[RobinBoston]

Thanks Carrot,

I know I agree. Just helps to hear others say it. I keep telling myself that if she actually cared to get me back she would have or will get through to me without me answering or responding (i.e. she could always leave a voicemail if something is important).

This is just games and if so I am so glad I kept NC

[none12345]

Thanks Carrot,

I know I agree. Just helps to hear others say it. I keep telling myself that if she actually cared to get me back she would have or will get through to me without me answering or responding (i.e. she could always leave a voicemail if something is important).

This is just games and if so I am so glad I kept NC

Sounds like you're at the step where you shouldn't pay attention to the details. Who cares if she is thinking about you or trying to play games with anymore. There are no more ifs, buts, ands anymore. You've made the decision to NC, and part of the healing process is to keep your mind occupied with other stuff so you won't think about her as much.

Keep up the good work buddy!

[mistyjane]

That's what I was trying to say in the last posts. You say that you want to move on but you seem to keep thinking there's a future for you two.You should'nt because you have to definitely close that door! I'm not saying it is easy but it is the way to go.
Think to yourself: I tried my best it didn't work I'm not going to be her toyand waste my time.
She calls when she wants and here we go again.Have respect for yourself!Have faith in yourself.Close that door and don't look back.

[RobinBoston]

Yea, I understand. My mind flip-flops. Because I know in my head I AM moving on, and I do feel better about the reality most of the time. But then I'll randomly get that miserable false hope (like when she's calling) even though I stay in NC. I am working now on completely shutting those thoughts out and trying to think like you said.

Like in the stickie, my strict NC brought her snooping around, there's nothing more to it than that and I will continue to move on.

It's been just under a month, and at times I'll feel happy that I can see myself as a strong single person again, but then again there's many times where I just feel miserable. And I also think about her soooo much, even when I keep busy. I don't know how to control these emotions yet.

[CarrotTalker]

Who cares if she is thinking about you or trying to play games with anymore.

Personally, I try to get a good laugh if she plays games. Kind of reaffirms my decision:D

[talaniman]

I don't know how to control these emotions yet.

You don't control your emotions, you accept them as yours, and cope with them, with thought and care, but never with impulsive actions, or words.

They usually pass, and can be changed by positive actions, and physical exertions.

[RobinBoston]

Thanks guys - just had an amazing workout and 3 mile run outside. Feeling much better right now. Working out really does help with your emotions and lift your spirits.

Going to try to keep this positive mood for the rest of the day. One day at a time! - I'll be back when I need you.

BTW - this forum is awesome, you don't know how much it has helped me through this so far. I would have caved and crawled back like a puppy so many times without your support!

[amicon]

Enjoy the rest of the day!
Thank you for your kind words and come back when you want to!

[RobinBoston]

HUGE UPDATE - I can really use all your help and support now!!

What I thought was an innocent day turned out to be a monster. She called me like 5 more times in a row a few hours ago (after 15 ignored on the weekend) - I couldn't take it anymore and answered and broke NC

Long story short - we talked for a little but I was able to tell nothing changed and confirmed to myself that she was just stringing me along. She just was pissed or confused that I wouldn't answer so kept trying, there was no change of heart or feelings - So I told her I will not be friends with her and that if her feelings weren't different to please stop contacting me and let me move on. I am almost positive now in my mind that there is someone else in the picture and that is why she didn't know how to handle me.

We needed to exchange keys and a few other items and I wanted it over with - so I drove down the street to do it and get it over with - she came out and I stayed in my car, we exchanged and she tried to talk a little - I just said I would appreciate if you leave me alone and don't contact me now, she started hysterical crying and walked away and I drove off

I feel miserable right now as you can imagine - but I seriously think I needed it - although I don't know the truth I know I have closure and did all I could. Now it is time to move on with my life. I realize that although I started this thread a little while back it is not until now that I am "ready" to heal.

Please give me some help/support here - I am alone and heartbroken

[none12345]

You already know what to do. NC, yet you refuse to do that and continuously break it. There will always be an excuse to break it and if you don't stop that you will never heal.

[amicon]

So long as you allow yourself to break NC and buy into her gameplaying,you are going to make yourself feel miserable.

If you can't resist picking up the phone-change your number.

Nc is tough,but you can do it.
You're doing this for your own healing's sake,so it's time to put yourself first.

[talaniman]

If your really ready to heal, you make a plan that doesn't include her.

If it helps see this as a death of this relationship and mourn, but life does go on. Make a choice to go with it.

[RobinBoston]

Thanks guys I agree - BTW, the main point of my last post wasn't that I broke NC - it was that I know now for sure I won't do it again. My ex now knows that I do not want to talk to her at all on a friendship level (she did not know this before ) and I know that she wants nothing more than that. That is closure to me. I am able to close the door behind me and no longer have false hope. As hard as it is I needed that.

Now I will act as if she has disappeared and will do my own thing. Thanks for the support - from now on my updates will only be about how I am improving and what is good in my life. Also, I will come for kind words when I feel down and need some motivation!

Thanks again

[Newguy2009]

My ex now knows that I do not want to talk to her at all on a friendship level (she did not know this before ) and I know that she wants nothing more than that. That is closure to me. I am able to close the door behind me and no longer have false hope. As hard as it is i needed that.

It is unfortunate that we have to wait in limbo sometimes. Glad you got the closure you needed. Sounds like you are doing good. Stay positive! Just do the right thing and you'll feel better with time. One door closes and another one always opens.

[amicon]

Looking forward to happy updates!
Take good care of yourself.

[RobinBoston]

Update - Well its been a few days since my "actual" start of the healing process. My ex has not contacted me and the good news is I have not felt the urge to contact her. I also have held my willpower and didn't feel the need to look at her Facebook or any of that other stuff. I can say I am doing pretty good right now.

I obviously have my sad moments and am thinking about her/"us" still all the time, which is hard. But I am starting to realize it will get better with time. And everyone's advice is spot on - much easier to move on when she is out of sight, out of mind. When I see myself thinking about the past or see something that reminds me of her, I take a second and regroup my thoughts and actively try to do something else.

I think I do realize that we will never be together again, and my heart is slowly starting to accept that fact. And in all honesty, I do not think I am so scared or upset about never getting back with HER, I realize I am scared of the UNKNOWN and change: starting this whole journey over and be lonely and nervous until I find someone new.

I have been out of the game for almost 3 years and it makes it hard to even remember the beginning with my ex. I have been going out with friends to bars, but I think I am different than them. I am not the type of guy who wants to run home with any girl possible. I like to have more meaningful contacts and it is hard to do that at the bars, or when you are looking for it. But I know it happened and it WILL happen again. I need to regain my confidence I had before her. I am only 24.

Thanks for reading - needed to vent a little - any perspective or advice from those who have been there is appreciated. Starting over is so scary to me right now, and I do feel very lonely.

[talaniman]

Write down your favorite activities and things you like to learn, and make a plan to participate in them.

I think the best social life and the healthiest is the one that you enjoy, and look forward to. Good clean, adult fun.

Personally I have found volunteering for causes and to help others very rewarding to the soul, and a great way to see how others cope with problems they had no say in.

The point, get a life that you enjoy, with people, and activities, that make you happy.

Then you will attract other happy people, and have something good to bring to the table and share.

[Newguy2009]

I do not think I am so scared or upset about never getting back with HER, I realize I am scared of the UNKNOWN and change: starting this whole journey over and be lonely and nervous until I find someone new.

Sounds like you are on track. Its hard at first but time is on your side being only 24.

Talaniman always says, "whats the friggen hurry?"

I myself am just 26, and have been broken up for 4 months now. I am still not completely over it but I can tell that I am making progress and have taken enough time to reflect. Take it from me, slowly but surely you will regain the confidence you once had and that special someone will come. I have been dating recently and its fun, but its not. It takes work and patience.

One thing I did learn from the last relationship is what I don't want. I want some one that will be there for me no matter what. Someone who will ride for me. I know that person is out there its only a matter of time before I find her. You will find yours too.

You have to think, where was I before I met this person? What was I like as a person? I've changed because of this person but not in the way I had imagined or thought I would. Get the old you back!

[amicon]

I think you are doing well and you have a good mindset.
I can guarantee you will find someone more compatible,just take your time healing,starting to enjoy being single for a while and you will know when you are ready to date again.
As for feeling lonely,all I can say is,that feeling will pass as well.
Live in the present and plan for your future.

[mistyjane]

To regain some self confidence you can start by doing some shopping and maybe go to the hairdresser and get a new haircut I know it sounds superficial but people will notice and tell you how great you look and then you will feel good!
Also do not rush into a new relation!
Be proud not to be a guy who wants to run home with any girl possible!That proves You Have some respect for yourself and also for women!You're mature.
That's great!