[arle]

I would say you've tried to set up a meeting and it's not happening-she keeps cancelling on you so I don't see that you owe her any more attempts. She's feeling guilty and is trying to avoid the awkwardness of a meeting it seems.

Any suggestion how I should respond to her email?

[amicon]

I would just write a polite but short message informing her that you're starting NC. And then stick to it.

[overayear]

I would respond with exactly what Amicon said. You have tried to meet up with her on several occasion and it hasn't been able to work out so just let her know to respect your decision to just move forward with your lives and then go no contact. You tried to be the bigger person. I personally wouldn't write back at all. I would start my healing process now and just go NC. She is playing games and making things difficult.

[talaniman]

Personally I would disappear from her life, and tell her nothing at all. But I guess a text saying good bye, and good luck would be proper form.

[arle]

So I'm trying to tackle this question in order to help myself move on, but I fear that it might come at too high of a cost. I dated this girl for 2 years and we both fell in love with each other. To make a long story short, she decided she wanted to move to San Diego but basically approached it in a way where if I didn’t go with her, she would move anyway. I told her that I needed to think it over. Over this time she started becoming distant and we started fighting a lot. I then found out she had been talking to this guy and hung out with him once at night. I had no proof she was cheating but she definitely crossed the line. I eventually forgave her and we tried to work on things but it just wasn’t the same. She broke it off and said that she couldn’t give me what I wanted at the time. I went into NC and a couple weeks later she wanted to get back together and told me that she wanted to start treating me better. We were about to get back together but I was out one night and ran into a friend of hers. Her friend told me that she had been dating some guy while we were broken up. I confronted her about it and she completely denied it and said that she had not spoken to her friend at all in the past 2 months. Her friend then called me up to apologize for making assumptions and said that she thought they were dating because she had seen some pictures of them hanging out on several occasions but that she had not spoken to her in a while. It tore me apart because I did not know what to believe and I did not believe anything my ex had to say. I tried to pull the truth out of her but she maintained her story. Emotional as I was, I did not want to lose her and I decided that I had no actual proof and must give her the benefit of the doubt. She told me that she still loved me but that she wanted to move to San Diego and she did not want to hurt me. We tried to work on things but I did not see any commitment from her and I became very resentful towards her. I told her that I was not getting what I needed from her and that it wasn’t working out. I tried to meet up with her to talk but I got canceled on twice. She apologized and told me that she was just scared as to what was going to come of it. I basically sent her an email telling her it was not working out and that I needed to move on because I could not settle for someone who did not appreciate me. . I then received an email around 10 days later telling me that her dad had gone missing in Colombia and that she still loved me and didn’t want me to think that she just forgot everything that we had but that she was going through very difficult times. She is not exactly close with him but it was still traumatizing for her. I told her I would be there for her for whatever she needed and the past month we have been talking and chatting every now and then. (Sorry this is a bit long)

I then heard from her last week and she told me that she is going back to school and that she is going to stay here until she finishes her Masters. I’ve been trying to worry about myself right now and not fret or become insecure about the things that are out of my control. I’ve been getting in great shape, starting up a business, and finishing up school in a week. I am trying to move on but at the same time I feel it would be heartless to just start ignoring her while she is going through this very difficult time. I want to know what she feels so that I can have some closure but I also don’t want to bring up anything while she is going through this very sad time. I still love her but I’ve also realized being away from her that I have a lot to offer and I need to be with someone who appreciates that. She was a great g-friend when we were together but the last 2 months of our relationship completely shipwrecked everything that we had. I feel like the only way I can truly move on is if I sit down and talk to her and actually hear from her mouth that she no longer loves me. I just don’t know if this is the right move… Any help?

[neverme]

No there is no need to have this conversation you are doing well and this will only set you back.

This is not only a hard time for her it is a hard time for you too. You need to do what is right for you now, and that is putting some distance between the two of you.

You cannot be the one to pick up her pieces, both for yourself and her! She needs to move on too. You were not right for each other. It will take time before you are able to move, let the healing begin and start on this road.

If you don't want to be rude, tell her that you need some space from the relationship/friendship and need to figure your own head out.

She is starting back to school and will have a load of new people in her life. Should she move on first or seem to be too involved in college or like someone you will be hurt and resentful towards her 'since you helped her through her hard times'.

The relationship is over, move on.

[liz28]

She moved away and starting exploring. She was a very conflicted person>>one day she wanted to be with you but the next day she didn't. She enjoyed her freedom but at the same time she wasn't sure if she was completely ready to give you up and you just enable her ways because of your feelings towards her. Well my friend today is a new day and right now your looking for answers from her in order for yoou to move on. But guess what? We don't always get what we want. You want to know what really happen when she move but do you really? What ever happen or what ever she told you you knew something wasn't right>>that was your insticts talking.

I understand you wanting to be there for her in her time of need but I don't think you could handle it especially while your trying to get over her. Your hurting too and you need to heal yourself before you can help somebody else.

[Fr_Chuck]

No, closure is a make believe thing, it merely means there would be a reason that you accept. You need to merely accept they are gone, it is over and just move on.

Trying to contact and to talk about things that are not going to happen, solve nothing