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starbuck8 · May 31, 2008, 12:33 AM

Chuff, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend, and the loss his wife and his little girl have to face. I had a very good friend that died of the very same thing, and that exact age. He had a young girl also. (Ironic) That's a hard thing to go through, at such a young age. Very sorry to hear about that. It brings back memories, and I'm so very sorry that your friends little girl has to go through that! :( My sympathy's are with you and your friends family.

jolienoire · May 31, 2008, 08:02 AM

chuff sorry to hear about your friend. Will keep you and your friend's family in my prayers...

spion_kop · May 31, 2008, 09:50 AM

chuff, that is really sad to hear. My thoughts and prayers are with the family. It does really put everything into perspective where there are more important issues in life, like life itself..

dollarman · May 31, 2008, 12:59 PM

The funny thing is I was gearing up to post my story and talk about my decision to implement NC. Then you realize that you are NOT the most important. Thanks God for the message. My prayers and heart are with you Chuff and your friends family. Such a hard thing to deal with, but remember God. Don't forget that He will deliver you.

chuff · May 31, 2008, 02:01 PM

Thanks everybody for your comments. I spoke with his sister this morning and she said she felt "betrayed." Also I didn't mean to thread steal, when I got the news I was drinking because the of what happened during the day and I came back and just sat in down for awhile, and was surfing the net and saw my post from hours earlier and kind of thinking, "Your stuck on what happened to you, and it takes this to wake you up that." I'm kind of ashamed to admit that again this morning I was still stuck on thinking about the ex, so go figure.

Dollarman, hit us up with your story and what's going on. This isn't my thread this is for everybody and I'd love to bring it back to the NC discussions and what we can all do to move forward in a positive way.

bigbird213 · May 31, 2008, 02:11 PM

Chuff, I too am sorry for your loss. It really is an eye-opener I can imagine.

You're a tough guy though, you'll manage just fine.

dollarman · May 31, 2008, 02:12 PM

Thanks Chuff. Good to see you bounced back, but here goes...

I'm going to try and keep it brief, because there's no real need to beat this dead horse into the ground. We broke up in April. She initiated the contacts first, then she stopped. Then I had to do the initiating. She met somebody. Not together officially, but might as well be. I've been on and off with the no contact thing, and after awhile I realized I was the only one willing to work at this 'friendship', and I've come to realize I'm not interested at all in that. It takes two to tango. I sent a letter to her a couple days ago, and I guess it was just my final say without the need or pressure on her to write me back. At times I want to get back, but at times I don't. This NC thing is really to win myself back. So I'm on day 2. My record is a week. So I'm looking forward to Next Saturday.

PS: You guys think the letter was a bad idea? It just had my feelings, but no asking or blaming. It wasn't a love letter but it was heartfelt.

bigbird213 · May 31, 2008, 02:18 PM

Do I think the letter was a bad idea?

It doesn't matter

The letter was sent, who cares if it was a good idea or bad idea. Stop thinking about it. You sent it now, you felt it was the right thing to do and its done. Worrying about how she will feel when she reads it and if she will respond or not and how it would be is not what you want to do.

As far as the "at times I want to get back, at times I don't" that's normal. Don't worry about that. If there is one thing I learned it's that the whole journey is going to be up and down and up and down.

One thing you can be sure of is that if you are feeling down, give it a while, you will be feeling better... hang in there and try to stay away from her or anything that would give you any indications of her.

dollarman · May 31, 2008, 02:22 PM

Sounds like a Grade A response. I'll do just that. I'm definitely going to be on this board updating and keeping track of my progress, and I want to thank everyone in advance for the support and honest answers. I have a feeling that this will be much easier than I may have ever imagined.

jpm247 · May 31, 2008, 02:23 PM

BB is right my man,

As tough as it is, stay away from her, and anything that could give you info on her. It doesn't help in the healing process to open up that wound. I know, I did and it hurt. Nearly 90 days of NC for me, and it still hurts. Nothing like it did, but enough.

YOur in the right place, welcome aboard!

dollarman · May 31, 2008, 02:31 PM

Man, I can't wait to say I've done 90 days of hard NC time. I'm looking forward to it. I'm actually excited for such a challenge. Maybe that's twisted, but in such a position I have no choice but to get better. And to strive for it. Lol. I think I'm excited about NC. :)

chuff · May 31, 2008, 02:51 PM

Dollarman, I also agree that what's done is done. I probably would not have recommended sending it but on the flip side, it allowed you to get out some of the emotions you've been feeling so in that regard it's a positive for you. I also like you last response, it's positive and you don't look at NC as "oh not another day, whoa as me" but rather it's a challenge for you to overcome and a goal for you to achieve. That's the way to go about it and to be honest, that's what all of us should be encouraging in all those applying NC.

classicrocker · May 31, 2008, 03:23 PM

Well its been about 2 months now, not of NC but of being broken up. Still struggleing. Just want her back in my arms. I have my moments of realizing that she's not the only girl in the world and that I can find another person to love. But I don't know the past couple days have been a struggle. Kind of still having the hope that she comes to her senses. I don't know anymore.

zooropa1985 · May 31, 2008, 03:42 PM

OK guys I got a problem, little of topic again but what the hey.

I bought a guitar and I'm left handed, now should I learn to play right handed or just change the strings around?

chuff just want to say I'm very sorry to hear about your loss, I'm not good with these kind of things so I just wanted to say sorry my friend.

classicrocker · May 31, 2008, 04:28 PM

Well most likely you should learn it left handed, unless your going for unique! Up to you but some guitars you can't just simply switch the strings around because of the nut and the bridge, but those are also reversible and ajustable

chuff · May 31, 2008, 06:31 PM

Originally Posted by classicrocker

well its been about 2 months now, not of NC but of being broken up. still struggleing. just want her back in my arms. i have my moments of realizing that shes not the only girl in the world and that i can find another person to love. but idk the past couple days have been a struggle. kinda still having the hope that she comes to her senses. idk anymore.

I feel you. I can't reiterate anything new to what you already know as far as what to do. But CR, you have it in you to stand up and say you are right. She is not in her senses. You have to acknowledge that her mistakes are not yours, and right or wrong she must live with those decisions. But her decisions can't not ba taken by you as a step back. Your doing fine overall, these are just a few days, not the overall progress.

chuff · May 31, 2008, 06:33 PM

Originally Posted by zooropa1985

ok guys i got a problem, little of topic again but what the hey.

i bought a guitar and im left handed, now should i learn to play right handed or just change the strings around?

chuff just want to say im very sorry to hear about your loss, im not good with these kind of things so i just wanted to say sorry my friend.

Thanks for you comments.

Also, maybe this is a stupid question but don't they make guitars for left handed people.

Also, how you learning to play this? Lessons, by yourself?

bigbird213 · May 31, 2008, 11:48 PM

Originally Posted by zooropa1985

ok guys i got a problem, little of topic again but what the hey.

i bought a guitar and im left handed, now should i learn to play right handed or just change the strings around?

chuff just want to say im very sorry to hear about your loss, im not good with these kind of things so i just wanted to say sorry my friend.

Hendrix did it :)

But seriously, like CR said, you can't just flip the strings around. You have to change the hardware etc and even then, the knobs and lever will be reversed. Your best bet might be to return it (if possible) and get a left handed guitar. I'm amazed that whoever sold it to you didn't say anything or ask.

But yes Chuff, they do make left handed guitars. I've never tried, as I'm a righty, but I imagine trying to learn right handed as a lefty would be quite tough.

hav0k · Jun 1, 2008, 09:25 AM

I have a question...

At this point the pain/miserableness/loneliness from my break up almost makes me feel like I should have never gone out with the girl in the first place. Before this relationship, I was happy being single and doing my own thing, but now that I have experienced what it is like to have that companion, I really feel like I can never go back (she was my first... ). I know you guys say to work on bettering yourself, go out more, pick up new hobbies, keep yourself busy, etc. but I just feel like there will always be that irreplaceable void.

A common quote I often hear is "don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." However, at this point I really don't see the truth in that quote. Don't get me wrong, I had an amazing time and unforgettable experiences with this girl, but that just makes me feel so much worse that it's lost. And I hate feeling like this.

So I'm wondering... is this a common feeling? Or am I wrong to feel like this?

ISneezeFunny · Jun 1, 2008, 09:56 AM

Entirely too common of a feeling. You're right, that whole "it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all"... is bs at this point. Only after you're over the girl and have "bettered" yourself, will you realize that it's true. As for now, yes, being angry, being sad, feeling like there's nothing left for you... is normal.

However, everyone on this thread is right. You got to focus on yourself. You got to do you.