[Jlesnik33]

Dating for 4 years
Cheated 2 years agoish..
Together for about a year friends for about 8

And she told me she did have feelings for her at the time of cheating, but not anymore, she said she made a mistake.

Which I am happy that she did come clean. And even though it did happen a long time with her coming clean just brought back so much emotions. She told me she doesn't talk to her anymore or anything. It was just something she really had to get off her chest.

I also feel really bad about being needy the whole time and cause I was doing it for so long which is my fault I won't deny that I can't figure out how to make better without her finding me needy anymore.

But she did say she loves me and she's not the kind of person to say it unless she means it.

The whole thing just bothers me I guess.. and I need someone to talk to and help me threw this.

Thanks!

[ohsohappy]

but she did say she loves me and shes not the kinda person to say it unless she means it.

the whole thing just bothers me i guess.. and i need someone to talk to and help me threw this.

thanks!

Well, the times make a little more sense. I feel like she should have been open with you when it happens, but at least she said something.

It really sucks because sometimes learning the truth can make everything else feel like it was a lie, and that's never a good feeling.

Just tell her what you posted.

Tell her that you're glad that she was honest with you, and that you're having a hard time with it. It's a lot to take in. Tell her that you're having a hard time trusting her now, even though you want to trust her.

Be open with your feelings and try not to place blame, that's all you really can do.

[Jlesnik33]

And how can I make her see that I'm not all bad and annoying? Because I really am.. sad to say.

How can I change from being needy.
Cause I always say I love you and she tells me we don't have to say it all the time.. which bothered me. But I think in my mind I needed to hear it... I needed to know.

And even though I no I should back off a little bit now after all this I feel it would be even harder.

I want her to know that I'm working on this relationship with her with out the needy part.

[ohsohappy]

Tell her that. Make sure that she knows that her confession has made you feel a bit insecure, and you could really use reassurance. But don't expect too much, because ultimately it is up to you whether you feel secure or not. She could do everything you think you want her to do, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you'll feel better. So whenever you're feeling needy, maybe get up and walk around for a bit, go to a different room for a little while. Separate yourself from her for a moment. Maybe it can help.

[Jlesnik33]

So really saying I love you all the time. And do you want to be with me, and how cute am I to do.. is very annoying? And should be held back? Because she says I ask to many questions.

Is it really unnessary?

[ohsohappy]

so really saying i love you all the time. and do you want to be with me, and how cute am i to do.. is very annoying? and should be held back? because she says i ask to many questions.

is it really unnessary?

Yes, it is unnecessary. And saying it too often can diminish the true value of the words "I love you". And those questions, can and will get very annoying. How many times does she have to give you the same answer before you believe her? If you're asking her this and reminding her all the time, then you have probably had insecurities from the beginning. She seems to have been very patient and honest with you. You need to think better of her and trust her more, despite what happened two years ago. Realize that she was honest with you. She's been carrying this guilt with her the whole time, and probably had a hard time telling you because she knows how you can feel. What she did in the past was wrong, but there seems to be a lot more for you to deal with, yourself, other than the cheating.

[Jlesnik33]

So then how could I change?

I feel like such a pre teen right now. But I'll admit I do need help.

Thanks


Only cause now its something I'm use to doing

[ohsohappy]

so then how could i change?

i feel like such a pre teen right now. but i'll admit i do need help.

thanks

You change your behavior, and then your attitude will change. Bet your bottom dollar it works. Break the habit. :)

[Jlesnik33]

Haha, that's my problem, how to break it. Sometimes I do it with out even realizing it.

[ohsohappy]

haha, thats my problem, how to break it. sometimes i do it with out even realizing it.

Make an effort of being more conscious. You already know what you're doing, now it's just a matter of catching yourself. Sometimes you won't realize until after you have already done it, but the more you think think think about it the easier it will become, until it is second nature. Sometimes you will slip up, it happens, just make note of it and be aware. Put it this way "if it would drive me nuts, I don't want to do it either"

[Jlesnik33]

Thanks so much for your help sweetie! I'll let you know how everything goes.


Sorry just one more thing.. her saying that it annoys her and I need to stop, does that mean she doesn't care?

[ohsohappy]

sorry just one more thing.. her saying that it annoys her and i need to stop, does that mean she doesnt care?

No it means that you're annoying her and that it needs to stop. :)


P.S. You're very welcome. :)