopunk7

ok to make everyone happy it was my fault. ill take all the blame just like I always did in the relationship. thanx a lot. she might as well be here...ur more of her friends anyway. bye.

Actually, I am your friend.

Sometime, when you read this thread again, maybe you will understand that it is your mental and emotional health I am concerned about.

emopunk7 · Sep 20, 2009, 04:54 PM

Ok I will not contact her again. I said everything I needed to and I have no excuse to contact her now. This is what I believe. I believe that she is a woman and has every right to do as she pleases, but she's a woman in a relationship. Sadly, it's different now. In a relationship there are rules of appropriateness n she should respect me and at least let me know hey babe this is what's going on. There are different types of relationships and that was our key. We told each other where we are going when leaving to hang out. That was our respect towards each other especially to help build the trust and especially when we were having trouble in that area. Do you understand this?

ohsohappy · Sep 20, 2009, 05:08 PM

Originally Posted by emopunk7

ok to make everyone happy it was my fault. ill take all the blame just like I always did in the relationship. thanx a lot. she might as well be here...ur more of her friends anyway. bye.

THis sounds like you're playing the victim card again. Is this all you know how to do? Can't you just take some initiative and fix things instead of whining about them?

talaniman · Sep 20, 2009, 05:15 PM

Quote emopunk7;
Ok I will not contact her again. I said everything I needed to and I have no excuse to contact her now

Believe it when I see it.

This is what I believe. I believe that she is a woman and has every right to do as she pleases, but she's a woman in a relationship.

So what, she is still her own person first.

Sadly, it's different now. In a relationship there are rules of appropriateness and she should respect me and at least let me know hey babe this is what's going on.

I can agree.

There are different types of relationships and that was our key. We told each other where we are going when leaving to hang out.

Sometimes that's not possible or necessary, but you still over reacted and made a bigger deal out of something you could have just let go of.

That was our respect to wards each other especially to help build the trust and especially when we were having trouble in that area

According to her, you made a lot of issues out of everything, and don't forget, I have read all your posts. Your very excitable and emotional, and get carried away easily. That makes you hard to talk to. That something you can do something about, with some self control.

Do you understand this?

I understand, but what you fail to see, is its not what others do, or why, its how you deal with it. You have dealt with this badly. Maybe she did to.

emopunk7 · Sep 20, 2009, 05:38 PM

Thank you T-Man... believe it or not, she made everything a big deal. I don't get mad easily so she must have done something bad to get me mad. And I usually get over it fast... I like that about me. Its what kept this relationship going. If you think I'm bad, she was mad at me because I asked her at what time she gets out of work. I asked so that I can make plans for us or do something but she thought I was asking just so that I can go to six flags with my PARENTS! While she worked. Yet she can do what she did? That's why I'm even more upset at what she did - that very same night too! And blieve it or not, there is a part of me that wants to be alone and build my trust level. I want to explore more of life and enjoy other people. I want more of life and maybe if in the future we are meant to be then we will be.

emopunk7 · Sep 20, 2009, 08:29 PM

Any responses? By the way... thank you everyone for helping with your wonderful words. Great help.

Cat1864 · Sep 20, 2009, 08:47 PM

We have tried giving you ideas. How about you give us some?

What are some ways that you can help yourself? Let's see what you can come up with and we can work from there.

Remember that you are looking for proactive (not reactive) and constructive ways to move forward. Take your time and really think about it.

emopunk7 · Sep 20, 2009, 09:46 PM

I messed up. It hit me that maybe all this is my fault only. She probably didn't tell me because I would get mad. Then when I asked her to prove it maybe that's why she was mad all night. The next day she did say sorry but I just over reacted. I would get upset when she sometimes smoked. I sent her texts right now saying all this and that I'm so sorry and it won't happen again and I called but ignoring. And that I won't get mad about these things again and when we go out we can both call to say hey like every 2 hours to build both our trust. I messed us up it seems. I am super sad and miserable.

Cat1864 · Sep 20, 2009, 10:43 PM

Emo, let's try a mental exercise called: "What can I do next?"

Now give me list of ways you can move on without this particular girl in your life.

What proactive and constructive steps can you take to get over this relationship that will help you in your next relationship?

Remember that for this exercise this relationship is ended and you are strictly keeping to NO CONTACT with her.

emopunk7 · Sep 21, 2009, 02:07 AM

Wow, now I think about it and she did have a choice. She had 3. She could have gone behind my back or she could have told me she was going out n that she would call me every 2 hours so that I can be okay or she could have not gone. I actually don't think it is my fault anymore. Or she could have sat me down n we could have spoken about what to do if a situation arises even before a situation... She didn't have to do what she did even if she was afraid I'd be mad. She could have not gone and avoid all this but I guess a girls night out is more important especially when she did this before. What should I think? My fault or not?