Check out some similar questions!

JBeaucaire · Jun 30, 2008, 05:48 PM

She's sending you spam links like any of her other acquaintances. You're moving completely into the friend zone. Nothing confusing here.

talaniman · Jun 30, 2008, 06:42 PM

I wish we had all this technology back in the day, I would be freakin' INVINCIBLE!

sokay · Jun 30, 2008, 11:11 PM

I read your posts. A lot of this other stuff being said by you and her, all the petty annoyances she's claiming, I think is just smoke and mirrors and clouding the issue.

It sounds like she was planning to marry you, was actively trying to get pregnant with your child, and then (I better say that again) THEN, you told her that you loved her but weren't in love with her. That had to make her feel about as sexy as a wet blanket.

?

I guess it's not too hard for me to see why she's a bit angry. And confused.

BrokeninRI · Jul 1, 2008, 05:45 AM

Sokay,

It was the other way around, she asked me if I was in Love with her and I stupidly said No I love you but I am not in Love with you. And now I can tell you I have never felt for anyone the way I feel for her. The pregnancy was about 1.5 month later when she said we should try.
The timing of her breakup coincided with my divorce date. Now she lost control, she knew I was going to propose, hence my thought that she got cold feet and decided to run fast.

sokay · Jul 1, 2008, 11:47 AM

I said: "you told her that you loved her but weren't in love with her"

You said:

Originally Posted by BrokeninRI

Sokay, It was the other way around, she asked me if I was in Love with her and I stupidly said No I love you but I am not in Love with you.

So how is that the other way around? Even if it was how does that make it better? You're playing semantics here, word games. (And people who play word games, play more than one of them.) Either you love her, or you don't. No need to qualify it.

Perhaps you could have just leaned over and gently whispered into her ear that you done the research, crunched some numbers, and come to the laborious conclusion that you love her, on average, approximately 63% of the time. That'll be sure to turn her on.

"And now I can tell you I have never felt for anyone the way I feel for her."

You can't unsay what you already said. The damage is done.

"The timing of her breakup coincided with my divorce date."

I highly doubt that was a coincidence. You said that you had previously told her that you were going to ask her to marry you on the date your divorce was final, right? (BTW not exactly what every woman wants to hear... not exactly romantic timing... )

Do you think she wanted to marry some guy who... 'Loves her but is not in love with her'? Of course not. She's too good to settle for that.

Now she lost control, she knew I was going to propose, hence my thought that she got cold feet and decided to run fast.

Bingo!

starlite1 · Jul 1, 2008, 12:11 PM

Sokay makes sense, Broken. It wasn't cold feet, it was a broken heart that caused her to leave the relationship. I think any man or woman would have reacted the same way. 'You love me, but aren't in love with me - then I've got to go'. I am sorry if I sound harsh, but, that is what I think. The only thing you can do is let her go. You will find someone that is better for you, who you do love, and are in love with.

BrokeninRI · Jul 1, 2008, 12:15 PM

Wow Sokay,
All right let me rephase. Yes I did tell her that I was not in LOVE with her. Then one after that we were still planning on getting pregnant. She did not seem to mind it. So she was still willing to marry me and have a family after I told her I loved her but not in love with her. In he meantime a coupe of Girlfriend of hers got involved to help her figure things out and that is what brought up all of this on the day my divorce was final. My divorce was final on the 22nd. I was going to propose tomorrow July 2nd, on my Birthday not on the day my divorce was final, I am not that insensitive. I hope I cleared any confusion I have caused.

BrokeninRI · Jul 1, 2008, 12:16 PM

Star,

I am crazy about her. I am truly in love with her.

BrokeninRI · Jul 1, 2008, 12:18 PM

When she would have taken me out for my Birthday and once I got my cake with the caddle, make my wish and get on my knee and say "this is what I wished for"

starlite1 · Jul 1, 2008, 12:36 PM

I am so sorry that you are going through this pain, broken, I really am. But, she is real hurt, and her friends were looking out for her. Granted this is between you and her, but she was upset, and needed to talk to people about why she was upset. The only thing I can say is give her space. Do not go to the game either. It will not be good for you, or her. If she acts cold to you while you are there, how are you going to feel? Not good at all. Do not put yourself through that, and let her figure out her feelings for you herself. That is really all you can do at this point.

BrokeninRI · Jul 2, 2008, 09:35 AM

Update.
Well I saw her last night, we had a good time did not talk about us during the game. Went out to dinner with other mutual friends but after dinner we talked. She needs us to take some time away from one another, feels that I am still angry at my ex wife, too soon after my ex left we got involved, I did not have time for me, did not have time to find myself, and or heal. I agreed. She wants to stay friends, says she loves me and care a lot about me, is still attracted to me. Wants us to see each other at sports events, go out with mutual friends, in groups. Cannot just go out with me alone yet but will consider it and we can play it by ear. She wants me to take 6 months to a year to find what I really want and heal with the help of a professional. I need to focus on me. In the future, if we are meant to be, we will be. She promised that if she changes her mind before the time frame of 6 months, she will let me know. She confessed that she misses me sometimes and feels lonely. It is a nice feeling knowing that I am not the only one hurting. I know it sounds selfish, but we are both hurting. Will have to wait and see. Thank you all for all your input, thanks for listening to me, thanks for all the advise you have given me. Anymore input?
Have a Happy 4th.

starlite1 · Jul 2, 2008, 09:42 AM

Hi Broken,

I think that is very sensible. I too am divorced, and I think you definatley need time to heal, at least a year (in my case anyway). She sounds like she gave you some great advise. Now, are you really going to take that advice? I suggest you do. Get yourself healed, do not rush the time to heal, you must do this for you now. Once you do, and whether you two get back together or not, you will be stronger, happier within and for yourself, and will be ready for a relationship. Just keep up the good work, and by all means, see a counselor, and stay on this site. We are always happy to help!

Have a great 4th, okay? :)

BrokeninRI · Jul 2, 2008, 09:51 AM

Thanks Star.
I have been seeing someone since she left me. At least now I am no longer confused as to where I stand with her. I can focus on me and my work. It felt so good when she told me how she really felt about me. I even told her that I did not like the mean way she treated me the past 5 weeks. I guess she was very emotional and confused. I did tell her that I am comfortable telling her that I never felt for anyone the way I currently feel for her. She is having a hard time believing me, not sure if it is the rejection talking or if it is really me talking. Time will tell. My approach will be to still email her and talk on the phone, see her at soccer events as much as I can and hope that the candle is going to stay lite at a minimum for now. I will be seeing her on Wednesday again. When I ask if she would like me to come to her game, she got a little edgy but then told me of course I would like for you to come, you do not need to ask me that.

BrokeninRI · Jul 2, 2008, 09:53 AM

I meant seeing someone, a therapist I meant.

starlite1 · Jul 2, 2008, 10:36 AM

Originally Posted by BrokeninRI

I meant seeing someone, a therapist I meant.

I know ;) And that is great! I am so glad to hear that you are doing something for yourself. Listen, now is the time where you talk to your therapist about everything about you, your ex-wife, your relationship with your current g/f. Get everything out in the open, because that is when therapy is most effective (Gee, you think I went to therpy? LOL!)

BrokeninRI · Jul 2, 2008, 10:49 AM

Thanks STAR. You are awesome.

starlite1 · Jul 2, 2008, 12:23 PM

You are so welcome, sweetie. Anytime! We are all hear for you!

BrokeninRI · Jul 4, 2008, 03:17 PM

I got asked to go to another game Tuesday!!

BrokeninRI · Jul 6, 2008, 03:27 PM

Wow she even offered to buy me a ticket for the game and she told about a tailgate before the game that she will keep me posted about.
I am going as a friend, I am not going to read into this anymore or overanalyze this, it is just causing my head and heart to hurt. Would someone care to do it on my behalf?

Chery · Jul 6, 2008, 04:06 PM

Like I told someone before, friendships can last longer than fleeting relationships that break-up over insecurities. We've all been through it.

I have former lovers who are my best friends now. Some took months, some years - but our friendship now will never cease to exist and we can have fun without having to 'act' around each other. We even laugh about the 'good old days' sometimes and enjoy meeting our families.

Life takes us through a lot of changes as we grow, just enjoy the time at the games and don't let false hopes ruin things for you.

Have a great time..