[jolienoire]

Thank you so much Jolienoire...absolutely beautiful. The tricky part for me, at 39 years old, is trying to love myself....I never have...too much insecurity. But what you wrote is lovely :)

Instead of thinking about what you're missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.. That usually works for me.

[jolienoire]

I also know that low-self esteem and lack of confidence comes from us looking to others to validate us. And all the hope and time we put into them can be taken away with a blink of an eye. Then we loose all hope. I think my divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me because it was never really the best thing for me in the first place, but it took me time to recover and get use to the fact that I would be a divorced single mother of two beautiful children. Years ago I wouldn't picture me at this point in my life where I am as strong as I am. But I am here, and Now I am helping others who are where I was 4 years ago.

[Encanto]

How to get him/her back..


Ha, if you are reading this it means you are hoping you can win a loved one back. You are desperately seeking solutions in which you already know the answers to. You want to show them how big of a mistake they made. How foolish they were. How you were the best thing that ever happened to them.

You want them back, you can’t eat, sleep, think… concentrate your lonely frustrated desperate.. Checking your phone every 5 minutes, logging on to myspace/face book reading old text messages over and over again. Saying how could he/she?

Looking at pictures, and remembering the great sex and emotional connections that you shared. The arguments, the I love you the constant assurance of “you are the one”.

There were signs but you ignored them, perhaps they stopped saying I love you, they stopped calling, stop doing all the things they used to do in the beginning. You brushed it off making excuses blaming yourself for loving them to much. You basically become blind to the reality that this relationship is nearing an end. How can you expect a relationship to stay exactly the same as it was in the beginning when you grow day by day? Some people grow apart as they grow older some grow together in any situation growing means changing. As long as we grow we will always be out of our comfort zone. Nothing will ever be just right there will always be challenges, obstacles, and not so perfect conditions. Life is change, growth is optional make a choice and choose wisely. Change is inevitable and growth is intentional. All movement is not forward but sometimes you have to take a step back to see a clearer picture, this step is coming to acceptance that this relationship was not meant to be.

You have to be true to yourself and realize that if you can’t put your heart in it take yourself out of it. Sometimes letting go allows you to see if it was worth holding on to. Confidence doesn’t come from having all the answers it comes from being open to all the questions..


The truth is everyone should compel themselves to loneliness occasionally, because most of your greatest achievements and thoughts come from loneliness. When you have a clear mind, and can evaluate your true self without the disruption of life minor fallbacks. Stop regretting the past and fearing the future..

Live and instead of trying to figure out how to get him/her back focus on getting yourself back. Be thankful for finding love, embrace who you are. If we can put as much as we do into our relationships as much as we put into ourselves than we will realize that no one can ever love us as much as we love ourselves.. Therefore we are responsible for our own happiness.

So to answer the question how do I get them back? Look in the mirror the change and the beginning and end starts with yourself. It starts with acceptance, confidence, change, growth…It starts with realizing there is no such thing as perfect circumstances only accepting to see imperfections as a perfect part of living. Living is learning, learning is growing, growing means change, change is the beginning and the beginning reflects the ending…

Say to yourself, I love me, I am the mason of my dreams, I am going to love myself enough to know that ignoring someone else issues is me settling. I will not settle. I will improve myself first. I will understand how difficult it is to change myself, I will realize how difficult it is to change others. I realize that there is no such thing as perfect conditions. I will take each day at a time, and not fear my future. I will not regret my past, for it has made me who I am today . I will love myself first! And most importantly I will continue to be the best me I can be. Remember that we all human it takes a step back to see the clearer picture. I will not continue to make the same mistakes. I will learn from my mistake. I will accept loneliness as a blueprint to my success ahead and build my future based on my past. I will not look back but look ahead to brighter days. Now that I am on my path I will thank all those who have made me who I am today.

Hello everyone,
here is a list I've compiled that helps me ground myself. Hope it helps. :)

Rules to live by in a relationship

• Don’t live by someone else’s standards, only your own.
• men love men that give off a devil-may-care quality and have an edge.
• A dreaman won’t kill himself to impress anyone.
• A nice girl/boy makes the mistake of being available all the time.
• get back to him when you are free
• see him when its convenient for you
• has no clue where the relationship is going and leaves it like that
• A man will always want what he can’t have.
• hold yourself with dignity and pride
• believe you are a catch
• trying too hard gives the impression you are desperate
• don’t be mothering
• Love yourself and don’t want anyone that doesn’t want you.
• Ignore him and he is intrigued; make him the center of attention all the time and he runs.
• When you don’t pay attention, his more intrigued and chase you even more
• If you don’t make him feel locked down, he'll come your way.
• If you try to corner him, he'll bolt
• fun equals freedom
• give the appearance that he has plenty of space; will drop his guard
• If you feel strongly about something, don’t be afraid to say so.
• Men are attracted to someone who can speak their mind.
• Begin a relationship with a voice
• Space is very important. Makes you look proud rather than desperate. You remain a challenge, because you choose to be w/ him, you didn't need to be.
• Independence rather than dependence.
• That you can hold your own
• demand treatment as if you are worthwhile
• be slightly standoffish
• be sexy, don’t try to be sexy
• play by your own rules
• Be unpredictable.
• Reassure in 2 areas: 1.that he is sexually desirable to you and (2) that he sees that he’s still in the game
• give kisses that are sexy and sensual
• smile allot, be happy
• Compliment him; let him know he’s desirable to you. Tell him he looks great
• don’t be needy
• Be secure with yourself, that he doesn’t feel like he has 100 a hold on you.
• Eliminate these words: “we need to talk”
• Tell it like it is in a matter of fact way.
• Be relaxed, secure and happy with him or with out him. Be happy go lucky
• he should always feel free to go
• leave some questions unanswered
• don’t stop going to the gym or your lifestyle to accommodate him
• don’t stop spending time with friends and family
• don’t check messages too often
• focus on work
• don’t check emails constantly
• don’t stop moving at your own rhythm
• do not abandon your routines
• don’t put pressure him so that he’ll want to be around you
• value your priorities
• stay boss of yourself
• act as your own guide/boss
• you don’t need his approval for anything
• Have more confidence, some else’s mood doesn’t have much impact on you.
• Only give when reciprocal
• When a relationship starts lightning speed, at some point someone will pull back to regain the need for space.
• Stay in control
• The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long.
• Once you lose your rhythm, you lose your psychological equilibrium an you become needy.
• Power is the control you have over yourself.
• When someone is being too cocky, they are trying too hard to convince that they are stronger that they really are.
• When treated with disrespect and you take it, they begin to loose respect for you.
• Prioritize yourself over melting into someone else. “No” means no.
• Be clear and direct of what you need without second-guessing yourself
• Don’t wait more than ½ hour for anyone. Leave and you will get respect and it won’t happen again. Remember, you are a prize!
• Know who you are and what you will or will not accept
• Having self-control because true power is the control you have over yourself
• When you have control over yourself, you don’t need to be emotional all the time. – stay the boss of you.
• People get spooked by too much sappy emotional talk, particularity early on in the relationship.
• Do not send tear-jerker cards early on.
• Don’t pout or whimper when you don’t receive calls. Make them wonder every now and then what you are doing and why you are not together. When you regulate the timing, it keeps them wanting and it charges up the batteries.
• Never call more than once in arrow or too much.
• Don’t leave mushy messages; keep the messages friendly, short and sweet.
• Don’t email more than once in a row or send emails about feelings, issues and what you need that you are not getting. Don’t respond to emails immediately every time.
• Don’t stop eating, socializing, sleeping and exercising.
• Avoid last minute dates because you miss him
• Don’t walk in the door, check your messages or call right back. Settle in, eat dinner and relax, move at your own rhythm and then call back. He has to know you have a life.
• Don’t sit by the phone and wait for a call.
• Don’t ask for affection. Don’t coax affection out of him.
• If ignored, don’t try harder to get attention.
• Stay focused on your life. Stay sassy, perky and happy.
• Stay ever so slightly just outside a persons reach, because it charges up the batteries.
• Don’t be governed by fear of losing a man, because a real price to pay is when you loose yourself.
• If you feel you are going to resent something after you give, don’t give it.
• Give only what feels comfortable to give.
• It’s better to give and receive
• Love yourself first
• Never say, “We never spend time together” this is a sign to person that he/she has a right where he wants you. Don’t be needy.
• If taken for granted, pull back a little with no explanation, it catches the person off guard and gets their attention big-time.
• Avoid being a “mother”, transition back to being a “lover”
• Win him back by acting as though you can take him or leave him.
• Treat him casually as though your friend and he’ll come your way because he wants things to be romantic and he wants to be the pursuer.
• Alter the pattern that has become convenient for him; pull back without an attitude and without warning.
• Don’t be a , be kind and strong.
• If it seems as though he’s slightly rejecting you, it can be a compliment in disguise. He wants you so much that he doesn’t want to appear too obvious about it.
• When you act as if you don’t care, it will scare him.
• Get creative and don’t be predictable talking about the relationship all the time instead of going out and having one.
• Never sit home waiting for a call from a guy or that he’s your whole life. It’s like waiting for water to boil.
• Live by your own rules.
• Move to your own rhythm instead of moving to the beat of some else’s drum.
• Decide how you want to be treated.
• Choose what you will or will not tolerate.
• Discreetly leave if you don’t get what you want.
• No one person should be doing all the giving.
• Don’t give too much
• Getting a life will make it seem like you are no longer impetuous, or impatient. When you are relaxed, you’ve take the “need” out of the equation. You no longer appear needy and strong, which immediately changes the dynamic of a stale relationship.
• If you want to renew the challenge, it is imperative to continue the activities you did before he came to the scene.
• When you will not drop everything to be with him, your appear as though you have more going for you.
• Never stop living you life. You are happy with or without him, this will keep you just outside his reach.

[chuff]

Jolie, I swear I read and read this thread and I am just in awe of you and what you have started. I almost disagree with the title about getting someone back, I say these 8 pages are about finding yourself, the other person is secondary.

[jolienoire]

Jolie, I swear I read and read this thread and I am just in awe of you and what you have started. I almost disagree with the title about getting someone back, I say these 8 pages are about finding yourself, the other person is secondary.

Chuff you and I both know that if I titled that people wouldn't dare read it! Lol.. They got to this page because they googled how to get him or her back.. I know I was there once.. lol

[chuff]

Chuff you and I both know that if I titled that ppl wouldn't dare read it! lol.. They got to this page because they googled how to get him or her back.. I know I was there once.. lol

... and that is why I am in awe of you. You are 100% correct. People want the answer to get them back that is "out there somewhere" when in fact the answer is with in each individual, you just have to accept it and apply it.

[bigbird213]

False Advertising!

[shaunice]

It was nice but what if you can't let him go?

[jd12688]

How to get him/her back..


Ha, if you are reading this it means you are hoping you can win a loved one back. You are desperately seeking solutions in which you already know the answers to. You want to show them how big of a mistake they made. How foolish they were. How you were the best thing that ever happened to them.

You want them back, you can’t eat, sleep, think… concentrate your lonely frustrated desperate.. Checking your phone every 5 minutes, logging on to myspace/face book reading old text messages over and over again. Saying how could he/she?

Looking at pictures, and remembering the great sex and emotional connections that you shared. The arguments, the I love you the constant assurance of “you are the one”.

There were signs but you ignored them, perhaps they stopped saying I love you, they stopped calling, stop doing all the things they used to do in the beginning. You brushed it off making excuses blaming yourself for loving them to much. You basically become blind to the reality that this relationship is nearing an end. How can you expect a relationship to stay exactly the same as it was in the beginning when you grow day by day? Some people grow apart as they grow older some grow together in any situation growing means changing. As long as we grow we will always be out of our comfort zone. Nothing will ever be just right there will always be challenges, obstacles, and not so perfect conditions. Life is change, growth is optional make a choice and choose wisely. Change is inevitable and growth is intentional. All movement is not forward but sometimes you have to take a step back to see a clearer picture, this step is coming to acceptance that this relationship was not meant to be.

You have to be true to yourself and realize that if you can’t put your heart in it take yourself out of it. Sometimes letting go allows you to see if it was worth holding on to. Confidence doesn’t come from having all the answers it comes from being open to all the questions..


The truth is everyone should compel themselves to loneliness occasionally, because most of your greatest achievements and thoughts come from loneliness. When you have a clear mind, and can evaluate your true self without the disruption of life minor fallbacks. Stop regretting the past and fearing the future..

Live and instead of trying to figure out how to get him/her back focus on getting yourself back. Be thankful for finding love, embrace who you are. If we can put as much as we do into our relationships as much as we put into ourselves than we will realize that no one can ever love us as much as we love ourselves.. Therefore we are responsible for our own happiness.

So to answer the question how do I get them back? Look in the mirror the change and the beginning and end starts with yourself. It starts with acceptance, confidence, change, growth…It starts with realizing there is no such thing as perfect circumstances only accepting to see imperfections as a perfect part of living. Living is learning, learning is growing, growing means change, change is the beginning and the beginning reflects the ending…

Say to yourself, I love me, I am the mason of my dreams, I am going to love myself enough to know that ignoring someone else issues is me settling. I will not settle. I will improve myself first. I will understand how difficult it is to change myself, I will realize how difficult it is to change others. I realize that there is no such thing as perfect conditions. I will take each day at a time, and not fear my future. I will not regret my past, for it has made me who I am today . I will love myself first! And most importantly I will continue to be the best me I can be. Remember that we all human it takes a step back to see the clearer picture. I will not continue to make the same mistakes. I will learn from my mistake. I will accept loneliness as a blueprint to my success ahead and build my future based on my past. I will not look back but look ahead to brighter days. Now that I am on my path I will thank all those who have made me who I am today.

Best relationship adice I've ever seen. You are literally a life saver.

[talaniman]

it was nice but what if you can't let him go?

No such thing as can't, be honest you don't want to.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...if-220600.html

[jolienoire]

it was nice but what if you can't let him go?

You can let him go as tal said you don't want too. Nothing can keep someone who don't want to be with you, Not marriage, not children, not sex, money, not even all the love in the world.. Etc.. Nothing. Especially when in this life we have so many options.. Confront your fears, list them, get to know them, and only then will you be able to put them aside and move ahead. People throw away what they could have by insisting on holding on to something in which they cannot have or something that is not healthy for them and looking for it where they will never find it that is happiness in another.. because the reality is no one I mean no one can ever love you as much as you love yourself. So you see why it is very important that you get to know yourself and be happy with the fact that being alone is not bad if you can find what makes you happy, and not look for it in others because we are all human and in life there will be disappointment it is inevitable, you may not always get everything you want. But it is about what you need that is essential and that is self-love and confidence..

[magicofmakingup]

jolienoire

Your advice is simply awesome for people who need some help with this.

In a nutshell people have, and will understand when they read this thread the very basic of happiness.

It's loving yourself the way you are, in the situation you are, with what you have.

And this is the simple truth, regardless of money, job, status, relationships, friendships, education and other stuff.

The proof for this is all around us. How a simple, poor fisher man somewhere in the world can be happy having close to nothing while a high paid exec in New York who has all (money wise) is deadly unhappy with his life.

It's the LOVE for what you are and what you have who makes the difference.

You have to treat all monetary issues, relationships, friends, a good job etc. as a REWARD you will gain when you make all correct to DESERVE it.

NEVER chase something that you not really want just because the other has it, and only try to get things that complete your life. Wanting unnecessary stuff is only a waste of time - YOUR TIME, which you should spend for the important things in life :

BEING HAPPY.

So the circle did close again. We all are only a few years on planet earth, so we must try to make the best out of it.

My post is fading away to all other things you can imagine in respect to your life, not relationship connected. But you can see by yourself that people who are simple and happy with what they have are as well happy with all other around them, including their relationship.

Take this as a general rule to improve your life, you will see that you will be a happier person if you start to think this way.

G.

[jolienoire]

jolienoire

Your advice is simply awesome for people who need some help with this.

In a nutshell people have, and will understand when they read this thread the very basic of happiness.

It's loving yourself the way you are, in the situation you are, with what you have.

And this is the simple truth, regardless of money, job, status, relationships, friendships, education and other stuff.

The proof for this is all around us. How a simple, poor fisher man somewhere in the world can be happy having close to nothing while a high payed exec in New York who has all (money wise) is deadly unhappy with his life.

It's the LOVE for what you are and what you have who makes the difference.

You have to treat all monetary issues, relationships, friends, a good job etc. as a REWARD you will gain when you make all correct to DESERVE it.

NEVER chase something that you not really want just because the other has it, and only try to get things that complete your life. Wanting unnecessary stuff is only a waste of time - YOUR TIME, which you should spend for the important things in life :

BEING HAPPY.

So the circle did close again. We all are only a few years on planet earth, so we must try to make the best out of it.

My post is fading away to all other things you can imagine in respect to your life, not relationship connected. But you can see by yourself that people who are simple and happy with what they have are as well happy with all other around them, including their relationship.

Take this as a general rule to improve your life, you will see that you will be a happier person if you start to think this way.

G.

Try to give you a greenie but have to spread the reputation. These are very wise words, and we all should live by everything you said its right on the money and so very well put. Keep up the good work!

[junsmai]

How to get him/her back..


Ha, if you are reading this it means you are hoping you can win a loved one back. You are desperately seeking solutions in which you already know the answers to. You want to show them how big of a mistake they made. How foolish they were. How you were the best thing that ever happened to them.

You want them back, you can’t eat, sleep, think… concentrate your lonely frustrated desperate.. Checking your phone every 5 minutes, logging on to myspace/face book reading old text messages over and over again. Saying how could he/she?

Looking at pictures, and remembering the great sex and emotional connections that you shared. The arguments, the I love you the constant assurance of “you are the one”.

There were signs but you ignored them, perhaps they stopped saying I love you, they stopped calling, stop doing all the things they used to do in the beginning. You brushed it off making excuses blaming yourself for loving them to much. You basically become blind to the reality that this relationship is nearing an end. How can you expect a relationship to stay exactly the same as it was in the beginning when you grow day by day? Some people grow apart as they grow older some grow together in any situation growing means changing. As long as we grow we will always be out of our comfort zone. Nothing will ever be just right there will always be challenges, obstacles, and not so perfect conditions. Life is change, growth is optional make a choice and choose wisely. Change is inevitable and growth is intentional. All movement is not forward but sometimes you have to take a step back to see a clearer picture, this step is coming to acceptance that this relationship was not meant to be.

You have to be true to yourself and realize that if you can’t put your heart in it take yourself out of it. Sometimes letting go allows you to see if it was worth holding on to. Confidence doesn’t come from having all the answers it comes from being open to all the questions..


The truth is everyone should compel themselves to loneliness occasionally, because most of your greatest achievements and thoughts come from loneliness. When you have a clear mind, and can evaluate your true self without the disruption of life minor fallbacks. Stop regretting the past and fearing the future..

Live and instead of trying to figure out how to get him/her back focus on getting yourself back. Be thankful for finding love, embrace who you are. If we can put as much as we do into our relationships as much as we put into ourselves than we will realize that no one can ever love us as much as we love ourselves.. Therefore we are responsible for our own happiness.

So to answer the question how do I get them back? Look in the mirror the change and the beginning and end starts with yourself. It starts with acceptance, confidence, change, growth…It starts with realizing there is no such thing as perfect circumstances only accepting to see imperfections as a perfect part of living. Living is learning, learning is growing, growing means change, change is the beginning and the beginning reflects the ending…

Say to yourself, I love me, I am the mason of my dreams, I am going to love myself enough to know that ignoring someone else issues is me settling. I will not settle. I will improve myself first. I will understand how difficult it is to change myself, I will realize how difficult it is to change others. I realize that there is no such thing as perfect conditions. I will take each day at a time, and not fear my future. I will not regret my past, for it has made me who I am today . I will love myself first! And most importantly I will continue to be the best me I can be. Remember that we all human it takes a step back to see the clearer picture. I will not continue to make the same mistakes. I will learn from my mistake. I will accept loneliness as a blueprint to my success ahead and build my future based on my past. I will not look back but look ahead to brighter days. Now that I am on my path I will thank all those who have made me who I am today.

This helped me so much I nearly cried - thanks from the bottom of my heart this is what I needed to hear.

[jolienoire]

this helped me so much i nearly cried - thanks from the bottom of my heart this is what i needed to hear.

I am so glad it helped!

[msbug]

How to get him/her back..


Ha, if you are reading this it means you are hoping you can win a loved one back. You are desperately seeking solutions in which you already know the answers to. You want to show them how big of a mistake they made. How foolish they were. How you were the best thing that ever happened to them.

You want them back, you can’t eat, sleep, think… concentrate your lonely frustrated desperate.. Checking your phone every 5 minutes, logging on to myspace/face book reading old text messages over and over again. Saying how could he/she?

Looking at pictures, and remembering the great sex and emotional connections that you shared. The arguments, the I love you the constant assurance of “you are the one”.

There were signs but you ignored them, perhaps they stopped saying I love you, they stopped calling, stop doing all the things they used to do in the beginning. You brushed it off making excuses blaming yourself for loving them to much. You basically become blind to the reality that this relationship is nearing an end. How can you expect a relationship to stay exactly the same as it was in the beginning when you grow day by day? Some people grow apart as they grow older some grow together in any situation growing means changing. As long as we grow we will always be out of our comfort zone. Nothing will ever be just right there will always be challenges, obstacles, and not so perfect conditions. Life is change, growth is optional make a choice and choose wisely. Change is inevitable and growth is intentional. All movement is not forward but sometimes you have to take a step back to see a clearer picture, this step is coming to acceptance that this relationship was not meant to be.

You have to be true to yourself and realize that if you can’t put your heart in it take yourself out of it. Sometimes letting go allows you to see if it was worth holding on to. Confidence doesn’t come from having all the answers it comes from being open to all the questions..


The truth is everyone should compel themselves to loneliness occasionally, because most of your greatest achievements and thoughts come from loneliness. When you have a clear mind, and can evaluate your true self without the disruption of life minor fallbacks. Stop regretting the past and fearing the future..

Live and instead of trying to figure out how to get him/her back focus on getting yourself back. Be thankful for finding love, embrace who you are. If we can put as much as we do into our relationships as much as we put into ourselves than we will realize that no one can ever love us as much as we love ourselves.. Therefore we are responsible for our own happiness.

So to answer the question how do I get them back? Look in the mirror the change and the beginning and end starts with yourself. It starts with acceptance, confidence, change, growth…It starts with realizing there is no such thing as perfect circumstances only accepting to see imperfections as a perfect part of living. Living is learning, learning is growing, growing means change, change is the beginning and the beginning reflects the ending…

Say to yourself, I love me, I am the mason of my dreams, I am going to love myself enough to know that ignoring someone else issues is me settling. I will not settle. I will improve myself first. I will understand how difficult it is to change myself, I will realize how difficult it is to change others. I realize that there is no such thing as perfect conditions. I will take each day at a time, and not fear my future. I will not regret my past, for it has made me who I am today . I will love myself first! And most importantly I will continue to be the best me I can be. Remember that we all human it takes a step back to see the clearer picture. I will not continue to make the same mistakes. I will learn from my mistake. I will accept loneliness as a blueprint to my success ahead and build my future based on my past. I will not look back but look ahead to brighter days. Now that I am on my path I will thank all those who have made me who I am today.

In the context that you probably meant for this to be written, I agree with you. This is not true for everyone though. My boyfriend and I met at work. We became best friends. We were friends for 1 year then he asked me out. I was crazy about him. I said yes. One month into the relationship we started saying "I Love You" and talking about possibly getting married sometime in the future. He got scared off I guess even though he was always the one who started those conversations. After 3 months he asked to go on a break for "school and work". He said that he just needed some time to focus on school more. Then 2 days later he said that he actually didn't want a relationship at that time. Then 2 days later he started dating some girl from our work. Yet when we talked, he would always say I'm still In love with you. Basically he was really confused. At first I did try to win him back. I was so in love with him. I was his "friend" yet he would tell me "I Love you". It got WAY too confusing for me and I told him to leave me the hell alone! He was dating some whore from our work yet telling me he still loved me! I didn't speak to him for about a week. I hated him. I cried, ate ice- cream, chocolate, worked out like crazy to forget about him. It didn't work. Did I mention he was my boss at work? Well he was. It was absolutely HORRIBLE working with him at those times. Anyway, because of all the stress and drama of the situation I was late... About 3 weeks late. I felt all the symptoms of a pregnancy. I was SO scared. There I was a broke college student living at my parents' house working retail. I HAD to tell someone so I told my best friend. That didn't feel like enough. I thought about it over and over and over again in my head "Should I tell him I think I'm pregnant?". Then I would think "But I don't even know if I AM or not yet." Ultimately I decided to tell him. If I was going to take the pregnancy test I wanted to take it with him. He NEEDED to know. So I called him and asked him to talk. I drove to his house and right when I got there he gave me a letter apologizing for everything he had done.Asking for forgiveness for his stupidity. Asking for forgiveness. Telling me how I was the one. Basically asking me to take him back. I read it and cried. I could tell that his words were sincere. I told him I would forgive him if he broke up with the other girl, never spoke to her again, and promised never to do anything like that to me ever again. He agreed. I didn't say I would get back with him just yet though. I told him about the pregnancy thing. He reacted shocked and scared but also kind of happy at the same time! At first we both started to cry. And he held me in his arms for a long time. Then we sat on his bed and went through the notions of watching TV. The whole time we were both just thinking. Then we decided that we would go buy a pregnancy test the next day after work together. Then he started to rub my belly! And started "talking to the baby" by the name that we had discussed in the first couple of months. We talked about what if I was pregnant and kept the baby. He said that he would marry me IF I still wanted to be his wife. I was completely surprised! The next day I got up and surely enough, I got period. No need for a pregnancy test. I called him and told him. He was happy yet a little bit disappointed. After that we started talking more and more. He broke up with the girl he was dating and we started hanging out again. By December it was like we were back together. Christmas Day he gave me a necklace with a diamond heart and asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. Since then we have grown, changed, yet stayed completely in love. In fact, we believe that we might be even more in love now than ever before. We are planning to get married this summer and this is all because he WON me back. :)

[jolienoire]

In the context that you probably meant for this to be written, I agree with you. This is not true for everyone though. My boyfriend and I met at work. We became best friends. We were friends for 1 year then he asked me out. I was crazy about him. I said yes. One month into the relationship we started saying "I Love You" and talking about possibly getting married sometime in the future. He got scared off I guess even though he was always the one who started those conversations. After 3 months he asked to go on a break for "school and work". He said that he just needed some time to focus on school more. Then 2 days later he said that he actually didn't want a relationship at that time. Then 2 days later he started dating some girl from our work. Yet when we talked, he would always say I'm still In love with you. Basically he was really confused. At first I did try to win him back. I was so in love with him. I was his "friend" yet he would tell me "I Love you". It got WAY too confusing for me and I told him to leave me the hell alone! He was dating some whore from our work yet telling me he still loved me! I didn't speak to him for about a week. I hated him. I cried, ate ice- cream, chocolate, worked out like crazy to forget about him. It didn't work. Did I mention he was my boss at work? Well he was. It was absolutely HORRIBLE working with him at those times. Anyways, because of all the stress and drama of the situation I was late... About 3 weeks late. I felt all the symptoms of a pregnancy. I was SO scared. There I was a broke college student living at my parents' house working retail. I HAD to tell someone so I told my best friend. That didn't feel like enough. I thought about it over and over and over again in my head "Should I tell him I think I'm pregnant?". Then I would think "But I don't even know if I AM or not yet." Ultimately I decided to tell him. If I was going to take the pregnancy test I wanted to take it with him. He NEEDED to know. So I called him and asked him to talk. I drove to his house and right when I got there he gave me a letter apologizing for everything he had done.Asking for forgiveness for his stupidity. Asking for forgiveness. Telling me how I was the one. Basically asking me to take him back. I read it and cried. I could tell that his words were sincere. I told him I would forgive him if he broke up with the other girl, never spoke to her again, and promised never to do anything like that to me ever again. He agreed. I didn't say I would get back with him just yet though. I told him about the pregnancy thing. He reacted shocked and scared but also kind of happy at the same time! At first we both started to cry. And he held me in his arms for a long time. Then we sat on his bed and went through the notions of watching TV. The whole time we were both just thinking. Then we decided that we would go buy a pregnancy test the next day after work together. Then he started to rub my belly! And started "talking to the baby" by the name that we had discussed in the first couple of months. We talked about what if I was pregnant and kept the baby. He said that he would marry me IF I still wanted to be his wife. I was completely surprised! The next day I got up and surely enough, I got period. No need for a pregnancy test. I called him and told him. He was happy yet a little bit disappointed. After that we started talking more and more. he broke up with the girl he was dating and we started hanging out again. By December it was like we were back together. Christmas Day he gave me a necklace with a diamond heart and asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. Since then we have grown, changed, yet stayed completely in love. In fact, we believe that we might be even more in love now than ever before. We are planning to get married this summer and this is all because he WON me back. :)

Well so happy for you that he came around, but as you stated you went a week without talking to him, this whole article was written in the context of "loving yourself" and not trying too hard to change someone else mind.

Basically this article was written so that you don't wait around for someone to figure out if they love and want to be with you when you have no control over their emotions, the only person you can control is yourself. Once you understand that you can be stronger for whatever the outcome is whether you get back together or not. Once you master the art of self-love and acceptance then you will be ready and understand that you don't need someone to validate your happiness. That is what this article is about.

Conclusion: "I must learn to love the fool in me the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries”
Theodore Isaac Rubin

[magicofmakingup]

Great that you guys are back together. Try to do all it takes to make this relationship a happy one, it's worth.

First, when I read through your post I thought that you spoiled your chances at the point when you go after him and begged him to come back. Your boyfriend (well, may I say husband) needed a strong hand at that time as he was obviously not very clear about what he wanted.

So there you could have been tougher and take the lead, but in stead you made the common mistakes, which are just normal by the way as there are emotions who rule our minds and not some rational reasons.

Important is only the fact that in your case, things did work out. So don't look back, only to keep some mistakes in mind to avoid in the future.

I have written a post where I offer a plan about how to get your Ex back, you can see it here:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...an-221562.html

But your story is a good example that there are no 100% fool proven plans. Such a guideline only serves to know what you should, or shouldn't do, and never will be the same for all. Each single situation is different, so is the solution to it.

Jolienoire mentioned it, and that's very important for you from now on into the future. In your relation and the love for each other, there always should be as well the love for yourself. If you went over the whole post here you understood what this means.

Again, I'm happy for you both.

G.

[msbug]

Well so happy for you that he came around, but as you stated you went a week without talking to him, this whole article was written in the context of "loving yourself" and not trying too hard to change someone else mind.

basically this article was written so that you don't wait around for someone to figure out if they love and want to be with you when you have no control over their emotions, the only person you can control is yourself. Once you understand that you can be stronger for whatever the outcome is whether you get back together or not. Once you master the art of self-love and acceptance then you will be ready and understand that you don't need someone to validate your happiness. That is what this article is about.

Conclusion: "I must learn to love the fool in me the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries”
Theodore Isaac Rubin

Thank you. The time that I spent not talking to him was the hardest yet I think the best throughout our time apart. It put ME in control of my emotions. I decided when to be mad, sad, or happy. Before, when we were still talking and he would tell me I love You I would get so emotional. I would cry in front of him. I would ask him if you really love me then why is it that you are dating someone else? And he would just say I don't know. Finally I realized the damage that that was doing to me and decided to stop. He would call and I wouldn't answer. He would look at me and I would look away. I would avoid him at all costs.

[McLovinDtown]

So I hope there are some of you out there that can give me some insight on the ex issues. My ex and I split up the 3rd week in April. After we spent some limbo time together (me begging her to stay with me) trying not to be the couple we were but not fully split up. She officially ended it over the phone, stating she could not see me, in the 2nd week of May. During this limbo time we both agreed we had made mistakes in the relationship, this is both our first serious long term relationship (9 months), and for me the first girl I have ever truly been in love with. In love to the point I was blinded that the relationship had its problems. I did not realize how much I was emotionally leaning on her and I don't think she realized how her outgoing and flirting behavior drove me crazy and damaged my trust in her significantly. Throughout this limbo period she said many times she is confused and scared both in person, texts, and e-mail. Basically the message I got reads loud and clear I AM CONFUSED AND Don't KNOW WHAT I WANT. But at the same time she is a very strong girl and is dedicated to many activities in her life, so I don't mean to make her look weak. I know we both still have very strong feelings for each other, I think it is still love, but I really am not sure at this point.
Anyway since the official split in May it has been 26 days. Since then I have been heart broken but continuing on with life. I work full time, starting working out, have gone back to school, and tried to hang out with friends and family and be social at the bars/clubs. Everything would appear to be working its self out however during this 26 day period we have had 8 separate times where contact was made between us. She has either called or texted me, I have called her once just over 1 week into the break up or we see each other at the bars. During each of these meetings at the bars, totaling 3, she is all dressed up trying to impress me or some other guys. With exception to the 1 call I have made she has been the one doing all the contacting. Yet she never comes out and says she misses me or asks how I am doing. We have many common friends so we both knew it was going to be a weird summer since we would be seeing each other constantly. This past weekend however was very strange. I was at the bar in the back room where I never hang out and she walked right in front of me, turned around and claimed not to recognize me, then offered to buy me a shot, which I denied and walked away. The next night she sent me a text asking what I am doing. It was late, after the bars let out and I know she had been drinking so I did not respond. Then the following day she repeatedly called one of my good friends, which she has called maybe a handful of times in her life, to see what he was doing. He and I talked about how weird it is that my ex is trying to get in with the "crew" of my good friends and how hard she is trying. He even said he felt like she was trying to hang out with them to maybe bump into me as they were all lounging by the pool and I guess there was a possibility of me hanging with my good group of buddies on a Sunday afternoon.
In my opinion she is trying to get some emotion out of me. Every time I have seen her at a bar she is all dressed up trying to attract attention to herself, yet she still looks at me with loving eyes, in my opinion. From the first time we saw each other after the split I have thought she was trying way too hard; I mean it is very noticeable difference. Since these events of last weekend I have not seen or spoken to her at all, she had not tried to contact me either, but here we are another Friday and I think there is a good chance I will see her again sometime over the weekend. I am not sure if these are signs that she wants me back or just a really confused person that does not know what they want. I think she is trying to play games.
I think it is also worthy to note that during this time apart, however short it may be, I have really begun to see the part I played in a failed relationship. I have learned a lot about myself and how to act in a new relationship. Am I crazy for wanting to get back together with a person who treated me poorly and broke my heart to show them we can have a great relationship together and that everyone needs some time to learn from their mistakes?

Sorry for the length of this post I know it is kind of long. I just wanted some outside opinion. Thanks for any responses.