[nauticalstar420]

Well I have tried that voice before, and it hasn't worked, but I can try again next time.

He does need to clean his room, and he loves to help clean, so I can use that as a redirection next time he gets into something he's not supposed to.

[J_9]

Yes, if he likes to clean, that can be constructive redirection. When using the mommy voice make sure you are down on his level and looking at him in the eyes.

When disciplining our children it is of the utmost importance that we get down to their eye level.

[nauticalstar420]

Okay I will try that.

One other thing. He just came back from his grandma's house in June (my husbands mom) and was allowed to get away with all but murder there. He was there for about two months. It is only since he's been home that he started this behavior. He used to be a little angel.

How do I get him used to being back home and having discipline?

[J_9]

Ahhh, the age old gramma and grampa let them do it. Well, it will take time to get him back into your routine. You just have to stay consistent in your discipline.

[NowWhat]

You know, you had said that his room is like toys r us. If this behavior continues - you take his toys away - all of them. Let him earn them back. And if you are sending him to his room for punishment - if it's like a toy store - what kind of punishment is it really going to be?

I think "the voice" and "the look" are the hardest thing to master. I am still working on those! My daughter and I can have a conversation - without saying a word and being on opposite sides of a room - using only hand signals. Well, she looks and I "talk". If I need her to stop what she is doing and listen to whomever is speaking - I have a signal for knock it off and then a hand signal for listen. It actually works. Now, she is almost 7 and we didn't start this until she was in school and could comprehend.

You just have to find what is right for you.

[Tuscany]

Now What makes a good point about the room being full of toys. If you are sending your son to his room as a time out and there are toys in the room it is not a punishment. Instead try using a dining room chair, or a mat placed on the floor where he cannot get to anything. Remember that the length of timeout depends on their age not the severity of their action. One minute for every year of age.

Another effective way of getting a behavior that you want is to offer choices (your choices). For example: Would you like to set the table or clear the table? That makes him or her feel like she has a bit of control, but ultimately you are getting what you want too. It is a pretty effective tool for older children.

[curlybenswife]

I couldn't agree more don't hit him just take him to his room and say bye bye toy put them in the garage somewhere he can't get at them.
The voice thing works you just have to do it slowly and calmly not in a high pitched tone they know they have won and will carry on also come right down to his level don't bring him to yours you go to him and tell him no just keep doing it they get the message eventually.
I think the best tecnique is the naughty wall step floor what ever you choose to use just remember there's one everywhere you go.
But the biggest thing is when punishment is over its over move on and play he needs your attention more than baby right now just remember he is probably thinking well hell I had her to myself a while ago and now I'm sharing with you.
Good luck raising kids was never meant to be easy and I'm the first to admit there are times I could throttle millie but it distract her first then go put kettle on admittedly I could scream till I'm blue in the face it doesn't get me anywhere just gives me high blood pressure not great when your pregnant.
Last but not least they know how to work you they are prime masters keep calm and tackle it head on rather than reacting the way they know you will.

[tinlady]

I have 3 children aged 5, 2 and 6 months. I used to smack but found that other punishments work just as well. Try putting children on a 'naughty step' (one minute for every year). Children hate to be excluded so this works very well. You'll do yourself no favours by sending naughty children to their room as this just makes them associate their bedroom with bad things, making the bedroom routine even harder. If your child has a tantrum in public just say in a nice voice "ok when you are ready to carry on let me know" and wait patiently. There are loads of little things you can do but the trick is to praise good behaviour no matter how small and don't concentrate on the bad stuff!! Hope this helps :)

[nauticalstar420]

curlybenswife disagrees: The more I re-read your posts the more I think you are over reacting and making him do all these things to wind you up as it gets your attention.

Excuse me, but what? Wind me up? Making him do what? Making him get into things, just so I can discipline him?

[jrb252000]

A quick swat on the butt at that age will get the child's attention along with a firm NO should be effective. Trust me it will hurt you more than the child.

[nauticalstar420]

curlybenswife disagrees: The more I re-read your posts the more I think you are over reacting and making him do all these things to wind you up as it gets your attention.

You can judge my parenting skills, but can't follow up with responses to my questions? I don't even know what the heck you are talking about. It doesn't make any sense. The only thing I can make of it is that you think I am making him do wrong things so I can discipline him. Is that correct? If so, you don't know how wrong you are. You don't know me, or my son.

[SnaveLeber]

I think that you should try other forms of punishment like time out, but spanking should always be the ulimate punishment. Like if the child refuses to sit in time out then they get spanked.

[nauticalstar420]

i think that you should try other forms of punishment like time out, but spanking should always be the ulimate punishment. Like if the child refuses to sit in time out then they get spanked.

He does refuse to sit in time out sometimes. He has gotten better since this conversation happened. He just came back from his grandma's so he was going through the "spoiled little baby" syndrome. Since this conversation he has even started cleaning his own room, and started potty training.

I think he was allowed to do what he wanted at his grandma's and that was part of the problem. But I feel that every child is different and it makes me so mad when someone acts like they know my child well enough to tell me what I am supposedly doing with them.

[Zero]

Children need to be punished when they have been naughty but there are several other forms of punishing them rather than spanking them such as using the 'naughty step', ignoring them, give them a row but at the same time their behaviour will improve from positive praise and treats etc when they are good.

[Fr_Chuck]

At age 5 months ( the orgainal question) no, a swat is not correct at this age. But an older toddler and child, a well timed swat will work wonders and will solve a lot more issues.

[jrb252000]

When my son was that old he used to love to yank my hair or try and headbutt me... I used a swat on the butt and said no and he would let go..

[excon]

Hello:

You poor misguided people...

excon

[s_cianci]

Certainly don't spank a 5-month-old child. I'm not totally against spanking but I will say this: pick your battles wisely. Over-disciplining a child will be counter-productive and, as you suggest, only cause her to act out all the more. Decide on those few behaviors which are totally unacceptable to you and spank only when those occur. These should be serious enough behaviors to warrant a spanking but not those which occur with any degree of frequency. For example, the last time I spanked my daughter (age 7) was when she she threw a pencil at my wife while my wife was trying to help her with her homework. Openly defiant behavior is something I refuse to tolerate in my children, which is why I spanked my daughter. That's one of my few "handpicked" battles that will result in serious discipline.

[J_9]

s_cianci agrees: I hope that "stranger" was taking on the role of a Good Samaritan!

I thank God every day that this WAS a good samaritan! A local preacher. I have a friend who has been "missing" for 25 years. A still unsolved disappearance. I can't imagine it being my daughter.

It is my belief, and mine only, that there are consequences to our actions, children included. However, spanking should be reserved for the most serious infractions. Running out in the middle of traffic, running away and going into a strangers home, just as a couple of examples.

Yes, I was spanked as a child, yes, I was one who came out okay. But studies have shown (I learned this in my mental health rotation) that it can be very damaging to a child.

You see, children can reason much better than we give them credit for. By reasoning the pros and cons with a child (of any age really) gives them the chance to learn reasoning skills, skills that they will carry with them through adulthood.

[nauticalstar420]

J_9 agrees: I completely agree with you. It is sad, isn't it? Glad some of these people are not my children's teachers!

I would never spank someone else's child. You can't say that just because some people spank, that it means they are going to spank someone else's child too.