[crispy_chick]

Twinkiedooter I will Do that, I will get hold of some self esteem books when I am able too and I will read them- after all it can't hurt, and I like to real on accasions.
talaniman, I'd like to arguee that matter but I know I will loose anyway, but sometimes you do feel like they are worth it no matter what they do to u

[talaniman]

talaniman, I'd like to arguee that matter but I know I will loose anyway, but sometimes you do feel like they are worth it no matter what they do to u

I know you do, and its not the first time I've heard that from an abused female. Its part of the low self esteem issue, where you accept such treatment, because you feel you deserve it, so you go along with it. Your fear of being alone, and on your own has you stuck, but some good therapy will lead you to more healthy thinking and actions. They have some really good people at a woman's shelter to guide you through this process, and I really feel you could benefit from this experience, and learn that men are very sick, when they abuse there wives and make bad role models, that continue this cycle, through their children, who witness this violence. Don't you think your husband learned this from his home life when he was young? So what do you think your children will learn? The cycle of abuse continues. Another point to consider is why you don't love yourself enough to demand much better treatment, yet you love the abuser more than yourself? Even you know that is not healthy, and again makes for an unequal dysfunctional family setting. Get out and get help ASAP. Don't doom your sons and daughters to what your going through. Is that fair to them?

[crispy_chick]

You do make a good point there... Do I believe it? I don't know, but I know this It don't hurt to look into it and try and understand exactly what it means and find out if its really true.. My man recons his dad has never laid a hand on him in his life... and well his mother wasn't there growing up so I know she didn't either, well if she did then not from a very young age...

[bushg]

Crispy maybe he did not hit your boyfriend. Maybe he downgraded woman or hit the women he was involved he may have been really controlling. Maybe he was bitter because your boyfriend mom was not around to help and all he heard was how awful women were. Your boyfriend learned not to respect women from somewhere.
Maybe his father was not involved in his life teaching him right from wrong and he picked this up from his friends, songs, movies, the neighborhood... who knows. But you know its wrong regardless of where he picked it up.

What is the bigger issue, is why you think it is OK for you to be somebodies punching bag, both phyiscally and mentally. You deserve better and so do your kids. You have to be the one to stop it.

I saw in a post where you said this boyfriend had gotten you away from a boyfriend that was abusing you. That must tell you that before you proceed with another relationship... you must find a way to stop getting involved with another guy that is going to abuse you. You have to get into some type of counseling so that you can understand what is going on in your head.

[talaniman]

You do make a good point there... Do I believe it?? I dunno, but I know this It dont hurt to look into it and try and understand exactly what it means and find out if its really true.. My man recons his dad has never laid a hand on him in his life... and well his mother wasnt there growing up so I know she didnt either, well if she did then not from a very young age....

I respectfully ask you to forget the cause, for now, and deal with the effects, on you and your children.

[crispy_chick]

Hey OK so I said I would Update you all on my wkend, so here goes.
Had an awesome time with my foster parents, and They are helping me get my own place as that's what I have decided I want to do... But if I don't have one within 3 weeks then they want me to move in with them. But anyway so yeah. Its been a pretty emotional time, had a great birthday with them though, even though I did get somewhat emotional, but they always know how to cheer me up which is great.
But yeah, well not a lot to tell, Its really late here and everyone is asleep so I am taking advantage of it,. Been packing most of today, and he knows I am leaving, but he doesn't believe me saying that I will be back yadda yadda but the truth is I won't be.
He still doesn't know my foster parents know, he thinks I am just trying to get my own place so yeah... but he still standing by wanting me but wanting to live apart so he says so I think that's why he's been so leaniant about letting me go and stuff, because last time I tried to leave it was much much harder, and frightening and I think that's what's making it so hard this time, because of everything that happened then.. which in the end made me stay. I love him but I love my children more and I can't keep doing this to them
Anyway Not much to say really so I will leave it at that.
Take care and have fun
Cheers

[bushg]

Crispy it is nice to know that you are moving forward. Let him think whatever he wants too as long as you can get out of there without fighting. If he tries to make you stay, leave even if you have to have the police called. You know he could get pi$$y when he sees you are really going. I wish you could have people there with you on the day you are leaving or leave while he is at work.