[BrokeninRI]

Hi Again, well we went to the game, saw her kissed her on the forehead. During the game she had what looked liked a panic attack, turned pale. 15 minutes later she was OK. We left after the game, walked her to her car said good bye, she thanked me for the companionship. On my way home she called me, we chatted a little. I called her later on to make sure she got home safe since the panic attack incident I was worried about her. She was home and fine. She texted me an hour later to make sure I was home and safe and good night. I had already gone to bed and did not get her message until the morning. I called her that evening and apologized for not writing back, and that I had gone to bed already. Her answer was do not worry about it, I went to bed as well and did not stay up waiting for you to write back. As I was saying good night, I said "Sweet Dreams Sweets" she asked what did I just called her, I said sweets. She told me that it make her uncomfortable and that we are not boyfriend and girlfrind anymore. That her panic attack was partially because of me, the kiss on the forehead made her nervous, none of her friends kisses her there. I told her I'd refrain from calling her sweet names and will only hug her and kiss her on the cheek.
Last week end along with 2 other friends we took a 5 hour drive for a 3 day soccer meeting. I drove, and we picked her up and picked someone else along the way. There was 4 of us. As I drove she referred to me as "darling" although she asked that I stop referring to her with those words. We got safely to our location, and had meetings until about 9PM. At 11:20 I get a text message that says "good night, thanks for everything today and see you tomorrow". What do I make of this? Is she playing games? No one else sent me thank you messages and needless to say at 11:20 PM. The next day again meetings all day and we were together side by side throughout the day, Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Meetings. THat evening we went out to a bar and lo and behold she was with us for a little and took off and went from group to group socializing with everyone. Once in a while I caught her looking through people to find me. I was upset but did not say anything. That night at 1:AM after we returned to our respective dorms, she called me to make sure we knew what time the meeting was in the morning and to ask what time we were meeting for breakfast. I replied that there are 3 of us in the room with book and knew the time of the meeting. I felt like there was something else she wanted to say but don't know what. Anyway we hit the road the next day, dropped her off, said good bye with a longer hug and kisses on the cheek and head, since I am taller than her. I called her "hun" and apologized right away since that makes her uncomfortable, she replied it is OK. Can you makes sense of this? I certainly cannot. I am very blurred right now.
This past Wednesday went to another game this time she was officiating. We went to dinner afterwards, and upon leaving, the hug was more than a hug, our hands held onto one another as we were separating. Maybe it is just me, but the look on her eyes was very tempting to say "I Love You" and felt like I would have gotten the same back. I have not spoken to her since then. Any comments? If you feel like I am overanalyzing, please say so...

[talaniman]

If her being friendly, leads you to see false hope, you need to back away from this situation.

[BrokeninRI]

I am not sure Talaniman, I don't know if she is being friendly or intentionally does not want to let go of me. Hence my confusion. It has been 2 months since she broke up with me, it is not getting any easier. I have no doubts I am in love with her.

[Chery]

I could be wrong, but certain panic (anxiety) attacks are indicative of failure to let things or people get too close. She might have a deeper issue than just a relationship - with anyone for that matter. It sounds as if she has a good time as long as you keep your distance and don't get verbally too endearing.

Conclusion.. (my opinion) is that she has a wall about her that her past made her build, and she might need professional help in breaking that wall down.

So, stay friends with her, get to know her long and well enough to help her feel secure in the friendship so that you can suggest talking about what is really bothering her - either with you or a professional.

This will take time, and if you love her as you say you do, you'll have the patience to feel when the time is right.

Otherwise, if you get too anxious and insecure yourself, it would be best to find someone who does not carry baggage from the past that cause anxiety attacks.

Good luck dear. Keep us posted.

[BrokeninRI]

Thanks Chery. I do love her and I do want to call to check up on her but do not want her to feel pressured. Her rules of our break up were that we need space for me to get over the anger I still have towards my ex (her opinion) and for her to sort things out. If we are to get back together it won't be until after the next year. PS: my divorce was finallized on May 22 the same day she emailed me to break up. She knew it was final that day. She knew I was ready to move on with a proposal.

[BrokeninRI]

Commitment Phobic? Maybe?

[talaniman]

I agree with Chery that she has bigger issues to deal with, and frankly your not in a position to help, nor do you have the skills to help. For sure she cannot give you what you want, a close caring relationship.

[Chery]

Thanks Chery. I do love her and I do want to call to check up on her but do not want her to feel pressured. Her rules of our break up were that we need space for me to get over the anger I still have towards my ex (her opinion) and for her to sort things out. If we are to get back together it wont be until after the next year. PS: my divorce was finallized on May 22 the same day she emailed me to break up. She knew it was final that day. She knew I was ready to move on with a proposal.

She probably also decided that she was not going to be the 'rebound' while you do your healing.

Just accept and respect the friendship until she feels secure that she would not be 'second best' - that might help.

[Chery]

Commitment Phobic? maybe?

Maybe. But if the shoe were on your foot, would you feel secure with someone who just got a divorce and ready to get into a relationship so soon afterwards? Some people think that it takes more time to be serious and sincere.

I would think.. hmmm, maybe he might cheat on me some day.

So, think about it for a while and just relax - don't be in a hurry - enjoy quality time as a friend with her and let things happen on her terms - if you can wait.

[BrokeninRI]

Thanks all. I will be patient and try to be less anxious. I guess for love one can and will do anything...

[Chery]

Welcome dear.

By the way, see the orange button in our posts? The one that says ''rate this answer''.. well it's there for you to either agree or disagree with our advice, so next time, please don't hesitate to let us know if you appreciate what we have to share with you.

We come on here to help as much as we can through our personal and sometimes professional experience - and it's free and we appreciate it if we receive a rating now and then from those that asked us for assistance.

Generally, you know the answers yourself, but it sometimes takes someone else to help you see the 'big picture' and let you know that you are not that far off.

Keep us posted.

[BrokeninRI]

Can anyone recommend something as far as calling her, emailing her, etc..

Thanks.

[talaniman]

If you both are looking to heal, keeping contact may not do that for you. You can't help with her healing, but you can heal yourself and then see things in a more realistic light.

I guess that cuts out phone calls, and emails. Even those platonic dates. Sorry guy, love or no, I believe a guy should always have his own plan, and given this split, you chasing will get you absolutely nowhere, so the focus should be on you healing, and not winning her. Either she misses you, or she doesn't, but its her choice.