[bummedout4]

Word of warning I hope you heed.


In the eyes of a woman that wants her space...and therefore in the eyes of Johnny Law. The line between lovesick ex and stalker is very fine, and open to interpretation. Hang out with the guys if you aren't ready to find another woman...but do not contact a woman that asks you not to.

I understand what you're saying and that's what I will be doing. Also, she has not asked me to not contact her by any means, she says I can call her whenever and she will call me. I am just trying not to call her and let her call me.

[smoothy]

OK... just stay cool about the whole thing. It can be easy to cross that line. And in your situation exactly where the line is will not be the same place depending on who's viewpoint is looking. Lot of people end up with restraining orders against them before they knew they did anything wrong in situations like this.

Hang out with the guys and do some guy stuff. Get refocused on other stuff. That can help a lot.

[bummedout4]

Yeah I will be hangin out with my friends for most of the weekend, trying to get my mind of things. I don't know how I am going to feel, probably not good but I will try. I miss her a lot and wonder what she's doing all the time. I hope she does contact me sometime this weekend because if not, I know I will be tempted to call her at least once. Wish me luck, I am going to need it.

[Homegirl 50]

I wish you luck. If she calls don't take the call. Don't talk to her.

[bummedout4]

Thanks for the kind words, I am starting to realize that the only way I have a chance at getting her back is by living my life and giving her the space that she asked for. I hope this works and if not hopefully I am a better person for it.

[star3114]

Can I ask a question... if she ditched after that long of a relationship... why would you even want her back? Someone that ditches after that long of a relationship is not ready to be in a mature loving relationship. What you are looking for... well, its not her. Once the smoke settles and you can get to a place to objectively look at the situation... you will see that. Surrond yourself with your guy friends and do, well... uh... guy things. Grunt and talk about cars... whatever floats your boat. Have a great weekend.

[bummedout4]

Can I ask a question....if she ditched after that long of a relationship....why would you even want her back? Someone that ditches after that long of a relationship is not ready to be in a mature loving relationship. What you are looking for...well, its not her. Once the smoke settles and you can get to a place to objectively look at the situation....you will see that. Surrond yourself with your guy friends and do, well...uh...guy things. Grunt and talk about cars....whatever floats your boat. Have a great weekend.

Well I think that things just got boring and routine. We saw each other on the same days and did the same stuff , went to dinner and stuff like that. I think she may want to see if she really wants to be with me or is just use to me. Personally I don't see the reason for this but I have read and heard of other women doing this. I don't know if she is scared because we are only 22 or what. I don't really know honestly but I do love her and want to be with her. If time goes by and she changes and things aren't the same, then I guess we weren't meant to be together.

[bummedout4]

Hi all, I know that you all have advised me not to but I sent her a text this morning right at the time she goes into work. I just woke up, realized that she was about to go into work, which she doesn't really like, and I just texted her to "have a good day at work". I know this was bad, I just woke up and did it on an impulse. I must have been dreaming about something and thought that she may think it was sweet or nice. I haven't talked to her since Wednesday and it was hard.

[bummedout4]

I was just thinking about things and you know I think I have found something that is true about relationships in general and mine as well. Do you think that sometimes people get too stressed and feel pressured to conform to a certain idea of what a relationship should be? My exgf has a lot going on and I think it got to her to have to worry about school, work and then having a relationship that she feeled she had to do certain things. Such as call me all the time to see what I'm doing, make plans with me and always wonder what I am doing to make me happy. We did almost everything together and I think this is part of the problem. I think she felt so overwhelmed about everything that she just felt she couldn't do it anymore right now. I don't know if I am just talking out of love but isn't there a way I could talk to her and really express that love and relationships don't always have to be what society teaches us or what we think. We don't have to do certain things together all the time and have to conform to each others schedules all the time. I mean why not be able to be together if the love, communication and connection is there between 2 people? I just feel that my exgf get so overwhelmed she felt like she couldn't do it anymore. What do you all think? She has a history of letting stress get to her and make her think differently so I don't know its just a thought.

[s_cianci]

You made the mistake of building your whole life around her. The good news is now you've got the chance to rectify that error. Get out and meet and date new people. Take a class, join a dance club or a bowling league, take a trip, do volunteer work. Begin networking and building yourself a new social base. If you do this, I think that the whole break thing will be much easier for you to cope with and you may find that you don't even want her back.

[s_cianci]

She says we can still talk but she will let me know when she is ready to see me and possibly try to be together again. Is this good news?

No, it's not. It means that she's calling the shots and you're letting her. Bad move. You need to say something like "I will call you when I'm ready to see you again."

[s_cianci]

I have been talking to her brother, w/out her knowledge of course, and he says just let her have some space and she will come back to you. He knows she still cares about me and loves me. She just wants some space to think and be by herself,

Then give it to her, by all means. And keep in mind that, since it's her brother, she may eventually learn of your conversation with him so don't say anything to him that you don't want getting back to her.

[bummedout4]

Well guys, I think things may be really coming to and end and I see the big picture. We have a joint cell plan and I got the bill today. I saw all the calls she has made and it looks like she has been talking to this guy from the day she said she wanted a break. She told me she doesn't want a relationship but she sure has been talking to him a lot. So I now see that it looks like she is moving on w/out me. This is really hurtful and I am going to ask to see her one more time so that she can be truthful to me, because I just need her to know that I am angry that she lied to me. I want to know if this is the real reason for breaking up and not that she needed space. I know I probably shouldn't see her, but I have to one last time.

[bummedout4]

Guys tonight has been really hard for me, I really need some support and words of wisdom. I am at home doing nothing, most of my freidns are either with their gf's or not really doing anything. I know my exgf is out probably with another guy and other people. I haven't spoken to her since Wednesday and it is killing me inside. I just want to hear her voice and see her face. I feel like my life totally sucks and I am so lonely. I really don't know what to do with myself. I gave in and called her earlier and she didn't answer. I just want to call her and talk to her, I know it won't fix anything but I miss her so much. I need help, I don't think I can do this and be strong. What do I do? I can't let go.

[star3114]

You have to let go. I was wondering if there was someone else when I read your story but I didn't want to give you more stuff to think about. Quite frankly, she probably feels that you aren't the one she wants to be with for the rest of her life. That is why she bailed. On the other note, you put her up on a pedestal and you still are. Take her off the pedestal... look at her as a real person. She is not a fairy tale princess. She has faults and flaws and it is about time you started looking at them. You can't make someone love you and she doesn't love you. If she did, she wouldn't have left. You seem like a great guy. Don't spend such wonderfulness and tought on a girl that doesn't deserve, nor want it. Keep away from the brother. It is giving you false hope and then he may relay the info back to her that you have been talking. That will make her feel even more powerful. Put the power back in your hands, where it belongs. Cut the umbillical cord. Move on. There are a lot of other girls out there that would be happy to have a guy like you. I know you want to stick with what is familiar. You have been together a long time. But think of this new life and new you as an adventure. Anything is possible and the power to do whatever is in your hands. Do stuff that you always wanted to do and never got around to it. You have the power... use it (and not on her... she is not worthy).

[bummedout4]

Thank you very much for your post, its just hard to come to the realization that its over. I just keep thinking there is something I could have done in the past or recently that would have avoided this. I envisioned being with her forever or at least a long long time and its something I am not prepared to deal with.

[bummedout4]

Guys I need some advice on how to deal with this situation. I have noticed that recently my exgf has been staying out really late which is uncharacteristic for her. I do not really know the people she is hanging out with but I think they are influencing her to be someone she really isn't. I am just afraid something is going to happen to her or someone trying to take advantage of her. I don't really know what to say if anything, but I mean its really worrying me about her well being. I feel that she is trying to be someone she's not to go out and be single. I just feel like there is nothing I can do but its hard to stand by and watch someone you care about change in front of your eyes. I just want her to be safe, and I cannot be sure. I know that one of her friends is at the root of this because she is a party girl and is very loose around guys and everything. I am sure she has contributed to her wanting to be single and not tied down to me or anyone. I don't know if I should say something or I guess I just have to let her learn for herself. If she wants to be this way I can't stop her but its worrying me. This is just adding to my pain and suffering due to our break up.

[Homegirl 50]

She is grown and has said you two are no longer an item. Leave it alone. You are going to be looking for and finding all kinds of reasons or excuses as to why you should contact her. LEAVE HER ALONE.

[bummedout4]

OK well today I am meeting her at the cell phone store so we can sort out our plans and we can open up separate accounts. I know she doesn't want to talk to me about the relationship but I think I am just going to ask her to be honest with me. If she wants space to test the waters and see what its like than tell me that. Or if she has met someone else and wants to be with them tell me that. I just want the truth so I can begin to heal w/out wondering if she has lied to me. So I will let you know what happens after today, probably the last time I see her for a while.

[talaniman]

You are in such denial and full of excuses, as to what she is all about. I hope getting her off your phone plan gives you the closure to accept her change in feelings.