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giggles · Apr 28, 2006, 07:13 PM

I've just read all these posts and something is jumping out at me.
DinMO, you have said:

Hey I am just here venting like everyone else. When I need a place to go, someone to listen, I post here. that's all.
You don't understand what it's like-not that I expect anyone to.I don't need anyone to hold my hand or baby me, just some good friends who will talk with me and not judge me.
Yesterday 08:22 PM

BUT your original post says:
I need some serious help. Indeed,the title of your topic is enough to contradict what you are now claiming: that you are venting.

This is harsh, I apologise in advance, but Wildcat and Chery have been giving you sound counsel - and what do you do? Stick your head in the sand, take offence to opinions people are offering you, and get petty and personal. Hey YOU did ask for advice in the first place. And you didn't like what you got. So blame the people who touched that nerve? IT'S A TOTAL COP-OUT. And so is this. You obviously WANT to be with this guy, and if you ask me, you are looking for a last-ditch effort to justify it to yourself. Perhaps you want just ONE person to suggest things might work out fine in order to get rid of your niggling instinct that this is a F**KED UP environment to inflict on oyour children. I think you are choosing to completely hide from reality. If you don't already see this you are in SERIOUS TROUBLE. The reality is you are CHOOSING to be punished. And people are telling you to stop this behaviour. Simple as.
Do you really want any reality at all? Here's my final thought for you. Do you really WANT to leave him? I don't think you do. I think you just want it all to be fine, and for the hurt to stop and you can play happy families. You are getting enough signs that this will NOT happen with this man, yet you persist. This is not about courage at all. This is about delusion. You need to talk to someone fast, build up your self-esteem and your sense of reality. Stop looking for the fairytale in this man. A part of you is clinging to the idea, "if only he loved you a little more".Nothing is tying you more to this man than blind faith in the impossible.He is not going to change. But are you?
I hope you choose your children's future over your futile dreams with this man.

Wildcat21 · Apr 30, 2006, 06:15 PM

Oh, I understand what's going on here, no question.

You keep letting this guy just poop on you. It's really sad.

Why on earth does he get any more chances? Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

jeffatl · Apr 30, 2006, 08:05 PM

It sounds to me like this woman has no confidence in herself. You came here for help, and that's what all of us are trying to give you. People that stay in abusive relationships often have very little self respect. If not for you, then do it for your kids please. For the love of God, do you think this guy is in any way shape or form of a positive influence on your children? You said this guy cheated on you, and "you are fairly sure he still sees her from time to time"? What the hell is going on here! Then you say "everyone cheats" NOT TRUE! You really need to gain some self respect, this can be the only reason I can possibly think as to why you (or anyone for that matter) would let someone treat you like this. Look, I really don't think there is much else we can say. You now have 9 pages of sound advice, and nobody here is going to reinforce ANY of this behavior so you can justify your totally irrational behavior. Its obvious you know this is a bad situation for you or else why would you be asking for help? I have not personally replied to this thread in a while because everyone has given you MORE THAN ENOUGH ADVICE!! Wake up, you don't NEED anyone but your kids, they should be priority #1 not this idiot that might be going to uuuuuuuummmmmmmm PRISON! Now Im just aggervated with this whole situation, and maybe you need someone to just tell you like it is. If you want to spend the rest of your life clinging on to men that will never respect you, your kids, or themselves for that matter, so be it. But please take your kids out of that situation. Just because you have given up on your happieness doesn't give you the right to screw your kids over as well... this REALLY angers me on so many levels. Grown men that have kids and RESPECT THEMSELVES AND OTHER WOMEN are not gay... they are called REAL MEN, sounds like something you haven't had in a while, and your kids need that. Get mad if you want, but I honestly could care less, Im looking out for #1 to me in this situation and that's YOUR kids... messed up...

milliec · May 1, 2006, 12:44 AM

Hi Jeff,
I think that if she doesn't wake up after your post, nothing will do it, ever.
The most important issue here are the kids- they shouldn't grow up like this, they should be instilled with self respect, and respect for others, right from the beginning.
The way things are, they won't learn self respect looking up to their mother, and won't learn to respect other people's rights by looking at their father.
I'm really sorry to make this comment, I feel for her and the kids, but no one here can do more than what's already been done.
Millie

Wildcat21 · May 1, 2006, 08:31 AM

The sad part is most women in an abusive relationship THINK they deserve it - AND they ABOSILUTELY don't!! No one should ever put up with that. No one deserves that.

She needs to tel lthis guy to get lost once and for all.

Most women like this were brought up in some sort of abuse and they don't know any better - AND actually can't and don't understand 'niceness/goodness' in a relationship. They can't handle it. Only YEARS of therapy will help.

Sadly, being in a abusive rerlationship is SOOOOOOOOOOo unhealthy, always being on edge etc. - bad for you.

Wildcat21 · May 1, 2006, 08:33 AM

AND yes, her kids do not needs to be ever involved in this or the vicious cycle will continue. Her kids don't know any better now. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

Lose this guy for the kids sake!!

riodemari · Jun 26, 2009, 10:16 AM

Hi well you nned to leave him alone honey there's no need for you to be in back of him he is just not that into you and I know you can find someone better then that perk up dress go out even to a park there is mr right a few steps away from you you just have to go out and get it.