Check out some similar questions!

lost?? · Jan 27, 2006, 12:56 PM

I think wildcat is right. I mean I do want to thank her for going out with me last night and having a good time, but I really feel she would see that as me coming on to her. I don't think I should talk to her for a while even though its killing me. I've tried everything else but this so what can I lose? I think this just may work for me.

blueiman · Jan 27, 2006, 01:03 PM

Originally Posted by lost??

i think wildcat is right. i mean i do want to thank her for going out with me last night and having a good time, but i really feel she would see that as me comming on to her. i dont think i should talk to her for a while even though its killin me. ive tried everything else but this so what can i lose?? i think this just may work for me.

OK lost, it's all up to you. Do what you have to do. But, remember whatever happens it takes two. So, just get it over with and run to her. Drop to your knees and kiss the earth she walks on. Let us know what happens. And I do hope it works for you.

blueiman · Jan 27, 2006, 01:08 PM

Originally Posted by Chery

That's cool for those who still have their little 'black books' like blue, but I am adult enough not to feel the need to play games. And when a man thanks me for a nice time, I appreciate it.

What games? No game here. Sometimes you have to go away for a while so you give her a chance to miss you. Or maybe you where talking about something else?.
Black book, yes! Just like most beautiful women have them to. I'm sure she has one and is looking other men up right now...

Chery · Jan 28, 2006, 05:36 AM

Originally Posted by blueiman

ok lost, it's all up to you. do what you have to do. but, remember whatever happens it takes two. so, just get it over with and run to her. drop to your knees and kiss the earth she walks on. let us know what happens. and i do hope it works for you.

First, you disagree with me, then you change your mind - which I think was sarcastically done and not for real. Women do like men who can take control of certain things in a relationship, but we don't need 'control freaks'. On one point you are right though, it is lost's choice and he has to live with it. The best we can do is give some logical and compassionate advice and that means - keep our emotions out of it.

So, Lost - are you a Macho by birth, or don't you have enough self-confidence by trying to act like one? You know her longer than we do, and if you trust her, why are you afraid of saying thanks. Not all of us women care for only warm 'body contact' and coldness the remainder of the time - think about it. Reading into things and not communicating with someone is the wrong way to go to get reassured one way or the other - it just strings things along and does nothing to help you concentrate on education and future, etc. I think you'd feel a lot better and will be able to continue your life once you know where you stand.

blueiman · Jan 28, 2006, 06:31 AM

Originally Posted by Chery

First, you disagree with me, then you change your mind - which I think was sarcastically done and not for real. Women do like men who can take control of certain things in a relationship, but we don't need 'control freaks'. On one point you are right though, it is lost's choice and he has to live with it. The best we can do is give some logical and compassionate advice and that means - keep our emotions out of it.

OK chery, is there a problem with me disagreeing with your past statement. Thanks for letting me know how you feel. You are not the boss of me. :p

Chery · Jan 28, 2006, 06:40 AM

Originally Posted by blueiman

ok chery, is there a problem with me disagreeing with your past statement. thanks for letting me know how you feel. you are not the boss of me. :p

In a way, yes there is a problem, as disagreeing on a comment means that I lied or gave false information - which I did not. I just stated an opinion, as you did. And instead of giving you a bad rating, I openly posted my difference of opinion - that's all, and according to the rules.

I am not anyone's boss except my own and my cat's and that's just the way I like it. Too bad you cannot take constructive criticism like the rest of us. I'm 55 and earned every year of experience and can share it without being sarcastic, just ask Wildcat...

blueiman · Jan 28, 2006, 10:09 AM

Originally Posted by Chery

In a way, yes there is a problem, as disagreeing on a comment means that I lied or gave false information - which I did not. I just stated an opinion, as you did. And instead of giving you a bad rating, I openly posted my difference of opinion - that's all, and according to the rules.

I am not anyone's boss except my own and my cat's and that's just the way I like it. Too bad you cannot take constructive criticism like the rest of us. I'm 55 and earned every year of experience and can share it without being sarcastic, just ask Wildcat...

Geez chery because I disagree with you comment does not mean you gave false info. Just expressing my opinion. Boy, I disagree and the next thing you know you're bashing me. Well, I do take const criticism. And, what's up with locking me out. I thought this was a site to express our opinions. But, sounds like when you have an opinion look out don't cross chery. Maybe you can't take constructive criticism...

Chery · Jan 28, 2006, 10:27 AM

Originally Posted by blueiman

geez chery because i disagree with you comment does not mean you gave false info. just expressing my opinion. boy, i disagree and the next thing you know youre bashing me. well, i do take const criticism. and, whats up with locking me out. i thought this was a site to express our opinions. but, sounds like when you have an opinion look out dont cross chery. maybe you can't take constructive criticism...

Sorry, but I don't know what you mean by 'locking out'. If I was wrong in assessing your last post where you changed your mind, please feel free to say so. Being a therapist, I'm used to worse than what you stated and don't feel offended at all. It's just that you probably did not read the rules about the ratings on this forum. A bad rating is not indicative of a different opinion, which we all have a right to. I never judge or 'bash' anyone - check out some of my other posts and you'll see where I'm coming from. The world would not be such a diverse place to live on if everyone were of the same opinion.

Wildcat21 · Jan 28, 2006, 01:55 PM

Blue - take it easy. Chery is always dead on in her opinions. Chery knows what she is talking about. Her advice is always right. And she is great lady. She's been there, done that.

blueiman · Jan 28, 2006, 04:32 PM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Blue - take it easy. Chery is always dead on in her opinions. Chery knows what she is talking about. Her advice is always right. And she is great lady. She's been there, done that.

OK I will take it easy on chery. I agree with you. Thanks for the comment.
Sorry got off on the wrong foot. Lets just get along. I got a lot of interesting stuff to share here and don't want to get people upset with me. So, give me a chance please.

RealDeal1970 · Jan 28, 2006, 06:36 PM

I think we all need a group HUG :)

talaniman · Jan 28, 2006, 07:08 PM

Welcome this is someone else's thread you know,you could have just started a new one,that would be the correct way to do it.:cool:

RealDeal1970 · Jan 28, 2006, 07:14 PM

talaniman, as much as I want to flame you for your response since I'm totally brand new, and think you could have given me a little slack, I'll just delete my post. As Steve Martin would say " exccccccuuuusssseeee ME!! "

Chery · Jan 29, 2006, 10:20 AM

Originally Posted by RealDeal1970

I think we all need a group HUG :)

A warm welcome to the forum too!

The HUG sounds like a good idea - it brings out those endorphines and makes one feel better.

lost?? · Feb 1, 2006, 07:43 PM

update...

I'm so mad at myself for feeling so bad about this for so long. For the past three days I've been feeling great. I'm not saying that this whole thing doesn't bother me anymore but I'm feeling way better about this. I was at a family party on Sunday and I talked to my older cousin. His girlfriend did the same thing to him so I figured hed have some good advice. He said he knew exactly how I felt and that it does get way better. He told me I have to stop thingking about it. He said how I just turned 21 and now I can do so much more and that there's plenty of girls out there. Now I'm not the type of guy who doesn't want to go out with all random girls, I like to have one person and be in a relationship. He said he was the same way and he's found a new girlfriend and he says that relationship is way better than his old one. I know things won't work out exactly the same way for me but it gave me hope. He pretty much told me the same thing everyone else did but for some reason he got through to me. And I felt so stupid going up and asking him about it but now I'm so glad I did. Haha now were going out next weekend and I know its going to be great. Thanks so much everyone who's helped me through this. I know its not over yet but I really do believe I'm on my way. I'm not in that bad place anymore and I really don't care what she does.

to anyone who reads this and is in my situation... take wildcat's advice, do not talk about the relationship. Give her space and act like you're OK with it. Focus on yourself and make things better in your own life. Don't worry about her... you can't do anything about it. Don't worry about getting back together, its not the end of the world if you don't trust me. Just cut off contact with her... don't call her it will only make you feel worse trust me. Life goes on and so should you. If you get back together great but if not it will get better. Go out and meet new people... it really does help try it.

again thanks everyone and ill keep you posted on what happens. I'm just so glad I'm not in that place anymore hahaha!!

Wildcat21 · Feb 2, 2006, 08:50 AM

Good job. You do get over it.

You ca nnever put TOO much importance in someone - it will = heart break - at least unti lyou are married.

WHEN you, as a guy, bring up the relationship situation, especiall yearly on, you push the gal away. Every time. It's something about too much pressure o na woman.

mattvit · Feb 3, 2006, 07:07 AM

Girlfriend wants a break/space and doesn't know y

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi, I've been with my girlfriend for 1.5 yrs. Everything was great for over a yr. its been about 1.5 months now she's hasent been acting herself. We had some fights and stuff, but we never fought before so its only normal. Anyway, 2 weeks ago she came out of now where saying she wants to break up and all that crap, we talked about it and she said she wanted her space to be alone, that she was confused, however she wasn't able to give me any reasons for her actiong though. So were on a "break" she said she would call me when she was ready. After 2 weeks I called her just to say hi and to see if she was OK, she started to break down on the phone craying really hard, we talked she brought up what I was doing without her and I said I went out and stuff, she got upset at the idea of me going clubbing, but I didn't go. We talked about the relationship and she was really emotional but yet seemed like she wanted to break up. We talked for 2 hr, so if she didn't want to talk I guess we wouldn't have. Anyway, I don't know what to do now. I know since I met this girl that she has issues about her life, and has always suffered from depression but wasent enough for her to realise. Anyway I really think she has hit emotional rock bottem and is doing this because her head is messed up. She comes from a familly that treats her like ****, she's been doing bad in school, so I guess she's stressed out about her life that she want to park me on the side to deal with her problems. I've read your comments and my girlfriend was really acting not herself through all this stuff. Like she was a totally different person than the one I knew. What do you guys think is going on?? Is she really going through a break down, or does she really doesn't want to be with me?? I mean I've done so much for her and her life wouldn't be the way it is now if it wasn't for me. So why would she want to lose a great guy like me. She's been hurt by losers before that cheated on her and **** like that, so why would she let me go to go back to **** guys like that? I'm really confused please let me know what you think? Thanks

Chery · Feb 3, 2006, 08:50 AM

Dear lost... good that you finally feel better about yourself. There are still many options open to you, so take each day at a time and don't rush into things. Take a little break yourself, and just lay back and enjoy life. Remember that we are here for you 24/7 and no matter what happens, we wish you a lot of luck!

P.S. mattvit - since this was not your thread, I answered to the other post you started - welcome to the forum.

lost?? · Feb 6, 2006, 07:24 PM

Get this...

So I'm down my friends house Saturday night. My ex shows up and I don't talk to her for like 20 minutes. Finally I go over and say hi and ask how's she's doing and how's school. She says good. Her mom called her and after that she was getting ready to leave. She goes up to our friends and says bye and give hugs or whatever rite... I'm sorry ladies but the ***** walked right pass me, didn't acknowledge me or anything. After two years you think she could still say bye or something. And after she left my 1 friend told me she didn't want to come down if I was there because she'd make it "harder" on me. I did so much for her when we were together and after all that she can't even say goodbye?? Screw her that's messed up. She's so ignorant its not worth my time anymore. She not the same person and I don't want to get back together with her. I hate that I wasted all this time worrying about it. "dont wanna make it harder on me" like she's something special. Well she was special to me but not anymore. Her 1 friend said she was probably playing games but I'm not playing anymore games, especially if she going to be like that. You guys were right I should have stopped wastin time on her a long time ago and I regret not listening earlier. How the hell are you just going to walk rite by the person you just spent the last 2 years of you life with?? She's not worth it. The break is over, I'm endin it because I have no intention of getting back with her, she went to college and became cool I guess. **** her I'm not stuck anymore... thanks to everyone who helped me through this but I know I'm going to be fine now... I'm not stuck anymore

JoeCanada76 · Feb 6, 2006, 07:50 PM

FOLLOW YOUR HEART. What do you think is the right thing to do? No ifs or what's. Do what you think is best for you and let the rest of the pieces fall where it may.