[I wish]

I think that if you ignore him long enough, he will give up. But make sure you don't have any interaction with him, because that would give him false hope and he would continue the pressure tactics.

[confusedrebecca]

Just looking,
I just read your story, and learned you handled your situation very well. I admire you. You did exactly right thing. There is a certain line between we can accept or should not accept in each relationship, and your judgment was just right. I hope you are healed well from the rare & extreme experience. It must be a shock for you. Thanks for helping me with your wisdom.

I think the problem of my ex (ha ha I am calling him as ex at the first time in my life) is in his childish desire of showmanship. He is very demonstrative, and he enjoys to demonstrate affection in public. It is not extremely abnormal, but for example, if we are in sports game stadium, while TV camera rolls & scan viewers, he would passionately kiss me for long hours until the camera catches us and air it in national TV. Sigh... He would kiss me in busy restaurants or on the streets. I told him it makes me uncomfortable sometimes, and he told me he likes to do it because he wants to show off beautiful girlfriend... In bed, he is normal... For Him, he is viewing himself in public eyes, and the 'public' boosts his ego and happiness. He enjoys to woo people, and that's why he cheated online in my best guess. It would give him excitement if he woos girls with his profession & charms online. It does not matter if he actually slept with them or not, if he puts his time and energy to woo other girls behind of back, it is definitely cheating. It is possibly repeatable unless he changes his mindset, and for me it is not acceptable.

He is childish... that's what I can say. He is not ready for marriage.

[amicon]

He is your ex indeed and you ve given many reasons he is. I hope you can start healing now that you see him for the pathetic person that he is.
Personally I think that justifiable anger helps us move on as we can realise that we don't want to be with anyone who doesn't treat us with the respect we deserve.

[paxe]

A cheater is a cheater, we only learn this truth the hard way and at great pain. We can rationalize as much as we want as to "why" they cheat, but there is no justification for such an act.

I really understand your pain, I really do, but there are much better people out there like you.

You are actually handling your situation well, except for well the trauma that our body is having. You need to drink a lot of fluids and especially water and you need to eat, even if it's a little bit.

[confusedrebecca]

Day 7
Last night, he did his daily routine, rang my door bell, knocked my door, begged me over the door, please open the door for me crap. He said he was sorry. It was the first time he verbally said he was sorry. In our 1.5 years of relationship, I do not recall he ever said he was sorry for any thing. He is keep sending me emails to ask just let him know what he has to do to make it work, and he will do whatever it takes all night. He was keep sending our song.

For flowers, he changed his tactic, sent flower man to my apartment, and make sure I receive them in person. No difference to me, because it will go to the trash can directly anyway. Only difference is I am getting calls from door man in my building. I told the door man, dump it, and doorman was keep asking me "don't you have to see it at least before I dump it?" I said no.

It is Friday. I have been in the my place since Tuesday, but it seems forever... I am getting weak somehow. My mind is keep thinking about our vacation, and lovely moments we had together. It is like I am seeing a movie in my head. After I dump him, someone will be in his arms, in his dashing sports car, take vacation with him, and he will make love to the person... It makes me really crazy even though I hate him... It really hurts. I started to cry again helplessly.

I finally reached the point I have to something, and printed out big posters, which says

HE IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!

And taped them all over in my apartment.

How do you guys deal with the idea "your ex will be with someone else if you leave"? I am in massive pain...

[I wish]

Why haven't you blocked him on email yet? Let us know if you need help figuring out the feature/option on your email account.

Secondly, don't go near the door when he's ringing or knocking, so that you don't have to hear his voice. Just stay in another room, turn on some music, have a friend(s) over, watch TV, stay on the computer, etc.

If he finally said sorry and changed the way he's sending you flowers, then he's changing up his tactics and running out of ideas. Just keep ignoring him, he'll eventually run out of ideas and get the hint.

[amicon]

Stay strong-remember WHY you don't want to be with him.
Don't fall for any Im sorry s!

[paxe]

Don't regret your actions, it's the worst thing you can do. Keep it up! Think of YOURSELF, not him, think about losing weight, what you want to it, what you want to do and when you are going out, this is how I cope with "she is seeing someone else". I have other interest in life then her.

[talaniman]

So he is slowly wearing you down huh? Then you better be more active in telling him, "LEAVE ME ALONE", otherwise he will persist until he gets what he wants.

[I wish]

So he is slowly wearing you down huh?? Then you better be motr active in telling him, "LEAVE ME ALONE", otherwise he will persist until he gets what he wants.

By talking to him, it will give him the chance to express himself. Furthermore, it can give him false hope, because this guy doesn't seem to be able to take a hint. It would be best to avoid any direct communication to avoid adding to the confusion and to avoid him over-analyzing and misinterpreting her attempt at talking to him, regardless of what she says.

If we need to send him a clearer message, then I would suggest a neutral third party, deliver the message to tell him to leave her alone.

[confusedrebecca]

TAL & I WISH,
To compromise your advice, will it be a better idea to print out the sign "LEAVE ME ALONE" and tape it on my door?

It is Friday, and tomorrow is Saturday. It is the 1st weekend after breakup, and it will be really hard for me. It is 10:30 am Friday, and just started to pack. I will leave by 5 pm to friend's house, and will stay with her for weekend. I cannot believe I am suffering this much for his fault.

[Cat1864]

If you have a doorman, inform him that the ex is no longer an approved visitor. That should help with some of your problems.

You really need to get out and get some fresh air. Staying couped up isn't helping your mental or physical well-being. Take a short walk or a quick trip to the grocery store.

Do you still have the clothes that he didn't like? Put some on. Fix your hair and makeup the way you like it to be. Allow yourself to look and feel like the woman you know you are. The woman that he tried to change into someone else.

When you think of him with another woman, feel sorry for that woman. What he did and attempted to do to you, he will do to her. He isn't going to change his habits. He probably sees no need to.

I am actually wondering how much of his persistence is an attempt at self-preservation. If your fathers are golfing buddies, he probably doesn't want his daddy knowing that his son is a womanizer. He possibly thinks that if he can get back in your good graces, you won't tell your family and his won't find out.

[I wish]

To compromise your advice, will it be a better idea to print out the sign "LEAVE ME ALONE" and tape it on my door?

That does sound like a good compromise. You need to send him a clear message, but avoid direct contact and your idea fits the bill.

[confusedrebecca]

I am actually wondering how much of his persistence is an attempt at self-preservation. If your fathers are golfing buddies, he probably doesn't want his daddy knowing that his son is a womanizer. He possibly thinks that if he can get back in your good graces, you won't tell your family and his won't find out.

Cat1864,
I already told my family last night. My mother was keep calling me why my phone was off, so had to tell her. It is too late for him to hide it. I have a feeling that something will happen this Saturday. I do not know which direction it will go, since it is out of my hand. My father & mother are quite, and I do not know what they are thinking or what they will do. I do not care. They may will not do anything, and will stay in silence. I do not know. I sincerely asked my family, please not to visit me until I visit them next week. I am not in a shape of seeing any one include my family. They agreed, but I know my mother. She will try to see me, so I am leaving to my friend's tonight. I am waiting until 5 pm until my friend comes back from her work... I even cannot drive, and she will pick me up... what a mess and pain...

[confusedrebecca]

When you think of him with another woman, feel sorry for that woman. What he did and attempted to do to you, he will do to her. He isn't going to change his habits. He probably sees no need to.

Cat1864,
It really helps me a lot. I have not thought about it. Thanks for brilliant advice. It dries my tears.

[amicon]

You re going away so whatever he does will only reflect upon him.
I hope you have a good weekend and feel better for being with your friend.
Keep us posted and take care.

[confusedrebecca]

Do you still have the clothes that he didn't like? Put some on. Fix your hair and makeup the way you like it to be. Allow yourself to look and feel like the woman you know you are. The woman that he tried to change into someone else.

Dear cat,
It is a really practical & good idea. I will be really beneficial to pmper myself as single sexy woman. I need to think me a single sexy woman again. I am actually free like a bird, I can do whatever I want, and have many choices now. What a nice surprise... I am going to visit some spa, pamper myself with friend this weekend. She will be on me.

[confusedrebecca]

You re going away so whatever he does will only reflect upon him.
I hope you have a good weekend and feel better for being with your friend.
Keep us posted and take care.

Yes, he will beg to my door like an idiot. I am trying to have a good weekend. Thanks for your kind support!

[Cat1864]

I hope you have a great weekend. :)

[confusedrebecca]

Don't regret your actions, it's the worst thing you can do. Keep it up! Think of YOURSELF, not him, think about losing weight, what you want to it, what you want to do and when you are going out, this is how I cope with "she is seeing someone else". I have other interest in life then her.

paxe,
Your advice makes me strong again. Thanks!