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ja77 · Feb 4, 2009, 01:24 PM

Originally Posted by kctiger

It is one long roller coaster...up, down, up, down...makes you want to scream!!!

Once the ride is over, you become so proud that you weren't too scared to get on it in the first place.

I agree you will have lots of ups and downs but after your done it will be the ride of your life and make you a much stronger person. We all learn by things that happen in life and that which does not kill us makes us a more rounded person.

Good to hear things are going well -

DJ28 · Feb 4, 2009, 01:41 PM

Yeah you can say that again about it being a roller coaster ride, lol I'm feeling crappy again. Its so hard to keep all the memories out of my head and that's what is beating me up. It sucks that it is so cold here or I would go to a park or bike ride or something, later on I will work out again but right now I'm trying to think what to do. Maybe read or something would be good or do some cleaning.

XM8 · Feb 4, 2009, 02:21 PM

DJ28,

Just been reading a few of these posts...

I'm sure you're going through a lot of pain, but don't freeze buddy. I've been through that kind of stage, and in the end it pays off.

It's been almost a year of NC with my ex-girlfriend (except 2 indirect comments on Facebook but whatever) and even now I get flashbacks of good times I had with her.

But upon reflection about how she treated me like a piece of crap, on many occasions I ask myself the question - how could I have even thought that I loved her?

Now this may sound a bit harsh but I can feel your pain, I'm not going to lie to you ; I want to help you out so here goes :

This girl is running around with some other guy, screwing around with him and having fun while you're sitting alone feeling depressed - why should you succumb to her bullsh*t?
You don't have to feel like this, you don't need her. Besides, if she cared about you this nonsense wouldn't have ever started, so forget her until you've healed because she's just not worth the pain she's causing you.

I hope that was down-to-earth enough. Do excuse the language.

Take care bro,

-Xm8

GoodLuckJen · Feb 4, 2009, 02:27 PM

You need to cut off all contact with her for a while. Live your life, possibly meet someone else, fall in love... be happy THEN and only THEN could you maybe start being "friends" again. You need to be happy and straight with your own life before you will be OK with her being around guys

DJ28 · Feb 4, 2009, 02:30 PM

Originally Posted by XM8

DJ28,

Just been reading a few of these posts...

I'm sure you're going through a lot of pain, but don't freeze buddy. I've been through that kind of stage, and in the end it pays off.

It's been almost a year of NC with my ex-girlfriend (except 2 indirect comments on facebook but whatever) and even now I get flashbacks of good times I had with her.

But upon reflection about how she treated me like a piece of crap, on many occasions I ask myself the question - how could I have even thought that I loved her?

Now this may sound a bit harsh but I can feel your pain, I'm not gonna lie to you ; I want to help you out so here goes :

This girl is running around with some other guy, screwing around with him and having fun while you're sitting alone feeling depressed - why should you succumb to her bullsh*t?
You don't have to feel like this, you don't need her. Besides, if she cared about you this nonsense wouldn't have ever started, so forget her until you've healed 'cus she's just not worth the pain she's causing you.

I hope that was down-to-earth enough. Do excuse the language.

Take care bro,

-Xm8

Hey thanks man really, I do ask myself that question as to why I could be friends with her. She treated me really bad in the past when we were together, why I stayed even friends with her is beyond me. Plus when she drank she was kind of abusive on more then one occasion, then she was outrite mean to me when I was trying to calmly talk to her about what was going on with this guy when all this started happening. In ways I feel like sometimes she is heartless, at least to me that is. Yeah I've been questioning as to why have been friends with her.

DJ28 · Feb 4, 2009, 02:31 PM

Originally Posted by GoodLuckJen

You need to cut off all contact with her for a while. Live your life, possibly meet someone else, fall in love...be happy THEN and only THEN could you maybe start being "friends" again. You need to be happy and straight with your own life b4 you will be ok with her being around guys

Yeah I started NC last Wednesday. And I know in the end I have done the right thing.

jmw0713 · Feb 4, 2009, 02:36 PM

Go out with friends tonight and have a good time. That will keep your mind off her. Watch a funny movie. Go to a popular bar with a lot of women and check them out and talk with them. Basically it's time to exercise your freedom! You can do anything you want. Take a spur of the moment road trip to somewhere. I did that and did not think about my ex the whole time.

DJ28 · Feb 4, 2009, 02:40 PM

Thanks jmw0713 yeah it is wed. 50 cent drafts at this one bar and a lot of people go there, think I might have to do that.

XM8 · Feb 4, 2009, 02:40 PM

Originally Posted by DJ28

hey thanks man really, i do ask myself that question as to why i could be friends with her. she treated me really bad in the past when we were together, why i stayed even friends with her is beyond me. plus when she drank she was kinda abusive on more then one occasion, then she was outrite mean to me when i was trying to calmly talk to her about what was going on with this guy when all this started happening. in ways i feel like sometimes she is heartless, at least to me that is. yeah ive been questioning as to why have been friends with her.

My ex-girlfriend used to make me wait in the cold for hours at a time and then come drunk after playing around with other boys.. So I can totally relate to your girlfriend being abusive while drunk.

I know right now all these comments are helping you bit by bit, and you might sit down and say to yourself "screw everyone, why can't it just be like before" - I understand your pain. But there's no need to give in - time heals all things. You're going down a bumpy road right now, and you will still feel bad for a few more days or weeks, but trust me in a month you will feel the difference. In 6 months you will have completely forgotten her - she will have become so minuscule and unimportant, that when you remember her you will immediately think to yourself "she didn't care about me, so screw her" and that will become a reflex with time.

Hope this is helping you.

-Xm8

DJ28 · Feb 4, 2009, 02:49 PM

Yeah I really appreciate everyone's help and stuff, it does help greatly to be able to talk to people that has gone through these same things. Honestly I think if this board wasn't here I would probably want to see a psychiatrist, lol whichever is the one you talk to. So again everyone thanks for the help.

XM8 · Feb 4, 2009, 02:56 PM

Originally Posted by DJ28

yeah i really appreciate everyone's help and stuff, it does help greatly to be able to talk to people that has gone through these same things. honestly i think if this board wasnt here i would probably want to see a psychiatrist, lol whichever is the one you talk to. so again everyone thanks for the help.

Glad to hear this board is giving you some kind of comfort. Too bad I didn't know things like this existed when I was over with my ex-girlfriend.

Anyway, if you feel you need to share intimate things with us, or go into greater detail about your relationship don't hesitate. After all misery needs company, and a lot of people here have gone through your current situation so don't worry, we're here for you.

Keep it real,

-Xm8

P.S.

If I remember correctly psychiatrist is for the nut cases, so I think you mean psychologist, but whatever - after a break up any one of them is fine haha

SandraDee · Feb 4, 2009, 03:01 PM

DJ28, I started dating someone I knew since I was a kid. His brother married my sister. He is like my best friend, my brother, my lover and my love. We dated a year and have been broken up for like 6! I still loved him but decided it was best to not be friends because of the whole sleeping together thing. But to no avail. After a couple of years we started "seeing" each other again but were not exclusive and even though we love each other, this is ALL we will ever be. It hurts and it's frustrating but I finally realized I had to move on. It took a long time and I met someone else. I'm happy though I still miss him.

I guess my point is that no good can come of your staying close with this girl. No matter what she says, if she REALLY loved you the way you love her, she wouldn't be able to move on. You have to face the fact that convenient sex and mutual caring is not love or a healthy relationship. You don't have to end it on bad terms. Just tell her the truth, your uncomfortable with her new relationship and things can't be the way they once were. If she loves you the same way, she'll realize she's about to lose you and will want to be with you, if she doesn't she'll stay with her guy and you'll just have to stand it. It's hard to move on, I know that but it takes time. Finding someone else may seem like a good idea, but if your not ready, you'll just feel like your betraying her when really, there is nothing there to betray. The most important thing is... Stop sleeping with her, limit contact and try to remember you deserve happiness and someone you loves you as much as you love them. Good luck.

jmw0713 · Feb 4, 2009, 06:32 PM

DJ, don't get too drunk. It will hinder you more than it will help you. The whole point for going out to the bar, is to hang out with your friends and have fun. Alcohol will not take your problems away, but fun and friends will help you move forward a little easier.

Enjoy my advice from above responsibly. :D

XM8 · Feb 5, 2009, 03:08 AM

DJ, I hope you know that jmw is right...

Drinking will not solve the problem - I drank when my ex-girlfriend was making my life hard, and the drink just made it worse. I got in trouble with social services for being drunk at school, and once I even broke a window and she out of all people, ratted me out to the police (with the help of her slutty friends). That day cost me about 2000€ all because of a lousy b*tch.

Anyway what I'm saying here is that don't drink during a break up, it just makes things worse. The point of going to a bar is to have fun - and not alone, with buddies of course so they can keep an eye out for you. Plus I'm sure that being alone at this time sucks badly.

-Xm8

DJ28 · Feb 5, 2009, 02:05 PM

Did any of you guys ever break NC? And if so how many times before you went all they way?

SAB123 · Feb 5, 2009, 02:23 PM

I broke contact about 3 times within a period of 3 months. And the last time I broke it that's when she told me she was with someone else and leave her alone. I was crushed and didn't want to here that but I slowly healed. It's been 2 years now and I look back and I wish I never broke NC. It just delayed my healing process and made me look like I was sitting around thinking of her.

DJ28 · Feb 5, 2009, 02:30 PM

Reason I ask is last night I let my emotions get the best of me and called her, I just missed her so much. I feel so weak now, we did have a good long talk though. I don't have any false hopes with anything because I know we won't get back together, its just me wanting to be friends with her that is killing me. I know I'm setting myself up for more heartache. She did ask if one day this weekend if I wanted to get a few drinks. I said maybe and told her to call me. So we will see I guess and see how I feel when that time does happen. At the time it sounded good because I missed her so much, but now that I have had today to think about it I know it's a bad idea, I know that all that will come from all of this is prolonging the inevitable.

SAB123 · Feb 5, 2009, 02:35 PM

Originally Posted by DJ28

i know that all that will come from all of this is prolonging the inevitable.

Trust me don't do it, I know how bad it hurts not to see her but it's going to take that much longer for you to heal if you do.

DJ28 · Feb 5, 2009, 03:13 PM

Another thing she told me that I forgot to mention was that I guess her and this guy arnt together yet, I guess he tried to make a move and she said it felt really awkward and she doesn't know if they will get together anymore, do you think she acted this way towrds him because he is more of a friend then the other? It doesn't give me false hope but I kind of makes me feel a little better. I just thought it was kind of funny she would tell me this.

zeeniee · Feb 5, 2009, 03:51 PM

I think you need to be careful, as you are more vulnerable than you think- aren't we all!

If you do go for a drink- you must have no FALSE hope- it will just crush you to death.

The fact that she is not with that guy- is irrevelant- what is revelant is how she has broken your heart and how you need to start re-building your life without her. Don't be surprise if she has a change of heart. Funny as that can happen- but does not mean it solves your problems in anyway- probably will create more problems.

Well if you do see her, I hope you see the change in her- that will help open the eyes a lot. It did for me when I saw my ex- oh my god- that did open my eyes and I just knew somehow I had to find a way to forget him and now think of me and only me.