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zeeniee · Jan 31, 2009, 11:06 PM

It is tough alright- no point in thinking what she is doing with this guy as whatever will run through your mind- will not make you happy! At the end you will just end up hurting yourself more and more.

What they do now- is not your concern-- she is a different person now.

Instead start to channel your thoughts on what the heck your going to do today and tom.

At least this way you will be a bit more constructive with yourself- even if it is for an hour or so.

DJ28 · Jan 31, 2009, 11:09 PM

Yeah I agree, thanks for the replies.

zeeniee · Jan 31, 2009, 11:10 PM

No probs

DJ28 · Feb 1, 2009, 07:23 PM

I made a big mistake when I got home from the bar and called her errr, she didn't answer but I left a message and told her to call me. Why in the world did I do that I'm so mad at myself now, should I answer the phone if she calls or would it be rude if I didn't?

starbuck8 · Feb 1, 2009, 07:28 PM

Why are you worrying about being rude to her? You called, she didn't answer, just leave it!

DJ28 · Feb 1, 2009, 07:30 PM

Lol you have a point thank you, you answered my question.

talaniman · Feb 1, 2009, 09:46 PM

Why in the world did I do that

Drunks do stupid stuff, like call, and run there mouths off, but don't go there again, and ignore any call she makes. She can probably tell you where drunk anyway.

DJ28 · Feb 1, 2009, 10:02 PM

Yeah totally luckily I don't drink often at all, really never. I'm just beating myself up now for doing it but if she does call, which I don't think she will I won't answer. Honestly I'm so mad at her anyway for everything that I don't know if I ever want to talk to her again.

zeeniee · Feb 1, 2009, 11:15 PM

Why don't you switch your phone off and stick it somewhere - like in a drawer/cupboard and forget you had a mobile for 3 days or so-- you will be surprise on how good it will do you- I did and after when I did switched my phone on-- I actually had much better control using it... don't worry about what if othe people want to contact you during that time-- they are other ways- like email etc...

DJ28 · Feb 1, 2009, 11:21 PM

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to zeeniee again. You have a point I should do that.

Gearhe4d · Feb 1, 2009, 11:44 PM

Originally Posted by expat2009

It takes time, but it does work. Today we are good friends and nothing more.

It's got to make you wonder what could have happened though, if you might've just said or done the right thing.

zeeniee · Feb 2, 2009, 04:22 AM

I would not worry too much about your text you sent her -- just put it behind you as a minor second hic-up and no big deal and keep yourself busy in a nice way for YOU.

The thing is it does not matter what you say to her-- she has made her mind up-- you can tell by the way she is behaving, so don't worry about being rude if you don't answer.

You are entitled to change your mind and you don't owe her an explanation for your reasons now that she is an EX. If she was your girlfriend- fair enough but she is not. You don't treat an EX like you treat a girlfriend. Ex's don't deserve that!

DJ28 · Feb 2, 2009, 07:53 AM

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to zeeniee again... yeah you have a point thanks a lot.

DJ28 · Feb 2, 2009, 10:06 AM

Well today I feel a lot better for sure, I am so glad she didn't answer the phone last night. I am very confident that if she would call me today that I will not answer. Today I'm actually feeling really good that I'm not talking to her anymore.

DJ28 · Feb 3, 2009, 09:48 AM

So its really starting to hit me hard knowing we aren't talking anymore and that she is with someone else. It makes me so sick to my stomach knowing she is with someone, and might have a future with him. Of course I want her to be happy but I'm just so heartbroken. It just feels like everything we had, all the memorys and everything are gone. I know over time I will be better its just hard, its just really starting to hit me today. I started NC last Wednesday, err I'm so mad.

jmw0713 · Feb 3, 2009, 11:25 AM

It will take a few weeks of 100% NC to make these feelings die down. Trust me get a few weeks or months of NC under your belt, and you will be amazed by the way feel then.

zeeniee · Feb 4, 2009, 07:28 AM

Hi DJ28,
It will take a lot of time and a lot of work from you to overcome this hurdle.

Every time you miss her, or think of what you had is a normal feelings as they are memories of a portion of your life-- as much as they are important, you must constantly remind yourself of what the situation is now and how she has changed.

It is what I tell myself a million times a day as well.

kctiger · Feb 4, 2009, 07:32 AM

Hard work and perseverance. That is what it will take. Trust me, it is well worth it in the long run. A month or two down the road, you will be shocked at how much you have grown and how much better you are doing. At this point in time, you think that everything just sucks and cannot imagine this getting better... but it does, it gets a lot better! Just keep on moving and keep your chin up! We are all here for you.

DJ28 · Feb 4, 2009, 08:25 AM

Thanks a lot guys! I really appreciate all your help. By the way today I feel so much better then yesterday, I don't feel stressed at all so all is good right now.

kctiger · Feb 4, 2009, 08:27 AM

It is one long roller coaster... up, down, up, down... makes you want to scream!!

Once the ride is over, you become so proud that you weren't too scared to get on it in the first place.