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jlove09 · Jul 8, 2009, 02:29 AM

Ps: She seems really confused. When I talk about a girl, she asks me why Im telling her this and she just go crazy. Then we talk normally and we're okay but she then gives me slow replies. I think a part of her wants and loves me but the other is so focused on what we had before, she's scared and she knows that forsho she needs to focus on school for now...

xdarkninja · Jul 8, 2009, 04:06 AM

Why not just let life flow and if she does come back, than make a choice than but in the mean time... just let life flow and you just enjoy yourself. If it's meant to be it'll be, no matter how far she is or where she is, she'll always come back. If it's not meant to be than no matter how much you try to keep someone or force someone, it just won't ever happen. So just live your life and work on yourself day by day. Some days it'll be hard but you just have to keep your mind straight and you should be fine. Take it as a break and improve yourself so when she does come back or if you found someone else than you know you're a better person at that point. ^^

BMI · Jul 8, 2009, 11:43 AM

It was mentioned before in a post, you can't help someone who is not receptive.

I do not wish to be mean or anything but it is quite obvious your going to do what you want regardless of what members say here. You cannot imagine how clear and obvious the situation is to members here, we know exactly what's going on.

We've all been where you are but unfortunetly you have to learn the hard way sometimes.

88sunflower · Jul 8, 2009, 11:48 AM

It kind of sounds like your playing games with each other. Your going to be hurt. You need to just be the bigger one and walk away completely.

redhed35 · Jul 8, 2009, 12:12 PM

Once upon a time I was dumped by a guy I loved... I turned into a kind of stalker/ex lunatic everyone dreads,only after I had totally humiliated myself and was on the last dregs of self respect did I start no contact,he was like my personal drug.I was addicted to him. So I went cold turkey.. if I saw him in town I went the other way and started N.C again.
Then one night about a year later I ran into him in a club,we chit chatted for a while and as we were talking I was thinking "what the f.. k was I thinking?'
My point is, you get to a stage after things are finished where it just takes up too much head and heart space to continue chasing after what ifs..
N.C works.. no one likes it.. its hard as hell,it takes courage and balls to finally take back your life and build again,taking back what is rightfully yours and what the other person does not even want.

COCADA · Jul 8, 2009, 08:58 PM

Originally Posted by redhed35

once apon a time i was dumped by a guy i loved...i turned into a kind of stalker/ex lunatic everyone dreads,only after i had totally humiliated myself and was on the last dregs of self respect did i start no contact,he was like my personal drug.i was addicted to him. so i went cold turkey..if i saw him in town i went the other way and started N.C again.
Then one night about a year later i ran into him in a club,we chit chatted for a while and as we were talking i was thinking "what the f..k was i thinking?'
My point is, you get to a stage after things are finished where it just takes up too much head and heart space to continue chasing after what ifs..
N.C works..no one likes it..its hard as hell,it takes courage and balls to finally take back your life and build again,taking back what is rightfully yours and what the other person does not even want.

I feel like I turned into a stalker/ex lunatic too, I didn't leave him alone for about 5 months , please read my thread . Just started NC a few days ago. I would love your advice.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...le-373374.html

jlove09 · Jul 8, 2009, 09:07 PM

Thank you darkninja
That's what Im exactly doing without NC
I'LL talk to her when I feel like it...
But Im not going to be crazy over it..
Ive left my heart/door open for anyone that wants to give me a try but the girls here already know, I'm not looking or closing so get to know them as friends..
I feel great

N0help4u · Jul 8, 2009, 09:10 PM

I am not one for pushing NC but there is a time and place for it and it is a good concept when you first break up and need time to go through the healing process. Often when you first break up your emotions are all over the place and you just want to take him/her back and make it all better even though that is not likely to happen so you need that time and space.

jlove09 · Jul 8, 2009, 09:13 PM

But I'm fine like seriously. I feel really wonderful and great. I don't think I need NC at all.

N0help4u · Jul 8, 2009, 09:15 PM

That is good if you don't need NC.
I never needed NC with my ex's but I do understand the concept and why it is good for some.

xdarkninja · Jul 8, 2009, 09:17 PM

Hehe, there you go... I'm going through the same thing as well and it's what keeping my head up. It'll just take some time but you'll get through it. And contacting her should be the last thing on your mind... and try not to go checking up on her so much. If possible, just let her contact you... she might not think of you today, or tomorrow.. but one day she'll think of you (that is if you have treated her right and didn't give her any reasons to dislike you in anyways). It's all about timing, and N0help4u is right... emotions are everywhere once you first break up and you have a deep feeling of wanting her back but for all this time its going to be a false hope. If you want hope of getting back with her one day, you have to get rid of your feelings for her now... lower it down to friendship level and start from there again. Should be a test between you two... maybe its meant to be, maybe its not. Only time can tell.

Once a friend told me, "In life there are many paths but it's us who must create those paths for us to walk on." (In life there are many choices, but those choices is based on us to create them) Accept it... it might be clear to you now but tomorrow is another day so is the day after.

N0help4u · Jul 8, 2009, 09:20 PM

Originally Posted by xdarkninja

... and try not to go checking up on her so much. If possible, .

Another very good reason for NC. Often the one will feel the need to make sure the other is not going out with someone else. If you are broke up they can do what they want and it is not in your place to check up on what they choose to do.

jlove09 · Jul 8, 2009, 09:21 PM

Yeah, I know what nohelp means as well cause my feelings were scattered everywhere for a month but its stable now and I'm happy. I don't check up on her anymore and don't go running to my phone every morning hoping she has msged me. I have not kept the hope but haven't letten it go either. I'm a friend now and that's all Ill try to be.

xdarkninja · Jul 8, 2009, 09:24 PM

yep exactly.. seems like you got your mind right. ^^ Would it be awkward though if you guys eventually see your ex after not talking so long? Cause seems like after one breaks up.. everything changes even though if you try to talk or do NC.. everything just seem so weird.

sorry for offtopic

jlove09 · Jul 8, 2009, 09:27 PM

I know what you mean. She seems a little distant and maybe upset but I'm happy and not going to think about her, I need to think about myself. It sounds selfish but when she broke up with me and left me scattered for 3 weeks. She didn't care. I remember reading something on someone's sig. It says "relationship is just a bonus" along those lines and its repeated in my head. I don't need it, I only want it and I'm not going to let my desires/temptations control my life.

jlove09 · Jul 8, 2009, 09:28 PM

Like I can live without her so why do I torture myself and think I need this? I don't. Life is too short to be stressing over stuff. I just need to better myself for the future girl or her if she comes back.

Torrid13 · Jul 8, 2009, 09:28 PM

I tried to be "friends" with my ex, but every time I would hang out with him and I'd get home... I couldn't handle it. I'd break down. I already have a couple medical conditions, and the breakdowns just fed them.

It basically got to the point where I lost my mind and had to be taken to the hospital. Now I'm on correct medicine and I'm going to therapy, but NC was the best choice for me in the end.

Sometimes, if not all the time, NC is best because it preserves people's sanity. It preserves hearts. It preserves lives, in some cases.

Eventually friendship might be possible, but still, a lot of people think it would be best to never be friends, because they will get caught up in the cycle again, or afraid they will.

NC isn't running away.
It's being good to yourself and giving yourself time to heal.

xdarkninja · Jul 8, 2009, 09:29 PM

Omg.. I said the same thing lol this is why I'm a happy man lol

xdarkninja · Jul 8, 2009, 09:30 PM

Yea Torrid13 is right on that about NC.. we have to learn to love ourselves first before loving others. And learn to trust ourselves first before others XD

jlove09 · Jul 8, 2009, 09:32 PM

I guess everyone has a different approach and I must say I've become stronger and love myself more everyday for it. Its like a challenge and I won, I feel good about myself.
What's your story darkninja? Did you do NC or what?