[Synnen]

Actually, I don't dislike anyone here.

I just want to point out that dating is NOT always about getting married. If you put marriage into it right away... oh boy. No one likes that kind of pressure.

Let's put it this way: I may not have had the qualifications of the original poster, but at 20 years old, I was 5'4, 115 lbs, with waist length hair. I was in college with a scholarship, though not a full scholarship, and I worked besides. I didn't get all As, but I did take school seriously. I also had a ton of friends, and went out with them a lot, as a group.

I dated a few guys, and had had a few serious relationships by that time (don't ask, it's a long story), but mostly, I was having fun. Dinner, a movie, a walk downtown with a guy... these were GREAT dates, whether I wanted to marry the guy. I mean... if nothing ELSE came of it, at least maybe I'd have a good friend!

My ideal guy then was 6'4, blonde (preferably curls!), nice body, had a degree or was working on one, took work seriously, cared about his family and was nice to animals. He had to like to read books, but like going clubbing too. He had to have fingernails he didn't bite, had to remember birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, etc. He had to know how to cook, clean and iron. He had to be willing to see me at my ugliest (like when I was sick) yet still think I was the MOST beautiful woman in the world. He had to like kids, know the difference between two, too, and to, and not drink too much. He couldnt' do drugs and had to make time for me no matter WHAT his work and school schedule was. He had to call me every day, and be willing to make do with only a kiss until after marriage. He had to be smart, funny, handsome, a gentleman, a poet, a rogue, willing to defend me at all costs, even if I was wrong... he had to be PERFECT.

Most women are looking for Aragorn. Guess what? He doesn't exist!

The man I married is 5'6", and kind of chubby. He shaves his head, because he's losing his hair. He's smart and funny, but doesn't have a degree. He does, however, have a good job and good ethics. He wasn't willing to make me a princess and give me everythign I ever wanted. He is, however, willing to do absolutely anything to make me happy when I'm having a bad day. He's not a poet, but what he does say is honest and heartfelt. He probably couldn't beat anyone up for me, but he'd try if it meant saving me from something bad. He YELLS at me on a regular basis, but usually because I'm being dumb. He's practical about the things I get dreamy about, and dreamy about the things I'm practical about. We COMPLIMENT each other.

Is he my dream guy? You betcha.

Is he the guy I thought I'd marry at 20? No way! I HATED him for the 1st six months I knew him. He made sexist comments and jokes the first night I met him and he threw me in the snow! I thought he was arrogant and a jerk, and he thought I was too much of a flirt and that I got upset too easily, and was too much of an idealist. We kept getting thrown together, though, because we had the same group of friends.

What I'm saying, by telling you all of this, is that you CAN NOT KNOW who is marriage material by meeting someone, or going on a single date with them. People just aren't the same person on a first date, or the first time you meet them, as they are in their everyday lives. Give some poor guy more than one chance to show you that he's marriage material.

[J_9]

I did try that...but I won't let a guy touch me as "fun". I will joke, I can do that. And I'll watch movies and volunteer with him, or cook, bake, even play videogames, go to bookstore...is that still not enough? study together is good too;)(okay,okay...I take that back)...^^

By fun I don't mean sex. I mean go to a movie, go to an amusement park.

Hun, you are way WAY too caught up in sex.

You do not have to have sex to have fun.

Go to a comedy club, go to a bar and go dancing.

You need to lighten up in a big way!

You say you did "try that". You don't just stop trying to have fun if it doesn't work the first time or two.

Look, I am very responsible. I am a nursing student, wife, and a mother of 4 children. But I take time to make sure I have fun. Life is terribly boring without it.

[margarita_momma]

Hun, you are way WAY too caught up in sex.

If you were a 23 year old virgin that needs to get laid in a bad way, I bet you would be caught up on sex too. ;)

[cjnvgq]

When people don't have expectations for love, love might come to them secretly. An everlasting and responsible love is a common and plain one too. Now you get so many opinions from people, at least one could see that there are different standards for judgment in love values.
People here might change what they were thinking in last minute. Some of us will wake up on some day in future by somebody who will give them a lifelong promise.

[kristynn]

I haven't read all the answers here but...

Can you give us more details about those two dates that you've had? How old were those guys and what about the dates? How were they? What did you do? What did you talk about? How did you respond?. details!

If everything's so great and wonderful, it would be interesting to at least try to find out why they didn't want a second date with you.

Somehow, I can recognize myself in you, but I do get second dates...
However, I don't think I am full of myself. You sound a little bit full of yourself, though. No offense!

[nicespringgirl]

I haven't read all the answers here but...

Can you give us more details about those two dates that you've had? How old were those guys and what about the dates? How were they? What did you do? What did you talk about? How did you respond? ... details!

If everything's so great and wonderful, it would be interesting to at least try to find out why they didn't want a second date with you.

Somehow, I can recognize myself in you, but I do get second dates...
However, I don't think I am full of myself. You sound a little bit full of yourself, though. No offense!

Thank you kristynn! Thank you for being so willing to take your time analyzing it. The first one he was in our grad school, he was 24, I was 21. We met through a professor actaually,lol.we went to musuem and restaurant, he bought me flowers. I didn't hug him or he didn't hug me after the date.I understand he had to leave and IS in a transition of his life. He is currently in Cambridge getting his PH.D. He still talks to me. He appeared very very serious and he didn't tell me he was going to Uk CAmbridge... T.T until after the date. He told the professor that "Cindy is such a good girl I dont' know if I can be balt to take care of her when I am gone..."T.T
The second one is at my age, he was an excellent baseball player in our school. He was a great guy and he was also against sex before marriage. We had fun hang out in the mall, movie,pool, he hugged me once, touched my shoulder 2 twice. That night, he called me said that I was wonderful and thank me for showing me good girl does exist! He said he wasn't sure about the relationship but he would def. like to hang out more.(He graduated that year and he lives 6 hours away now.) This one said "I LOVE U" to me before we went on our first date, he had seen me for a long long time. I realized that he didn't want a relationship actually then why he said "I Love U". So I was the one stopped talking to him and he called many times, I never picked up the phone.
THe way I act is not what u've thought from my post. I was writing what I was thinking straightly when I was really frustrated. I hope you understand it.T.T Thank you so much taking your time analyzing my case. I really really appreciate your help. I really do!

[kristynn]

OK Now it sounds to me that you shouldn't complain about not getting second dates. :)

So, the first guy was interested in you and he was serious about it. I assume that he asked you out and you accepted, he planned the whole date and paied for everything, didn't he? He gave you flowers and you didn't even give him a hug. :( I also assume that you probably didn't know each other that much at that time or seems like it. It's unfortunate that he left for UK, but he will eventually come back, won't he? You say he had a very good impression about you, but you don't mention your impression about him. I think you should keep in touch with him and if you're interested in him, make it more obvious to him!

The second guy, he wanted to hang out more but you didn't give him the chance to. :( Why not? I'm sure he assumed you were not interested in him and I guess you weren't because he didn't want a relationship, so he didn't seem serious to you. It didn't work out. That's fine, but you still should've hanged out with him some more. You never know what comes along the way, and I see this as a lost opportunity.

I understand it can be disappointing at times, but you shouldn't be frustrated about this whole situation. You should maybe try to be less picky, yet stay true to yourself and to your values and don't avoid opportunities that come your way. Not everything is always perfect, but if you don't take any opportunity, you'll never know.

[kristynn]

How come there is not a single normal, high queality guy?

Does this mean you've never met a guy who was quite impressive compared to others? Different from the others? Standing out from the crowd? Special somehow? In a good way, of course :p

I hope you DID!

[kristynn]

Hm...how? I don't know how to flirt...^^ I feel it's bad to flirt,,,just can't do it.
I mentioned like " you look nice with the shirt"...:P what would u suggest me to do?
Thank you!:)

If you're too serious, you sure can't flirt. And if you think flirting is bad, you sure can't allow yourself to flirt.

Forget the world "flirting" and focus on "being playful". You say you have a good sense of humour. Being funny + being playful = bingo! :D It's true! Everybody likes that as serious as they can be!

Remember also that the way you say things is very important as well and sometimes more important than what you actually say.

Talaniman is right. It's exactly what I though after reading your question the first time. You need an older, confident and well established guy. :) And if you ever find a guy who won't be mortally afraid to ask you out and talk to you, PLEASE let me know. :rolleyes: They are SO SO rare...

[kristynn]

well...I asked one of them if he was interested in a relationship after the first date, he said his life was in transition,blah,blah...would rather stay as friends...^^
he still writes to me and say I am wonderful, beautiful...geez, I am confused
Should I say more to him?
Thank you SAB123~

How could he know for sure only after a first date? Plus, he had to go to university in UK... You asked him something that he probably wished he could answer on the spot, but was unable to.

[nicespringgirl]

I did, the two I went out with. I was irrational when I was writing this... sorry...
Thank you so much for your analysis. I hope the cambridge one comes back, but he's not sure yet. I didn't put that up on the post... that... in additioanl to my academic and leadership,I work 3 jobs while doing all my school work, I spend 25 hours working every week(40 summer), so everyone knows me as a busy bee. Do u think that might lead guys to think that I am too busy to date? I don't want to impress anyone here but I did do all these... U don't know how much I have to do to put myself through life. T.T. I work so hard so my grandma in Jap can have money to go to doctor... T.T

[kristynn]

I am a very funny person, I make them laugh all the time. My personality is the key thing that made me a popular student at school, I had the highest votes at SGA election and Homecoming Queen Competittion. If I suck at personality, how come everyone is my friend? ppl like me coz I am free from drama and cool, willing to help ppl, and have funny jokes and her view of many things.maybe they see that I am too busy, but no matter how busy I am, I'd like to have accompany to inspire each other and do fun stuff together, who doesn't? Thank you again for your analysis, feel free to give me more advice, I really appreciate Huno!:)

So, you're very popular, very funny, always willing to help, everyone's friend, drama free, cool, tons of fun, etc etc but very busy.

Yet, are you also like this when it comes to dating? Or do you become a totally different person who's stuck on finding the perfect man who will say "no" to sex before marriage and who will be at least as great and wonderful as you, and rejecting all the others who don't seem to meet your standards? :rolleyes:

[kristynn]

I think you are right, I am kinda serious, if I don't see the person I can marry in the future, I won't date him. It doesn't necessarily mean that I will marry this one, the thing is that I must see him somewhat close to my expection of my future husband. I can't just go out to have fun, I need to be responsible, if I am sure I won't marry someone like him, I won't even go out to him.

Having fun doesn't mean NOT being responsible.

Being irresponsible is not fun! :p Not in my opinion anyway.

[nicespringgirl]

I have to admit that... I am very picky when comes to dating. I am judgemental sometimes and I am overcautious and have lots of fear. I heard so many of my girl friends who have suffered from being hurt at a relationship... I do stuck on finding the perfect man who thinks similar as I do. Strong morals and great academic/leadership performance... during my last two dates, we had fun I made them laugh a lot. I am a sweet girl but I am really really bad at flirting.<-my best friend told me I think so too. I am not willing to do that. When you become a public image at school, you have to be careful with anything that you do. Because people watch you closely.If I want to maintain my leadership and reputation I have to be professional(kinda) all the time. I know it's tiring but I am already that far...

[J_9]

I read these posts and it's all about you. You, you, you. Your academic leadership, your jobs, you're funny, you have strong morals, etc. etc...

I am really trying not to be so hard on you, but it seems that you are all you think about.

Hun, let your hair down, throw caution to the wind... When you are not in school don't talk about it, don't think about it. When you are not at work, don't talk about it, don't think about it.

You need to be spontaneous, have some fun. And no, I don't mean sex.

You seem like you could be obsessive-compulsive. You don't know how to live... you have never learned how to live.

Have you ever considered counseling? If not, you may want to give it some very serious thought.

95 posts now and it is all about you and how wonderful you are. You see, many people think that this is very conceited, self-centered.

Go to a bar, have a drink or two dance, laugh, have fun. Maybe, just maybe someone will see you for who you really are.

[kristynn]

I read these posts and it's all about you. You, you, you. Your academic leadership, your jobs, you're funny, you have strong morals, etc. etc.....

I am really trying not to be so hard on you, but it seems that you are all you think about.

Hun, let your hair down, throw caution to the wind....When you are not in school don't talk about it, don't think about it. When you are not at work, don't talk about it, don't think about it.

You need to be spontaneous, have some fun. And no, I don't mean sex.

You seem like you could be obsessive-compulsive. You don't know how to live...you have never learned how to live.

Have you ever considered counseling? If not, you may want to give it some very serious thought.

95 posts now and it is all about you and how wonderful you are. You see, many people think that this is very conceited, self-centered.

Go to a bar, have a drink or two dance, laugh, have fun. Maybe, just maybe someone will see you for who you really are.

I agree with J_9. It's exactly what I meant when I said that you seem to be full of yourself, but you kind of denied it.

We don't know you, but from your posts here, including the title, we can see that it's all about you and in your head, it's all "me, me, me" and nobody's as good as me. I wouldn't lower my standards for anyone, for any reason. If nothing's as good, it's not worth it. Right?

I feel bad for the guy who gave you the flowers. I'm not sure you really showed your appreciation.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I am being honest and I hope you'll consider it because perhaps you're not aware of it. Nobody wants someone who's full of themselves. In addition to this, you're extremely busy.

Also, you are not perfect. Nobody is. Can you please try to tell us a few things that are NOT so perfect about you?

Is there anyone in your life whom you consider greater and more wonderful than you?

Have you ever taken the time to meet someone, listen to them, get to know them, and discover that they are amazing in their own way without thinking they're not worth your time?

[cjnvgq]

She is not centering on complimenting herself. There are just different love values among us. Some of you think a love relationship is mainly about fun and relax. But she has a more serious attitude towards her life. She apparently values all the virtues in a fair-tale, the goodness of a pure and kind girl like Cinderella. She is right to keep this way. I am sure she will have a happy life with her future husband forever. There are many partners in America having fun, through a date or through sex. But some of them have already divorced. Sincerity and purity in love is a luxurious wish in this society. There must be some very excellent person who devotes his love to this girl some day.

[Vinna]

I think Incognito nailed it. I am willing to bet that guys feel intimidated by your intelligence and ambition. Not that all guys like spinny dumb girls, but I believe there is something primal in guys that make them want to be "provider and protector of the woman". Seeing an intelligent, ambitious female probably makes them a little insecure. Have no fear however. Therer are enlightened members of the male species that have gotten past these primeval ideas. Give it time, you will find the right one for you.

[Kattalover]

I have to admit that...I am very picky when comes to dating.

And that, my dear, is why you're still single. Not that there's anything wrong with being single. However, it seems almost as if you feel the need to add "dating" or "being in a (committed yet platonic) relationship" to your accomplishments.

[nicespringgirl]

It is my case, I am talking about me, only me; it's my case and I want to get more answers than just from the people I know. When I help other members on this website, I listen and read what they say carefully and post things that really helps them. I never belittle ppl's ambition and achievement. I do try hard in life, while people are partying drinking, dating... I am studying more,volunteering and contributing myself to the student organization. I am exactly like what I have described, and people at school who knows me will say the same thing about me. My problem is that I haven't found or heard of any guy that can get over with my being myself-Being a hard worker and dedicated person and a faithful girl who won't put out and keeps her purity. I start to wonder how come guys around me are so intimated by me? Is that all guys are like that? If I tell you I actually attend one of the IVY LEAGUES and currently work for GE will you be more angry about me? Think I stuck up? If you check the website-Rotary International -the largest non profit org. in the world and find my pic is there as an honored volunteer will you still think I am full of myself? There are many of us who did have done a lot to society and build themselves as excellent as they can and have no time to talk about themselves, so I decide to ask people (ppl all over the places)through ASKMEEHLPDESK, getting a reasonable idea and statistics on if "Therer are enlightened members of the male species that have gotten past these primeval ideas" with a girl like me?
Thank you!