[Wondergirl]

Why do you keep poking that sharp stick into your eye?

[goodkarma_1]

I know wondergirl. I see that clear now. After all this time for once I finally do come around and this happens... something is obviously telling me. Ive been told and I agree that I need to be alone and discover my happiness by myself but its been so long I feel I need someone that genuninly cares for me to start a new relationship with to come into my life. And that hasn't yet so maybe that's why I keep holding out this sick hope of sticking around with this guy.

[Wondergirl]

I agree that I need to be alone and discover my happiness by myself but

No "but" anything. The time has come. I hereby declare a moratorium in which you will be alone and discover who you are and figure out ways to be happy. (Psssst, no one can "make" you happy.)

It's January 8th. Let's start today. I'm here, and there are lots of AMHD experts who will chime in with their two cents.

First tell us (and yourself), who are you?

While you're thinking about that, I'm going to make some chocolate pudding and eat it. (Doing that makes me happy.) I might even call my mom. :) (Another happy thing.) That will give you time to think and write. Oh, and you don't have to post it here. Do this for you, not for us. For instance, list adjectives that describe you. Then list short phrases. Even divide the paper into left side-right side, and put positives on one side and negatives on the other. The main thing is that you be honest with yourself.

[joypulv]

My money is on he found a new possibility over the holidays, and suddenly all that whining to try again with you flew out the window (his 'tired of trying' is a ruse, and you said yourself you sense that he's seeing someone). How many variations of cheating do you need? He's the kind of guy who HAS to be pursuing someone new all the time and yet have someone to fall back on. Why hasn't he told you the truth? Because he wants you to be waiting the next time he gets dumped. You might as well brand martyr on your forehead.

Many women have a variation on this - they have to keep a man hanging until they have someone new, because they are terrified of being without a man.

[goodkarma_1]

:) thanks. For the most part I feel I know myself a lot better but I know I still need more learning. Who am I?. I am a loyal partner who can be a lover as well as a friend. I like to share what I have material wise as well as experiences that will build upon the relationship. I value a true connection when there is one because its so hard to come by it seems. I love deeply and genuinely but when I am hurt my world can feel like it falls apart and I tend to let that control my everyday actions and emotions. I can bottle up my emotions pretty well so sometimes I just become a hermit until my sadness subsides. I can honestly say though I have become a stronger person from this experience. I just remind myself if I can survive what Ive been through I can do it again. I've been happy and content completely single before so I understand that I do not need someone to make me happy. I understand that's not healthy. From time to time I just fall into temptation I guess. I know it's because I want to re-live the past when I was happy and feel that comfort again. My main worry is that I will never get to have a family. I am going to be 32 this year and I'm upset at where Im at in my life. I had to move back to my folks house and was laid off a few months ago. This is what saddens me. I feel at the rate Im going time will pass so quickly I will miss the chance to experience this. I have been reading spiritual books and they have helped me immensely. To live in the present and enjoy the simple things in life. I am trying my best to follow it whole heatedly.

[goodkarma_1]

Major branding joypulv. I know this. Its fine if he found someone new. Hurts, but its fine. He going to be quick to forget me than like the other times I need to get that through my NOGGIN! At lease I didn't come across as overly eager and I did end it by telling him to forget it, that it won't work.

[talaniman]

May I suggest that since you have finally decided to let go and heal properly after so much time since the break up, you address your more immediate and personal problems, and stay out of relationships until you get over your own neediness.

Don't deny it, because having read all your other posts, and this one, the fact is you make romance more of a priority than the reality of your situation. Not to be harsh, but as long as you define yourself by your rather romantic feelings, you can never accomplish other things to define yourself. You are more than feelings, you are about actions, and you cannot neglect the reality of what's more important than a relationship. It's a hard job you face to build a life that you enjoy without a guy to share it with, but that's exactly the challenge before you. Until you do, and take it seriously, you will never be ready for the right guy to share your happiness with. You have to be happy with your life and yourself fist, and if that's not your priority, then you will repeat past mistakes by paying too much attention to the ticking clock, that's taking up all your focus.

You need a more realistic priority, that meets you very real needs and at this time a guy, any guy ain't that important. A few true friends , and family, is the support system you need to build a solid foundation under yourself. Making a guy the foundation, is a fools journey.

Don't go there.