[Chery]

Dear, we all have our choices, and you picked your's. I hope it works for you and lots of Luck. Keep us posted.

[Wildcat21]

Rarely if ever tell a woman how you feel. AGAIN - I know the ladies will be all mad at me - but's true. Woman DON'T want the weak senistive man. Woman WILL always tell what they prefer... but it never matters - it's how they feel - AND if you make them feel as if you're weak, you are of no value to them. Woman want the mystery.

"feelings more then logic" - all women are this way - when they get a little older they use some logic.

You're handling it right.

See - to get a lover back you can never force and try to convince them to come back.

Here's an invaluable tip for you. If you are want to influence your partner; if you want to persuade him to do something or to see your point, don't say it out loud or even point it out to him. Try, instead, to make him think that that idea comes from his own.

Why? People always "accept his beliefs ready-made and stick to them until the cows come home".

Most people hate to be told what to do. Most people hate to know that their ideas are wrong. In fact, people hate it even more when you point it out to them.

So, if you want to attract a new mate, make it seem like he or she is the one who wants to be with you!

If you want to bring back a lost love, your first step is to make sure you don't make it seem like you want him or her back. Depending on your relationship or marriage circumstance, most people hate to be told that they should come back to your side. To them, it just spells more trouble.

[one_life]

It is just me or do women in general have selective memory? What I mean is if they break up with a guy, and time has passed, the women tend to only remember the good times of the relationship. They tend to block out the bad times. Why is that?

[Chery]

Not really, we just choose what's important to remember and hold no long standing grudges because our egos aren't that sensitive. We do however remember those who abuse us and treat us as punching bags, then we just wait and get our revenge. Simple as that. All the other little stuff we forgive and go on hoping the men learned from their mistakes. But sometimes we are wrong there. It is the men that throw the past in women's faces and jealous of the past most of the time, not the other way around, even though men make mistakes too - that's when they have 'selective' memory.. but in their case it's called denial. And to them when a woman makes a mistake it's called typical. It seems that we are on the verge of writing a book on stereotyping. If I were a publisher, I'd get a real kick out of this and sell millions of articles just by referring to this forum alone. It's better than a talkshow. Gerry Springer, eat your heart out...

[Wildcat21]

You guys don't know what you want until it stares you in the face. And relying on your feelings make you make so many relationship mistakes.

You guys always SAY you prefer something... then go and do the exact opposite. Always.

And remember only the good IS dangerous... that's why woman always go back to the sexy jerk... they forget he cheated on her, left her at home, never called, never bought anything, borrowed money and never paid it etc.

[letmeno]

I'm not really sure what it is about the a**hole as opposed to the gentlemen. I guess it is finding a guy that falls in the happy medium between the both of them.
I like flower's, candy and all of the sweet and gentle things that a man does, but yet I would perfer for him to have some back bone as well.
I like having door's opened for me but every once in a while him telling me to "open it yourself" would show me that he is human and does have a mind of his own.
Being catered to once in a while is great but him missing a day of catering to me to go hang out with the guy's gives him a break from the monotiny of it all as well as giving me a break too. I don't think it is so much that we would prefer the jerk, as it is us actually finding a man that is a bit of both.

[Chery]

Hi Wildcat. We've got to stop meeting this way or people will start talking.;) Wouldn't you know it, One Life made his mind up already and I think he's going to do just fine.
But 'we' can't leave it alone. Who do you mean by "you guys" Wildcat. Can't you at least say 'gals' I admit that my daughter's father looked like Cevin Costner, but he certainly did not act like it. Sometimes we 'gals' make the choice of fathers to determine what our offsprings will look like. But to be truthful, I only wanted a child, didn't need the man or the papers to go with him. I knew what I wanted as I was already 24 and had tried on several "pairs of shoes" and still did not want to buy any, just rent/wear and return. Now I'm twice as old and still enjoy trying on those shoes and still don't want to purchase them. It's not worth it because you 'guys' have just as many faces as we do (I admit it), but I can look myself in the mirror now and feel all right about myself. I did not hurt anyone on the way except myself by making some bad choices, but still can live with that. It's the final result that counts. I always let a man know exactly where I stand and give him the choice of accepting that or not letting the door hit him on the way out. Too bad that some egos got in the way of being as fair with me in the past, but I can't help but love you guys cause you're so amusing. When I hear the phrase "you just don't understand" it cracks me up all the time. You've never been a mother and therefore never learned all of your children's tricks, we mom's have the advantage there, even with boys and know exactly what makes you tick. It would be nice to find someone to lean on, but I don't think there is anyone strong enough to stand up to me in a relationship no matter how many days he spends lifting those weights. And when a man thinks he's using me, it's because I let him. Mine is very happy with that arrangement and we will be friends and lovers forever, just the way we like it. His son even asks me for advice because he sees the change in his father and wishes he could find someone like me, instead of those young things that still play games. Since he's gotten to know my views he treats his girlfriends with a little more respect and benefits from it. So, it's never too late to learn and grow up. I'll stop now so you won't have to yawn too much, Wildcat. It's 7 AM and I've been up all night. Going to take a nap now and give you some time to come up with something good for me later this evening. Oh, I know you're going to say I have not met Mr Right yet, you're probably right, but I'm content. Good Night. Gosh how time flies when I'm having fun...

[Chery]

I'm not really sure what it is about the a**hole as opposed to the gentlemen. I guess it is finding a guy that falls in the happy medium between the both of them.
I like flower's, candy and all of the sweet and gentle things that a man does, but yet I would perfer for him to have some back bone as well.
I like having door's opened for me but every once in a while him telling me to "open it yourself" would show me that he is human and does have a mind of his own.
Being catered to once in a while is great but him missing a day of catering to me to go hang out with the guy's gives him a break from the monotiny of it all as well as giving me a break too. I don't think it is so much that we would prefer the jerk, as it is us actually finding a man that is a bit of both.

You hit it dead center. It's just that the guys don't have it in synchronization yet as to when to act like what, that's all. There are times to act like a macho, and there are times to act like a pillar of strength and comfort, but they can't read our signals enough to get it right most of the time. And instead of trying to find out, they throw tantrums out of frustration. It's a 'man' thing and we 'just don't understand'... get it?

[Wildcat21]

"Sometimes we 'gals' make the choice of fathers to determine what our offsprings will look like. " - no offense, but that's real selfish - I know that's an offense, but you only thught about yourself. Ugh. Not think about your daughter - maybe she WANTS a father? Eventually you needed someone to help raise that child.

Sounds like you 'GALS' want to control guys.

I do agree a guy 100% needs some 'good guy qualities MOST of the time' AND learn to adapt to some of the 'jerk-like' behaviors. It's real important - not to be a jerk, but take on some of his behaviors - being independent, not needy, SAYING NO TO A WOMAN, putting a woman in her place when she gets out of line (yes woman do this and a lot of times it's a test). LEADING. Taking full charge in the bed most of the time.

"It's a 'man' thing and we 'just don't understand'" - happens both ways. Like irrational behaviors during a certain time of the month.

Chery - there is no Mr. Perfect, My gal has a lot of things I have to live with, I don't mind, there are so many things I love.

[Chery]

"Sometimes we 'gals' make the choice of fathers to determine what our offsprings will look like. " - no offense, but that's real selfish - I know that's an offense, but you only thught about yourself. Ugh. Not think about your daughter - maybe she WANTS a father? Eventually you needed someone to help raise that child.

Sounds like you 'GALS' want to control guys.

I do agree a guy 100% needs some 'good guy qualities MOST of the time' AND learn to adapt to some of the 'jerk-like' behaviors. It's real important - not to be a jerk, but take on some of his behaviors - being independent, not needy, SAYING NO TO A WOMAN, putting a woman in her place when she gets out of line (yes woman do this and a lot of times it's a test). LEADING. Taking full charge in the bed most of the time.

"It's a 'man' thing and we 'just don't understand'" - happens both ways. Like irrational behaviors during a certain time of the month.

Chery - there is no Mr. Perfect, My gal has a lot of things I have to live with, I don't mind, there are so many things I love.

Hi Wildcat... my daughter chose at the age of 12 not to see her father anymore, as she lived through his beating me all the time we were married and it did her no good. I never put him down to her and always allowed him to visit and take her places, but she made her choice. I had a good job, and did not need help raising my child, my aunt helped me a lot, but I did most of it.
We had to take one day at a time.. and she had good judgement too, as when I had an occasional b/f, and she hinted that this one was not a good idea, she was right - I did not deny my child a decent father, he's a certified sociopath, but I did not know it at that time. Now I do see the signs and am more careful. As far as wanting to lead, either in bed or elsewhere, there is a way to lead without men knowing, it's called suggesting, and that goes both ways too. Most women handle PMS pretty well, except when they want to use it as an excuse. What excuses do men have when they act like jerks? Let's be fair, there is no set pattern for men or women, and we need to realize this and stop the stereotyping, that's all. Every situation is different and if we don't see the whole picture (without our own opinionated blinders) then we can't 'generalize' without having second thoughts on what effect it has on those we advise. Have a good one, dear - still friends.