[talaniman]

If you have worked, and lived with your parents all this time, before you were married, its not so much the age but there is a lot of adjustments to be made. I think its more experience, and maturity rather than age.

Your still growing in the mind. Learning how to handle yourself, and have an realistic idea of what you want, and need to be happy. And uppermost, how to get it.

[roopali143]

If you have worked, and lived with your parents all this time, before you were married, its not so much the age but there is a lot of adjustments to be made. I think its more experience, and maturity rather than age.

Your still growing in the mind. Learning how to handle yourself, and have an realistic idea of what you want, and need to be happy. And uppermost, how to get it.

Hi,
WISH YOU ALL A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010

I am trying to be happy and settle down all the things in my life. But my major problem is my mom doesn't want to talk to me at all, she has told me not to step the house henceforth because I broke my mom's faith and went with my husband. My in laws are also not trying to ignore this problem and be together. My Mother is not talking to me at all. I want to maintain every relationship.

My sister says that I did not think the further consequences if I get married to other caste and against my parents wishes, my sister told me know there is no one whom you can go and meet in our family circle. I will not be invited to any of the family function or marriages henceforth my sister told me. She even told me you will not come to know even what is going no in our family circles. No one of family members will try to call me or remember me at all. My sister told me why I did not think about all this before taking such decision. She told me why I did not think that my mother will get departed from me. But she even says that know there is no use in crying I have to face the situation and try to solve all the relationships and become one. She is saying marriage is not a simple thing to be performed even I think the same what all she said.

Did I do wrong thing hurting me parents especially my mother, she is very much hurted by my behaviour, she is very upset. Will my relationship with my mother become proper, I am ready to wait to as much time as I can, but tell me will my mother ever accept us both happily, is it possible by any way.

I need your suggestion to improve my relationship with my mother and all other please kindly suggest.

If I am happy in any way my mother will be happy, but how can I show her that I am trying to be happy and adjust know. I want only my mother to be happy for which I can do anything. PLEASE PLEASE DO SUGGEST SOME IDEAS SO THAT I AND MY MOTHER CAN BE HAPPY

[roopali143]

If you have worked, and lived with your parents all this time, before you were married, its not so much the age but there is a lot of adjustments to be made. I think its more experience, and maturity rather than age.

Your still growing in the mind. Learning how to handle yourself, and have an realistic idea of what you want, and need to be happy. And uppermost, how to get it.

All say that in intercaste marriage if it is hard to solve the relationship problem between both the families the only solution would be when the child is born to the couple. Is there any posibilities in my case if I give birth to a child my family relation will improve. What if even I have child nothing is possible to get improved. Please suggest some ideas.

If a child comes in my life will all my problems get solved and will my mother accept us both happily. Please advice

[roopali143]

You are a greedy little girl, aren't you?

You're the cause of all of these problems. All of them!

Now he ask you to work, to help out, because he won't get financial help from his family, because of you. But, because it might look bad you want to stay home and do what? Pick you nose?

Go to work, earn some money, help out the man you married and so far, whose life you've destroyed.

You don't need our help, you need psychological help. You don't deserve what you've got.

I am working know and trying and want to help my husband. My only problem is that I don't have much salary in the office were I work and my husbands income is also not so good, even all were saying me that why did I choice such a guy whose income is not so good, but he loves me a lot, but everyone says me that only love and caring doesn't fill the stomach and fulfills the desires and ambitions in life they say we have to be financially strong. Is having financial background is important or understanding.

My husband is not even ready to send me out from my present place to work in different place where I can get good pay accroding to my qualifications.

Please suggest if there are any alternate jobs which I can do and earn. It might me part time job even. Please help and suggest.

[talaniman]

While this is all so new to you and maybe a bit overwhelming, I suggest you not worry about anything and any one for now, except your new husband and the management of the new house you both now form. The success of that house is what important and everything else will fall into place.

As you are qualified for more, so can he be. Work together to build a life you both enjoy. That alone may soften the hearts of others, and allay their fears.

Don't be distracted by the squabbles and attitudes of others, just live your life and make it a happy one.

One day when others see that happiness they will want you to share it with them. Focus, and work with you husband, that's all you need to do. Talk and listen to each other.

[Alty]

You keep asking for our help to predict the future. We don't know any more then you do.

tell me will my mother ever accept us both happily, is it possible by any way.

Don't know, that ball is in your mothers court. Ask her.

if a child comes in my life will all my problems get solved and will my mother accept us both happily. Please advice

Again, how would we know? Also, I really wouldn't suggest bringing a child into this relationship. A child adds stress to a marriage. Your marriage is already on shaky ground, so why would you add more stress?

Please suggest if there are any alternate jobs which I can do and earn. It might me part time job even. Please help and suggest.

I live in Canada. I can give you a list of people looking for employees in my immediate area. As for your area, you'd know better then any of us. So look in the paper or whatever it is you do there to find a job. Stop being so lazy and help yourself for a change. :(

I don't know what you think we can do for you. All the questions you're asking can't be solved by us, they can only be solved by you and the other people involved.

You know these people, so follow what you think will work. You know your religion, your beliefs, your parents beliefs. Yes, you went against all that. Yes, they're hurt. They may never forgive you, so you may want to start accepting that your greed may well cost you your family.

I wish you the best of luck, but really, we can't help you. You have to help yourself.

[roopali143]

While this is all so new to you and maybe a bit overwhelming, I suggest you not worry about anything and any one for now, except your new husband and the management of the new house you both now form. The success of that house is what important and everything else will fall into place.

As you are qualified for more, so can he be. Work together to build a life you both enjoy. That alone may soften the hearts of others, and allay their fears.

Don't be distracted by the squabbles and attitudes of others, just live your life and make it a happy one.

One day when others see that happiness they will want you to share it with them. Focus, and work with you husband, thats all you need to do. Talk and listen to each other.

I am qualified and want to work in good company and want to earn more, but my husband is not allowing me to work out of city. He says if there is no good job I can be at home. My husband is not so qualified so he thinks he can't get better job outside our city so he is not intrested to send me even to work outside our city. But without taking any step we have improve our life I tried to convince my husband but my husband is not ready to understand it. I want to improve my life, please suggest.

Does money is everything in life, does rich and poor effect any relationship. We are not so good in money but want to improve our financial sitiuation. Does financial situiation is all in love married life.

Please suggest please.

[Alty]

Roopali, you're not a child, you're a woman. This is your marriage now. You and your husband are the ones that are responsible for the success or failure of your marriage.

I said it before and I'll say it again. The questions you're asking we can't solve. No, money doesn't buy happiness, at 24 you should know that.

The fact is, you're married. Instead of asking us about all of these petty concerns, talk to your husband, the man you agreed to spend the rest of your life with. The man that you loved so much that you turned away from your family just to marry him.

You sound like a child. It's time to stop acting like one.

[talaniman]

Live within your means until the means get bigger. Be financially independent, no matter the means.

[Jake2008]

Money problems, at least in the West, are very near the top of the list for having a big part of marriage breakups.

I agree with much of what Alty has to say about your situation. Overall, your problems are huge, such as the distance between you and your family, not being able to go to where you can better use your education and skills, problems with the in-laws, etc.

But, the knit picking and disecting of the smallest detail in your marriage, and life, and wondering what will happen or should happen, is like asking to have your future read. I have not come across anybody that is very good at predicting anybody's future events.

That you continue to be so anxious about your life and where it is heading, and you don't seem to grasp any sense of it, or have an idea of how to cope, I would suggest that you seek help from your family Doctor, or a therapist who is more familiar with your lifestyle, and can better guide you.

I had suggested earlier on that you speak with a religious person as well, for clarification of the many crossroads you find yourself at.

You need to be informed as to what you can do, and what you can't do, to solve your own problems. I'm sure you are aware that any University in India offers help for women that is confidential.

We can only really give you opinions, and you need more expert advice, in your own culture, with people who know, understand, and can help you through these problems.

Good luck.

[roopali143]

Money problems, at least in the West, are very near the top of the list for having a big part of marriage breakups.

I agree with much of what Alty has to say about your situation. Overall, your problems are huge, such as the distance between you and your family, not being able to go to where you can better use your education and skills, problems with the in-laws, etc.

But, the knit picking and disecting of the smallest detail in your marriage, and life, and wondering what will happen or should happen, is like asking to have your future read. I have not come across anybody that is very good at predicting anybody's future events.

That you continue to be so anxious about your life and where it is heading, and you don't seem to grasp any sense of it, or have an idea of how to cope, I would suggest that you seek help from your family Doctor, or a therapist who is more familiar with your lifestyle, and can better guide you.

I had suggested earlier on that you speak with a religious person as well, for clarification of the many crossroads you find yourself at.

You need to be informed as to what you can do, and what you can't do, to solve your own problems. I'm sure you are aware that any University in India offers help for women that is confidential.

We can only really give you opinions, and you need more expert advice, in your own culture, with people who know, understand, and can help you through these problems.

Good luck.

My mind get distracted I want to concentrate with my husband family, but my mind goes again and again thinking for my parents side and I do such things and go wrong way which spoils my life. I no I will get my mom back but it will not happen early I have to keep patiences.

My only problem is I don't have patiences and don't wait for anything to happen good I hurry and end with bad solution, all tell me to be cool and keep patiences but I don't do that. I need help on how to keep patiences and help out to get my family members back especially my mom and also relation should be good towards my husband family and my family.

My sisters say me not to work after having a child they tell me that if I keep on working whole life all responsibilities will come on me and I will be in great problem. My sisters say that after marriage its responsibility of husband to take care of me why should I work they tell me what should I do should I continue working after child.

My other thing is that my husband said that if I don't want to work I can sit at home but our financial position will not improve much, he says we can't achieve anything, we can plan to take anything, my husband says we will leave happily but can't dream much of big things, if I support him he says we can achieve what we need. I even think he is correct, but after child I think I can't manage all the things.

Please advise

[Cat1864]

My sisters say me not to work after having a child they tell me that if i keep on working whole life all responsibilities will come on me and i will be in great problem. My sisters say that after marriage its responsibility of husband to take care of me why should i work they tell me what should i do should i continue working after child.

My other thing is that my husband said that if i dont want to work i can sit at home but our financial position will not improve much, he says we can't achieve anything, we can plan to take anything, my husband says we will leave happily but can't dream much of big things, if i support him he says we can achieve what we need. I even think he is correct, but after child i think i can't manage all the things.

Please advise

Stop listening to your spoiled sisters who think that they have to have someone take of care of them whether it is your parents or their husbands. I would bet that they would put up with anything that their husbands wanted to keep their husbands taking care of them. Are they married? Did they marry for for Love or by arrangement? How jealous of you are they because you followed your heart and fell in love (even if he is of a different caste)? How much are they trying to cause problems in your life because they aren't happy with their own?

Frankly, I don't think you would be happy being a 'housewife'. I don't think you were happy as a 'dutiful daughter'. I think you want more than the Traditional Role of most women in your country. You should continue working and being a partner to the man you married FOR LOVE. Keep your current job, but keep looking for one in your area that will allow you to advance and fully use your skills. Maybe keep looking in other places for better jobs for both of you.

For this moment, build the relationship between you and your husband. Talk and listen to each other. Build your household and future TOGETHER. When (in the future) you both want to have a child, then you can decide together if you want to be a working or stay-at-home mother.

[roopali143]

Stop listening to your spoiled sisters who think that they have to have someone take of care of them whether it is your parents or their husbands. I would bet that they would put up with anything that their husbands wanted to keep their husbands taking care of them. Are they married? Did they marry for for Love or by arrangement? How jealous of you are they because you followed your heart and fell in love (even if he is of a different caste)? How much are they trying to cause problems in your life because they aren't happy with their own?

Frankly, I don't think you would be happy being a 'housewife'. I don't think you were happy as a 'dutiful daughter'. I think you want more than the Traditional Role of most women in your country. You should continue working and being a partner to the man you married FOR LOVE. Keep your current job, but keep looking for one in your area that will allow you to advance and fully use your skills. Maybe keep looking in other places for better jobs for both of you.

For this moment, build the relationship between you and your husband. Talk and listen to each other. Build your household and future TOGETHER. When (in the future) you both want to have a child, then you can decide together if you want to be a working or stay-at-home mother.

My problem is that I used to take all responsibilities of expenditure in my parents house and was fed up of that. I thought at least in my husbands house I will not be given this responsibilitiesb by my in laws want me to spend me for household things.

My another problem is my husband doesn't want to work out of the town and doesn't even want to work me. I want to improve my financial position. Spending for household things and making my future will be very hard for me. I need your advise as to what to do further.
Only thing I don't want to take household responsibilities for whole life or work whole life please suggest some good solutions for me.

I made mistake not listening to my parents and went against them, my mom told me that I did not take any dowry to my husband house so they are making me to work and spend whole life. I am afriad of this. I want some solution from you. Please advise. My mom told you want to work whole life without any rest or going anywhere. My husband is also not sending me anywhere to do. Really I am going mad with my married life please suggest

[roopali143]

If you have worked, and lived with your parents all this time, before you were married, its not so much the age but there is a lot of adjustments to be made. I think its more experience, and maturity rather than age.

Your still growing in the mind. Learning how to handle yourself, and have an realistic idea of what you want, and need to be happy. And uppermost, how to get it.

Give me solution so that I can be happy and make all me relations proper. I don't want to take all family responsibilities whole life, please suggest, I want to be happy

[Alty]

give me solution so that i can be happy and make all me relations proper. I dont want to take all family responsibilities whole life, please suggest, i want to be happy

Only you can make yourself happy. We can't give you a solution. We've told you that over and over again.

Do you even read what we write?

[JudyKayTee]

give me solution so that i can be happy and make all me relations proper. I dont want to take all family responsibilities whole life, please suggest, i want to be happy

There apparently is no solution that you can accept - you have been given good suggestions.

[talaniman]

I strongly suggest, you pay attention to those around you, and decide what must be done for the greater good of the family, and learn something about the ones you live with, and get busy working together.

There is no magic, or instant solutions here. You will just have to keep working at it. It will take time.

[talaniman]

But Tal, we're supposed to tell her how to be happy. I thought you had the magic potion, didn't I give it to you after I used it? ;)

LOL, yes you did, but I have worked with many young people, and you have to keep telling them things over and over, until it sinks in. But as we all know, I can lose it, and be harsh if need be.

Obviously there is no strong male support in her life. That's all the poor kid needs. Strong support.

[Alty]

LOL, yes you did, but I have worked with many young people, and you have to keep telling them things over and over, until it sinks in. But as we all know, I can lose it, and be harsh if need be.

Obviously there is no strong male support in her life. Thats all the poor kid needs. Strong support.

I agree that she needs strong support, but I also think she needs to accept the mess she made for herself. No one forced her into this marriage, in fact, she was told from the beginning how her family felt about it and she did it anyway. I won't say that I know her situation, because I don't know the culture, can't imagine it, it's so odd to me, so backwards, but still, she made her bed and she knew full well what she was doing when she did it.

Now, not even a month in, she's complaining about all the problems. I hope they use protection because bringing a child into this nightmare would be catastrophic.

She needs support, but she also needs a swift kick in the arse. She needs to realize that she's responsible for her own happiness, her own path in life. She can sit on her butt and hope for the best or she can do something about it.

So far it seems she wants us to do all the work and we all know that that won't work at all.

She needs to fish or cut bait. ;)

Ya, I'm in a mood. :o

[roopali143]

I agree that she needs strong support, but I also think she needs to accept the mess she made for herself. No one forced her into this marriage, in fact, she was told from the beginning how her family felt about it and she did it anyway. I won't say that I know her situation, because I don't know the culture, can't imagine it, it's so odd to me, so backwards, but still, she made her bed and she knew full well what she was doing when she did it.

Now, not even a month in, she's complaining about all the problems. I hope they use protection because bringing a child into this nightmare would be catastrophic.

She needs support, but she also needs a swift kick in the arse. She needs to realize that she's responsible for her own happiness, her own path in life. She can sit on her butt and hope for the best or she can do something about it.

So far it seems she wants us to do all the work and we all know that that won't work at all.

She needs to fish or cut bait. ;)

Ya, I'm in a mood. :o

I want to go away from my husbands family and my parents I don't want to keep any relationships. I am fed up of life. Will staying away from my husband for some days improve my mental condition. I am not able to think positively and be happy I tried hard to be happy but I have hurted peoples heart so I am not able to be happy. Please help and suggest some solution.