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Justwantfair · Jul 9, 2009, 09:58 AM

It's funny because I haven't said anything about the situation at work, but as you know yesterday, I spent most of the day bawling in my office, with the one attorney consistently asking 'are you okay?' which would only promote more bawling...

This morning, my other boss, brought me chocolate, not sure why, but she placed it on my desk... they have to be completely lost with what my problem is.

Alty · Jul 9, 2009, 10:09 AM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

It's funny because I haven't said anything about the situation at work, but as you know yesterday, I spent most of the day bawling in my office, with the one attorney consistently asking 'are you okay?' which would only promote more bawling...

This morning, my other boss, brought me chocolate, not sure why, but she placed it on my desk... they have to be completely lost with what my problem is.

That's so sweet. Chocolate is a cure for many things. Personally, good chocolate is better then bad sex. Just my opinion. ;)

kctiger · Jul 9, 2009, 10:12 AM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

That's so sweet. Chocolate is a cure for many things. Personally, good chocolate is better then bad sex. Just my opinion. ;)

What kind of chocolate do you eat? :cool:

redhed35 · Jul 9, 2009, 10:12 AM

Hey justy,just saying hey,see how you were doing,I see alty has the ball,your in save hands.

Alty · Jul 9, 2009, 10:15 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

What kind of chocolate do you eat? :cool:

Only the very best KC. :D

I said bad sex. Good sex is better then anything, even great chocolate.

Wrong thread? :o

Justwantfair · Jul 9, 2009, 10:19 AM

Honestly, these are like truffles, they have like a powdered chocolate on them... they look EXPENSIVE. It's such a waste on me. I like certain candy bars straight out of the fridge... Snickers, Reese's, Andy's candies, nothing too fancy. I don't even know what to do with this chocolate.

Alty · Jul 9, 2009, 10:25 AM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Honestly, these are like truffles, they have like a powdered chocolate on them... they look EXPENSIVE. It's such a waste on me. I like certain candy bars straight out of the fridge... Snickers, Reese's, Andy's candies, nothing too fancy. I don't even know what to do with this chocolate.

Put it in your mouth and eat it.

Or send it to me, I'll eat it.

Let it melt in your mouth, savor it, enjoy it.

Damnit. Now I want chocolate. :(

redhed35 · Jul 9, 2009, 10:25 AM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Honestly, these are like truffles, they have like a powdered chocolate on them... they look EXPENSIVE. It's such a waste on me. I like certain candy bars straight out of the fridge... Snickers, Reese's, Andy's candies, nothing too fancy. I don't even know what to do with this chocolate.

Melt them down...
Stick in your finger.
Enjoy the suger rush.

Alty · Jul 9, 2009, 10:28 AM

Originally Posted by redhed35

melt them down...
stick in your finger.
enjoy the suger rush.

I'm picturing it.

I can almost taste it.

I'm drooling on my keyboard. :(

redhed35 · Jul 9, 2009, 10:30 AM

As I type with one finger I'm eating a chocolate muffin,the type with the gooey stuff in the middle...
De-lish.

artlady · Jul 9, 2009, 10:33 AM

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this hon.

Five years is a big investment.
Correct me if I'm wrong but I never heard that single mothers were unweddable.

I have been a single Mom for many years and I always thought we were a woman apart,yes,because we had to face the challenges on our own and we had to be strong and persevere in the face of many obstacles.Strong and tough,yes,unweddable,news to me.

Hang in there hon,you know we are all in your corner!

Justwantfair · Jul 9, 2009, 10:38 AM

I think this is only in his world.
He is a Momma's boy and I always have thought that this hang up was passed on to him through her. He has NO experience with a non-nuclear family, not a single remarried family in his devote Catholic Italian family heritage.
Unfortunately, despite that thought, his mother disconfirmed my theory when she stated she loved the kids and wondered herself what the obsticle was.
I am at a loss and trying to stop the analytical side of me from running my head. I don't need an explanation although I desperately want one.

EDIT: Added information.

talaniman · Jul 9, 2009, 11:01 AM

In reading this post, and know what your going through, as I was looking for words to encourage, and support you, my friend, I noticed your signature, and thought how prophetic those lines were.

Despite all the misery, pain, and confusion that now surrounds you, I have a feeling that I should be complimenting your strength and willingness to go through this tough time, as many would not just leave their comfort zone to do the right thing for themselves. Maybe you can't see it now, but have faith that we certainly can.

You just hang in there, and trust yourself, that you will get through this as you have other challenges you have already faced down, and conquered. I so admire the willingness you continue to show, to take the risk, and shake it up, when you see the course your on isn't working, and your looking for a better path.

All I can do is give you a big ole cyber hug, and tell you to go for it!!

I like it when someone is willing to go for there own happiness.

Justwantfair · Jul 9, 2009, 11:06 AM

Thank you, that means a lot coming from you Tal.

I am working through this one day at a time, but you are right to say that I am leaving the comfort zone, not because I can't handle it, but because I don't want to.

I deserve better then the offer of a life together without marriage.
My children deserve better then someone who doesn't see them as the gift of life that they are.

Up and down, carnival ride. Eventually the ride will stop and I can get off.

friend4u178 · Jul 9, 2009, 04:30 PM

Justy
Sorry I just stumbled on this and really can't add to what everyone else has already said.

Just wanted to show my support and let you know I think you'll be fine once all the dust has settled. You deserve someone who can make you eternally happy and this is just one of the stepping stones to get there. Better it happened now than wasting another 5 years.

Chin up Hon , we'll all be here for you if needed!

Justwantfair · Jul 9, 2009, 07:22 PM

Thanks M.

I am still in a state of confusion and talking to our next door neighbor has left me a bit more confused.

He is really into the relationship, marriage matters stuff and he is busy pointing out all the progress we have made. I know that he likes us together and he is trying to help, but it left me more confused that I am walking away from five years too soon.

He does know us both personally and he did give me some things to mull over. ::sigh::

talaniman · Jul 9, 2009, 07:57 PM

Fact is he is not addressing your feelings at this time, and for whatever reason that is, not talking about it doesn't help at all. Have you examined your own reasons for wanting to be married, and why is it that important to you?/ Another question is can he work with you? He hasn't so far. Just me, I would let him know his comments about who he would marry, was an insult, and I don't blame you for re-evaluating your situation, and wanting out.

Justwantfair · Jul 9, 2009, 08:09 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Fact is he is not addressing your feelings at this time, and for whatever reason that is, not talking about it doesn't help at all. Have you examined your own reasons for wanting to be married, and why is it that important to you?/ Another question is can he work with you?? He hasn't so far. Just me, I would let him know his comments about who he would marry, was an insult, and I don't blame you for re-evaluating your situation, and wanting out.

I think that is the part that is neglected from the whole thread because there has been so much going between us.

The neighbor who is really into personality traits sympathizes with both sides, but the fact that he was stressing most was that we did have progress, it was just not progress the way or as fast as I want it. He has been working on these commitment issues steadily for the last two years, but the progress is slow.

We aren't talking but it's possibly because my partner is processing my conversation. I think that I am right for how I feel. The neighbor agreed with that, but was more on the side of walking away from five years. Our situation complicated by children and living together and a high-quality relationship outside of my partner's ability to commit to marriage.

I have wanted marriage for quite some time. I know that he wants children of his own and at 34 and 30, with my tubes tied, there isn't too much more time to be stalling. In the end, I may get what I want, while he won't get what he wants because he just wants to sit on the pot.

I love him for who he is, if he could commit to marriage, I wouldn't have two more words to say about the situation. But five years seems a fair amount of time to wait. I am more confused now then before. Not because I am wrong, but because I only half want what is right.

I won't stay without some conversation about this situation and an idea of what the root of this problem is, because I don't think that the root is that he doesn't love me and the kids.

88sunflower · Jul 10, 2009, 07:06 AM

Checking in on you justy.
Hope your holding out well today. Sure hope you ate those pretty chocolates to!
I was reading your last post and it got me thinking maybe there is something deeper to him about all this. Maybe he doesn't even know. Maybe he can't express his feelings in to words for you to understand. But I still think he has had every chance to make you his wife. He has failed for his own foolish reasons.

Justwantfair · Jul 10, 2009, 07:07 AM

So we had a conversation this morning about the situation, the conversation wasn't completed, but there seems to be some frustrations on both sides about our relationship.

He once again admitted that he is emotional not as open as I would like but that he has been putting a lot of effort into trying to move forward. I think that he feels like I should always feel and be aware of these efforts and he should be getting credit although for me they are baby steps.

We talked about how my frustrations that have been coming out in snide, smart arse remarks are under his skin and he is sick of dealing with it. I think the frustrations on both ends are growing and causing more turmoil. I don't feel great about the conversation, but I see some of my own errors in the failures we are currently having.

So I guess I will have to wait until the conversation is completed.

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