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brkfstatiffs · May 7, 2007, 11:43 AM

Don't contact her, she will reach out to you when she's ready. Girls need their time after a breakup. It will only make things worse most likely if you contact her first, I've been there done that with an ex... and while his phone call was comforting, the conversation didn't end in any resolution that I wanted to hear... that we can work things out etc. Give her all the space she needs, she will respect you more.

Eazy1123 · May 7, 2007, 11:51 AM

Well, if she really broke up with you... you should give her time... "that's if you want to hear about/know about her again." I had broken up with my boyfriend... and I really did want him out of my life... I thought that he wouldn't call anymore, because I asked him too and then he didn't call for like a day... and then he kept calling... I would ignore the calls but eventually gave in and anwered... when I would hear him, I felt like I needed him and missed him... now I'm back with him and I know we have like no future together... he says he loves me... but, I just need space... yet want him and I'm still with him in a way...
So, it probably be better if you wait... it's hard I know... but, there must be more to the story to really give you a good solid answer...

sypher373 · May 7, 2007, 12:47 PM

Originally Posted by Righthearted

So I should just avoid her and any contact she makes with me? What if she does want to get back together and I show that I'm not interested or not there for her.

This is the EXACT situation I was in, and the same questions I had. I was worried that if I ignored her for a while, told her to give me my space and move on, that she would never seek to contact me if she had a valid reason to.

What you need to realize is that if she does want to talk to you, she knows how. She will get in contact with you. It took me a long time to realize it, but once you let go, and put space between you, it does NOT mean that you are closing that door forever. Your NOT making anything impossible.

And one more note: It is much easier to not answer her calls when you are busy. You don't have to be 'avoiding' her phone calls if you are out and busy - it just happens.

Righthearted · May 7, 2007, 12:59 PM

Thanks everyone. I love this girl so much I just don't want to mess up. The more I think about her the worse it is. And I know I have to stop thinking about her. I was glad she called me and at this point I guess I just have to wait and see how things go.
What are people's thoughts on going from lovers-friends-back to lovers? Can this happen? All my friends say stay away from the friend status.

sypher373 · May 7, 2007, 01:46 PM

As long as you don't ever want anything more, being a friend is fine. The majority of the time, people are interested in getting their Ex's back, or are not satisifed with simply being friends, and if that is the case, some time to yoruself is the best idea, that way you can clear your head and get a better grasp on things.

Could you see yourself being a friend to her, and having a conversation about her and her new boyfriend? Unless the answer is yes, your not ready.

Matt3046 · May 7, 2007, 01:48 PM

Do it know just be cool. Text or e-mail to start.

ceriphante · May 7, 2007, 03:37 PM

You kind of forced me into a brutal response this time around so, prepare yourself...

Originally Posted by Righthearted

So why did she contact me in the first place? She was obviously upset and hurting and missed me, what's that all about?

There are two possibilities here

1 - she is confused (which she really shouldn't be but probably has been thinking about trying things out with another guy or more than one other guy... )
2 - mindgames

Both are bad news.
To me you sound like a lovesick puppy dude
Look at how ;
She's disrespecting what you once had
She's disrespecting you for wanting to do the right thing by her
Basically slapping you in the face
Also take note of how you aren't looking out for your own interests either only hers, while that can be a noble gesture it can also be seen as 1 being a martyr 2 being very very weak.. which most girls find a complete turnoff..

Seriously, at the first sign of any girl doing this stuff, walk,
Or prepare to be walked on.
If your not careful she'll make you into her doormat
Is that what you really want ultimately? I bet it isn't.

Originally Posted by Righthearted

What are people's thoughts on going from lovers-friends-back to lovers? can this happen? All my friends say stay away from the friend status.

Your friends sound like they're catering to your ego, I don't know if you've noticed but simply put you don't have a choice in this matter she's already put you in the friends category, once that's happened your fighting a lost cause..

Regardless good luck...

mckenzie134 · May 7, 2007, 05:13 PM

Some people have a break for 6 months and then get back together it can happen. The break is obviously cause she is having doubts. Maybe about the future, she may not be able to see much of a future with you at the moment especially if she is young. Work on yourself and then get in contact with her, it is probably all over now but you can only hope for the best and move along. Let her go out on her own and she may feel that you are the one and then she may not. Yet at the end of the day in 5 months time you will probably say to yourself if she could leave me that easy did she ever really love me at all. I was with my girlfriend for 3 1/2 years I probably should have proposed and I didn't, she said she wasn't sure where we wer heading and going day to day and now she's gone for good. She said she needed a break and I know she is seeing no one and hasn't for two months. But she's gone and not coming back. She needed time and she got it and maybe realised I wasn't the one. Let me tell you how hard it is she used to call every night and text on the phone saying she wanted to hear my voice. And then she was gone. I would understand if she found someone else or something but she didn't she just wanted to be by herself for a while and grow. Its so hard to watch someone who wanted you so badly not want you anymore 3 1/2 years is a long time and I'm sure your time has been long too. I still can't understand she told me I depend on you too much well how can you leave if you depend on me... You will never get the real answer you are searching for the truth may be she does not know why herself only time will tell. Some people wake up in 5 years time and say dam I should have made a different decidsion and well maybe I should have proposed who knows maybe she wasn't ready... maybe I was too slow. Everyone kept telling me to ask her... maybe thet would have been the difference, I've got a million things going through my mind like you but just relax and read a book on heaking cause I doubt she coming back...

Righthearted · May 8, 2007, 08:05 AM

So I'm driving to work today and my EX girlfriend is behind me and she pulls into the same gas station as I do. She gets a coffee which I know she doesn't drink this time of the year and we see each other and she smiles so I say hi. She then wants a hug so we have a really nice hug. She's leaving for a trip this week so I tell her to be safe in her travels.

This is after the last email that she sent to me that I didn't reply to about 2 days ago. She had a bad day and was really missing me but later in the email saying that she hopes that we can remain friends?

I know I have to go N/C with her but it was really good to see her and I feel she felt the same way. Man I wish I could read minds.

talaniman · May 8, 2007, 08:13 AM

The most dangerous thing is to assume what she thinks or feels, since really you don't know. Stay on the path nomatter how good she looks.

She hopes that we can remain friends?

This is what you know for sure.

Righthearted · May 8, 2007, 08:22 AM

I know what you're saying. Just when I think one thing it's something totally different. Perhaps absence makes the heart grow fonder - who knows. I feel that when we saw each other she definitely looked at me the way it was in the beginning of our dating.

sypher373 · May 8, 2007, 08:49 AM

Originally Posted by Righthearted

I feel that

There's your problem. All you know is what you feel, and as far as you two getting back together... what you feel isn't a concern. Until you know what she feels for sure, you need to move on and act as if it will never happen. Assumptions are very dangerous, both positive and negative assumptions.

Righthearted · May 8, 2007, 12:34 PM

I am moving on very slowly but surely and if she comes back to me - she comes back to me. I just don't want to misinterpret her actions or missunderstand what she says. I've had breakups before and have missed the signs when my significant other has tried to reconcile and have lost out. I guess I am the eternal optimist.

brkfstatiffs · May 8, 2007, 02:42 PM

You need to let her be. People change, maybe she wants to explore other avenues. You should look at it as a positive thing that she doesn't "need " you. You sound like you are young, don't get too wrapped up into this, there are a ton of women out there.

Righthearted · May 9, 2007, 09:09 AM

This is from my EX -
Was it okay that I called you on Saturday? I was having a bad day and I was upset and all I could think about was how much I missed you. You have always been there for me whenever I needed you. I really hope I did not make things more difficult for you. I know you are trying to get on with your life. Do you think that in time we will be able to remain friends? I guess I will talk to you later. Thank you for being there for me on Saturday. I really needed to hear your voice.

"all i could think about was how much i missed you"
Should I still continue with NC and let her contact me again when she's ready? We ran into each other yesterday and we exchanged a really nice hug, it was awkward but she intentionally went out of her way to bump into me.

Righthearted · May 9, 2007, 11:06 AM

Is it possible to go from lovers to friends back to lovers?

My current situation is just that, I want to still be friends with my ex girlfriend in the hopes that we can rekindle what we once had. It was her idea to originally break up.

Rockabilly1955mama · May 9, 2007, 11:07 AM

Yes, anything is possible. As long as you work hard at it.

:)

talaniman · May 9, 2007, 06:27 PM

You are in the friendzone, Whether you like it or not. Now go heal and do the no contact the right way, and end the confusion and questions.

Righthearted · May 9, 2007, 08:10 PM

How do I get out of the friendzone? Is it risky to be friends with her in the hopes of rekindling what we had? She clearly said that all she could think about was how much she missed me - what is no contact the right way? Not answer anytime she calls?

MissAdvice · May 9, 2007, 08:31 PM

SPACE IS GOOD ! IT GIVEs both you and she the ability to see how to best handle the relationship. It sounds like you have a little fear that she may not come back or she is going to go. Now you must work on you, and ask yourself are you the best man you can be. However if you are finding that you are the only one working on the relationship and you are constantly trying to please her, and its crippling you, then maybe you need to consider other options. Also if she had friends and you don't this can cause problems as well. Maybe you want too much quality time, if this is the case, you need to spend more time with your friends and work on you.

If you love someone set them free, if they come it was meant to be...