[paxe]

paxe,
I can feel your pain. I am not sure I am crying for your pain or mine at this moment. I wish your best luck. cheers and thanks...

Thanks! I'm actually 100 times much better and I have almost no pain, just scars but they do heal, right? Take life easy but do try to get active and not sit at home. Try to get some friends of family to see you, they are always there to help.

[confusedrebecca]

paxe,
I am glad you are better now. Thanks, and I am going to see my friends this weekend if I feel better. I know I need to open my chest to relese this stress. Thanks much.

[amicon]

Seeing your friends would be a good thing as you ll be able to both get things off your chest and also do things to keep your mind off the situation.
Are you feeling a bit better today?

[confusedrebecca]

Day 5
He started to knock my door around 8 pm last night. He is keep saying "I know you are there..." over my door, and finally left by 9 pm. Just after he left, I went out, collected the flower in front of my door, and dumped them in the trash can. He left 7 voice mails over night. Well, his voice has been changed to desperate. He is keep saying that he loves me, I am the best thing happen to him, he does not want to see us apart because of his silly flirting with random girls. He said it was purely his mistake. Oh, sure. Do I have to thank him because he did not say he had meaningless sex with them? What a manipulator...

Day 6
He sent me series of emails at 4 am just like what he did when he started to chase me 1.5 years ago. He sent me music clips, and the puppy pictures we recently viewed for future adoption. He asked me if I like to go out for puppy shopping. If we buy a puppy, he says we would need to move in together to take care of the puppy. He obviously knows what button he has to press to make me weak... Well, is he what he did to get other girls online as well?

I feel like I am under attack by a stranger who wants to take my bare heart again for his own benefit... I got flu & high fever somehow, lay down like vegetable all day long. I know it is useless, but I am keep thinking how he could do it to me. He was so territorial, took care of me hard, did not allow me wear any low cut blouse or revealing dress if I was not with him. He would pick up a fight if any guys stare at me hard at a club. Whenever I could not answer his call for some reason, he would be very upset, and asked me where I was until he completely satisfied. He needed to know every move of mine, and I took it as a strong sign of love. But he dated other girls meantime behind of my back? He has clearly double standard in his mind. I do not know him anymore. I must dated a wolf under sheap skin. I feel like I was mopped... I know I am in circle... need to get out, but feel helpless.

[amicon]

So not only a cheater but an emotionally abusive controlfreak.
You re well shot of him!
And now it sounds as if he may turn into a stalker-sorry but he can't be allowed to turn up outside your door night after night-call the police if he persists.

[confusedrebecca]

I just had a lock smith came over, and got a new lock on my door. I should be able to sleep in peace without worrying about him to enter my place from now on.

Hey you, you just lost the privilege to enter my place.

[confusedrebecca]

Seeing your friends would be a good thing as you ll be able to both get things off your chest and also do things to keep your mind off the situation.
Are you feeling a bit better today?

amicon,
I think I got stomach flu, and my body does not want to accept any food. Actually physical pain is easier to deal with... I will take some medicine from my cabinet. I will force myself go out this weekend, since it will the first weekend as I am single after long 1.5 years of committed relationship (to a wrong person). I do not want to be alone this weekend. Thanks a lot... so kind of you.

[amicon]

Your body s reacting to the shock of it all-thats normal.
Just look after yourself and keep posting.

[Cat1864]

Stress and upset are probably adding to the effects of the flu. I hope you are getting plenty of liquids and taking care of yourself. (I am a mother can you tell? :) )

This individual sounds like he has been watching too many romantic comedies if he thinks any of that would work. If his actions weren't so pathetic, I would be tempted to laugh at him. As it is, I think I pity him because he has no clue about real life and relationships.

There is no need to blame yourself for any of this. From what you are saying, I am guessing that he came on strong in some areas like the emails and slowly undermined your self-confidence in others. Undermining by its very nature only works if it is done slowly and carefully so that the person doesn't notice until it is too late. However, YOU did notice and did something about it. You are doing something about it.

You really need to block his emails. Hopefully, if they aren't delivered he gets a message saying that his emails were blocked. Same thing with his phone number.

Have you talked to your family yet? Is there someone who could stay with you while you are sick? Talking to them may also take some of the stress off and help you feel better not only emotionally but physically.

[confusedrebecca]

Your body s reacting to the shock of it all-thats normal.
Just look after yourself and keep posting.

amicon,
I thought so too. Thanks.

By the way, I do not talk to him, and will not say stop stalking either. Are you suggesting I should call police by myself without noticing him? It seems harsh. Any better suggestions? He is known as my boyfriend for years by nationhood, and nobody will stop him to wondering around my place. It is annoying, but not threatening so far.

[I wish]

If he keeps going overboard, you should consider calling the cops and getting a restraining order.

1) Change your phone number.
2) Block him on email so that you don't receive his emails anymore.
3) Call the cops if he keeps knocking on your door to catch him in the act.

This sounds extremely controlling and boarderline abusive. I can't even imagine what he would do if he actually did get through to you.

[confusedrebecca]

This sounds extremely controlling and boarderline abusive. I can't even imagine what he would do if he actually did get through to you.

Iwish, what do you expect? What would be in the worst scenario? Thanks.

[I wish]

Iwish, what do you expect? what would be in the worst scenario? thanks.

I would say, physical abuse. But let's not find out or give him the chance. The first step is to continue to ignore him until he gets the hint. Hopefully he goes away naturally.

I still suggest you change phone numbers and block him from your email, regardless.

If his behavior persists, then we'll have to take action and involve the police.

[talaniman]

You have done so well to protect your heart, but you must also protect your mind, body and soul. You are just finding out about his dark side, so don't assume he is harmless, and will just go away.

To add to what IWish has said, you must tell all who know, you that your single, and make those close to you aware of his actions. That is to protect you, and keep him away from you, because honestly, as he manipulated you into a bad position for his own game, he will not hesitate to do it to others, and blame you.

I am not trying to scare you at all, just caution you to be wise in taking care of yourself. No one knows how far an abuser will go, but I do know they can go over the top, to get what they want, so be alert, and aware, and don't take your safety for granted. Better safe, than sorry, so don't hesitate to call your family, AND the police, if he persists. One of the leading causes of violence to females, are from known males who didn't want to let go.

Just a word to the wise.

[amicon]

From what you ve only so recently learned about him you ve come to realise that he was not at all the man you thought he was.
This means that you should be careful and make sure you re safe.
From your posts it appears he looked upon you as a trophy which is not a good sign.

[Just Looking]

Rebecca,

It seems our stories continue to be similar. As I mentioned to you, my ex hounded me for weeks. I just thought I'd tell you some of the things I did to protect myself.

1. I had an escort to and from my car at work. It was one of the places he knew he could approach me, and he did.
2. I wrote him an e-mail telling him I wanted no contact, and spelled out explicitly what that meant.
3. I didn't block his e-mails, phone calls, etc. because I wanted to know what he was thinking, but I didn't respond to any of them in any way.
4. When he continued to harrass me, I had my attorney write him a letter telling him the next step was a restraining order. I did that so he was warned and I had proof of that.
5. I kept all the letters, emails, phone and text messages, cards, etc. as proof should I need it.

At least for now, you might want to consider changing your normal routines - e.g. shop at different stores, eat at different restaurants, etc. Keep your eyes open. Good luck.

[confusedrebecca]

One of the leading causes of violence to females, are from known males who didn't want to let go.

I wish, Tala, just looking and all,
Thanks for your advanced & proactive concern and advice.
It seems it is getting worse, and I am getting bitter taste. Is his visit to my door (?) seem too off? It is only the 1st week of breakup. I think we were over, have refused any means of contact, and he must be frustrated. He obviously think he still has a second chance, and he is trying hard now. I guess you are seeing me at risk by his obsession. My question is if he was so obsessed, why did he even start the game?

I guess what you guys are saying is, he might try forcefully to talk to me, grab me, contact me physically, or enter my place somehow. Right? I will keep it in my mind to proactively protect me. Be honest, sigh, if I encounter him in front of my apartment or work against my will, it will not be pleasant anymore, or even worse, I will feel somewhat frightened. Sigh... What a dramatic change even less than in a week... He was suppose to be my life time partner.

I will do my best to be alert. Thank you for your kind advice. However, I do not foresee any possibility of physical abuse. I know he is obsessed, frustrated and desperate. He played his game, but does not want to loose me easily at this moment. I am seeing his visit as annoying & useless, but not threatening at this point. Ironically, he is a professional in legal field by himself, well educated and far from stupid, and he should know his limit. I guess he will visit my door for a while as daily routine to check out on me. But he has to get the message, and give in eventually. I do not foresee our case as domestic violence. It is way too low & ugly.

He is keep saying that he does not understand why he cannot talk to me anymore. What an idiot. He does not know why? He seems he is losing his control over desperation. It seems he is not able to concentrate on work either just like me.

I like to assure you guys I know how to take care of myself. Physical abuse will not happen. Thanks a lot. You guys are wonderful, and really care about me.

[Just Looking]

Rebecca,

I totally understand how you feel. My ex was a criminal defense attorney with an Ivy League education. I didn't want to have a restraining order issued because I didn't want to affect his career, but I was concerned. That was why I had my attorney give him proper notice. I was also able to arrange to be out of town for several weeks for work, which helped me to feel safer. I wonder if you could even get away this weekend so you could get some proper sleep and fight off that flu feeling.

What we are saying is to be careful and protect yourself. He may not do anything, but you just don't know for sure. A month before I broke up, I thought my ex was the greatest guy ever. Now I know he has a dark side.

[confusedrebecca]

Rebecca,

I totally understand how you feel. My ex was a criminal defense attorney with an Ivy League education. I didn't want to have a restraining order issued because I didn't want to affect his career, but I was concerned. That was why I had my attorney give him proper notice. I was also able to arrange to be out of town for several weeks for work, which helped me to feel safer. I wonder if you could even get away this weekend so you could get some proper sleep and fight off that flu feeling.

What we are saying is to be careful and protect yourself. He may not do anything, but you just don't know for sure. A month before I broke up, I thought my ex was the greatest guy ever. Now I know he has a dark side.

Oh, my goodness... my hart is pounding... what was his dak side?
Was he obssesed and physically abused you?

[Just Looking]

oh, my goodness... my hart is pounding... what was his dak side?
Was he obssesed and physically abused you?

I'm not trying to scare you, but just want you to take this seriously.

I didn't give him a chance. I was lucky enough to live in a gated community so he couldn't knock on my door. I had the escort at work. I changed my habits as I suggested to you. I went out of town on business for a few weeks. He was doing what your ex is doing - constant phone calls, emails, text messages, sending flowers and cards, showing up to try and talk to me, and all of this after I explicitly told him not to contact me. The reason I broke up with him is that I found out he had not been honest about his sexual desires, and they turned out to be very extreme. When he leveled with me, I broke up with him. Given that and his obsessive behaviors, I was concerned. Don't be scared, just be aware and protect yourself. I think my situation is extreme, but I never would have guessed it would go this way. You just want to be aware.