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adamross · Dec 18, 2008, 07:20 PM

The urge WILL go. I've been in the same position and in some ways still am. What you have to remember is this... Your only wanting to contact him to reassure yourself. Ovcourse he's thinking about you. Us guys can't switch off that easy. And the thing is... he'll be wondering what your doing. This sat will be 4 weeks no contact for me but I haven't seen my ex in longer than that. We ended mutually but after time I felt like you... I contacted and just got let down at the end of it because I guess I came across needy. SO NO CONTACT! Trust me. :)

9Lives · Dec 18, 2008, 07:46 PM

Originally Posted by adamross

The urge WILL go. I've been in the exact same position and in some ways still am. What you have to remember is this.... Your only wanting to contact him to reassure yourself. Ovcourse he's thinking about you. Us guys can't switch off that easy. And the thing is .... he'll be wondering what your doing. This sat will be 4 weeks no contact for me but i havn't seen my ex in longer than that. We ended mutually but after time i felt like you.... i contacted and just got let down at the end of it because i guess i came across needy. SO NO CONTACT! trust me. :)

It is great to hear a man point of view. I ask him not to call me even though I wish he would. I know it is stupid but that is how I feel. He doesn't have my phone number but he does have my email and home address so he could if he really wanted to go there. I still say until you are over it... dont contact the ex. You are leaving yourself wide open.
I can't do it.

liz28 · Dec 18, 2008, 07:48 PM

It's hard to let go but if you were to contact him you'll never heal. It is normal to feel the way you do because the break-up is fresh.

Whenever thoughts of him creep into your mind, try to change your trail of thought to something els but whatever you do DON'T give into your urge and call him. Stay strong!

SimpleguyJoe · Dec 18, 2008, 08:57 PM

I won't lie, I know from personal experience that a mere 5 weeks is NOT ENOUGH TIME, Not enough at all. Wait until that love fades a little more so your both more likely to keep your heads cool.

kristenicole24 · Dec 18, 2008, 09:03 PM

Break ups are really hard and its normal to miss him just stay strong.

If he feels the same way he will contact you. Which you should let him do because if you try to contact him and he doesn't feel the same way it will hurt even worse than it does now..

kctiger · Dec 19, 2008, 06:39 AM

You are really probably feeling lonely due to the time of year we are in. Just hang with family and friends now and hunker down until the holidays have passed. You don't need to get in touch with him, as it will just darken your mood. Quick fixes lead to heavy hearts in this situation.

LoveStoned · Dec 20, 2008, 10:52 AM

I swear me and you are in the SAME SITUATION, same amount of years together and everything. I'm sending my ex b/f a SIMPLE friendly christmas card this year. Let it be a reminder you still care even as a friend. Just take baby steps. Don't rush into things. Keep yourself busy in the meantime. Best of luck to you!!

roxypox · Dec 20, 2008, 11:12 AM

you should let it be. Don't send your x a greeting. You might just sett yourself up and cause more trouble for yourself then anything! And like KC said, it's a time to be happy, not stressed out by x's and all the emotions that brings with it.

do the both of you a favor and let it be.

LoveStoned · Dec 20, 2008, 09:47 PM

Yeah but his parents sent me one... I haven't sent my card out yet to him. And I feel like since I broke it up I need to show him how much I care... I am wrong?? That's y I'm here!

talaniman · Dec 20, 2008, 10:22 PM

Yeah, that's just what a guy needs for Christmas , false hope. To be fair though what ever you do will cause confusion.

kctiger · Dec 21, 2008, 07:31 AM

Originally Posted by LoveStoned

yeah but his parents sent me one... I haven't sent my card out yet to him. And i feel like since I broke it up I need to show him how much i care....I am wrong???? Thats y im here!

You two do not owe each other anything. He knows you care, and doesn't need to be caught up in confusing signs from you by you contacting him. Let it be...

LoveStoned · Dec 22, 2008, 10:41 AM

I swear the no contact thing is freaking killing me. We went to talking to each other after the break up to now this... him not calling for days... I posted the story elsewhere. But I'll just let it be.

talaniman · Dec 22, 2008, 10:55 AM

Its going to hurt either way, but No Contact, hard as it is, will let you avoid, confusion, and second guessing what's on his mind, and yours, as healing can take place, which takes TIME!

kctiger · Dec 22, 2008, 10:57 AM

NC is emotional detox. You are addicted to someone, so it is important to become un-addicted. Imagine being an alcoholic in rehab (although that is a much more serious situation). You think they have it easy? It is the same with going NC, you are slowly becoming less and less attached to a person. Hard, yep. Worth it, OF COURSE. It is the ONLY way to get through this.

loveyouall · Dec 24, 2008, 06:10 PM

Originally Posted by LoveStoned

I swear me and you are in the SAME SITUATION, same amount of years together and everything. I'm sending my ex b/f a SIMPLE friendly christmas card this year. Let it be a reminder you still care even as a friend. Just take baby steps. Don't rush into things. Keep yourself busy in the meantime. Best of luck to you!!!!!

I have been thinking that although we may have parted our ways and moved ahead in life, doesn't matter who did the breakup, but there's no reason not to wish the ex-love a joyful time on Christmas.
I think I'm going to send my ex a simple friendly email to wish him a merry Christmas, and give him my regard. I hope I'm doing the right thing. Wish me luck!!

LoveStoned · Dec 24, 2008, 07:26 PM

My ex called me to wish me a Merry Christmas. I returned his call and broke the no contact of 2 weeks. I feel like I'm going to die. I feel like writing him a letter just telling him I accept this break up as of today and for him not to contat me for anything because I will not answer his calls. What he says an does one days changes in days. Should I write him a hand written letter?

kctiger · Dec 24, 2008, 07:27 PM

No, don't write anything. Just let your actions do the talking. Change your number if you have to.

LoveStoned · Dec 24, 2008, 07:28 PM

Oh and 2 weeks ago he did mention to me that "if i wanted to he will drop off my stuff for me" and that maybe we can talk about thing... But I feel like just telling him to cancel everything.

artlady · Dec 24, 2008, 07:37 PM

He knows how to contact you as well right?

If he hasn't maybe its because he is trying the no contact thing.

Honey if I was you and I still cared about someone I would do it. Not to get back together but just to let that person know you still care.We are often too afraid to reach out if we think we will be rejected but sometimes you just reach out because it feels right.

Thinking of you at this time of the year and I hope you are well. Its no biggie,I'm done with you but I care.. so what?

Sometimes we can be mature and move on without being dramatic and getting re- involved.

I'm not on the same page with people here but I would do if it was me..

Many blessings.. Michele

loveyouall · Dec 24, 2008, 08:01 PM

Originally Posted by artlady

He knows how to contact you as well right?

If he hasn't maybe its because he is trying the no contact thing.

Honey if I was you and I still cared about someone I would do it. Not to get back together but just to let that person know you still care.We are often too afraid to reach out if we think we will be rejected but sometimes you just reach out because it feels right.

Thinking of you at this time of the year and I hope you are well. its no biggie,I'm done with you but I care ..so what?

Sometimes we can be mature and move on without being dramatic and getting re- involved.

I'm not on the same page with people here but I would do if it was me..

Many blessings..Michele

Any advice for me of what to say in the email to him to let him know that I care about him, other than just say "wish him merry christmas and happy new year"? Of course nothing about relationship.