[hjpan]

Hi HJpan,

I know it is hard because she is moving away, but you know what? That isn't necessarily a bad thing for you. When distance is put between people (ex's), it could help the healing process. Even though she is moving close to your friend, it is still not close to you, right?

I guess~

it's just there's so much going on with my life =/

[f104]

This sucks! I sent what I thought was a final e-mail to my ex a few hours ago. She wrote back that she had not returned my calls because her phone is broken(it has been bad on and off for a couple of months) and she has not returned my e-mail because she only just checked her e-mail tonight. Tonight in my e-mail I told her I am calling it quits as I cannot do this emotionally. She writes back and says she agrees that is probably the "best idea for now but there is no reason why we cannot stay in touch."

I did not expect her to answer. She said she is sorry that I feel that she has been avoiding me as that is not her intention. She went on to say she just needs space.

Last Wednesday she was making noise about us hanging out this weekend. I sent her another e-mail asking if she was still interested in meeting this weekend. I have mixed feelings here. Part of me hopes she says NO. Part of me hopes she says yes. If she says no then I will feel better in cutting all ties with her.

It would be so much easier if she would be a mean to me. Maybe it is up to me to totally end this after all. Initially she dumped me by a text. Later the same day (3 weeks) ago she asks me to call and says she needs space but we are not totally together or broken up.

[jiltedgirl]

I think the hardest part of a break up is the false hope of getting back together. Hence, bring on the NC! Lol. I was really angry with my last ex when we broke up. When he contacted me a week later, I told him apologies for being bitter when we parted, but let him know it was because he had been so cold. I had broken up with him, not because I wanted to, but because I knew that's what he wanted/needed at the time. He justified his behavior with "I didn't want to give you any hope." Then, he told me the summer apart wouldn't seem like a big deal when we see each other in the fall. How contradictory. When I tried to lighten the mood by retorting, "unless you find someone else to entertain you," he told me he wasn't looking for something stupid and silly.

I kept trying to keep it light and friendly. He kept giving me hope.

We have a lot of people we mutually know and for ONCE in a relationship, I wanted to end things somewhat amicably. When he didn't reply to a message I sent him a week ago, I was actually relieved. It forced me to finally let go.

It sucks when they don't reply or give you the answer that you want, but think of it this way; they're doing you a huge favor!!

[jammyb]

Yeah I agree completely Jilted, sometimes the best way to end a relationship is to hate them. Though its never good to fall out with someone, it reinforces the fact that you need to break up.

By the way, for those in the early stages of the breakup, you will NEVER get closure. Its just your brain playing tricks on you. This was how it was with me anyway. When me and my ex split, she told me she didn't love me and that we shouldn't see each other for a while, yet still I wanted "closure". What more closure could anyone want!! That's the whole point in letting go; its hard to grasp the fact that the situation is completely out of your control, but that's just the way it is. The ball is in their court. Yeh there's exceptions but they're few and far between. God I wish I hadn't written this now, brought up a whole bunch of bad memories. Still, was good to have another rant.

[f104]

Good post Jammyb. My ex who I was supposed to meet this weekend said she is not coming to town now as she actually came and went last weekend. Now she wants to call me tonight. The question is should I answer the phone or just say screw it, enough of this e.

[hjpan]

Good post Jammyb. My ex who I was supposed to meet this weekend said she is not coming to town now as she actually came and went last weekend. Now she wants to call me tonight. The question is should I answer the phone or just say screw it, enough of this e.

Answer it, listen to her talk, and just sit back responding "yeh... no.... cool... sure.."

Just like Lumbergh from Office Space

[classicrocker]

It's a tough one f104. From my experience so far, during the actuall conversation I felt pretty good and the only reason I felt good was because it created false hope in my head. So when I realized that this false hope started up again I would get angry in a way, thinking of all the she did wong and would never admit to leading to us arguing and so on. So my advice... stick to the NC. But see here's my problem I don't listin to my own advice. If my ex called me tonight there is a good chance id answer if I'm not out with friends...

[plonak]

You're right classicrocker about not following your own advice, I'm guilty of that too! It's a shame huh? I guess we all just have to learn our own lessons by making the mistakes ourselves.. people can give advice, yes, but it only gets us so far.. it's the actions that define how we are going to learn from the mistakes.

[f104]

I here you guys. I never follow my own advice either. I too would suggest to others not to answer the phone. I doubt anything positive would come from the conversation. Part of me just wants to argue with her just to make NC easier. I am going out with mates tonight which is good.

Hjpan I like what you said about just saying yeah, sure, yes etc. It makes sense.

[hjpan]

Yep...

My mind is fuqing with me =/
I have this weird thinking of meeting with my ex, but I don't want to =/

I am going to follow my words.. which I told her:
"If you leave me now, don't expect me to take you back. If you dump me, don't come back and ask for forgiveness when I become a person of popularity and fame for contributing something good to society."

[jiltedgirl]

Lol. I hear you f104 and hjpan. It's basically when your mind is struggling between what is right (for you) and what you want, which usually entails something impulsive and most likely regretful. I suppose that if you take a stand, it's best if you stick by it.

So my ex finally decided to answer my week-old message today... and asked me a question (the same question) to which I had been replying to in the first place. Um... great listener, isn't he?

Anyway, I'm glad he took a long time because now I neither have hope nor want him (thank goodness). Yesterday was the first time that I felt free and happy to be single again. Oddly, I'm starting to look at the entirety of our intense, short relationship from a 3rd person perspective and seeing where we both went wrong.

Now the key is making sure it lasts. :D

Freeeeeeeeedooooomm~!!

[bigbird213]

Evening everyone - how are you all doing?

Just a little update for you guys on my "situation" last week...

I have been feeling pretty good the last few days. The worries have finally faded. Its funny how it happened, there was one moment when something just snapped and it really helped me to get past it. I know it sounds bad to say, but thinking about some of the negative points in the relationship helped me to realize that it couldn't really work in the long run and helped me to get over what was keeping me down.

Just wanted to tell you guys that I am feeling better so maybe anyone who is feeling like I was last week and have some hope. I know when your down like that you almost don't want to feel better (if anyone knows what I'm talking about), but in time you do feel a little better...

I hope everyone else is feeling well...

[hjpan]

Evening everyone - how are you all doing?

Just a little update for you guys on my "situation" last week....

I have been feeling pretty good the last few days. The worries have finally faded. Its funny how it happened, there was one moment when something just snapped and it really helped me to get past it. I know it sounds bad to say, but thinking about some of the negative points in the relationship helped me to realize that it couldn't really work in the long run and helped me to get over what was keeping me down.

Just wanted to tell you guys that I am feeling better so maybe anyone who is feeling like I was last week and have some hope. I know when your down like that you almost don't want to feel better (if anyone knows what I'm talking about), but in time you do feel a little better....

I hope everyone else is feeling well...

That's good to hear.

Well, I am planning to hang out with another friend in LA this weekend =]
hahaha~ I don't know what we're going to do :O

As for my ex.... no idea how to resolve issues D:

[bigbird213]

As for my ex.... no idea how to resolve issues D:

An ex is an ex - leave the issues in the past and live one day at a time.

[hjpan]

An ex is an ex - leave the issues in the past and live one day at a time.

Thanks BB =]

[f104]

lol. I hear you f104 and hjpan. It's basically when your mind is struggling between what is right (for you) and what you want, which usually entails something impulsive and most likely regretful. I suppose that if you take a stand, it's best if you stick by it.

So my ex finally decided to answer my week-old message today...and asked me a question (the same question) to which I had been replying to in the first place. Um...great listener, isn't he?

Anyway, i'm glad he took a long time because now i neither have hope nor want him (thank goodness). Yesterday was the first time that I felt free and happy to be single again. Oddly, I'm starting to look at the entirety of our intense, short relationship from a 3rd person perspective and seeing where we both went wrong.

Now the key is making sure it lasts. :D

Freeeeeeeeedooooomm~!!!

I totally concur with what you are saying. My ex called me tonight and we talked for about an hour. She offered to come and see me to which I said a big "NO." I want to see her but not at the moment. I am not in a good enough place emotionally and she does not think she is either. I guess time will tell what will happen with the two of us. I am inclined to think it is really over. She still wants to stay in touch so I guess NC is not really going to happen. But at least I do not feel the need to contact her every 5 minutes. Of course who knows how I will be feeling tomorrow. I do miss her and I do love her. I told that I care about her and that I miss her. She responded in kind. I told her she needs to take care of herself and do not worry about me. I know I can be selfish and self centered if I am not careful and I told her that just because I want something to happen my way does not mean I should get it. I told her to put herself and her needs first.

I guess if she and I are meant to be it will happen. I hope she and I will get together sometime in the future because she is truly a remarkable woman.

[hjpan]

I totally concur with what you are saying. My ex called me tonight and we talked for about an hour. She offered to come and see me to which I said a big "NO." I want to see her but not at the moment. I am not in a good enough place emotionally and she does not think she is either. I guess time will tell what will happen with the two of us. I am inclined to think it is really over. She still wants to stay in touch so I guess NC is not really going to happen. But at least I do not feel the need to contact her every 5 minutes. Of course who knows how I will be feeling tomorrow. I do miss her and I do love her. I told that I care about her and that I miss her. She responded in kind. I told her she needs to take care of herself and do not worry about me. I know I can be selfish and self centered if I am not careful and I told her that just because I want something to happen my way does not mean I should get it. I told her to put herself and her needs first.

I guess if she and I are meant to be it will happen. I hope she and I will get together sometime in the future because she is truly a remarkable woman.

Same boat

[jiltedgirl]

:T best of luck to both!

[hjpan]

:T best of luck to both!

Thanks

Quick side off question:

As a guy, I have some standards when I choose a girl.. I don't know if it's too much though~
My standards are: virgin, vegetarian, non-smoker, & non-alcoholic

Is that a lot to ask?

[classicrocker]

The smoking and non drinking I can understand. But if she has to be a virgin and veggie... why?