[JoeCanada76]

Thank you for the updates, but we all know that your mother is a very abusive lady. We all know that for your sake it is better to keep your head up high and do not fall into any traps with your mother. Be happy, enjoy your life. Even though it may cause problems with your mother. Your old enough to know what is best for you and your mother needs to learn how to support you and not always drag you down to the ground with guilt trips and insults. Good luck with everything and yes it will be hard. Sometimes distance does amazing things.

Joe

[kaz_89]

Yeah I no, I mean last night I was out with my guy and she text me saying "sorry i didnt realise u left the house to go out, sorry i didnt say goodbye" and then I replied saying "its ok" then she text me bak a couple of kisses which was weird because she was so horrible this past 3 days, and today I went out with my guy and she was fine with me, but I think its because I'm going back to dance school tomorrow - in the car she said "god arent you excited for going back!?, i would be!" which under the lines means, ("i know you arent as chirpy because it was your last day with him today and you wont see him for a fare few weeks, well get over it.") because she's said it before. But yeah I was sad saying goodbye to him today, but I'm excited too, the reason I wasn't as chirpy was because I was sitting in the car with my mum! I mean I just don't have that connection we used to have anymore, but I can't tell her I don't like her company because she'll go mad. Lol. Anyway, thanks for the replies. You've really helped me over a massive hill, and its nice to have a weight lifted off my shoulders.

[JoeCanada76]

Happy to help. Enjoy your classes. It sounds like your mother is easing up a bit. Good for you. You did it on your own, getting over the massive hill.

Joe

[kaz_89]

Hey just fillling you in, I'm bak at college rite now so everythings fine. Ill let you know how it goes when I get home for half term.

[kaz_89]

Hi
I am at my nanas house for the weekend and I was at the station last night travellin up here from college. My mum phoned me and we were talking about my universities and stuff, anyway. I said "cant believe its only been 3 weeks" and she said "why, i thought it went quite quickly! are you counting down the days until you get back here?" I said "yeh i can't wait, but thats 4 weeks away" and she said "why can't you wait" and I said "cos its going so slowly, college is cool but everyones lookin forward to the holiday" and she said "why?" and I was thinking (stop asking 'why, why why' I know what she's thinking) and then she said "you have nothing to come back to here" and I said yes I do" she said "what" and i said "my boyfriend!" and she said "oh for gods sake!" and put the phone down on me. then i text her saying "you knew that was coming, you knew I was going to say that, so why keep asking why why why? And "you have nothing here!" so innocently when you knew!!

That really upset me, it was if she thinks because I'm over here I don't have a boyfriend anymore, do you know what I mean? Because she's been really nice to me while I've been here, blocking him out of everything. Also when I go back I have reletives coming over, and what shal I do, because yes ill take them out and things but I'm not dedicating my whole week to them! Is that selfish? I won't have seem my guy for 7 weeks and I would like to spend time with him too - its his birthday on one of the days I'm back also. What shal I do?

[momincali]

Your mom is being cruel and selfish at this point. While you don't want to cross her, you don't have to go out of your way to be nice or please her either. Be polite, courteous, call her once a week to ask how she is, that's about the only obligation you have to her. You want to make sure not to make her mad cause you want to have access to your little brother and she may not let you come and see him if she's mad at you.

And, no, you aren't obligated to spend all your time with relatives. Enjoy!

[J_9]

I agree with Momincali here. You also are not obligated to talk about your boyfriend. Keep you tone and conversation casual with your mother. Don't even bring up the boyfriend no matter how hard she pushes.

Keep him to yourself.

[talaniman]

Adults go about their business and don't worry about what others may say. Be polite but do your own thing.

[kaz_89]

Thanks guys that's helped a lot. :)

[BIM]

WOW :eek: What a post. Just went through them today and I feel sorry for you. I went through sort of the same thing (w/o the abuse) with my mom. Didn't want me to see this guy and all--my situation was different. I should have taken my moms advice, but that was like 20 years ago.

I would be curious as to how the visit home went? How are things coming? How is your brother?

[kaz_89]

Well I'm home now and we stayed in a hotel for one night for my guy's birthday but I just feel like she always tries to relate anything that goes wrong like arguments or just little things, back to being mine and my guys fault. I'm really depressed at the moment. I just don't want to spend and e time with my mum anymore. She's always moody with me, and uptight, she's like a short fuse! Its driving me crazy, I mean yeah its good I see my guy now with her knowing but she's still driving me away. Right now I can't wait to live in my new flat next yr, but that's nxt yr. I just had a go at my boyfriend tonight and went crazy and was crying and angry at him because of my mum, it wasn't even his fault and I'm having a go at him I felt really bad. My mum wants me to be perfect so she can show me off to her friends. She doesn't even want to do nice things with me, I just feel like I'm her little show girl to impress her friends, like a possession - because I'm at this dance school and I just auditioned for a really good college and I found out I got in, I was so happy! But it was as if she was thinking "right good shes got in, something else to make me look impressive" because she lies to her friends and rest of our family about me and my guy, just says "oh shes gne out with her girly friends" because she's too ashamed of me going out with him. (Jesus helper I need your help - u've helped me through so much) anyway she's pushing me away and I don't want to see her, I only come bak to see my guy really, my brothers at the age where he doesn't really care or understand my feelings, so I feel really alone on all this, quite frankly id rather him not understand I don't want to bring him to and e of this, he'll only worry. And e advice please let me know, a lot of you know what's happened in the past and have given me good advice. Thanks

[BIM]

First off: Be careful. I understand you said you stayed in a hotel with your boyfriend. That's great and all, but be careful not to get pregnant. You do not want to give your mother any more ammo than she is already using.

Are you just back for a few days? You may just need to ignore her, don't fight, don't let her know she is getting to you. And certainly don't let her abuse you any longer :mad:

Are you able to stay at you boyfriend house?

[kaz_89]

Yeah I'm back for a week. I have to spend the day with my mum today because she says she has hardly seen me. Lol, jusr going to be boring today. I'm going to try and sleep at my guys house tonight, my mum might say no but I mean she was fine about me in the hotel so don't see why I can't sleep out tonight. No don't worry I have all the protection I need, I'm very sensible and so is my guy. I definitely will not be giving her and e amo. I had an argument again with my guy yesterday and we nearly split up. I think because I have no control over what my mum says or how she makes me feel I'm ately trying to control my guy, I told him this and he totally understands, we made up and he said he'll stick by me and help me through the times I have to go home. I mean it all probably sounds worse than it actually is to you, I mean it is horrible I hate everything that's going on, but sometimes my mums nice to me like this morning, which is weird, but then most of the time she'll be really weird and then find excuses to annoy or pick at me which really upsets me. She's the type of person who critisises loads of people, but can't take criticism herself. If you get me? Anyway hope this all makes sense. Thanks

[K_3]

I have read your posts and goodness, you have quite a controlling mother. It is too bad she does not see what she is doing to your relationship. It is not your b/f fault, so take it easy on him. Try not to react to your mom's up and down behavior. Hard to do when you live with someone, I know. Try reacting differently to her. Do not be rude or thoughtless, but do not be on the defensive with her. When she goes off about all she does for you. Say, I know and I love you for that and I appreciate it all, and someday I hope to make you proud. If she gets on you about your b/f tell her he's a great guy, she should get to know him. Most of all, do not allow her to make you miserable and feel less of your abilities because she compares you and your brother. I have had friends in life that their mothers were just controlling to the point of being just mean sometimes. Nice one minute to make you feel guilty and awful the next and make you feel as though you are crazy or at fault. Your mother has issues with how she managed her life and feels she can make things better for you by controlling yours. Goodness, I have seem some miserble women married to rich men that go out on them and treat them badly. Money is not the answer to everything. You are right about college. Some people need it and others don't. I have a cousin that has a college education, he got tired of not making enough money, started a lawn care business in Vegas and my goodness he makes more money in a month than he did in a year. Do not feel guilty and do not allow your mother to put her anger on you. That does not mean you do not love her, just know she is wrong and she will never change and accept her for what she is. She will eventually accept you as you are, just be honest with her.. She threatened to kick you out but in the end did not.
Relax, know it will all be OK and you can not do anything about your mom, you are being honest, that is all you can do right now. Enjoy your week with your b/f and your family. Do what you want, do not feel guilty.
My mother told us we had a right to make our own mistakes, know they are our mistakes and we live with them and fix them. They are what builds character and makes us what we are today. Your mom is angry about her mistakes and does not want to see you make them, she just does not realize they were hers, not yours and she should grow from them. She thinks the mistake she made was no money. No, she married someone who had a drinking problem. Whole different story. Good luck have a fun week.

[kaz_89]

Thanks so much that was so helpful!

[sexybeasty]

Well, honey, you are almost 18. If you want to pursue this relationship as an adult, then go ahead once you ARE an adult. Do be aware though, that it is essential that your boyfriend get a decent job with benefits in order to eventually support. As you stated,yourself, you cannot live on love. Every suitor is a potential mate, so chose wisely. You are the one that has to live with your decisions. Good luck honey.