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Larken85 · Feb 27, 2010, 08:37 PM

Thing is leaving for me is easy. I am on no lease and the place was put in her name. I talked to her today about this and she is super scared that I am leaving her. Told her she needs to boot him out and get me back in there within three days (maybe I am not giving enough time) or I will find my own apartment and she can call me when she is finally rid of him. She didn't like that of course but it needed to be said. She does love me, I know she does, she is crazy for me. However I told her she needs to assert herself to her ex and make him go away or she will lose me for good. She isn't willing to lose me so she is going to do this for me supposidly. I'll keep you posted. I want it to work but am just not willing to put up with the ex any longer.

Cat1864 · Feb 27, 2010, 08:56 PM

Is her ex the father of her children?

I think you are setting yourself up as a rebound relationship. She may love you with all of her heart, however, she has jumped from one relationship to another. She needs to give herself time to heal from the ex and be on her own for awhile before committing to another relationship.

Larken85 · Feb 27, 2010, 10:04 PM

On that one it's a little too late. They have been not dating for 1.5 years and he does know about me. No he is not the father of her children though that guy is the biggest jerk I've ever personally met. Nothing to do with this however, she is no longer in rebound mode and she wants to have a loving relationship but see's my issues with her lack of motivation as me calling a good relationship bad. Sorry but its not all that good right now and I am trying to make it better and keep it lasting. She just see's the less stressful way. Oh by the way she happens to have bipolar-depression too. Son is autistic and Daughter has pretty bad ADHD. Problems or not I love that family and am not real willing to give them up

dynocompe · Feb 27, 2010, 10:37 PM

I don't think she jumped from one relationship to another, but rather just jumped into two relationships. She had the ex fooled she wasn't out with you, but really wasn't fooling him, he just put up with it. Now your wanting to move things forward and have her all to yourself, and she isn't overily accepting it, because then she will have to leave her other boyfriend, the ex all together, or doesn't know hwo to play you both, if she lives with you.
She is playing big games here, and likes the rewards from both of you. Honestly, both of you should just leave her alone

Larken85 · Feb 27, 2010, 10:44 PM

There was a time that I thought that to be true. However she was just using him for a place to live and that is a fact I know because I've personally heard him say it. Of course he hates me and won't let me anywhere near the area but he cannot really stop her from seeing me and he knows that she is. You're right about the rewards though, there are really big rewards from both of us, my money and his overly helpful nature (not nice in nature but helpful non-the-less). His pushy nature is what is getting in my way at the moment and I am pushing back harder. If she can't handle the change then she WILL lose me forever. It's that simple. Not my fault she can't do what's right

dynocompe · Feb 28, 2010, 02:00 AM

Well I don't think you are a rebound relationship, you guys have lasted too long for that in my opinion.
If you can get her to rid of the ex boyfriend, that would be good. Your relationship needs to start all over somehow. Because neither of you two had a fair shot at having a actual loving relationship with the ex fool still present. So you are doing the right thing with making her get rid of him. If she actually does this, I would come up with some new ways to spice it all up all over again, kind of like a new feeling between the two of you. So its kind of fresh and new!

Good luck, keep up posted I would be interested to hear how this situation goes for you. I was in a similar situation before, she never lived with him though. I ended up letting her go, because she would never ever rid him from her life, even though she said she did. I don't think she ever did anything with him, but he had his chance, didn't work, so bye bye buddy!
If she couldn't let him go, well then I will just go, I wasn't sharing , whether cheating or not, those were his intentions.

The girlfriend I am with now, her ex still doesn't stop texting her either. Even after two yrs, this guy tells her he will haunt her life for the rest of her life no matter who she is with! She tells him to go to hell, and hope he dies. Guy has major issues, mostly when he is drunk we get the texts. I am very glad she is open about it though, and she tries everything possible to make him stop, ignoring him, being beyond mean, nothing has worked. So far its been a month and not a message from him though, which is good. I told her to nnever reply again, no matter how badly you want to shoot him down. Next option is the police, because we are really sick of it by now, and he also makes her scared to go in public on occasion. He has also speared me in a hockey game, only game he showed up to, when we played his team lol. He blind sided me, knocked my wind out, before I got up my brother handed him his butt lol. That was recent too, just before he stopped texting. He also keyed my truck, but a new paint job for only 200 dollars, I wasn't really mad. I kind of wanted it repainted. Its black, and had a few scratches. Now its new again lol
Thanks buddy!
Again good luck!

Larken85 · Feb 28, 2010, 02:48 AM

Funny ending to that story I like it. Thanks for your support, its nice to hear that someone thinks I am doing the right thing here.He should have been gone long ago and I have given her several chances to fix this situation, this is the last chance and she knows it. She knows I'll leave if I want to and she is like I said way too scared to let me do that. Oh you couldn't just change your girls number? That should have done the trick I think. But anyway I will keep you posted on the events as they play out for sure. I really hope she does the right thing here cause I am truly in love with her and I want more than anything to be her husband. Besides our sex life is suffering because of all the stress and that is something I really really hate giving up lol. Just kidding. I can do without sex so long as I can have my girl next to me at night.

Larken85 · Feb 28, 2010, 02:50 AM

Originally Posted by dynocompe

well I dont think you are a rebound relationship, you guys have lasted too long for that in my opinion.
If you can get her to rid of the ex bf, that would be good. Your relationship needs to start all over somehow. Because neither of you two had a fair shot at having a actual loving relationship with the ex fool still present. So you are doing the right thing with making her get rid of him. If she actually does this, I would come up with some new ways to spice it all up all over again, kinda like a new feeling between the two of you. So its kinda fresh and new!

THanks for the awesome encouragement. I would boost your rating but I don't know how lol. Sorry :rolleyes:

dynocompe · Feb 28, 2010, 03:16 AM

We have changed the number, deleted from Facebook too. But he obviously got her new number, small city, everyone knows everyone
Ohh and I don't post for rating anyway! Lol

Larken85 · Feb 28, 2010, 03:33 AM

No that's cool I was just saying that you deserve a plus for that one lol. Um, well I don't know what to tell you about him. Hopefully you've seen the last of him but if not then the police may have to get involved a few times. Think he is psycho enough to hurt either of you physically?

JoeCanada76 · Feb 28, 2010, 03:36 AM

Okay,

She is wanting her cake and ice cream too. I do not believe that the year and a half that she was living with her so called ex that their was no relationship there. Also carrying on a relationship with you for that time.

You get your own apartment for you guys and then she moves in and tells you to get out. Smooth that is so weird and strange. You went for it?

She has no right to dictate to you what you should and should not do.

Sounds like she likes to be in control, sounds like she has control issues herself.

I do wish you the best, the ex should not ever be in the picture especially if he is not the father of her child. That leaves another can of worms open.

Are you okay with her being with people for convenience. Take care of yourself and do not put up with too much bullsh-t.

dynocompe · Feb 28, 2010, 03:49 AM

I wouldn't put anything past this guy. He doesn't scare me in any way though. He is so uncoordinated, I have been to clubs and he has been there, we share mutual friends, he is 30, I am 27, and all our friends are 27, I went to high school with them all, and am a lot closer to them, so they all have my back over him, and they have told him this. So he doesn't touch me yet, besides that hockey game. Every time I have went to a place he is at, he usually leaves. BUt then again, he drives by my gfs house, last time I went to the atm, I ran in the bank, my girlfriend was in my truck, he drove around the block 4 TIMES. Then when I got in the truck, he was at the red light, coming the opposite way, driving by once again. I just gave him a nice gesture. He is pretty unperdictable, you never know what he is doing.
Apparently when he sticked me, his teammates asked him , what the hell you doing, and he flipped on them, and said none of your business, its personal. And they said, well this is a hockey game, keep your personal s**t off the ice.
Everyone tells me he is obsessed with her, obviously, so I have been telling them, why don't you tell him to get a life and move on. SO maybe its starting to clue in. I don't know. He has went as far as e-mailing my ex;s trying to get dirt on me lmao! I got several emails from past gf;s, asking me what the heck is going on , and why this guy is emailing them about me.
Every time I read a post on this forum about, help I am still in love with my ex, I secretly hope I read his story so people can help him move the heck on!

Larken85 · Feb 28, 2010, 03:49 AM

I know that you comment was in my best interest and for all I know you may be right. But even if you are and I never find out I am all right with it so long as she does not ever cheat on me again. I love her and I would forgive her transgressions if she ever had anything to confess to me, she did it for me so I owe that much to her at least. However I am not willing to give up on her due to the possibility that she may have cheated a few times with the man she lived with for that long, but due to the way she talks about him and the way she talks to him I serious doubt anything was going on there. He of course still wanted her back, otherwise he'd have made her leave when he found out about me, however she has given him no headway and she even confessed once to having a kiss forced on her at easter. She was crying thinking I would leave her but she felt too guilty to keep it in. I figure the kiss was a little more mutual but I forgive her because for something as small as a kiss to make her feel that guilty I'm sure she would have about destroyed herself had she ever had sex with another man. I trust her until I am proven wrong to do so. And again I love her and even had she slept with him a few times I will forgive her so long as it never happens again. Not because I am a push over but because I am strong enough to see that if she is the girl I am going to marry forgiveness is a trait I will need to possess and master in order for marriage to work

Larken85 · Feb 28, 2010, 03:58 AM

Lol dyno. Actually I have been reading through these hoping to find my fiancé or her ex posting something myself but I doubt either of them even know this place exsists which is good for me because if she knew I was asking strangers for advice she'd probably freak out. She has people from her past that wouldn't mind finding and hurting her (old family that got locked away because of her). That sort of thing. She thinks someone knows about me and will get a clue from something I say as to her where-abouts. I told her that you can find anything on anyone you want simply be checking public records online and paying a small fee. I found her and her number really easily and I dug up dirt on the ex that I was hoping to throw in his face but I guess it was all cleared up a long time ago. Oh well. Just keep your cell phone ready in case you need to dial those three little numbers, advise your girlfriend to do the same thiing.

JoeCanada76 · Feb 28, 2010, 03:58 AM

I do hope it all works out for you. I do wish you all the best for everybody involved. Just remember that their should be bounderies and respect in a relationship, but when she is telling you to get out of your own place, that is far from being respectful. Just putting that out there. How far are you willing to go to find out if she is truly the one you want to be with. Obviously a lot because you have gone through so much with her already. Just do not lose yourself in this okay. It happens a lot. Just do not want you to end up being an un happy person at the same time it might turn out to be the best thing in the world. You do not know until you go through it.

Just keep that in mind. There are limits and do not put up with everything. Ok.

Larken85 · Feb 28, 2010, 04:01 AM

Thank you jesushelper, I can tell how much you care. It is nice to hear such protectiveness from a complete stranger. Almost makes me feel supported in someway you know? I will take your advice and keep my eyes wide open about this, and I'll watch the situation as closely as possible to make sure that nothing is going amiss. Thanks again Jesushelper, you're a nice person

Devorameira · Feb 28, 2010, 06:19 AM

Don't get blinded by the situation. You seem like a really trusting, patient fellow... really good traits, but also traits that some people take advantage of. Hope it all works out for you. Be careful. Good luck!

Larken85 · Feb 28, 2010, 01:39 PM

dynocompe and all that have been following this situation. I am happy to have had your help and advice in this hard time but it seems like it is finally at an end. She told the guy to buzz off finally and has asked me to fully move back in today. I am sure that there will be ripples of the problem in the near future coming back to haunt me a little but like a ripples they disappear over time. Again thank you everyone for all your help and support and if anything happens in the future I will be sure to keep you all posted. Everyone have a good day and enjoy life as much as possible. Bless you all

Cat1864 · Feb 28, 2010, 02:36 PM

Originally Posted by Larken85

dynocompe and all that have been following this situation. I am happy to have had your help and advice in this hard time but it seems like it is finally at an end. She told the guy to buzz off finally and has asked me to fully move back in today. I am sure that there will be ripples of the problem in the near future coming back to haunt me a little but like a ripples they disappear over time. Again thank you everyone for all your help and support and if anything happens in the future I will be sure to keep you all posted. Everyone have a good day and enjoy life as much as possible. bless you all

I hope you have a long and happy relationship. Please, keep your eyes open and don't ignore warning signs. Open and honest communication is the best way to ride out the 'ripples'.

Good luck. :)

Larken85 · Feb 28, 2010, 10:58 PM

First night went well. I spent a lot of time with the kids, we ate dinner together and I helped get them off to bed for the first time ever. Now I'm at work and I will be going back home to her in the morning. How nice. The kids were oddly only acting up when their mom was home (she went out to get dinner) but while under my watch they were angels. I think she needs to work on disapline with them. I never noticed how little they paid attention to her so no wonder she has been so stressed. They will probably start treating me this way soon too. I knew the ripples would be bigger at first, the Ex called her and said he was standing at the door, she said she wasn't even home, and he laughed saying that he was joking but it would be funny to see her chicken boyfriend run out the door which I would have done in his direction with my shoulder by the way. But looks like he will harass us a bit and that is going to tick me off. I said did you tell him that the only reason I have ever left was by her request and she said he knows but still thinks you're scared. To which I replied then tell him to meet me at the park across the street so the cops don't come here. She said no. I was like dang it. I have been wishing for the chance to exchange blows with them man for a long time but it just hasn't happened (mostly because She won't let it happen cause she doesn't want trouble by her kids respectibly and she doesn't know who would win anyway and she doesn't want to see me get hurt even if I do win.) I am not stupid enough to actually get into a serious fight with the man, just enough to teach him a lesson because I am not a fighter. But when you hate one person for that long its hard not to want to kick his you know what. Anyway, I'm going to try and stay out of trouble but I am not going to run away, if he is there I will by all means protect myself and if I have to pick something up to do so I have no problem with that either. Either way I do not and will not go looking for trouble. Sounds fun right? Hopefully this type of behavior will end soon and if the law has to get involved then so be it.