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DazT · May 6, 2008, 02:54 PM

Originally Posted by bigbird213

No one can answer that for you. What I can tell you is that she has not forgotten about you. When people leave such a big impact on our lives they will always be part of our memories.

I think your just at a rough spot and you need to ride it out. Hang in there for a few days and see how your feeling. Maybe it would be good for you to make a list of all the good things vs all the bad things in the relationship and see what list is longer. You admit that you broke up a few times before and acknowledge the problems with your relationship.

All too often we look back and see our exs though so called "rose colored glasses". We overlook all the bad and the things that split us up to begin with because we miss them. We are instantly able to forgive their faults and ignore the problems. Don't fall into this trap....

Thanks for the words of advice Bigbird. I know how unhappy I was that's why we kept breaking up.. I don't know if I'm unhappier now we've broken up completely.. I guess I was always unhappy for the past few months of the relationship, whilst now I'm only unhappy some of the time if you get me.

Every so often I just get annoyed that the only person that ever cared for me like she did is moving away from me each passing N/C day and I think that's why I feel the need to contact her, even though she isn't good for me.

losingit77 · May 6, 2008, 02:56 PM

Day 17 of NC! And 2 days in a row now I actually feel pretty awesome. I think about him a lot but not every second of every day now.

Do I still miss him? Yes. Do I still love him? Yes... but I love myself more. Do I miss loving someone/giving my love to someone and getting it back in return? Absolutely. Do I think this break-up might have actually been the right thing? Possibly. I'm getting there. Do I think I'm going to die if I never speak to him again? Absolutely not.

I know its still early and there's probably rough days ahead but I can say I feel pretty good and feel great about myself today. I'm really starting to feel like my old self again. Yay!

For those wondering if NC is the right thing to do, trust me.. IT IS! Forget about what your ex needs, YOU need this NC time to clear your head and see things for what they really are.

bigbird213 · May 6, 2008, 02:58 PM

Originally Posted by losingit77

Day 17 of NC! And 2 days in a row now I actually feel pretty awesome. I think about him a lot but not every second of every day now.

Do I still miss him? Yes. Do I still love him? Yes...but I love myself more. Do I miss loving someone/giving my love to someone and getting it back in return? Absolutely. Do I think this break-up might have actually been the right thing? Possibly. I'm getting there. Do I think I'm going to die if I never speak to him again? Absolutely not.

I know its still early and there's probably rough days ahead but I can say I feel pretty good and feel great about myself today. I'm really starting to feel like my old self again. Yay!

For those wondering if NC is the right thing to do, trust me..IT IS! Forget about what your ex needs, YOU need this NC time to clear your head and see things for what they really are.

Are you sure Tal didn't hire you as a salesperson for NC?

losingit77 · May 6, 2008, 03:07 PM

HAHA.. I know its crazy! I feel alive again. Tomorrow will be my all time record for NC so I think later on (maybe next week) I might start to feel down again, but I'm prepared for it.

The greatest thing about being the one dumped is that you can have no regrets. I absolutely have no regrets about the relationship or my part in it. Its got to suck to be the dumper thinking, "gosh, did i do the the right thing? blah blah". As the dumpee, all you can do is say "whatever", dust yourself off, and keep moving.

I mean it is hard cause I miss him. And normally on days like today when I'm feeling good and the weather is nice are the days I would call him up and talk about what a wonderful day it has been and I can't do that now so that part sucks but whatever. His loss.

len21 · May 6, 2008, 03:46 PM

Wow losingit congrats sounds like you really are feeling positive:-)

I am in a great mood today, I went out with this guy again last night who keeps asking me out and could not believe the way I feel about him, I do realise it is too soon to jump into anything right now but it is so exciting to feel something like this again for someone else. I find him fun, attractive and he likes me and we are both toatally keen to take things slowly! What an awesome feeling it was weird not to have my ex as the first thing I thought about this morning yay:-)

losingit77 · May 6, 2008, 03:53 PM

Yeah, I'm feeling good. The only bad note is sometimes I think, well if I'm feeling good and happy, maybe he's feeling good and happy.. good and happy to be rid of me! That kind of sucks. Like, did he forget about me already? Duh! We were only together 4 years! Its stupid. Tell me I'm being stupid, I know.

I know I shouldn't think this, but a part of me hopes that if I'm feeling good and happy, then he's feeling sad and miserable. Like there's only so much happiness to go around and if I suck it all up, the scales go in my favor and he's on the losing end. I'll try to keep those bad thoughts under wraps for now. : )

bigbird213 · May 6, 2008, 09:05 PM

Originally Posted by losingit77

Yeah, I'm feeling good. The only bad note is sometimes I think, well if I'm feeling good and happy, maybe he's feeling good and happy..good and happy to be rid of me! That kind of sucks. Like, did he forget about me already? Duh! We were only together 4 years! Its stupid. Tell me I'm being stupid, I know.

Not stupid - I've felt the same thing. You start wondering if your doing this good and you were the one that got dumped how good have they been feeling?

You've got the right attitude though, you'll be just fine :)

jpm247 · May 7, 2008, 01:22 AM

Sounds like you guys are doing well - losing it and len.

Don't put too much pressure on yourselves, just take each day as it comes.

I still get bad moments, but then they do pass. I'm much more positive now.

It is definitely their loss, and it doesn't matter about if they are happy, just make sure you do things to make you happy.

You will have bad days and good days, then bad moments and good days, then a bad thought, then a good few days.

It's a rough ride, but it definitely gets better. Keep busy and think of the most important person in your life - you!

But you guys are definitely on the right track.

ISneezeFunny · May 7, 2008, 01:28 AM

To be honest with you guys... at this point, I don't want my ex to contact me... in fact, I'm having such a hard @ss time trying to get my ex to stop trying to contact me.. it's ridiculous.

My fun never stops:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...161688-36.html

AshleyStar · May 7, 2008, 10:01 AM

Hi I'm new here. I'm a bit scared to post because I posted last night in the dating forum about a break up and got slaughtered so hopefully this thread on't be as bad.

My boyfriend and I had a fight last Thursday, he told me it was over on Sunday, I harassed with texts all of Sunday. Had n/c mon and on tues sent him a text saying I was sorry for snapping at him and I understand why it's over. He replied this morning saying thanks for the text and he doesn't want to part on bad terms. So, I didn't reply and am on my first day of n/c. woo hoo!

He owes me money which could be problematic on the n/c count...

talaniman · May 7, 2008, 10:38 AM

I read your post and you got some good advice, but I suspect you didn't like your answers much.

AshleyStar · May 7, 2008, 11:17 AM

Well I guess I didn't no. It's difficult when people don't know you and know what kind of person you are. However having spoken to my friends and family about it they were keen to point out his faults (which I'm not bitter enough to list) and that he was the one in the wrong for breaking up with me the week of my finals. Actually after the advice given on here I started to blame myself for everything and thinking I was a horrible person but as one of my friends said, "everyone snaps from time to time."

zooropa1985 · May 7, 2008, 01:32 PM

Hey everyone, well its day 0 and I'm crying like a girl with a skint knee and a wort on her nose, yep it's that bad.

I've been through this before thankfully but I don't know if that makes it better or worse, I know what I have to do but also know how much and pain is involved.

I think I'm at the realization stage now, you know the part when you know its over.

DazT · May 7, 2008, 03:38 PM

Had told all of my close friends not to tell me any stories of my ex but I get one of them didn't listen. Was told that last weekend that my ex slept in the same bed as one of my friends and they were both drunk. Don't know what to get up to and it hurts that one of my friends would do that! But ahh well, shows what she's like.

losingit77 · May 7, 2008, 04:16 PM

Day 18 of NC! My official record of all time now! Yay!

Still miss him loads... but am no longer "devastated". And that's the end of a 4 year relationship with the man I thought I'd marry and spend the rest of my life with. Now at 30 (which by the way is the "new 20"), I'm starting over again. So to all the younger ones out there, trying to get over the "loves of their life".. trust me. Chin up and move on! There will be plenty more to come. You will survive this and be an even better person for it. There's still a whole lot more of life to live!

gg23 · May 7, 2008, 04:25 PM

Hey guys! Thank for sharing all your stories. NC since the 25th. Besides an email to get closure. Never got a response so I figure I 'll leave things the way they are. Almost two years together.the girl used to worship me when I showed no emotions. Then I fell for her. Anyway. She went to a trip out the country this past December. Came back, I had a funny feeling that something was not right. We never thought before that. Always was polite towards me. Then things all changed. Febuar, she started ignoring my calls, taking forever to reply text... anywho.. long story short, I tried to save us... but all I could get was I " i m too busy..." so I finally wrote her because she wouldn pick up when I call. Then she pulls the I don't think I have the time and effort to put in a relationship right now... my gut feeling was that she was cheating on me... we are in different univ... but I never found that out.. but it was a drastic change... cut down on sex... wouldn't even kiss me either... weird huh? Almost 2 years together you think you know them, you let your guard down, then BAM... u get the hardest blow ever... my semester on the line... harcore eng. Classes... everything just went donwhill.. man... I usually have not problem getting girls... but I fell for her and committed.. n gave her my trust... I just really wish I could erase this heartache... but I guess only time huh?. I won't even bother calling her... I feel so betrayed to the point I feel really stupid... like the song say.. she caught me by surprise.. always told myself that it could never happen to me again... man was I wrong... anyhow so NC since the 25... n honestly, thought I still long for her, I won't bother... I got a lot of people waiting down the line.. but its just like she took my energy away its crazy.. oh well live and learn...
Lesson learned : never trust too much in people, that setting yourself for dissapointement...

gg23 · May 7, 2008, 04:32 PM

So basically NC 13 days... going strong... it funny. The samething happened to me a few time back. With two girls. Then I just ignored them and they came right back. But this one. I hope for that she has nothing left for me... because if she falls again, she will be sorry for playing me like that!. anyway... serioulsy guys... always and I MEAN always look for the signs. We often get blinded and give them the benefit of the doubdt... had I caught up and turst my gut, I would save myself all this bullcrap... my mistake was that I fell for her. She knows that. But she also knows how much I get approched by girls, and that regardless of whether she around. I cna't believe I stopped enjoying all the gals... for what? For this??

chuff · May 8, 2008, 04:30 AM

Originally Posted by zooropa1985

hey everyone, well its day 0 and im crying like a girl with a skint knee and a wort on her nose, yep its that bad.

ive been through this before thankfully but i dont know if that makes it better or worse, i know wat i have to do but also know how much and pain is involved.

I think im at the realization stage now, you know the part when you know its over.

Crying like a girl with a skint knee is bad but like one with a wort on her nose. OUCH. Oddly enough that reminds me of my ex. Trust me, I just came off that myself and she was playing the game with me, until I finally just backed all the way off. That was a few weeks ago and I feel great and I still see her a couple times a week. Give yourself some time to come down and eventually a new girl with worts will make her way into your life.

AshleyStar · May 8, 2008, 04:34 AM

Day 2, although I nearly gave in and sent a text earlier I refrained. When does it stop getting worse? Everyday I wake up is more painful than the last... should it not be getting a bit better by now?

nickshehe · May 8, 2008, 04:53 AM

zooropa1985, went through the same phase.. I'm on day 35 I think now? Of NC that is..
I knew I was going to be okay at some point but I hated the process of getting there, cause I was there before too.. and I knew it's a sucky road.. Hang in there man.

Ashley, it's still early for you.. If you read about 70% of the posters here broke NC, got even more upset, even more confused, even more depressed.. and the second time around they STICK to it.. So the odds are against you, you should always think of that when you're feeling like breaking the contact. You'll only put yourself in a worse place.