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I wish · Mar 23, 2009, 06:55 AM

Maybe I should stick with no contact and take it day by day to see how my feelings change.

In a few months, if I still feel the same way, I'll ask the question again?

talaniman · Mar 23, 2009, 07:06 AM

That sounds better than fooling yourself. At least then you can make a better decision for yourself, with a clear mind, and calmer emotions, and facts not just feelings.

Despite what your saying to others, No Contact does work for people who need to heal.

Romefalls19 · Mar 23, 2009, 07:12 AM

Got to spread it, but yes NC does work, I'm proof of it. But I do think it only works if you want it to and if you follow the rules of it. Maybe we should type up rules for NC

kctiger · Mar 23, 2009, 07:14 AM

Rule # 1:

NC means NO CONTACT!! None, zero, zilch, NOTHING!

Rule # 2:

Stick to it

Romefalls19 · Mar 23, 2009, 07:21 AM

Rule # 3:

Delete ALL social networking sites in which you two are connected!

kctiger · Mar 23, 2009, 07:22 AM

Rule # 4:

Refer to Rule # 3! Until you do this, you are not ready for Rule # 5

Romefalls19 · Mar 23, 2009, 07:23 AM

If I have time at work today I might write some of these rules down with explanations

I wish · Mar 23, 2009, 07:34 AM

Haha... You guys are making me laugh. I've had no problems since I began the "no contact" and I can't see it being a problem. Like I said, I've never had trouble giving people space.

However, I can feel that I like her even more than before I told her how I felt.

We also need a rule that mentions what to do when the other person contacts us. She hasn't contacted me yet, but what do I do if she does?

Romefalls19 · Mar 23, 2009, 07:44 AM

Ignore it, I am actually on that step right now on my writing ha ha

I wish · Mar 23, 2009, 08:07 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Ignore it, I am actually on that step right now on my writing ha ha

Wow that's going to be tough. I did offer to be there as a regular friend if she needed it. I'm confident that I can separate my feelings when I'm talking to her. So are you sure ignoring is the best idea? I want to be there for her.

Romefalls19 · Mar 23, 2009, 08:15 AM

If you can take hearing about her being with another guy without it stinging or hurting then feel free to continue contact. I know personally, I wouldn't be able to do that. Someone I have feelings for telling me about the person they were with last night. Not going to work for me

I wish · Mar 23, 2009, 09:07 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

If you can take hearing about her being with another guy without it stinging or hurting then feel free to continue contact. I know personally, I wouldn't be able to do that. Someone I have feelings for telling me about the person they were with last night. not going to work for me

If she talked about another guy, then obviously I know that it's time for me to move on and I wouldn't be asking this question.

I HIGHLY doubt she will bring up another guy. She never once mentioned her boyfriend (good or bad) unless I asked her. I think I asked her twice in one year how he's doing and she just responded with "he's fine, still in school" both times and that's it.

I was thinking more along the lines of non-potential-new-boyfriend related matters, but I think you answered my question.

talaniman · Mar 23, 2009, 09:27 AM

Any contact will keep the emotional dust from settling, and prolongs the misery.

friend4u178 · Mar 23, 2009, 03:15 PM

Originally Posted by I wish

I did offer to be there as a regular friend if she needed it. I'm confident that I can seperate my feelings when I'm talking to her.

It's amazing what we can fool ourselves into thinking!!

Originally Posted by I wish

So are you sure ignoring is the best idea? I want to be there for her.

Why?? Your focus should be on you , not her.

I wish · Mar 23, 2009, 05:29 PM

You're right. I have been fooling myself. This no contact thing just isn't working for me. The pain is getting worse, but I can hide it better in public. I find myself liking her more and more. At least I don't feel the need to contact her.

As for her looking for me first, it hasn't happened, so I don't know how I will react. But I guess I'll be preparing myself to ignore her.

friend4u178 · Mar 23, 2009, 05:35 PM

Originally Posted by I wish

You're right. I have been fooling myself. This no contact thing just isn't working for me. .

There's only one person who can make it work for you and that's YOU , it takes time so just stick to the NC , be patient and it'll get better. As soon as you break it you go back a few steps.

I wish · Mar 23, 2009, 05:39 PM

Originally Posted by friend4u178

Theres only one person who can make it work for you and thats YOU , it takes time so just stick to the NC , be patient and it'll get better. As soon as you break it you go back a few steps.

Yeah, I'm aware of the consequences. Thanks for reminding me though.

I really hope that the pain slows down. Right now, I'm just waiting for it to stop getting worse first, before it even starts getting better.

Hang on... she's not my ex... we never even dated, so why do I have to ignore her when she contacts me again?

talaniman · Mar 23, 2009, 08:34 PM

Because it will continue to hurt you, you think??

I wish · Mar 24, 2009, 05:46 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Because it will continue to hurt you, ya think???

I understand.

But according to her she wants to focus only on school before thinking about dating again. I know that in most cases, this is just an excuse, but I believe her. I can't just assume that she doesn't like me back from that excuse.

If you read my other posts you would know that she doesn't treat me like a normal friend, unless she lead me on big time.

Furthermore, she just broke up with her boyfriend less than a month ago, so she needs to find herself again. There's no way for me to expect her to jump into a relationship right away, which is MY main reason for no contact. So because of these reasons, one day, I'm going to have to confront her for closure, to make sure that she really doesn't like me.

So if she's ready to date again and assuming that she has feelings for me, you guys are saying that will let me know? But... I still have to ignore her :confused:

UnluckyDucky · Mar 24, 2009, 06:26 AM

Why are you wasting so much emotional energy on someone you've never been in a romantic relationship? YOU are only making YOURSELF suffer here. Seriously, if you keep banging your head against the wall, your head is going to hurt.

Closure? Are you kidding yourself? You never had anything with this girl to begin with. Closure for what? A non-relationship? You create your OWN closure. Actions speak louder than words my friend and if she liked you, she'd let you know! On a side note, you claim that she doesn't treat you like a 'normal' friend. Sorry to say, unless she's been giving you some serious body language and subcommunication that she's into you - you're delusioned and kidding yourself (women typically communicate in a more subtle manner than men but if they are REALLY interested, you'd know). Unless I missed something going through your posts, this seems like a clear cut case of one-way love.

There's no way for me to expect her to jump into a relationship right away, which is MY main reason for no contact.

The main reason for no contact is to allow yourself to get your life back and get over your feelings for someone so YOU can heal. I sense you are still allowing yourself to feel some false hope here left. This isn't about her, it is about YOU.

She knows how you feel, you already let the cat out of the bag. It is quite obvious she is trying to be nice and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Don't mistake her "niceness" as a sign of interest. She asked you to "stop wasting your time on her". If that's not a clear enough message to you, I'm not sure what is. Do you need a huge glaring sign with a message from her to you saying "I DON'T LIKE YOU THAT WAY"?