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vickieodongoz · May 27, 2009, 12:52 AM

Hi everyone.am in a stressfull position. Well, I was living with this girl in my countyr for like 3 years in my house.we decided to move to there country in europe .so I had to sale all my house stuff,I sold my cars and even stopped my company that was doing well.the reason for moving to europe with her was to further our education. I have been with her in europe now for two months but since I get here it has been fights after fight and lots of preassure. First it was preassure of knowing there language, the driving school pressure even though I know how to drive and I have an international driving license. I went to driving school and am now taking language classes for their language but still there is preassure of her telling me to look for job.I don't know where to start I have only been here for two months.all my money I gave in her account before we move and she says they will end soon.I love playing soccer and I have a talent in soccer I believe socce will take me somewhere soon and I will play in a big team considering that am only 23 years.she hates me playing soccer and she always complain when I go for training.. she want me to take any job so long as it pays.yet that's not what I want.seriously what can I do.should I go on with soccer or move back to my country things are not working out

shazamataz · May 27, 2009, 03:39 AM

You have given up a lot for this girl and she needs to realise that.

She is making everythig about her and not taking your feelings into consideration.

Did you want to move to another country, or were you pressured into it?

You need to talk more about yourself with her... tell her your feelings and how hard you are finding things, not just assume that she knows what is in your head.

The soccer training that she complains about I can sort of understand.
If you need money and a job then that should take priority.
Even if you are excellent at soccer it is a very high risk getting into sport... not many people make it into the big time and she may see it as a waste of time.

Reason with her... tell her that you have soccer practice at (insert time) but you will go job hunting after wards... set a schedule for your week so that she can see you are doing something.

Romefalls19 · May 27, 2009, 05:12 AM

What else are you going to give up for this girl? A good company, a house, cars, a LIFE and now she wants you to give up soccer. Where do YOU draw the line?

Gemini54 · May 27, 2009, 05:18 PM

It's always very stressful moving, changing countries and learning a new language.
Of course you're fighting - who wouldn't be?

I think that she's right - if you're going to stay you need to get a job. Try to see what work you can do until things settle down and you can make a more objective assessment of your situation.

There is a big lesson here - never put all of your life into the hands of another person. It was a huge mistake to put all your money into her bank account for a start.

none12345 · May 27, 2009, 06:51 PM

Some couples just constantly fight all the time. I think when that is the case, you should be with someone more compatible, that way you ll be more happy.

vickieodongoz · Oct 24, 2009, 08:11 AM

Greetings.am writing this while shading tears.well,I love my girl who is currently 4 month pregnant.. the issues is that she get annoyed of small things shout at me,bang the door,pull her hair and scream at me.its so muc,it was like this even before she was pregnant.I have talk to her before about this and she promise to change.but few weeks down the line the same thing happens again.I love her and I am really treating her well,her parents and friends love me so much.its getting worse and I don't know weither I should go on or walk out of the relationship.when its good then its good but when she get annoyed she shouts and I fear that she scream telling me I hate you!I hate you and calling me names.
I need help seriously

jaime90 · Oct 24, 2009, 05:44 PM

If you're in an abusive relationship you should seek some help- I mean relationship counseling. If your girlfriend does not recognize this as a problem- then she has some issues she needs to work out, and maybe it would be okay to take a break from each other for her to compose herself.

If she does recognize this as a problem, you can go to counseling and get some tools on how you can work this problem out. If it is getting physically dangerous for you to live with this woman, I would get out, and suggest she seek counseling for herself.

If it is an anger problem, and a verbal abuse problem, it can be worked out by both of you.

talaniman · Oct 25, 2009, 12:08 PM

When your female is pregnant, you don't take her emotional outbursts personally. You make sure she has whatever she needs whether she curses you or not.

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I have followed this relationship from the beginning, and see nothing changing, and surprised, that your still there. But in fairness, after she has this baby, you need to be a lot more assertive in what the boundaries of good behavior are. Seems she needs more than talking to.

Devorameira · Oct 27, 2009, 10:21 AM

Being in an abusive relationship is awful and will eventually destroy every bit of your self-confidence and love for her UNLESS she gets help.

I agree that it's not a good time now to push the issue, as her hormones are surging, but after the baby is born you need to address it with her. If she won't listen, talk to her parents, her friends, and/or a counselor. She may need a type of intervention to actually realize how bad her behavior is.

Whatever you do, don't let this behavior occur in the presence of your child, or your child may end up as an abuser too.

Good luck!