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broken_ heart · Jan 21, 2010, 05:56 AM

I don't want to think about him but it comes naturally. I am trying to control this but every time it gets out of control.

amicon · Jan 21, 2010, 06:01 AM

You need to find enough distractions to keep your mind busy.
You can control your actions.

broken_ heart · Feb 2, 2010, 01:54 AM

I want to share something, in past few days I had broke the rules of NC again. And this time not because I was missing him badly but out of the curiousity and some hidden feelings I still have for him.
He was constantly in touch with me, was showing his friendly behaviour, tried to flirt with me, giving indirect invitations, but I remained strong this time. I didn't weep, didn't surrender and gave him clear no reply, thanks to the support I got from you.
I noticed a few things and I am little confused about this. He showed to me that my changed attitude is bothering him, questioned a lot like he wanted to know about what's going on in my life etc. And surprisingly he didn't say a single word about his fiancé like he used to do earlier. In fact his conversations with me was like he has no one in his life. But I know the fact and I keep it in my mind always. He showed concern about my family and me. And suddenly he became distant, showing a little attitude again and becoming unavailable. I felt like he only wants me around or what.
I am trying to understand this person. When all things are cleared between to of us. What exactly he is after? He knew very well that I am not going to fulfill his wishes and I know that he is not going to give me what I want. Then why he come again and again.

amicon · Feb 2, 2010, 02:05 AM

He's playing a game with you.
When you pull back and go NC he suddenly becomes attentive-UNTIL he has got your attention again.
Then he backs off and leaves you with all these questions.

That is why complete,and total NC works.
Not to bring him back,but to allow you to heal and get back on track.

I would urge you to not break the no contact again.

broken_ heart · Feb 2, 2010, 02:17 AM

What he will get by playing games? Ami, I am very much clear that if he has a woman in his life I am not going to be in relationship with him again. I just gave him a chance to say what he wanted to say.
And thanks to your support, I was not weak while interacting with him.
Ami, what game he is playing and why?

amicon · Feb 2, 2010, 02:28 AM

I don't know him so I can only guess at how his mind works.
Some people like to have power over others-in this case knowing that you are there still caring for him.
That's what I think it might be,as he doesn't stop.

The decent thing to do when we break up with someone is to leave them alone and allow them to heal.

Again,don't spend all this time trying to understand him- spend it on getting on with your life and trying to find happiness again.

broken_ heart · Feb 17, 2010, 12:11 PM

Valentine's day has passed, he didn't call me or msgd me. I guess he understood that he is wasting his time. I think its all over from his side as well.
Feeling relieved because now no one is disturbing me but at the same time feeling like something is missing.

amicon · Feb 17, 2010, 12:23 PM

Nothing is missing-you still have you and a better stronger you at that.
He has got the message-time to move forward and start enjoying life!

broken_ heart · Mar 8, 2010, 04:28 AM

Its been more than a month we didn't talk to each other. Sometimes he message me some joke, and once a while asks me how I am doing. He is busy with his new life, his wedding date has been finalised and he will marry after three months.
Now, I myself has started feeling like everything is finished and nothing can be done in this regard. Today, I am here because feeling some kind of peace inside and its really unknown to me. After so many days, months and years I'm feeling like this. I know I have lost him and no one can bring him back. I think that's what we call life. I did all to get him back begging, pleading, requesting all and then I came here, got lot of good advices here. You all have shown me the path. Thanks to all of you.
I don't know what I will do next, what life has for me but he will be with me forever in my memories. :)

amicon · Mar 8, 2010, 04:37 AM

You've reached acceptance and from now on you'll find that it gets a lot easier and soon you'll be whole again.

We all remember our exes,but that's all they are,memories.

Take care.

broken_ heart · Mar 15, 2010, 02:40 AM

He messaged me late in night around 3 in which he said that he wants me back as his girlfriend. I didn't reply to his message and just ignored. Again after two days late in night he started calling me again and again. First I ignored his calls and when his calls didn't stop I just rejected his call. Then again he messaged me that he wants me back, missing me. To which I simply asked about his fiancé and he said she will remain in his life too. He is not going to leave her anyway and want to get back together with me.
I was thinking like all is setteled now as I wrote earlier that he don't call me much but once a while send me a message to ask about my well-being. I was taking it like everything is calm and settled now.
Why he did this again? He will be married in two months, why?

amicon · Mar 15, 2010, 03:27 AM

Good manners and this sites rules prevent me from using the phrase that first came to my mind,so I'm going to go with:
He does this because he is an emotional cripple and a cheating douchebag.

Don't reply to his messages,all you do is set yourself back.

Change your number.

Don't accept this any longer.

broken_ heart · Mar 15, 2010, 04:57 AM

Whatever he is doesn't affect me now. I suffered a lot bcoz of him and the NC rule helped me a lot. I feel much stronger now and will not allow him to play with my emotions any more.

broken_ heart · Mar 19, 2010, 10:13 PM

Ami, one thought is coming into my mind again and again. The way he behaved, I told you all, his intentions are crystal clear to me and I am very much able to deal with him now. But one thing is strange after all his drama, he suddenly disappeared not a single call or message, even when we both were online he doesn't react or not even tried to talk. Its good I know. But I am feeling like he will try again and if he will then what's in his mind. Its almost 1.5years we broke up and still he, I really don't know what he is going to do next.

amicon · Mar 19, 2010, 11:11 PM

Hearts,it's good he's stopped all communication-I would block him so you won't even know he 's online.

As for his future moves,who knows?
I wouldn't worry about that though,keep doing well and keep healing.
Take care.

broken_ heart · Mar 21, 2010, 11:53 AM

He sent me a message today saying that he got promoted and wanted to share it with me. I didn't respond to his message. I don't know why he couldn't understand, what he want to show?

amicon · Mar 21, 2010, 12:03 PM

Can't you block him?
All his messages do,is have you wondering again.

talaniman · Mar 21, 2010, 12:24 PM

Seems to me he would want to share this with his fiancé, but I suspect he is trying his best to suck you back in. I think if you stop reading into his overtures, and not reply, he will soon get the hint and leave you alone.

As long as he has a false hope you will comeback, he will keep trying. So don't feed into him. Keep coming here with your questions and stay out of his life. Period.

I think he expects you to act as you did in the past, and fall all over his BS. When you don't it's a blow to his ego.

Read some of the posts here about exes who go nuts, when they can't handle No Contact from their exes. That what going on with your ex, he wants a rise from you, an ego boost, nothing more, and not talking about the woman he intends to marry is a sure sign he doesn't want you thinking about her.

broken_ heart · Mar 22, 2010, 02:08 AM

I can't block the messages, I have discussed this on technical forum of this site for the messages I am receiving from an unknown person.
Yes, he wants me back in his life but not as his wife as his girlfriend. He wants to continue this all his life out of his wife's knowledge. I have already stopped replying to his messages and calls. I don't even think about what he is doing and all because it will only leave me hurt. But the moment I start thinking that now its done, now he will not come back he suddenly appears. He always informed me about every little move of his life and surprisingly when we were in relationship he never did this, then why he is doing this now. He always try to enquire what's going in my life. Is there any person in my life or not? Why? He has nothing to do with it now. Yes, its true that I am not seeing anyone after him but why he is interested to know this.
One thing I am sure of now that he never loved me, this site helped me a lot and I can't express it in words what strength I got from here.

amicon · Mar 22, 2010, 02:56 AM

A: Tal's right,this guys updates are just his stupid way of trying to get you hooked again,so if you can't delete him-delete his messages without reading them.

B it doesn't matter why he is doing this;once a person is out of your life,its no longer important why they do and think x,y or z.

C I'm very happy that we're helping you.

Keep us posted.