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Coffee Pot · Nov 20, 2009, 12:58 PM

I really appreciate all the advice, strong words of encouragement, and the slap in the face I need when things are looking a little hazy.

Well today has been a whole lot better. I've seen tons of improvement over the past few weeks and exponential improvement since NC was implemented.

I actually have a friend who on Wednesday had his heart crushed in a pretty similar fashion to mine. It has been helpful lending a hand to him and helping him through this. He even said "I wish I could fast forward time and get to where you are today." That's when it hit me that this whole process takes time, has many bumps in the road, but every day is better. I still sometimes wish I could fast forward 6 months to a year from now to be at a point where I have zero feelings towards her, but then I think of all the time I would lose from now until then.

She has no control over me anymore and life goes by too fast to just waste it over a girl.

amicon · Nov 20, 2009, 01:05 PM

It's been an inspiration following your thread and your progress! And your friend is lucky to have you around for support.
I hope you stick around here and help others by sharing your knowledge and experience! :-)

Cat1864 · Nov 20, 2009, 01:18 PM

I agree. Helping others is a great way to continue to help yourself. :)

I, too, hope you stick around. :)

bjohnrupp · Nov 20, 2009, 01:26 PM

Hey Coffeepot- I'm glad to see you're doing better. My ex-fiance dumped me a little over 3 1/2 months ago so were in a similar spot. Even the whole myspace thing sounds like what I was going through.

I'm glad you haven't given in and responded to her at all. I did a week ago and regret it because our ex'es our doing it only for themselves and for their own ego.

In time you may be 100% over her- that's the only time that its OK to talk to the ex if you still wanted to be friends with her. I decided to never talk to mine again- really what's the point?

Good luck to you man.

Coffee Pot · Nov 20, 2009, 01:55 PM

Originally Posted by amicon

It's been an inspiration following your thread and your progress! And your friend is lucky to have you around for support.
I hope you stick around here and help others by sharing your knowledge and experience! :-)

And you guys didn't even see me the first 3 months. Wow those were bad.

July-August-September
What's this song lyric she posted, is it about me? Who's that guy she's with? Is it a rebound because she isn't over me? Why did she get a new tattoo? Maybe if I take her out for coffee I can get her back? Why does she seem so happy to hear from me? Does she miss me? Aghhh.

Haha how the tables have turned.

To quote the great Robert Plant: "It's fadin' away, can't feel you anymore"

kctiger · Nov 20, 2009, 01:57 PM

Originally Posted by Coffee Pot

And you guys didn't even see me the first 3 months. Wow those were bad.

July-August-September
What's this song lyric she posted, is it about me? Who's that guy she's with? Is it a rebound because she isn't over me? Why did she get a new tattoo? Maybe if I take her out for coffee I can get her back? Why does she seem so happy to hear from me? Does she miss me? Aghhh.

Haha how the tables have turned.

To quote the great Robert Plant: "It's fadin' away, can't feel you anymore"

Can't speak for everyone, but I know I have been there too. We are just glad to see you flourishing and helping others out. Our problems are sometimes trivial in the bigger picture. Kudos to you, and I wish you continued luck and success.

bjohnrupp · Nov 20, 2009, 02:10 PM

Originally Posted by Coffee Pot

And you guys didn't even see me the first 3 months. Wow those were bad.

July-August-September
What's this song lyric she posted, is it about me? Who's that guy she's with? Is it a rebound because she isn't over me? Why did she get a new tattoo? Maybe if I take her out for coffee I can get her back? Why does she seem so happy to hear from me? Does she miss me? Aghhh.

Haha how the tables have turned.

To quote the great Robert Plant: "It's fadin' away, can't feel you anymore"

The # 1 thing I realized is once you accept the relationship is over you can move on. All those questions you had going on in your head is totally normal. Once the dumpee accepts it is over and accepts the ex has moved on (with a new man) we can move on.

Like all the experts say on here- it's the thread of hope that keeps us from healing.:cool:

Coffee Pot · Nov 25, 2009, 09:23 AM

Was doing better...

Had a dream about her, texted her to tell her that my sister had her first child. She replied within a minute with the obvious 'congrats I'm so happy for you.'

No idea why I did it, just couldn't stop myself and felt like she would want to know (even though she didn't deserve to know). I feel like I took a big step in the wrong direction. Back to NC, day 1.

amicon · Nov 25, 2009, 09:32 AM

Hey, uncle Coffee Pot, see it as a minor lapse and a very human one at that. Don't feel bad-you're back on track!

Devorameira · Nov 25, 2009, 09:57 AM

Why do you want to torture yourself on a regular basis by looking at the pictures and getting all those jealous feelings? I'd definitely remove her as a friend on My Space and move on.

Coffee Pot · Nov 25, 2009, 10:25 AM

Originally Posted by amicon

Hey, uncle Coffee Pot, see it as a minor lapse and a very human one at that. Don't feel bad-you're back on track!

Haha thanks amicon. Had some minor freaking out because for about 1/2 an hour I felt like I did a couple of weeks ago. It's no problem now, it's behind me. I didn't respond to her message to continue a pointless conversation longer than I had to. I am just upset with myself that I am now giving her mixed signals saying I would not respond and then of course I did contact her. Was just an important milestone in my life and I felt like she should know. She doesn't deserve to know, and she's no longer a part of my life. Stupid mistake, it's behind me.

Uncle CP.

Coffee Pot · Nov 25, 2009, 10:53 AM

This is completely off topic but completely on topic at the same time. Would love some insight particularly from the female mind.

This girl had always liked me throughout college (to the point where she was close to obsessed). I had a girlfriend and turned her down multiple times. Once I broke up with my girlfriend I had thought to contact her but found out she was now in a relationship and actually engaged. I immediately knew to stay away and let her live her life.

Now, I found out her engagement suddenly broke off. I haven't spoke to her in almost 2 years but feel the urge to contact. How long should I wait? I don't have a lot of the details of the broken up engagement (if it was her idea or not). But having just been through a break up I know my mind is very hazy shortly after. I don't want to contact her too close to the breakup and mess anything up. Thoughts?

amicon · Nov 25, 2009, 11:03 AM

How about when you don't even need to ask that question,if you see what I mean? When you've lost track of the number of days you've been NC? I don't think there are any hard and fast rules. With me it's just the feeling one day that-yes, I'm ready to date again. And I mean date. Does that make sense?

Coffee Pot · Nov 25, 2009, 11:15 AM

Originally Posted by amicon

How about when you don't even need to ask that question,if you see what I mean? When you've lost track of the number of days you've been NC? I don't think there are any hard and fast rules. With me it's just the feeling one day that-yes, I'm ready to date again. And I mean date. Does that make sense?

I don't even need to ask myself that question anymore. I'm actually at the point where I believe I am ready to contact girls and at least attempt to date right now. I am not looking for anything long term (wouldn't turn something down if it did fit me though, I do enjoy the single life) but my question was more for how long should I wait after her broken engagement. My buddies have known that we had history and are pushing me to contact her right now. I just feel like I should give her time for her own grieving and such before attempting to insert myself back into her life.

amicon · Nov 25, 2009, 11:24 AM

Sorry, I get it-but I can only say that people are different, and she was engaged so she might take longer to bounce back. What you want to avoid is a rebound,if you're sure you're ready to date again, date but maybe date more than one person.

vanheart · Nov 25, 2009, 07:20 PM

Just keep your mind moving forward, not backwards.
Fish in new ponds.

Coffee Pot · Dec 7, 2009, 08:42 AM

The train just keeps on chugging.

Some small setbacks this weekend. Spent the weekend with the family and my new nephew. Led to my mind wandering a bit and for the first time in a while had a lot of dreams about her. Didn't help that she contacted my friends, who talk to me anytime she comes around. Basically she was hoping to go to a (once mutual) friends party that she knew I would definitely be attending. These friends told her they would rather her not be there and she told them 'I still care about you guys.' I started to actually have feelings of pity for her. Feelings of pity led to feelings of missing her. Feelings of missing her led to dreams and strange emotions.

I pushed through it but she seems to be on my mind today. Just a minor setback. Last week was probably the best week I have had since the breakup. One day I had realized I had gone about 8-10 hours without even thinking of her. Which seems like an eternity when you still think about someone every day.

For those following and in similar situations or who might be a couple phases behind me. The mind will still wander from time to time. It's how you accept these emotions and push through them. I still think about us back together (even though I know it would never work) I still hope she misses me. Every day does get easier and every day does get better. Just keep moving forward.

/useless rambling

Uncle CP

Coffee Pot · Dec 7, 2009, 08:46 AM

Also, I know many people have said they hope I can help others around this area. I read other peoples stories and I know what they should/shouldn't be doing but when hearing about guys/girls breaking up that I don't know and can't put a face too I almost picture myself and the ex in the situation. Really strange and sometimes leads to setbacks. Because of this I am trying to stay out of this forum while I am still in the healing phase. As things become easier for me I will be sure to get back in here and help others through this.

Without you guys I would still be months and stages behind in my healing process. I hope to soon help others as you guys have helped me.

amicon · Dec 7, 2009, 08:57 AM

Hello uncle Coffee Pot-I hope the latest addition to your family is thriving! Set backs happen but soon ALL your weeks will be good weeks. Just be patient with yourself.
Come back and help out when you feel ready for it.
Till then take good care of yourself.

jaffeyjoeblaze · Dec 7, 2009, 09:30 AM

Coffee pot you are not alone... im going through the same thing now with myspace, etc...

The weird thing is that I am not on the verge to call or text her, I always want to see what she is doing...

I already know what she is doing and who she is doing it with, so why make myself sad about it?

I am glad to see this thread, its helping me a lot!