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chick23 · Feb 23, 2010, 05:14 AM

What's the best way to move on from this? Should I change my number so he can't contact me any more

talaniman · Feb 23, 2010, 07:10 AM

I think for now you do nothing. I had to go back, and review this thread, and there was not a hint of trouble from the past that would lead to your being insecure, or paranoid.

I mean none, so now you leave me very confused as to where this is all coming from.

There is a lot more to this than just a simple break to give each other space, to him being some kind of lying cheater. That's one hell of a stretch in a little more than a week after a 3 year relationship.

Hard to give someone any advice without a lot of facts.

chick23 · Feb 23, 2010, 07:19 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I think for now you do nothing. I had to go back, and review this thread, and there was not a hint of trouble from the past that would lead to your being insecure, or paranoid.

I mean none, so now you leave me very confused as to where this is all coming from.

There is a lot more to this than just a simple break to give each other space, to him being some kind of lying cheater. Thats one hell of a stretch in a little more than a week after a 3 year relationship.

Hard to give someone any advice without a lot of facts.

OK about 9 months ago there were rumours that he was sleeping with someone else and he was calling to his ex girlfriends house he denied it all and I gave him the benefit of the doubt! It made me paranoid and insecure but we both got through it at the time! Now that we started having a bit of trouble again there are more rumours making me paranoid and insecure again! I'm not saying for definite that he is a lying cheater because I have no proof that he did it or not but he is puling away from me

talaniman · Feb 23, 2010, 07:46 AM

I am trying still to figure out how people can know so much about what a guy is doing, that rumors can be taken as fact.

chick23 · Feb 23, 2010, 07:52 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I am trying still to figure out how people can know so much about what a guy is doing, that rumors can be taken as fact.

I'm not taking them as fact, I don't know what to believe when my own family are telling me this. But is there a point in being in a relationship where I am insecure!

racquel58 · Feb 23, 2010, 08:10 AM

Originally Posted by chick23

wel both of us dont want to be with other people. i guess it just some space without other people being involved. we decided to be friends as in we would meet up every now and again and see how we get on. not all the time tho

Hmm it's a hard one. The whole friends thing can confuse things more. Its like, you both don't want to commit to each other, yet you don't want anyone else to have each other, and you also don't want to lose each other.

In my experience the 'friends' thing only leads to jealousy and a break up of 'friendship' when one of you does find someone new (chances are one of you will! You may not think so hence the 'no other people rule' You are both scared the other will find someone new and you wont). OR you will just sail back into a relationship with the same problems as last time, possibly more. Yet you'll be more afraid to break it off.

I think you both either need to be together. And give it a REALLY. GOOD. GO. Like, discuss everything, communicate, enjoy each others company etc etc. and see how that goes for a few months. OR just cut ties for a few months. Or this will just darg on for longer and get harder. Trust me!

chick23 · Feb 23, 2010, 08:17 AM

Originally Posted by racquel58

hmm it's a hard one. The whole friends thing can confuse things more. Its like, you both dont want to commit to each other, yet you dont want anyone else to have each other, and you also dont want to lose each other.

In my experience the 'friends' thing only leads to jealousy and a break up of 'friendship' when one of you does find someone new (chances are one of you will! you may not think so hence the 'no other people rule' You are both scared the other will find someone new and you wont). OR you will just sail back into a relationship with the same problems as last time, possibly more. Yet you'll be more afraid to break it off.

I think you both either need to be together. and give it a REALLY. GOOD. GO. like, discuss everything, communicate, enjoy each others company etc etc. and see how that goes for a few months. OR just cut ties for a few months. Or this will just darg on for longer and get harder. Trust me!

Wel if you read on the situation got more complicated! So I finished it!! I think it for the best

racquel58 · Feb 23, 2010, 08:31 AM

sorry! I didn't read it! Will remember to do so next time =o)
Hope you are feeling OK though anyway...

chick23 · Feb 23, 2010, 08:33 AM

Originally Posted by racquel58

sorry! I didnt read it! will remember to do so next time =o)
Hope you are feeling ok though anyway ...

Thanks not feeling great but hope it is the right decision! What you think of the whole situation?

talaniman · Feb 23, 2010, 08:52 AM

The thing is are his actions making you insecure? Or your family's feeling toward him that keeps doubts, in your mind is what's doing this? I would certainly get facts before a decision.

If I were in your boyfriends shoes (and innocent), I would have my doubts about you.

What's most evident is a lack of communications and whether your family likes him or not. So whats the problem between them?

While I agree that to many rumors is a red flag, it's the source of those rumors I would look at.

Yes this level of insecurity is not making you a good partner, as the trust issues are enormous it seems.

chick23 · Feb 23, 2010, 09:05 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

The thing is are his actions making you insecure? Or your family's feeling toward him that keeps doubts, in your mind is whats doing this? I would certainly get facts before a decision.

If I were in your boyfriends shoes (and innocent), I would have my doubts about you.

Whats most evident is a lack of communications and whether your family likes him or not. So whats the problem between them?

While I agree that to many rumors is a red flag, its the source of those rumors I would look at.

Yes this level of insecurity is not making you a good partner, as the trust issues are enormous it seems.

My family don't have anything major against him they all get on great with him but they just don't like the way he is treating me and don't want me getting hurt! When I confronted him about the rumours and he said they weren't true so I said fine! I didn't argue with him over it or anything. Its not just because of the rumours I finished, it's the way he's acting with me lately he's pushing me away the whole time! He's fine when we together but moody and distant when we not together! So yes his actions are making me feel insecure too!

0rphan · Feb 23, 2010, 09:35 AM

Hi chick,

I think you've done the right thing for now.
It seems to me that the trust has been questioned in your relationship which has rocked the foundations.

Even though there is no proof of his infidelity, people are chatting which is causing you to doubt how trustworthy your boyfriend is.

Sometimes you can make the pieces fit even if they are not true, you need to find the source of the rumours and deal with them face on if you want this relationship to work.

Yes it may be painful but at least you will know for sure one way or another.

The trouble with getting things second or third hand is, every time a story is told by whoever a little bit more gets added on, so eventually the original story is nothing like the one you are hearing now.

Ok you have both decided not to see anyone else for a bit, but that doesn't mean that you still can't go out with a group of friends and have a good laugh.

You need to fill your time and not spend too much time dwelling on what may or may not happen.

If it's meant to be, it will be.

talaniman · Feb 23, 2010, 10:04 AM

Ending it is the right decision, just follow through and cut the drama from here on in.

Yes that does mean cutting all contact, and moving beyond all this.

chick23 · Feb 24, 2010, 12:32 PM

I need help dealing with this break up! It hurts but I know its d right thing to do

chick23 · Feb 24, 2010, 04:49 PM

Originally Posted by chick23

i need help dealing with this break up! it hurts but i know its d right thing to do

Heeeeeeeeeeeeelp

vanheart · Feb 24, 2010, 06:01 PM

What's going on?

vanheart · Feb 24, 2010, 06:39 PM

Sounds to me like you don't want to be together, nor do you want him to be free.

What's is it you want? Cake?

It may be the best to not have a boyfriend for a while. Figure some things out.

Go NC, stop worrying about what he may be doing and start having some good times without him.

chick23 · Feb 24, 2010, 06:39 PM

Originally Posted by vanheart

Whats going on?

After a break up is just so hard! Feel so depressed

vanheart · Feb 24, 2010, 06:44 PM

Just realize that as hard as it is. You are the most important person.

If you start removing any drama and start doing positive things for yourself w/o him, you will understand that this is a lesson.

YOU have to figure out what makes you happy before you get into a relationship.

There's no friend zone here. You said you spend 24/7 together.
Now you have to wean yourself off that.

By having fun, hanging w/friends & family that care, exercising, whatever you would normally do before you met him. And more.

chick23 · Feb 24, 2010, 06:59 PM

No its not that I don't want him to be free I want us both to get on with our lives! Its just hard! We are not in contact and not friends so I guess it's a start! I have holidays and a sky dive organised with friends to get my mind off things! I have been keeping busy and calling to friends but when I come home at night it all hits me again! I guess its just the big change of being eith him 24/7 and always texting to nothing!