[trying4babykirk]

Hi,
I am a newleywed and I am 19 and my husband is 21, we are both going to college and planning on graduating very soon with Bachelors Degree and we have learned to become almost numb to what people may think. I was hestant to tell my family that we decided to get married so young, because I did not know what they would think and then my fiancé at the time and I discussed it and we decided to do what made US happy, not everyone else. My husband and I have been together for 5 years, and have been through a lot, so I knew that I was ready to marry him!

Make sure you are 100% ready and do what makes you happy, its your life, not anyone else's! If people have a problem with it, big deal, trust me THEY WILL GET OVER IT! Good luck and I hope this helps a little!

[lacuran8626]

I think it would be wise to take some time to yourself. Go to a nice coffee shop or somewhere like that where you won't be bothered, by yourself. Write down all the reasons you want to get married. Write down all the things about your fiancé that you wish would change. Write down all the things about yourself that you want to work on. Write down all the reasons people have given in trying to convince you not to get married. Then look at each thing you wrote and try not to be judgemental or reactive on an emotional level. Just honestly think about whether it is true, or not true. Determine if you are justifying things in your mind, or saying something is true but different for you because of some condition you are putting on it.

All I'm suggesting is that this is a very adult situation, and it effects every aspect of your life from your love life, sex life, your future children, your family, your friendships, your education, your future, your finances. It's a very, very big deal and being in love is absolutely not enough. Most marriages that fail do so because of money, being unprepared to be parents, one or both families objecting to the marriage, immaturity on either party's part, or simply growing apart. It's hard to know how we will develop as people, even in our late teens and early twenties, so it is a huge leap of faith to marry at those ages. I mean, I don't even think I could stand to live with the couch I had when I was 20, much less the man I was dating! Yikes!

That said, I have two friends who married at your age, and they are now in their forties and still married. Both tell me they wish they had waited and had more of a life as a single young person, but neither regret who they married. Both wish they had finished college because money has been an ongoing struggle and they both finished school with children to take care of, too - and part time jobs.

So, make the best decision you can and then fully commit to it.

[mjl]

Well said Lacuran8626, but I don't know if any of you guys noticed the date on this person's post... May 24 2004! If she was going to be getting married, she has probably done it by now.

[baby_gurl_04]

I know exactly how you feel.. I'm 19 and I'm engaged, my finacee is 21.. we have been together for four years now and we a devoted to each other, but my family still think's I'm to young to get married.. it's really not up to them if you get married or not.. it is your life and your desion to make.. if you really love him then it doesn't matter.. I hope you have a great future with your soon to be hubby...

[sammiiG]

Hmm... I am 18, my partner is 23. We've been dating for 8 months, and living together for 6 months now and have decided to look at getting engaged around my 19th which is in another 6 months. We have spoken with both sets of parents about our plans and although they aren't 100% keen on us getting married this young, I think the fact that we've sat down and made plans for the future and set goals for us has convinced them that we're serious. I love my partner more than anything and he's been there for me through so much, he is my best friend and there is no one I'd rather spend the rest of my life with and I doubt thered be anyone else willing to put up with me for the rest of theirs lol. We aren't rushing into marriage, its going to be at least another year and a half before we get even close to the aisle stage but at the same time I'm not going to wait around for a few years to "mature" because I'm a big believer in "everything happens for a reason" and I figure that we could get married now and it might not work out, but at the same time we could wait a few years and it still might not work out. There are no certainties in life, You find something you want or need and you grab hold of it as tightly as you can, the way I see it with my partner is that nothing would give me greater pleasure than that little piece of paper declaring that I am his and he is mine. And its not just a piece of paper, marriage is a public declaration saying "hey, i love this person..i love them even when they snore so loudly i can't sleep, i love them even when they look like crap in the mornings, i love them with bad breath, i love them with messy hair and sleep in their eyes, i love them when they gamble away all our rent money for the week, i love them even when they throw their dirty clothes all over the floor or drown the bathroom floor after a shower, and i love them so much that in front of everyone else that matters to me i want to give myself to them" Age is irrelevant in love. Age becomes an issue when the couple aren't mature enough to tackle the issues as they come, and believe me we know all about issues, we both come from broken homes and have watched our parents hate each other and cops called on parents and custody issues etc etc etc we know its going to be tough, but we're both very aggressive people and fight over tiny issues but at the end of the day we never leave an argument unsolved.
Anyway that's just my little rant in case anyone's curious lol..

Though it would be interesting to see whether all the other people mentioning their engagements actually got married or not lol

[tisharaosbey]

Hello, you asked this question four years ago so by now you should be 21... I would like to know how is everything going for you and your husband. Also, for every other young person out there who plans on getting married young, don't be afraid. If you are confident that you and your partner's love is real and not puppy dog teenage love then go right ahead. So many people discourage young people to get married to the one who they love because of the high divorce rate. Fifty years ago, most people were getting married young, the only reason the divorce rate is so high is because we live in a world of distractions and temptations. As long as the two of you know your priorities and keep them straight and possess good moral then everything will be okay. You can't go looking for something in someone else your missing it in your marriage. Your not going to get 100% of what you need/want in a marriage anyhow so don't think that you are and know that you are going to get on each other nerves. It's not going to be disney princess fairy tale love everyday. But as long as you trust each other and you FIGHT FOR YOUR LOVE( because believe me you are going to fight! ) and keep God number one then everything will be all right. Good luck for all those young people out there looking to get married! I wish you the very best and may God be with you!

[j_troubadour]

Wow. 4 years of posting...

OK. I got married when I was 18 years old. He was 20. We had the love and support of everyone... parents, pastors, family, friends, etc but it didn't go well. I think our main problem is we finished growing up together and well we grew into different people. He wanted me to be a stay at home wife and wanted to dictate much of how my life would happen. He didn't see me as strong and independent but as a woman who needed to be looked after in every aspect of life. Plus... he cheated on me. Even before he cheated it was bad. I'm not saying that young marriages can't work. I've seen them work. I just think that you should be extra careful when listening to that little voice. If it says run then take some time. If you are truly in love then you'll be in love a little later down the line. Also seek some type of counseling. I'm now 23 and married to the love of my life but the premarital counseling made us both feel like we were starting with a sound foundation especially since I was previously married. Love is awesome and if you've truly found it... don't let it go.

[igman]

Well, hopefully you can understand their reaction because 20 is very young. Depending on who you are talking to, you may not owe them any kind of reassurance ( like a stranger ). But if you do I would keep it simple like " Yes, it is young but I have thought about it and feel strongly in my heart that I am making the right decision". I will tell you that I married my wife when I was 20 and she was 19... 17 years and three kids later we are still going strong... BUT marriage is tough AT ANY AGE and I can say that the younger you are the more challenging it can be. Hope this helps !

[amber-doo]

You know, my grandparents have been married for 65 years. They got married when they were 20 and 21. I know that that was the norm back then but, who says young people cannot still find love that young. I have a friend who married her high school sweetheart when they were 20, they have a better marriage then a lot of other couples I know. Just show people that you are in a mature relationship and as long as you have something going for you in your life and you are truly happy and not just getting married because you hate your father or just because you're pregnant, your age shouldn't matter.

[bethybum]

I am 19, and have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years. He is the most important person in my life, because he helped me through so many hard times. We both think that we are the right person for each other, and want to eventually get married, he thinks 4 years, I think 2. Mainly because his parents broke-up before they ever got engaged, and he is scared the same will happen to us because we have already broken up once. My parents had a shotgun wedding at 18, so I am also scared of that happening. But the biggest thing is we are waiting until marriage to have sex, and I am scared if we wait 4 years it would be too hard, but we both don't want to make a mistake or get divorced. Can anyone give some advice?

[taytortot]

My mom got 16 when she got married there no prob how old you are all that matters is that UR GETTING MARIED DUH!!

[JudyKayTee]

my mom got 16 when she got married there no prob how old u r all that matters is that UR GETTING MARIED DUH!!!

I do not think 12 year olds should be on an adult board - that being said, please stop with the "text talk" and speak English.

Duh!

[thechosenone]

Hello I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 21... we have been together for 4 years, and knew very early in our relationship that we wanted to someday get married. But for cultural reasons, this has been an issue for the both of our families, especially mine. I am a junior in college, and he is a senior.

Honestly, I think that these days, people are overly-analytical about marriage. They involve statistics, and other cases that have nothing to do with the couple wanting to get married. I am not one to use statistics to govern the moves I make in my life. I believe that this man was brought into my life for a very good reason, and someday we will get married. Most females look forward to their wedding and to being a wife, so we may jump the gun sometimes. But if my man asked me to marry him today, I would have no problem saying yes.

I am an intellectual, and it is a MUST that we both finish pharmacy school at some point to be financially stable, preferably before we have children. But my man is everything I could ask for and more. Marrying him today would only ensure that my future growth endears me to him, and that we do not grow apart. I think that getting married young is good if you have a plan, because love is not enough to ignore life's obstacles. But years down the line, if you are able to overcome those obstacles TOGETHER, and with God, then your marriage will be worth a lot more to the both of you.

Finally, people always talk! Its part of life, people around you are always going to have something to say. But remember that what is a big deal today, will not be a big deal forever. People will always move on, so don't let their ruckus today discourage you from doing what you feel is right forever...

Good luck to all of you ;)

[JudyKayTee]

hello im 18 and my boyfriend is 21... we have been together for 4 years, and knew very early in our relationship that we wanted to someday get married. but for cultural reasons, this has been an issue for the both of our families, especially mine. i am a junior in college, and he is a senior.

honestly, i think that these days, people are overly-analytical about marriage. they involve statistics, and other cases that have nothing to do with the couple wanting to get married. i am not one to use statistics to govern the moves i make in my life. i believe that this man was brought into my life for a very good reason, and someday we will get married. most females look forward to their wedding and to being a wife, so we may jump the gun sometimes. but if my man asked me to marry him today, i would have no problem saying yes.

i am an intellectual, and it is a MUST that we both finish pharmacy school at some point to be financially stable, preferably before we have children. but my man is everything i could ask for and more. marrying him today would only ensure that my future growth endears me to him, and that we do not grow apart. i think that getting married young is good if you have a plan, because love is not enough to ignore life's obstacles. but years down the line, if you are able to overcome those obstacles TOGETHER, and with God, then your marriage will be worth a lot more to the both of you.

Finally, people always talk! its part of life, people around you are always going to have something to say. But remember that what is a big deal today, will not be a big deal forever. people will always move on, so don't let their ruckus today discourage you from doing what you feel is right forever.................

Good luck to all of you ;)

I'm a little confused - if he's a senior in College won't he graduate with a Pharmacy degree? Or is he going to undergrad and then getting his degree in Pharmacy? The Doctorate programs are only 5 or 6 years total in my area.

You are also very young - 18 - to be a Junior in College. You were only 15 when you graduated from high school? Wow.

I am somewhat in disagreement with you that marrying young - 18 and 21 - guarantees that you won't grow apart but every relationship is different and only time will tell. I most definitely would not want my daughter to marry at 18, still in College, but, again, every relationship is different.

[thechosenone]

I'm a little confused - if he's a senior in College won't he graduate with a Pharmacy degree? Or is he going to undergrad and then getting his degree in Pharmacy? The Doctorate programs are only 5 or 6 years total in my area.

You are also very young - 18 - to be a Junior in College. You were only 15 when you graduated from high school? Wow.

I am somewhat in disagreement with you that marrying young - 18 and 21 - guarantees that you won't grow apart but every relationship is different and only time will tell. I most definitely would not want my daughter to marry at 18, still in College, but, again, every relationship is different.

I graduated when I was 16 years old, and now I am a junior... he's getting a bachelors first (4 years) then going to pharmacy school (another 4 years)... I don't plan on getting married today, or any time soon for that matter. All I was saying was that if you have the maturity and the finances, I think that it is good to spend these years together rather than waiting. Tomorrow is never promised, and although we all have a plan for our lives, sometimes unexpected things happen. It works for some, not for others. And for the record, my mother certainly wouldn't agree with me getting married right now either.

[hannahca89]

I will be getting married in October, and will be 19- my fiancé will be 19 as well. His whole family disapproves of our marriage. We met in 10th grade english class and have been together nearly FOUR years. I have read a lot of negative comments about this issue. But come on! Aren't there exceptions? FOUR years, and we love each other a lot! I couldn't imagine what my life would be if I couldn't share it with him! Yeah yeah, blah blah maturity life experiances... whatever. What if I want to share my life experiances with HIM? I don't NEED to go sew wild oats and have crazy 20's. I just want to live an adult life. We both work full time jobs, he makes $40,000 a year alone, I take online classes and we are set. We can't live together first, because of our religious beliefs. But what drives crazy is when people who don't know me, don't know my fiancé, still open their loud mouths to let me know I am too young.

[JudyKayTee]

I will be getting married in October, and will be 19- my fiance will be 19 as well. His whole family disapproves of our marriage. We met in 10th grade english class and have been together nearly FOUR years. I have read alot of negative comments about this issue. But come on! Aren't there exceptions?? FOUR years, and we love each other alot! I couldn't imagine what my life would be if i couldn't share it with him! Yeah yeah, blah blah maturity life experiances..... whatever. What if i want to share my life experiances with HIM? I don't NEED to go sew wild oats and have crazy 20's. I just want to live an adult life. We both work full time jobs, he makes $40,000 a year alone, i take online classes and we are set. We can't live together first, because of our religious beliefs. But what drives crazy is when poeple who don't know me, don't know my fiance, still open their loud mouths to let me know i am too young.

Sometimes it works - my sister ran away at 16 and married. My parents were NOT thrilled and did everything in their power to annul the marriage (and get him arrested) but she - and he - were firm in that this is what they wanted. She finished high school, finished college, had 3 kids, raised them, is a CPA - is still married and, from what I can tell, happily. He has a career, she has a career - they have a good life together and if something happens to him, she is self supporting.

Does she ever miss being on her own? I don't know. She went from my parents' house to her husband's apartment. It works for her.

I moved to NYC, finished College there, wouldn't change/trade those experiences for anything.

Different experiences for different people.

[thechosenone]

I will be getting married in October, and will be 19- my fiance will be 19 as well. His whole family disapproves of our marriage. We met in 10th grade english class and have been together nearly FOUR years. I have read alot of negative comments about this issue. But come on! Aren't there exceptions?? FOUR years, and we love each other alot! I couldn't imagine what my life would be if i couldn't share it with him! Yeah yeah, blah blah maturity life experiances..... whatever. What if i want to share my life experiances with HIM? I don't NEED to go sew wild oats and have crazy 20's. I just want to live an adult life. We both work full time jobs, he makes $40,000 a year alone, i take online classes and we are set. We can't live together first, because of our religious beliefs. But what drives crazy is when poeple who don't know me, don't know my fiance, still open their loud mouths to let me know i am too young.

I fully agree with you!! I'm not into putting all of the nitty gritty personal details of my life out there. But I fully agree that people who don't know you, nor do they know your life story or what you are capable of doing, try to tell you what is right or wrong... with such conviction!! I mean different strokes for different folks. The main factor that is stopping me at this point is financial constraints. In that area, I am smart enough to know that we are not prepared to support ourselves without struggling. But still, I believe that after 4 years, I am wise enough to make my own decision about this. I know that I don't want to experience anything else with anyone other than him, so waiting would serve me no purpose. I would rather make new memories with the one I love.

[libra90]

I don't think there is anything wrong with getting married so young. I believe why the divorce rate is so out standing is due to the lack of communication between partners. Don't listen to what any one else has to say. If your heart tells you this is the right thing for you to be doing, and you are positive about this then go for it. If you are so in love there is nothing you guys can't work through together. Being married entails a lot of talking and working through obsticals, it's a partnership. As long as you are in it together and there are no doubts then good luck to you!! By the way, my husbends grand parents got married at 18 and 23, his parents 19,23 and him and I got married at 19 and 24. His grand parents still going strong as with his parents and us!! :)

[trying4babykirk]

Hey everyone.. before to note the original date of this post 2004!