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vanheart · Dec 16, 2009, 06:08 PM

That's the whole point right there.

Its in the past.

Believe me, I know all of what you are feeling. Its OK.

What you need to realize is that spending time on the whys and reasons and wondering doesn't serve you one bit.

Try & focus on the future now and know that you can learn from this, get stronger and become that is in tune.

We tend to think that this is the end of the world, but really only the beginning.

tragedy · Dec 19, 2009, 12:40 AM

I still think of her though and at times I thought maybe there are things I can do to impress her so that she will notice me again. It's silly, huh? I clearly know that she's seeing someone new now and ever since I had my friend to open up her Facebook, I went to check it again the very next day. Well, based on the pictures, it seems like she is really having a lot fun. I know that I miss her company, but deep inside I can't feel much pain but sadness. Sad that the person she's with now isn't me. Sad that I lost her company. I can't deny that she's still on my brain. But everyday I strive to move on. Yet, I still feel ty at times :(

amicon · Dec 19, 2009, 01:10 AM

You need to stay away from Facebook and all pictures,why inflict sadness on yourself by looking at them?
No contact also means NO looking at any social networking sites.

vanheart · Dec 19, 2009, 09:21 PM

Yes, silly.

Try & keep the focus on yourself & other people in your life.
Things that make you feel good. Be conscious. Don't hurt yourself by dwelling or checking up on her. She's no longer.

It takes time. But, you can do it.

tragedy · Dec 21, 2009, 05:02 AM

I don't know what's up with my luck these days. I bumped into her again. But this time round, I just walked and totally ignored her like she's a complete stranger to me. I wanted to hold the door for her... but then I decided not to, as I do not want her to think that I still need her badly. Then, when she walked through, she acted like she was mad or something. The way she closed the door was a bit louder than usual. What is she trying to prove? I don't get it.

amicon · Dec 21, 2009, 05:10 AM

Don't even try to get it-it doesn't matter anymore. Just do what you did-ignore her and let go of these thoughts!
She has no power over you.

tragedy · Dec 21, 2009, 05:21 AM

I know this sounds a little crazy, but at times I feel happy that she has found someone to spend time with, someone who loves her (hopefully)... and sometimes I feel numb because there's nothing much I can do to have her back. It's silly, I know. I think I still care for her...

tragedy · Dec 21, 2009, 05:26 AM

I wonder when will I reach to the point where I no longer care about her... knowing she's with another man now :(

amicon · Dec 21, 2009, 05:26 AM

Nothing wrong with wishing her well and for her to be happy-as for caring for her-it takes time for one's feelings to change,but you need to actively work on moving on rather than dwelling in the past.

tragedy · Dec 21, 2009, 07:32 AM

I feel so stuck now. Part of me is angry for what she puts me through and do not even want to talk to her ever again. And part of me says it's OK to be friends. I'm still keeping my NC. Has anyone been through this stage?

amicon · Dec 21, 2009, 07:40 AM

Many of the posters here have,I'd say it's part of learning about life and relationships. From experience I can promise that what you're going through now will pass.
Time,patience and being active will see you through this.

sully123 · Dec 21, 2009, 07:46 AM

Why do you keep going places where you know she goes? Doesn't seem like conincidence to me. Forget her, she has moved on, and isn't worth your time to even think of her. She has abused you physically and mentally, and yes your going to be waiting for a tragedy to happen to you, if you keep on bumping into her. Let it go, and be a man about this. No one likes break-up, but you learn from your mistakes, its over and move on. Find someone who will appreciate you!

talaniman · Dec 21, 2009, 07:52 AM

Amicon is dead on the money, as nearly all of us here have been through exactly the same thing you are now, and had to learn to cope with the very same feelings you having now. That's why we are here.

It's a life lesson we all learn and take with us as we grow older. You are hardly alone, it just feels that way when your suffering through it.

She is also dead on the money when she points out that you have to be patient as you must give yourself the time to heal, and actively doing your own thing as you rebuild your own life without her is very essential.

Sitting in a corner thinking how sad you are (wallowing on the pity pot) will only keep you miserable.

Not saying that's what your doing, just cautioning you not to.

tragedy · Dec 21, 2009, 08:16 AM

I always hang out at that place with my friends way before I met her. Didn't know she like to hang out there too even after she broke up with me. I guess I would have to change my hang out place. It sucks bad time to see her and I do not know what should I do when we bump into each other. I can't even bring myself to say hello to her. She may thinks that I'm not a gentleman at all but what can I do? I've accepted the fact that she is dating someone now shortly after she broke up with me and our relationship is completely over. I must say that the healing process is tough, but I hope I can get through all these bumpy roads as soon as possible. Why do dumpers appear to be so heartless?

talaniman · Dec 21, 2009, 08:25 AM

Why do dumpers appear to be so heartless?

Because you see them as your source of pain and heartache

Because they are happy without you.

Because you don't know how to cope with your loss

Because you have never had to dump someone that was that into you. So you don't have a clue as to what they are going through now, and how they got to this point.

Because misery loves company, and she isn't co operating.

It gets better latter.

amicon · Dec 21, 2009, 08:30 AM

Change what needs changing but don't rearrange your life to avoid places she goes.
Most often the dumper has been wanting to break up for some time so they have already more or less moved on already when they break up. That doesn't necessarily mean they don't hurt too.

sully123 · Dec 21, 2009, 08:31 AM

Stop staying fixed in this situation altogether, and worrying about why she seems to be heartless. Or wondering what you should say to her when you see her, absolutely nothing, that's it. It's over, and she has moved on. You need to do the same. I don't think you desperate for someone who physically abuses you or are you? You need to take the bull by its horn, and start thinking of you. Your wallowing in the pity, poor me, there is no one else out there. There are plenty of fish in the sea, that would treat you with respect and kindness, not abuse you. You need to get a life for you.

glenboy123 · Dec 21, 2009, 11:39 AM

Why the hell should you stop going to the places that you enjoy going to, especially the places the you liked before you even met her? What happens if you decide to find a new place to go and she also starts going to that place as well? You going to then decide to stop going to that place as well? Hell no and bull ####! You start doing that and pretty soon you'll be too scared to even set foot out of your own front door. The last thing you need is to start being made to feel like a 2nd class citizen. Here's what you do, you keep going to the places that you enjoy because it makes you happy, and if certain other parties don't like it then that's just their tough s###! Do not allow the actions of your life to be dictated by the possible reactions of others. Man up and show no fear!

sully123 · Dec 21, 2009, 02:40 PM

I wouldn't stop going the places you were going before her. But, what I would do, if it made me feel uncomfortable and it tore me to pieces, when I saw her, then I would avoid going to the places where she goes to, for the time being. I would wait till I was healed and in a better frame of mind.

tragedy · Dec 22, 2009, 09:10 AM

I feel like I'm almost out of control but I'm still trying to keep myself calm. The more I think about the guy she is seeing now, the more my heart aches. It's crazy how my mind is playing tricks on me. I've been telling myself I got to move on, I got to move on... But somehow I still fall back to the same old place. It is just painful.