[stinawords]

I have seen more cases with split holidays as every other holiday every other year. This would mean that the child(ren) is with one parent for christmas including new year one year and the other the next. The same follows with other hollidays as well. Summer is generally done as a block of time with the non-custodial parent the same time every year because that isn't a holiday.

[JudyKayTee]

ive seen some pland that have that schedule. My family lives in another state. I have no family here whatsoever. Ex wants a scheudle where one parent has xmas eve 6pm to Xmas Day 3pm, then other parent gets 3pm xmas day to 6pm the day after xmas. I would think thats unreasonable and interrupts my holiday time with my child. She says there is no point having and extended break since child is so young and not in grade school. We have not spoken in several months. This is based on my talk with her before things went sour.

I have seen one parent have the week leading to Christmas and perhaps the following day and the other have from that day through NY but I have never - and I'm in NYS - seen a disputed visitation over Christmas that ended up with a permanent "one parent has the whole holiday" schedule. I have seen years that alternate - one parent the entire period one year and the other parent the following year - and there are lots of Orders out there I am not aware of (!) but I personally have never seen this.

Keep in mind that when I get involved it's because there is a dispute of some sort going on.

[cdad]

What I mean by consistent is that its exclusive to you. If you trade off then the time is a wash. Its equal so there is no gain no loss. What you have to remember is that when going to court what you read here or anywhere else is just a guideline. No one can predict what a judge will do or say on any given day. Depending on the age of the child you might be able to compromise and allow mom the child's return on Sunday but stipulate that when the child turns ( insert your number ) then overnights are extended through Sunday. Its something to consider since you want to gain time with your child as the ultimate goal.

[msir]

Can someone explain the mediation process? What, if any, kind of questions does the mediator ask before providing recommendations?


How does Age health and gender of the child factor in to custody? My child is a healthy 16 month old boy, I am the father.


Why would it not be a good idea to start shared custody at this age when it would not adversely affect the child... or would it?

[ScottGem]

Mediation is simply the use of a (hopefully) trained professional to try and broker a compromise agreeable to all parties. What they will ask depends on the circumstances.

Age and health bear on the parents ability to raise a child. For example, an infant that is breastfeeding won't be able to spend overnites with the father.

Again, the circumstances are different with each case. At 16 months there is still a lot of bonding between the mother more than the father. So pulling the child from the mother for extended periods may not be best for the child.

[msir]

So in your opinion (and I hope others can chime in on this) Is it best for a child this age not to have midweek overnight visitation? Would and evening (6-8) visitation be better?

I am about 30 min away (40-60 in traffic) from the child so I would think midweek overnights wouldn't work if she disagrees.

Right now I get EOW Friday 6pm to Sunday 6pm. Can I extend this to pick up child from daycare on Friday and return him to daycare Monday morning. Mom says this is not necessary since the daycare is across from her job.

[ScottGem]

To be honest, there are too many variables here for me to answer. Your attorney should be prepping you on what is doable given your coircumstances.

[JudyKayTee]

So in your opinion (and I hope others can chime in on this) Is it best for a child this age not to have midweek overnight visitation? Would and evening (6-8) visitation be better?

I am about 30 min away (40-60 in traffic) from the child so I would think midweek overnights wouldnt work if she disagrees.

Right now I get EOW friday 6pm to sunday 6pm. Can I extend this to pick up child from daycare on friday and return him to daycare monday morning. Mom says this is not necessary since teh daycare is across from her job.

I'm confused when I compare this post to your other posts - I can't quite get a grasp on the situation.

However - I am not certain that it is in the best interest of a toddler to go back and forth between parents for more than one overnight. Some children, obviously, make the switch more easily than others. Without knowing the child and the set up for the child in both houses I think it's impossible to know what is best.

The mediator will look at several factors, many of which you've already posted and the Board has already addressed.

As far as mediators - and I know other people will disagree - in most but not all cases I am not in favor of using a mediator. Some mediators are more skilled than others and I've seen least angry of the two participants, the least forceful, give up and agree to terms that the Court would never order. I've seen mediators make recommendations based on the mediator's untrained evaluation of people's stability and mental health.

There also was someone posting on this board who is/was a mediator based on some classes and absolutely no education. I found the situation to be chilling. I would check on the qualifications of the mediator - I would not meet with anyone who did not attend law school, who did not know the laws in your particular State.

[msir]

Our court case ended a coupe weeks ago. Custody, visitation and child support awarded. I filed an exception to change the pickup time from 6pm to 7pm because the following visitation after court, I emailed ax and asked her to let me pickup ds late. She said no, because the order says we had to be on time. I wanted to come late because of work. She pointed out that I told the court I had a flexible schedule. I do. They post the schedule every week and sometimes I get off at 4, 5, or 6 depending on when they require me to come in. I testified to this in court. She said I mislead the court because I don't have a flex schdedule. I have a rotation scheudle, like shift work.


Before I always made the 6pm pickup time with the exception of missed visitaiton for out of town work. I submitted the email My ex says I can't use it as evidence because it occurred after the court date and does not mee the criteria of evidence that wasn't presented in court.


I also requested for us to meet at a police station because I believe my ex is hostile.

I also asked that a councilor or third party represent the child becaue I don't want to deal with exchanging my child with my ex.

What are the possibilities that the court will reconsider the ruling to include these requests?

[stinawords]

It isn't likely that you will get back into court for such a small change. This is something that you are better off dealing with your employer about. I realize that you don't want to go against your boss but you can bring in a copy of the order as back up for your story about why you can't work till 6.

[msir]

It isn't likely that you will get back into court for such a small change. This is something that you are better off dealing with your employer about. I realize that you don't want to go against your boss but you can bring in a copy of the order as back up for your story about why you can't work till 6.

What about the other requests? My ex responded and said the following


I should be denied because

1. the email is dated after the court trial
2. I hve never missed a 6pm pickup
3. Nothing in the court findings warranted the exchange be at the police station or that a third party should do the exchange.


Also, she filed a reconsideration for back child support. Apparently, it was not included in the support calculation and she wrote that my son is entitled to back child support from the date of filing which was May 2007 of last year.

[msir]

This is regarding my older child. I am now in MD. I was divorced in VA and my ex got custody of our daughter. I was paying child support but then eventually she moved to SC and took our daughter without my knowledge. That was about 6 years ago and I never saw my daughter again. I eventually stopped paying CS beasue I wasn't working. Apparently she filed for child support some years ago in SC and I was found to owe them. I recently discovered that I owe over 28K in back child support. I think she was double dipping at some point. Shouldn't I be paying support to VA instead of SC? What can I do to get them to cancel the back support?

[ScottGem]

I suggest getting an attorney to sort this out. Theorectically, when she refiled in SC, that should havde cancelled the payments owed in VA EXCEPT for the back support.

[msir]

So your saying although she illegally took our child out of state, and with a VA order in place, she can transfer her support to another state, although I didn't agree to her moving? How is that fair?

[ScottGem]

Her taking the child out of state is a separate issue. That refers to custody and visitation. Generally, those are dealt with separately from support.

Without knowing the terms of your custody/visitation, I don't know whether her moving was wrong or not. Nor have you mentioned what you have done to get enforce the custody/visitation.

[stinawords]

Those are all things that should have been brought up when you were in front of the judge. A judge will not rehear a case so soon after he/she ruled because you forgot to mention some things. If you did bring up those other concerns at the hearing the judge simply ruled against you.

[msir]

Her taking the child out of state is a separate issue. That refers to custody and visitation. Generally, those are dealt with separately from support.

Without knowing the terms of your custody/visitation, I don't know whether her moving was wrong or not. Nor have you mentioned what you have done to get enforce the custody/visitation.

I didn't do anything. Its been at least 5 years without contact. Our original court order for custody, visitation, and child support was in VA when we were both living there and without warning, she moved away at night and took our duaghet to SC where her family lives. I eventually made plans to move to South america, but I returned to my hometown in FL. I now live in MD where I have another child and I pay CS for that child.

[msir]

So does that mean she will not get back child support awarded?

[ScottGem]

So she violated the visitation but you did nothing to enforce it. Also you decided on your own to stop paying support rather then seek a legal modification. That's 2 strikes against you.

They should not be able to collect support in VA past the point whre she filed for support in SC. But they certainly can go after the unpaid back support.

[stinawords]

No, child support is usually figured from the date of filling. So the payments would be the same for current support but you would be in arrears so would be making higher payments until the arrears are caught up. There is a possibility that she won't get it but I am surprised that it wasn't done from the start.