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Mom of 2 · Sep 2, 2008, 08:59 PM

My family has been bugging me to introduce C to them. I've also been dying to introduce him to them as well, but it has just been so hard, as my apartment is so small that it would be cramped for everyone. However, my brother and sister-in-law just bought a new place in the city and they want us all to come out this Saturday. I'll let you know how everything goes. I'm excited and not too worried about it.

talaniman · Sep 2, 2008, 11:32 PM

Anybody else notice how Mom's post are getting shorter and shorter?? Like she is to busy for us anymore??

Much Luck though!

ordinaryguy · Sep 3, 2008, 03:36 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Anybody else notice how Mom's post are getting shorter and shorter??? Like she is to busy for us anymore???

LOL Kind of like my 21-year-old son.

Mom of 2 · Sep 6, 2008, 02:11 PM

Hey!! No fair!! I kind of see your point though. I have not been logging on as much lately, but it is not because I have been too busy. Yes, I am busy, but I felt like some of you would get bored with the mundane, especially since I have overcome so many hurdles (mostly self inflicted). By the way, I would not have overcome some of those hurdles if it was not for all of the support and advice that I have I received from all of you on this site.

Things have been going so smoothly between C and me, and my anxiety has lessened so much, that even the things that may have bothered me before or that I would have questioned before have decreased immensely. Again, thanks to all of you in providing me with different perspectives in order to relax and live life.

C came over last night and we went out to dinner. My knee still hurts from time to time, especially when I have walked on it a lot. I just get so bored with being cooped up in my place that when he asked if I wanted to go somewhere and get something to eat, I almost leaped in the air for joy. The knee got stiff in the restaurant because we were sitting there for awhile and I had to actually warm it up before leaving the table. He was so gentle and kind about it and even offered to carry me out of the restaurant if I wanted him to. That is the difference between him and my ex. I am sure that my ex would have mentioned something to the effect of being a drama queen about it and to just walk through the pain.

While driving back to my place, he mentioned to me that his ex called him about an another issue, but then the subject turned to me. I guess she has been questioning their kids about me and she admitted that she went online to try and find any info on me. Of course there was nothing on me. However, she did claim that there were some things about my ex that she felt he should know about. I won't go into specifics of what those things are because it would be too long, but some of the things were true, while others were not. However, C told his ex that he could care less about any of the info that she told him and that she needed to get over him and to stop researching me and to leave me alone. He is a little scared that she will try (and be successful) in finding out where I live, etc. Part of me would love for her to do this so that if she comes up to my property, I can really give her a piece of my mind and to show her that she does not scare me, while another part of me just wants to be left alone.

We have finally set a date for my brother and sister to meet my boyfriend. September 27th. It has been so hard to get a date that works with everyone, as all of our schedules could not match up throughout the summer. I think he is a little nervous about it, because he asked me last night who all was going to be there. I just told him that the only people that are not going to be there would be my older brother (and his family), who lives in Atlanta, and my mom, who lives in Florida. But I told him that my brother would be coming in for Christmas and that he wanted to meet him then. I will be sure to let all of you know how everything goes on that day.

That is about it. Again, I just thought that the kind of mundane would be boring for all of you. But then again, the mundane is life. No one can possibly have excitement all of the time. Also, isn't it a good thing that my posts are not so long or anxiety ridden? That's improvement, right?

talaniman · Sep 6, 2008, 03:36 PM

Long as we know things are well, we are happy. You do sound so like your enjoying yourself. Hope it gets even better. Take care of the knee.

Mom of 2 · Sep 6, 2008, 04:23 PM

I just wanted to also let you know that there are still times when I feel that I am overanalyzing and falling into my old thinking. However, because of the advice that I have received from this site - and the fact that I am really getting to know C - I know that a lot of the thoughts that may come to my mind are only that: THOUGHTS ARE NOT REALITY. And when I say thoughts, it is "What is he thinking?", "Does he think I'm wierd because I said that?", - Most of it are things that I won't know the answer to unless I ask him what he is thinking, etc. Also, if he were getting tired of me/thinking that I am weird, etc. then he wouldn't be calling me every night, being with me every weekend or making plans to do things farther into the future. He mentioned wanting to take a cruise next year with his brother and his brother's fiancé. I hope that this actually occurs, as the past two trips that he said that we would go on never came to be because of things that came up. I can't help but kind of lose faith on whether we are going to be going or not or if they are just words to see what I would say. I intend on bringing up the subject again, as that is the only way to know for sure what is going on in his mind.

Although I have overcome a lot of hurdles, i.e. meeting eachother's kids, family, etc. there is still one more that I have to overcome. C and I have been together for 9 months now. I know that the both of us have very strong feelings for each other. I know that this is a serious relationship, otherwise we would not be introducing each other to our kids and family members. However, we have not said those three words to each other. I have come close to saying it to him, but find myself hesitating and putting it off. I think he may be feeling the same way. I wanted to say it to him last night when he was over, but got scared. I know that he is going to be calling me tonight and I feel such an urge to say something to him over the phone, but then again I don't want to say it over the phone. Maybe it is me trying to make the moment perfect and I have to stop doing that. Maybe it is because I told my ex that I loved him, but it didn't work out. Maybe C is scared as well. I have noticed that C has been doing a lot of what I call copy cat behavior, i.e. ordering the same thing I do, picking up and using phrases that I use all of the time, etc. Maybe he is waiting for me to say it. I don't know!! Any thoughts? Any advice? I strongly believe that I am in love with him.

talaniman · Sep 6, 2008, 04:52 PM

It will flow naturally, and you'll be sure you mean it. Don't let that stop the fun though. Copy catting each other is cute, and you know your meant for each other when you start looking alike as well as acting alike. That should be fun too!

Mom of 2 · Sep 21, 2008, 12:00 PM

C went on a fishing trip with his brother this weekend and I miss him sooo much. He called me twice yesterday and told me right away that he missed me, and of course I told him that I missed him too. I'm excited for next weekend when he will finally meet my brother, sister and their spouses.

This weekend, since I have been by myself a lot, I have really been thinking about things. Probably over thinking. As you all know, I have been contemplating for quite a while on whether to tell him that I love him. I know in the beginning these feelings were lust and the fact that I had not been with someone since I was divorced and it was just so nice to be with someone. However, we have really gotten to know each other, have gotten really close, have been talking about making plans in the future (vacations, dreams, wants, desires) and we confide in each other about everything, ask each other for advice, etc. I now know that I do love him and I think that he is either starting to feel that same way or he already does. He gave me a card that said that I make him very happy and that he is so glad that we met. I have given him cards that have expressed that he has become such an important part of my life and that I have strong feelings for him. Yes, I have talked to him about these feelings that are expressed in those cards, but he is not a real big "feelings" talking person - he is a guy after all and women usually have the monopoly on the "feelings" talks. We will be together for 10 months next week so I am pretty confident that what I am thinking and feeling is definitely love. My hangup is that I am afraid that if I tell him that I love him that it will scare him in some way. Because of my knee, we have not been intimate for quite a while, but even so, his calls have increased, he makes plans to see me, etc. He has been so caring and we have so much fun together. Because of all of this, I know that I am not just caught up in the "moment" and since my accident, my feelings have actually increased. The last time that we were together, I had such a strong feeling to say it when he walked into my door and throughout the rest of the evening. I just froze because I was afraid that it would scare him.

I am also scared because it has been so long since I gave my heart to someone else (other than my kids). I know because I was rejected in my marriage (I was cheated on) and I just don't want to be rejected again. I have "practiced" what I want to say to C and it flows so easily when I do this. Why then am I so scared? My girlfriend (the one who is dating his brother) confirms with me all the time that I should say it because she strongly believes that he loves me but that he is chicken to say it first. Any advice? I know, I have gotten advice that it will happen freely and automatically if it is true love. How can I get totally over my fear of rejection so that I can say what I truly feel?

Mom of 2 · Sep 21, 2008, 12:08 PM

And why is it that I can give good advice to other people (I have been told that I do) but I have such difficulty sometimes trying to figure it out for myself?

talaniman · Sep 21, 2008, 12:32 PM

Hi Mom, you already know how I feel, and that people owe it to themselves to be patient, and realistic, when dealing with intense feelings. For one thing after ONLY 10 months, I just think its far to early for those long terms thinking.

Just me, but I'm sure you have read where people may feel strongly about their partners, and assume the partners do to. Words don't hardly take the place of actions, and it would be quite telling if we could read the minds of our partners to know how they feel.

Your wise to go slow, and be cautious, in my view, as those strong feelings often make us push, and want things now, instead of letting things develop at their own pace. Take a breath, relax, as there is no hurry, and stay in control of yourself.

Don't worry about the future so much, as having fun getting to know each other, even better and bonding, and establishing those oh so important communications.

Thats what I would be doing while he relaxes himself, and opens up, so you'll know what he wants.

There is absolutely NO hurry!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is there???

Mom of 2 · Sep 21, 2008, 12:59 PM

Talaniman - yes, I already know how you feel on this subject. Why is it that I just have an overpowering feeling of wanting to say it? I am willing to take it slow because I know that this relationship is worth it. Why am I so hung up on those words? Either way, I will still feel the same way that I do about him, whether I utter those words. I will take your advice and remain patient. If I feel that I love him now, then I will still love him in another few months, and another few months after that, and so on and so on. Thanks again for the advice. As always, it is always good. It's great to get a man's perspective on it, as us women have a tendency to feel and think too much!!

Mom of 2 · Sep 23, 2008, 06:51 PM

I will remain patient while we continue to get to know each other even better. Like I said, I will be introducing him to my brother and sister and their significant others this Saturday. C was asking me questions about what he should wear, etc. and what they are like. So... I know that he is nervous. I just told him that my family is so laid back that they just want other people to feel comfortable, so whatever is fine. I think he is more nervous about the fact that he will be driving me and my kids there. He asked me about whether I thought my ex would make a big deal that he would be driving while my kids were in the car. I never thought that would matter, but then again, my ex is a control freak (hence one of the reasons that I am anxious about a lot of things and want everything planned out, that was how my life had to be for so long.) I told him that he was a wonderful driver and that I felt totally safe with him and that my children would be safe as well. I further told him that just like I don't have any control over what my ex plans with the kids when they are with him, he does not have control over what I have planned with them when they are with me. I told the kids that C would be picking us up on Saturday and that he would be going with us to their aunt and uncle's. They are so excited about it and think that it is "cool" that he will be with us. They have been asking me every single weekend since they met him when they would be able to see him again.

All in all, things continue to go well. I think that I need to calm down just a bit and start to live in the moment more. Yes, I am afraid that this good thing will end and that is why I want (sometimes really need) to know exactly how he is feeling and where exactly we are heading. I have to stop listening to what other people (my friends - not necessarily on this site) are telling me, i.e. "If I were you, I would just tell him that you love him," "Being apart from my bf like you have to do would drive me crazy". I have to live with the fact that I know that we care about each other and we have to do what we have to do for our situation ESPECIALLY when kids are involved. Would I put up with this if there were no kids - probably not. That is what makes dating a man who has kids, as well as the fact that I have kids myself, so difficult. That is why I posted this thread to begin with. It is my hope that as I gain advice and perspective from other people that this will also help someone else who is in a similar situation.

talaniman · Sep 23, 2008, 08:51 PM

Relax and have fun. When it stops being fun, its time to go.

ordinaryguy · Sep 24, 2008, 06:13 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

When it stops being fun, its time to go.

You really think so? Is that all there is to love?

talaniman · Sep 24, 2008, 06:58 AM

Till the long term commitment, YES!

Mom of 2 · Sep 29, 2008, 09:43 PM

An update... I introduced C to my brother and his wife and my sister and her husband this past Saturday. It went REALLY well. My family loved him!! But then again, I really did not have any doubt about that.

The next morning, C called me to see if any of my family had called me yet. When I asked why, he said that he was just interested to see if they said anything to me about him. I told him that at that time no one called me, but that I KNEW that they all liked him and not to worry about it. I got a call from my sister today and was not surprised to hear that they were very impressed with him and that they were happy that he was in my life.

C was also great with my kids. They really like him and seemed to really warm up to him. Usually, my daughter is not talkative around people she does not feel comfortable around, but she was a regular chatter box that day. When C dropped us off at my place, my son asked where C was going. When I told him that he had to go home, my son had a concerned and almost sad look on his face and just said, "Oh. Okay." My kids then went upstairs and C and I went outside to say our goodbyes. When I said good night to my kids after C left, my son asked why C was not spending the night. This totally shocked me, as it is WAY too soon for us to be doing that. I just told him that we were not comfortable with that yet. He asked me when it would happen and I just told him that I needed to make sure that C would be in our life for a looooong time before I would even consider that. I asked him why he wanted him to spend the night and he told me that he thought it would be cool to have him around more. The next morning at breakfast, he brought up the subject again and I told him that this was an adult subject and not something that a child should even think about. My daughter asked me if C was going to spend the night and kind of had a worried look on her face, which did not surprise me at all. In fact that was what I had expected from my son the night before. I just told her that I was not planning on that happening any time soon and that I wanted to make sure that C was going to be a long term thing in our lives before that would happen. She relaxed a bit. Don't get me wrong, I would love to fast forward things sometimes, but not at the expense of my kids. I still have a problem with the thought of holding hands with C around my kids much less anything else. I am just so happy that C has the same viewpoint on this that I do.

talaniman · Sep 30, 2008, 09:06 AM

Waiting, and fighting the urge to move ahead to fast, is a good sign. I'm glad your letting it flow, and not trying to push to fast, by impulsive actions.

But I'm not surprised, as you have proven to be thoughtful, and patient, considering the feelings you have. You done good for yourself... and your kids.

Just enjoy this time, when things are going well.

Mom of 2 · Sep 30, 2008, 06:08 PM

Sometimes the urge to move faster feels almost unbearable. However, I always force myself to think of the kids first and foremost. The tricky part now is that my kids are asking to see more of C and they definitely want to meet his kids. My kids are growing more and more comfortable with him and they are asking to see more and more of him. Again, I see the importance of going slow, not force the issue and let the situation present itself as C feels more comfortable about doing this. Part of me wants to broach the subject of "What are your thoughts of our kids meeting", but part of me does not want to rush it either and disrupt what we have so far.

Sometimes I feel that we are getting stagnant because we seem to do the same things over and over when we are together (i.e. rent movies and stay at home, maybe go to a movie at a theater, order pizza in) and we have to sometimes wait so long to see each other. Yes, we do talk every day, but I would love to be able to see him more. Lately, because we have been doing a lot of introducing our friends and family to each other, we really have not been able to spend a lot of alone time together. Also, because of my knee, he feels a little scared about hurting me in anyway. (By the way, my knee has been improving by leaps and bounds. Hopefully, I will be able to get back to work in a couple of weeks.) Don't get me wrong, I am having A LOT of fun with him when we are with family and friends, but sometimes when he and I look at each other from across the room or give sideways glances when we are sitting next to each other, I feel so like I want to grab his hand and hideaway with him alone in the corner. Every time I look at him, I just smile and feel warm all over.

Am I normal in feeling this way? Am I being selfish in wanting to see more of him?

ordinaryguy · Sep 30, 2008, 06:29 PM

Originally Posted by Mom of 2

Everytime I look at him, I just smile and feel warm all over.

Am I normal in feeling this way? Am I being selfish in wanting to see more of him?

Anticipation is half the fun. Enjoy!

Mom of 2 · Sep 30, 2008, 07:35 PM

Absolutely!! Because we have so many things in common and can so easily talk to one another about anything, it feels like we have been together for a LOT longer than just 10 months. I have to constantly remind myself that it has only been that long. Every single time I turn around, I find out something else that we have in common and that we think about things in the same way. I sometimes feel like we are becoming one another. There was even a point on Saturday where we completed each other's sentences a couple of times. My brother was actually the one who caught that and said, "Do you always do that?" I don't even think that we were aware that we did that because I had to ask him what he meant, and that is when he said that we both completed each other's sentences at least twice and we both laughed about it.

Anyway, I am having a lot of fun, but I miss him terribly when we are not together. Don't worry, I can still function without him, but I can't wait for his phone call at night. Hearing his voice is the next best thing to being with him. If he forgets to call, which is not very often, I don't feel worried like I used to (remember Talaniman?), but I just miss him. Again, I just wish that I could see more of him.