I don't know

letmeno · Oct 6, 2005, 07:36 PM

If you got a sec to spare, I want to tell you a short story. I dated a guy for almost 3 years. It went well between us, but we ended up breaking up, he wanted it, not me. I went on with my life, all was well and then we ran into each other again. Seven years later. I had matured, womanhood agreed with me and so did he.
To make a long story short, I toyed with him. Just to see if I could get him to go there, just to see if he was still intrested in me. Of course I went on a date with him to see if there was anything salvagable between us, to see if we could be friends, to see if there was any feelings for him left, to see if there was any chemistry between us @ all. I knew he had a girl and I wanted to see if he was still the lying cheating dog that he always had been, yup! He was!
To make a short story even shorter, I was just testing the waters to see for myself what it was that I ever saw in him, if he still had feelings for me, and I was curious to know had he learned anything in the past seven years. When my curiosity was put to ease, I simply vanished on him into thin air. I briefly dated him again out of curiosity. Some of it was about him, but most of it was about me!
Yes, it is true, we do test men... quite often as a matter of fact.
Just take the situation for what it is... a friendship. Until this girl makes up her mind if she wants you or the other guy, keep conversations short and simple. Joke with her, laugh with her but keep it simple.

Wildcat21 · Oct 6, 2005, 08:08 PM

You also confused dating with a relationship.

He doesn't have relationship. He is TRYING to win her back and BEHAVE properly. He seems reall soft and sensitive. Evict the inner Wuss - no women wants that,

He ouzes soft.

"I was always careful about not dissapionting her." Reall bad for business. Real bad. You need a spine and an opinion. I am sure you always worried not to uposet her - here is a little secret - women LIKE to get mad and angry sometimes - it WILL happen - the ycan't control it. If she feels she can't get upset with you - she will leave. It's called feelings and emotions.

You SHOULD do your own things!

Wildcat21 · Oct 6, 2005, 08:15 PM

"Yes, it is true, we do test men....quite often as a matter of fact."

Guys need to learn about woman's tests or they WILL lose.

Once you're int the relationship for a long time you can go a little soft, but still keep the mystery.

PEOPLE WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE. - Your gal can have you. Get it?

THAT WHICH IS CHASED RUNS!! Quit the chasing so much.

Be busy when she tries to talk. Stop being ga love sick puppy.

Chery · Oct 7, 2005, 04:02 AM

To one life: listen to your 'gut feelings' they are usually messages from loved ones who have passed away and are still protective of you (I have 3 and always listen, as when I don't, things go wrong). Stand tall and 'fail' her test.. She made a choice a while back and hurt you - therefore you might not be able to forgive her for that and the relationship will not work if you have any doubts at all. Gain your self-confidence back (throw away those 'mixed feelings') and go on with your life. Some of us women DON'T play 'games' anymore, as they get very tired after a while and take too much energy. Keep us posted and Good Luck in finding the right one. There is also nothing wrong with doing those little things to show your appreciation, but you have to have a positive response to them too. That's only fair. If a woman can't show her appreciation, she's not worth it, and vice-versa.

To letmeno: Good for you, you also went through enough and have learned to know what you want. This helps you give good advice. I tried to rate you,but it would not let me, so here's my 'public' :cool: to you!

Little 'spats' to me are not games or tests, they keep things alive and are fun, especially the making-up while the heartrate is still high. And if there is no humor or mystery (as WC says) . Things get 'dry' and old.

one_life · Oct 10, 2005, 04:23 AM

My question is, how do I keep her interest in me, when I'm always there at work. She see me for 8 hours a day (because of the setup). I know the previous no contact thing worked, because as soon as she moved to my dept, she started to act interested. Now it will be difficult to do that. Any advise?

Chery · Oct 10, 2005, 04:51 AM

Just be yourself. Apparently it did work so far. If you really want her, and will not throw her past at her at every opportunity, then converse with her about common interest, the job, and watch for more signals. Young people still feel the need to 'play games' and if you want to stay in this game, then even ask her out to a movie, etc. If she agrees, you are one step further. Tell you the truth, I'm glad I am out of the 'game playing' court. It's never easy and there is no 'rule book' in any relationship. You just have to 'feel' your way through, and might fall down, but when that happens please pick yourself up and go on. Those 'what if' and 'but when' thoughts will always be there for us all - sometimes our choices are right, sometimes wrong, they are all part of gaining experiences and learning from them.
***My rule on relationships at the workplace differ from others, I never started any and am glad I did not as no matter what comes out of them, the stress is still there and distracts from work. Good Luck to you. Hope you 'win'..

Originally Posted by one_life

My question is, how do I keep her interest in me, when I'm always there at work. She see me for 8 hours a day (because of the setup). I know the previous no contact thing worked, because as soon as she moved to my dept, she started to act interested. Now it will be difficult to do that. Any advise?

letmeno · Oct 11, 2005, 01:02 PM

Originally Posted by one_life

My question is, how do I keep her interest in me, when I'm always there at work. She see me for 8 hours a day (because of the setup). I know the previous no contact thing worked, because as soon as she moved to my dept, she started to act interested. Now it will be difficult to do that. Any advise?

Yes, keep @ it. I know exactly how you feel. To see someone everyday, and not really know what to do about it, sneaking peeks and trying not to make it obvious. I guess this type of thing would be a piece of cake for me because I'm a hard a** but this will work.

Wildcat21 · Oct 11, 2005, 01:26 PM

Personally, I WOULD NOT CHASE HER - that which is chased RUNS!! DON'T BE pursuing her at all. Don't ask her out, don't ask her to do things for now.

BE HAPPY, BE BUSY, HAVE EXCITING THINGS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE, GO OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS A LOT, I highly recommend working out - maybe that being running, health clubs, etc. - GET NEW HOBBIES

IF She sees a change in you she will come back. Be good to her. Listen to her. Don't do things for her - no buying lunch or flowers etc.

DATE!!

RULE #1 - learn about woman and relationships. Do you hear me? Learn about woman and relatinships. Guys are clueless at this and woman eat them a live.

Go to www.askmen.com and read every article on dating NOW!

Go to www.love-tacics.com and read ALL the free articles - especially on win back - IT will save 1 million mistakes.

Chery · Oct 11, 2005, 02:31 PM

Hi wildcat.. Love, you seem to be putting on the same record lately. Check your CAPS and change it around a bit. We get your drift though. And like he said before, he already tried the 'cool' part and it worked, now he's interested in the next step.

TTFN, Chery

Wildcat21 · Oct 11, 2005, 02:59 PM

That is the next step. This is going to take time. She is isn't going to rush into his arms anytime soon. He still seems a little soft and unsure of himself. Women can smell that a mile a way. I know weight lifting gave me all the confidence in the world.