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binx44 · Oct 4, 2006, 03:49 AM

<there isn't a shelter close to me.. the only ones are in the city and that's an hour away. And I've never been to the city by myself (not into the crowds of people thing. Makes me feel uncomfordable)

BIM · Oct 4, 2006, 06:43 AM

I guess it is up to you what you want to do. Everyone that has replied to your post have given very valied and helpful answers--you need to choose to make a step.

Sleeping in the same bed with your clothes on doesn't sound like you guys are breaking up at all. I am certain there is some sort of job out there you could go get and start earning money, isn't there? Convenient Store, McDonalds, etc...

If you need to get to the shelter, ask him to take you so you don't have to walk. Get a ride from your one friend. Someone surely has a car.

You need to start taking some action of some sort. Staying there is only keeping you hoping for something that is probably not going to happen.

My thoughts anyway, for what it is worth.

momincali · Oct 4, 2006, 01:10 PM

Originally Posted by binx44

<there isnt a shelter close to me.. the only ones are in the city and thats an hour away. and i've never been to the city by my self (not into the crowds of people thing. makes me feel uncomfordable)

Uncomfortable is a small price to pay in comparison to what you are putting yourself through now. You are putting your own self through it by staying there. If you weren't there, he couldn't say or do anything to hurt you, could he? If the shelter is in the city, than so be it. The whole point is to get out of his house and find a job, many times shelters will help you with job placement so they can quickly get you on your feet and in your own place, it's a win-win situation.

Being somewhere you're unfamiliar with can be a little intimidating but that's all part of growing up. You mention that you're not into the crowds of people thing but you're able to bartend?? As a bartender you're surrounded by lots of people, and drunk ones at that. Stop making excuses, you're only hurting yourself.

From your previous posts he sems to be pretty volatile and moody so I would pack my things and go before he comes home one day and literally "throws" you in the street just cause he felt like he couldn't see your face anymore. Don't wait for that to happen again, keep your dignity.

I know this is a hard time for you and I really am not trying to come off as insensitive, honest I'm not. My goal here is to help you and I can't help you if all I do is blow sunshine up your bottom.

Wildcat21 · Oct 4, 2006, 02:21 PM

Yes - she's still so young and so muc hlive for!!

People her age still live at home for the most part or at school.

Get that high school deploma... or the equivalent of the GED. Go to a small college and get a degree - or becoem a Vetenarian. Or something where you're qualified to work with animals.

chuff · Oct 4, 2006, 05:09 PM

Binx may I suggest to you that you look into working at a seasonal resort for the winter. I work at a seasonal summer resort and they provide housing. For some people its free and for some people they have to pay (based on their position or tenure). Even those that do pay it is usually much less than you would pay in rent for an apartment. The best thing about working in a seasonal resort though is that you can accumalate a lot of money if you don't get caught up in the party scene or shopping scene. I manage a 2 hotels and don't make 1/8 of what our bartenders make. I see you have bartending experience and I think this might be a way for you to use that, get some housing and move away from where your at for 6 months to be able to reconsider some of your choices in the past and work on some of the choices for the future. I'm not going to lie to you the lifestyle isn't for everybody, but if you don't like it you only have to do it for 6 months and hopefully you will have saved some cash.

binx44 · Oct 5, 2006, 03:46 AM

Well he's throwing me out as it is.. I applied and got assistance. But they are only willing to give me 200 bucks a month for rent.. I can't even rent a room for that much. Honestly life hurts so much I don't want to live in it any more. I have today and tomorrow to find a place and I don't know if I can do it

Wildcat21 · Oct 5, 2006, 09:23 AM

You never answered my question why you can't stay with your mom?? Mon gave yo utoo many chances??

binx44 · Oct 5, 2006, 10:42 AM

My mom lives in co-op housing... she doesn't want me there because I'd have to become a secondairy member, she doesn't want me in her life because she's too content living it free without children, all she thinks about is her new man.. found a place for 275 a month its an old family friend... I called her up. Her son and his girlfriend were looking for a roomie a few towns over.. I didn't want to go far but it looks like I'm going to have to.. its only 30 mintues into town here on the buss from there so it shouldn't be so bad. Told the ex about it.. his exact words were "well we'll talk about that when i get home" but what's there to talk about? He's kicked me out so I must do what I must do... he can't say "no you can't go live there" because then where am I going to go... its not like I can stay with him.. he didn't want that... I swear he better not be getting jellous of me staying with his old friend (whom was also my childhood friend. I grew up with him and his sister)

BIM · Oct 5, 2006, 11:34 AM

SCREW your EX-boyfriend! :mad:

If you found place to live-go there. Get out from under his reign. You make the choices now, not him. I'd be gone before he got home one day. Leave him a note that says "Sayanora Baby have fun with your cousin."

Leave and don't look back. Make a life for yourself.

I wish you lots of luck. I've started over 3 times like you are doing. It does get better with time and makes you stronger.;)

Wildcat21 · Oct 5, 2006, 11:46 AM

Please move!! It's a start!! It's not forever!! You can get on with your life now. Don'r let him drag you back in.

PLEASE DITCH THAT GUY ONCE AND FOR ALL!!

What an a-hole. He told you to leave - now this. What a controlling freak.

Move o nwith your life - in 6 months oyu will feel so much better!!

mob90019 · Oct 5, 2006, 01:13 PM

Then she is not your friend.

binx44 · Oct 6, 2006, 04:24 AM

I even tried my friend yesterday with a new proposal.. still no response.. found a room in wolfville like I was looking for instead of being 3 towns over I can still be close to the few people I trust and know and my mom said (which really surprised me ) that she'd help me out as much as she could if she could spare it... the ex said he'd help me if I ever needed help with anything.. that he still wants to be my friend... ill accept his help but only until I get on my feet.. looking for an under the table job... got to look at a place this morning then off to Social Services for a meeting at one... (wishes myself luck) I hope I get the place I'm looking at.. I really do

Wildcat21 · Oct 6, 2006, 08:01 AM

That's great - remember - this is the start of a new beginning!! In 2 years you'll be so much farther along.

NOW - what about school??

BIM · Oct 6, 2006, 08:27 AM

You've come a long way baby!! I have to say you even sound a little more upbeat in your posts also. I am proud and happy for you. :D ;)

You will look back in a few months and be so happy.

BTW, what is an under the table job?

Wildcat21 · Oct 6, 2006, 08:46 AM

Cash.

BIM · Oct 6, 2006, 08:48 AM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Cash.

Gotcha ;)

binx44 · Oct 10, 2006, 07:28 AM

I do feel a lot better its still hard though... decided that once I get a job... (a job at 20 hours a week paying min wage would allow me to pay rent and live without being on assistance..,. ) so trying hard rght now... schooling? I'm a regestered bartender... going to finish my grade 12 with corrorspondence.. (u take the course at home) them maybe on to community collage :)

Wildcat21 · Oct 10, 2006, 08:28 AM

Why not full time?

Yes - please get the high school degree - then the community college - then the 4 year college - then the masters - then the PHD.

momincali · Oct 10, 2006, 09:00 AM

Wildcat is right. Start with your GED and work your way up, don't stop, education is power! You'll be pinching pennies big time but it will be so rewarding in the end. You'll remember this one day and where you used to be and how far you came and your ex boyfriend will be such a faint memory.

BIM · Oct 10, 2006, 10:00 AM

Just remember Baby Steps. Don't get overwhelmed.

You've started with a place to live. Now get a job, I understand part-time if you are going to work on your GED.

When you are finished with your GED - go to a community college, get assistance, work part-time.

I've been where you are. Finish one task at a time. Put your tasks on paper and cross them off as you finish. You will feel so much better in a few months.

I am very happy and glad you are getting "it" together!! :D

Be happy for yourself also.