[Chris0107]

Talaniman
You are right, I have no excuse for giving in that way. Seeing him was just overwhelming for me and I went with it, forgetting all that hurt and living in that moment filled with emotions.

I did text him today, only cause he called my house and cell phone 20 times and banged on my door. I felt I should at least text him back after sleeping with him the night before and him showing up at my house. I did not call though. Maybe that was not the right move.

I am a little hurt that you said "How about some doing for a change". I think I have done very well prior to this. I had a moment of weakness in a unexpected situation and handled it all wrong.

I don't blame you guys for being disappointed in me. I am disappointment in myself as well.

[talaniman]

Well Chris, I can't help sound like an overbearing dad, because that's what I am, and I do care. I have high hopes for your happiness, and see this as a glitch that you will handle.

Yes I won't lie, I am disappointed, but I know you are to. But like any mistake we make, if we go back, and correct it, we can move forward.

That's the important part, and to make that happen, you must forgive yourself first, and prepare for be willing to correct yourself by starting NC all over again, and telling him very directly about what happened was a mistake and you have no intention of going down that road again, and to leave you alone.

To be clear, that IS what YOU want to happen, isn't it?? Tell me if I am wrong, and be straight and honest with us.

[Chris0107]

Well, being that he has not contacted me since yesterday right after it all happened. I feel used, like you said. Not that I want to talk to him, but I guess if he had contacted me I would feel like less of a jack as*.

Yes this is what I want to happen. This to be done. I know I cannot be with him again. I still love and miss him, and this is harder than anything. I will not contact him, and I will start NC all over again. I want to correct this horrible mistake.

[talaniman]

There you go, its much easier on the nerves to make a decision for yourself and focus on it, than sit on a pity pot beating yourself up.

Believe it or not if you learn from a mistake and forgive yourself, then you are ready to move beyond those negative feelings with positive actions,

[friend4u178]

Chris

The important thing is you learn from this , but don't beat yourself up over it.

I'm sure most of us could have predicted what you would have done having been confronted with the situation you were in your current emotional state. Which is why we stress how important NC is , because it keeps you from the temptation while your still fragile.

Next time , if there is one , you'll now know what to do ;)

[BarnabyJackson]

Chris -

Can you please send along an update? What happened after the sex? Did you go back to NC?

I have been reading your thread and others like it after my breakup, and they are very therapeutic.

Please let us know.

[Chris0107]

Wow, I haven't posted here since June, and I see someone asked for an update. SHOCKING stuff since these last posts. Yes, I went NC Shortly after this, but I wanted to make sure I followed through so I changed my phone number. Here is the shocking news. At the end of September my ex had something happen. I heard through the grape vine on fb, that he was dying in the hospital. I couldn't believe it but confirmed it to be true. So, I went to the hospital and he was in a coma. No one would really tell me how this happened, I am suspecting overdose on prescriptions and alcohol or something apparently he just lost his job and some new girl he was dating dumped him so this is why I suspect it. Anyway, he nearly died and had a breathing tube (trach) feeding tube in stomach etc. and they did not expect him to make it. His organs and kidneys were shutting down and he had a septic infection. He was in a coma for 3 weeks and has now moved to a rehab facility where is is getting all sorts of therapy. He just left the hospital last week so he was there for almost 6 weeks and is still not home. There looks like some brain damage and he may never be the same person again.

Another shocker, I am here browsing because I just got my heart broken again. Yes, I am reliving this nightmare. I met what I thought was an AMAZING man, He swept me off my feet and made me forget all about my ex.(before he got sick) He made me feel I was the only woman in the world, told me he loved me. I have never let any man to meet my family or my kids and I did with him. It was a huge step for me to do and he wanted me to do it. Talked about the future, how he never felt this way before, how I am the one. Has cried for me before! Starting making repairs to my home, planning to paint my car and replace some things on it. Wanting to be involved in my kids lives, had me meet his parents and grandparents. Telling me he loved me all the time, affectionate to no end. The list goes on.

Lately his "crazy psycho" ex had been contacting him. We got into a fight about it (last sat, the night he cried) but said it was nothing and she's crazy and he has no feelings for her, said he told her to leave him alone etc. We work through it. Then Tue night we are having an amazing chill night at his house, and she texted him saying I miss you etc. We got into it and I said this is so disrespectful to me and I called her but she hung up. He then texted her and told her to not text him anymore. This infuriated her. I left. He asked me to come back, said he would block her number and he did it then and there.

Now yesterday morning rolls around. I get an email from her saying they have been sleeping together. Tells me he cheats on everyone and is a liar. Then tells me valid things she would only know had she been to his house recently. I call him and he says she's lying and she showed up there one night but they did not sleep together. We then talk on the phone and she informs me of specific nights like for example it was a wed night and I told him to come over around 10 (after kids are asleep) he didn't answer my calls or show up, finally he calls me at like 1030 apologizing over and over saying he fell asleep and it was an accident and please let him come over, well he did. She informed me that night she was there, they had sex then he took a shower and came to my house! She knew he had told me he fallen asleep and everything! Ugh disgusting!

Anyway, this is getting long but that is my update. He denied most of it but I have not really talked to him since I spoke with her. Just sent him an email basically telling him its over. He replied saying he is sorry this happened, no one ever made him feel as good as I did, that he will regret ruining this for this rest of my life etc.

I am honestly in a state of shock, I have cried a lot over this man already because he seemed so real and genuine. We were together EVERY NIGHT for the last few months. With the RARE exceptions. To think he was cheating since day one is nauseating. I let him around my children, and he met my father from out of state! I am so pissed/hurt he let me do this knowing he was screwing around. Why if he is so in love with me, would he carry on a relationship with an ex? Makes no sense. I am heartbroken all over again.

Maybe I should have started a new thread? Sorry, this was kind of a combo update post.

[Cat1864]

I am so sorry to hear about your ex. I hope he makes a better recovery than they fear he will.

While I think the New Guy needs to get his ex out of his life once and for all, I am not sure I trust what the ex has said. IF he is a nice guy and trying not to hurt her and/or she is extremely pushy and manipulative, I can see him letting her in while he is getting ready to leave and nothing happening between them. However, it gives her just enough details to use against both of you.

Frankly, I think until she is out of his life for good, it will probably be more of the same. I am concerned that she may be more manipulative and vindictive than he has realized. It sounds like she has escalated her actions until she got what she wanted-you out of his life. I hope for his (and anyone else he dates) sake that he gets rid of her before she goes farther than she did this time.

It is up to you whether you trust him or her. However, I think as long as you let her get to you there isn't much trust in him even if he is completely innocent of everything except being a fool where the ex is concerned.

[Homegirl 50]

Sorry to hear about your ex.
As for the other guy, too much drama. How long has this girl been his ex? That is a key because you could be a rebound.
I would not have anything else to do with him until he gets his stuff straight with her, unless you want a long running reality show.

[kaka67]

Seems like the new boyfriend is allowing all this drama to go on.

If it was me I would have told the ex to disappear and if she didn't I would make sure legally she had to.

He hasn't and is willing to put his relationship with you on the line. I would tread very carefully if I were you.

[talaniman]

The last thing you need is to give your heart to a stranger that doesn't deserve it.

Talaniman Rule-Never get involved with some one who is still involved with an ex!!!

Who needs all that drama, and complications, especially while your healing from your own past experiences. Leave this player alone, and don't be in such a hurry to have someone until you know them well enough to trust them.