[eeeman]

This guy sounds like an a-hole!

[zeeniee]

Yeah your right- he never was like this over the 8 out of 9 years I knew him... just like that he changed and became this!. I am so so shocked... I guess I am seeing his true colours- took him a while to show it! Well so far I have said nothing at all.. I would like to think he would never contact me again- but I know he will -as he will want that money- and I am sure between now to 16th jan he will be in touch- trying every trick he can think of, hoping I will give him the money... well I am afraid he will just have to jump up and down and huff and puff as much as he wants- as I am not giving him anything no more.. I owe him nothing- I truly hopes he gets what he deserves... HELL.

I just read the whole thread from start to finish and thought bloody hell Zeeniee you have gone through hell and back all right... I just closed my eyes and suddenly I feel like I have step out of my hell and now looking into it from a distance... hard to explain this bit... I am shocked at what a rollercoaster this has been, no wonder I am drained and exhausted. I guess you get to a point that you are so fed up with the whole thing and wish just wish to be free, as you can't remember what is was like to be free. The truth is I am in love with a person that I knew, not who he has become. If I saw this Myles in a bar- no way would I go near him! So from now on every time I think of him or he contacts me- I must say this is not the myles I knew, this is not the myles l loved- more importantly this is not the man that loved me, cared for me. This myles has changed for reasons I don't know (nor should I worry for).. he changed for the worse and so I will now not move or do an inch for this creature.

Lately my grieve has been changing a little to anger. I hate where I am today, hate the tears, heartache and anger. This morning I fumed over him- how dare he thinks I owe him money! And then a sly thought came to my mind and I grin whilst brushing my teeth. I would love to send him a cheque, and tell him.. oh myles your cheque was posted todayvia mail. Man I would love him to look forward to it, only when he opens it it would state his name, and instead of the amount I would write f**** off and die or something horrible as that! Obviously this is a thought- and don't worry I will not send it, but I could not help grinning, as I know if I did , well I think he would flip his lid... I realise today- so far I have not said one cruel thing to him, or done anything cruel... I guess I feel like hitting out at him and screaming at him, till I feel lighter and at peace with myself.

[eeeman]

The truth is I am in love with a person that I knew, not who he has become.

Sound exactly like how I feel about my ex... and of course I stupidly have hope that she will become her old self again.

[zeeniee]

I am feeling pretty low at the moment- midnight is so close- I am gutted, furious and heartbroken- I don't ever want to see him again. I hope next year will be a better year than this one ;-)

[kctiger]

I know, it is New Year's Eve. I am feeling pretty low myself today. Here is to a New Year, out with the past, and onto the future! Cheers to you, and cheers to a wonderful new year to us all! :)

[zeeniee]

Thanks Kctiger, well its new years day and somehow I am still alive. Its v hard, this is the first time in 9 years I was not with him, it was our anniversary to be last night- 9th one. Yeah I cried my heart out all right, knowing he was here and spent it with her- yeap he rubbed that in well in my face.
I know I can't do anything now- nothing will fix this. More importantly he does not deserve me at all. It hurts v much. I def did not deserve this pain.
So here I am in Singapore on my own, wondering what the hell to do with myself now. It hard as my ex is so close yet so far. My ex is here in Singapore till the 16th Jan with his girlfriend- I hope he has all his cake and I hope he eats it all... and then chokes on it-i really have lost all the respect I had for him... I can never trust him again in any form... he should have treated me with huge respect and handle this break up much better- in a kind way, instead he did this in the cruelest, selfish and heartless way a human could have done- that hurt more than him cheating on me. Why did he go about it this way I will never know, as he said himself I have done nothing wrong. Well I don't want to contact him again- I will not answer to him no more, but I know he will contact me before he goes back to the uk and that will be because of the flight money he will want... the t***!
I emailed his mum andupdated her on what he said- she rang me back and was in total shock and was fuming -she could not believe it- she herself told me not to give him a penny. She said she does not know him no more and is v dissapointed with him. That was last night. Today is another day and I promised myself to do at least one good thing for me everyday and try my v hardest to move on and get rid of my ex from my mind. He has to go. How I don't know, but has to go.

[starbuck8]

Happy New Year Zeeniee! I was in your shoes 2 yrs ago at this time also. It's not a fun place to be is it? It's still not "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year." But it's a bit easier than last year, and it only has to get better right?

Karma has it's way of coming around! I've witnessed it first hand, and I didn't have to lift a finger to make it happen. My ex is now virtually homeless. He lost his beautiful home, his family no longer speaks to him, he literally hasn't a friend to speak of, and on Christmas Eve, the girl he left me for threw him out on the street with only the clothes on his back.

The icing on the cake is he got jumped by a bunch of thugs with baseball bats, in the back lane of a seedy area of town. They broke many of the same bones that he broke of mine when he forced his way into my home after our break up two yrs. Ago at this time. He wasn't abusive before that, and I also found out through a bit of checking that he was cheating.

So, although our circumstances may be a little different, they are a lot the same in many ways. You are much better off without him, and although we both put a lot of time, energy and love into our relationships, we are so very much better off knowing now instead of later. The only thing worse than spending 9 long years with them, is spending 9 long years, and one day!

It will be midnite where I am in 2 hrs and 45 minutes. So I will raise a glass of champagne to you! Here's to a better New Year! :)

[TrueFaith]

I'm very happy to hear that star b
Lol I must admit I love hearing about my xs failings
That's what they get for not being with me

A very shallow view I know but its honest

Happy new year all may this year be a good one!

[starbuck8]

May the "ball" accidentally drop on the heads of these people! LOL!

[zeeniee]

Hey starbucks and truefaith, many thanks for you messages- Happy New Year to you all.
Well I think I have moved a bit from the crying stage to what the f**** does he think I am phase. I still cry alot- but I swear a lot as well now. Seriously- this is a side of him I never came across in 9 years- I am so shocked at how shallow he has become. I guess he is playing with my good personality of compassion and kindness- he is not stupid- he knows how much I love him( well the person I knew should I say) and he knows how much I looked out for him and me- that's because we were an item and a team for 9 years. Thus I think he is still expecting me as his rock by his side today.. today I got another text saying I will see you ALONE, but only if you pay me what it cost me to get here. I gave no reply and I swore like hell instead to the wall. I can't and I won't. Firstly I think this is so sick to ask me to pay his flight - he is spending his trip with his chick and secondly it is not my fault if his mum did not tell him I cancel the flight back in Sept. I am entitled to cancel the flight as this flight was about him coming to Singapore and us getting married etc- plus I paid for the flight- I am in my rights to cancel it. The other reason I don't want to see him,is because I don't think he is sorry for the way he treated or handled the situation, he has no remorse, compassion or kindness right now. He is just so bloody full of it- its sick. So I can't see any good in talking to him face to face. So far I have not seen him as I have been avoiding all public areas as much as possible- but quite a few people have seen him- Singapore is a v small place.
So I sigh in dismay as I know I will not get any explanations for what actually happened etc.. And in some ways no closure and no amicable ending, because he is so selfish. I have been waiting for this for 4 months and now he is here I realised it is not going to happen- that really pi***** me off.
I am now concern about money situations- I know he wants that money cause he needs it - probably right now. I know that when he gets back to the UK- he will make out I owe him loads and loads of money- which is crap as I was the breadwinner in this relationship - I earn 3 times more than him. Despite this I know, his family will believe his word- don't they all - so now I dread to think what crap will come my way. I don't think I can physical cope with anymore heartache and I really don't want all this dragging out anymore- it really takes it out of you. I am shattered and drained.
So this is now one my mind- I have decided that before the 16th Jan- I will go and work out his expenses vs his savings- I already know his spendings will exceed his savings. I will place these figures safe somewhere and so if anyone dares to question me- I will tell them how much his savings was, how much he spent and how much he owes me and I don't want the money he owes me- keep it and in return leave me alone. I will refuse to give any other information beyond that- such as the break down of my workings- bloody hell he can do that- except he cant- as he left all the saving info we did here - too bad. All I can see is him wanting, wanting and wanting... it is all about him right now and so I guess if you were in that mindframe- you would only care for yourself in the most selfish way possible.
I feel like a right nobhead- buts yes I am now in fear and a bit scared- I can see how he is trying to emotionally bribe in paying for a flight- making out he came all the way to see me- what a load of pants.. iwhat worried me is if he is going to jump up and down for 490 quid, I hate to think how he will feel when the cargo arrives- tom I think- of 3 boxes- 9 years= 3 boxes- not v impressive- he will flip and then he will just want more and more... I need to feel free.. yet I know the battle has just begun!

Can't wait for this karma thing to come to him- I feel horrible saying it- but gosh for the first time in my 34 year old life- yes I am truly started to curse someone.. it is a really shi**y thing to do- I know- but I hope he looses all his money and this chick dumps him high and dry.. and then realised how good his life was with me and life miserable forever- I know it won't happen this way- but man- this guy needs a really good kick up his balls...

[zeeniee]

I wish for the plane to just drop him out into a remote jungle... just him not the rest of the passengers...

[talaniman]

Just so you know, you have the power in your hands, and full control, as you have been kinder to him, than he to you.

Glad your seeing that, and have no fear, as he will be judged by his own actions, and pay the consequences for those actions. No matter what he says hold your ground and protect yourself from whatever he does, and make sure all his efforts fail.

Just keep the receipts, and a copy of the books, and show him what an a$$ he is being, with his selfish cowardly self. He deserve nothing more from you after making a shamble of your life, with his lying, cheating ways.

You should be celebrating your freedom, by doing good things for yourself, and regulating him to the NO CONTACT zone.

Rest assured what goes around, comes back around.

[sully123]

I am sorry Zeenie, that is horrible after 9 yrs of spending with someone. What comes around, goes around.. he will get his day. As hard as it is, don't look back, it's a New Year and a new beginning. IT probably felt like you were married to this person, being with him so long. I don' know how some people can do the hurtful things they do to someone. We have all been through it. You came to the right place, feel free to vent and we are hear for you. You deserve someone better. I guess you thought you really new him, but you really didn't. What a snake in the grass.. Keep us posted and good luck. Be glad you never married him.

[LiLibell]

I have a friend who's going through almost the same thing, except she'd already paid for EVERYTHING the wedding dress, the rings, his tux, the hotel, she was getting married in Florida so everyone had bought their tickets and then when she was away on her hen weekend he just moved out and she was dumped, that was it, no communication at all, but now she's happier, she'd spent 7 years with this guy and she was so horribly sad at the time, you need to surround yourself with friends and family, go shopping, take up a new hobby, just keep occupied, you'll soon stop thinking about it, I'm sure it meant a lot to you and it won't be easy to forget, but try your hardest and don't let him get to you, or that new bird of his! Well done for coming this far sweetie!
X

[zeeniee]

Cheers SULLY 123 and LiLibell, I actually paid for the wedding as well- and the flight tickets for his mum and my parents as we were to do the register here and do the formal celebrations in UK- later on in the year. He has changed and is not a nice person- looking forward is the way- as all trust and respect is gone. I don't know this guy at all now. Thanks LiLibell of telling me about your friend who has pulled thru- it gave me hope that one day I will pull through as well, warmest regards x

[expat2009]

Hi Zeeniee, you seem to be heading in the right direction. Good for you! You can now see things clearer and realise how you are in love with the person he used to be, but no longer is. Nine years is a looong time to get over, especially if he's still lurking aroung hurting you even more. But with time, the right mindset and NC you will definitely pull through one day. Eventually, you will meet someone that will make you so much happier that you'll look back and regret wasting time suffering for the last one... but it all happens for a purpose. You learn from these situations and they make you stronger and better prepared for whatever comes your way.

All the very best for the new year,
Expat

[zeeniee]

Right OKay- I feel like a total utter fool.
I had a OKay day today- work was fine- I went to the gym and had a really good session and then I did some food shopping as I decide its about high time I started eating right and well start getting a grip with my life.. so here I am doing all this, and just as I leave the shopping center- I see the EX.. for some stupid stupid stupid reason I froze and place my shopping on the floor and left- well more like RAN.. I don't know why I did this- I guess I looked crap as I just finished in the gym etc.. But I guess I was not expecting to see him... not like this anyway, and I guess I don't want to see him... so I leave and get a cab home.. and half way home I felt like a real idiot as I left my food shopping- I am such an arse really I am... I have no idea if he saw me- hopefully he did not...
Well I guess I better get a grip of myself again- and do the frigging shopping again... can't wait till they go - 16th Jan and counting the days and so I can be free and not end up doing stupid things... like some nutcase- which I am not..

[Fr_Chuck]

Better now than a few months after the marriage, first of course long distance relationships are hard at best and for others the fear of getting married makes them run at the last minute.

Clear out his things, and only time makes it better

[zeeniee]

Thanks Fr Chuck- I cleared his stuff long time ago- it is actually at the UK customs as I speak and should be arriving at his mum's house in 2 days time. Now I just got to wait for him to clear from Singapore- then I can live again and I will as I feel like a damm prisoner these days!

[zeeniee]

Things I want to do when he leaves: 16th Jan 09

Set up a count down at work- damm right I will!
Have a good night out with good friends on the 17th Jan 09. I am sure I will be drunk with a snif of a cocktail
Be able to walk, jump and dance all over Singapore and not feel like I have to watch my back
Do sensible food shopping that I actually take home! Haha
Look forward to the gym as much as I can
Start my HOT yoga class on the weekends-god help me what I am getting myself in for!
Sunbath at the condo pool and top up the tan- without worrying that he will turn up.
Be grateful that I have a great job with a great pay and great colleagues that have been so good to me
Look forward to my 31 days annual leave! I have no idea what to do with so many days off!
Look forward to travelling around asia and OZ; (cambodia, vietnam, Laos, Cebu, Palawan Island, Darwin, Melbourne, Monkey Mia-to see the dolphins and so on... )
Make new friends in and around Singapore- I would love to meet people that like to travel and do travelling with them
Thank god- that I am alive somehow
Thank god I am not myles! Or Sarah
Thank god I am not in his selfish, heartless shoes
Erase him and anything that reminds me of him
Not to take any more CRAP from him- knee him in the balls if I have to! I guess I am learning this slowly
Love myself more
Tell myself I am not ugly- even thou I am..
Love all my friends and family more- I am so lucky that I have friends all over the world
I am also lucky that his friends are now my friends as well- and not his..
Be there for my friends as always and for everyone on this site as well- everyone has been so kind and good with me
Always make sure to make myself a better person
Be more patient, kind and firm with myself
Laugh more, chat more and crack terrible jokes that only I understand!
Save like hell and so I can get a wicked place to live, either UK, OZ or Singapore by 2010
Give more to charity and help others who are in much worse situations than us