[emopunk7]

What if I don't know if I want to go back with her, I Wish? With all the bad, she is all I know of good times and someone just like me. I won't find that ever again. It makes me sad. You know what I mean?

[friend4u178]

What if I don't know if I want to go back with her, I Wish? With all the bad, she is all I know of good times and someone just like me. I won't find that ever again. It makes me sad. You know what I mean?

Emo
Of course you'll find that again , and the sooner you stop worrying about your Ex the sooner it'll happen.

As they say "When one door closes another one opens" BUT you have to let the first door close first.

[Cat1864]

What if I don't know if I want to go back with her, I Wish? With all the bad, she is all I know of good times and someone just like me. I won't find that ever again. It makes me sad. You know what I mean?

When you read a good book, do you believe that you won't ever read a book that good again? Did you stop reading?

When you listen to a great piece of music, do you really think that you will never hear a another song that great again? Do you still listen to music?

When you see a beautiful painting, do you ever think that you will never see another piece of art that beautiful again? Do you still look at art in all its forms?

When you taste a well prepared meal, do you ever think that you will never have another meal that great? Are you starving yourself?

Then why do you continue to think in absolutes with this female?

By having the expectation that you will never be happy again, you limit your ability to be happy. Some elderly people who are grumpy and mad at the world are that way because they had something happen in their youth and they told themselves they would never be happy again. So they never were. It was self-fulfilling on their parts.

I want you to really think about what you mean when you say that she is someone like you. From what I have gleaned from your posts, she is a manipulator, a liar, not trustworthy, betrays trust, abusive, insensitive, inconsiderate, hypocritical, and the list goes on. I don't think you are like that. Not from what I have read of your writings especially on other threads.

[I wish]

What if I don't know if I want to go back with her, I Wish? With all the bad, she is all I know of good times and someone just like me. I won't find that ever again. It makes me sad. You know what I mean?

Have you met all 6+ billion other people in the world yet? After you've done that, then you can come back and tell us that there's nothing better than your ex.

[emopunk7]

My ex started getting too busy with work being she was made supervisor. Even on her breaks she just had lunch with supervisors and stopped calling me except for like 5 minutes when she had an hour. She said for me to understand. Then I was working and she kept texting because I was suppose to be ou of work but I had to do another shift. I guess she was upset and I knew she was getting more upset than usual and I felt lie she was doing it on purpose. I found out she was with her sister going to her church where her ex is. When I asked if she is going there she says no then yes and then no but I found out she did. It's solo annoying she lies. That night I don't know what happened but I tried to be cool and not bother and just trust. Next day I hoped to at least get a message or voicemail but nothing. Also while at work Friday nights I would get no texts or calls. I believed she was tired but after realizing that when she was mad and she said she was out a lot behind my back, I know why she wouldn't now. I don't get if she wouldn't like that and I don't know who would then why do it to me. And I'm pretty cool. You lied to me again fine. Just say okay I lied I'm sorry and it's just because of this and that and I will go home now or I will keep texting or something since you got caught. But all I got was f u and I been doing this and stop asking questions and you are more annoying than my job and all this yet she is the one sneaking out when she said she was sleeping. And ignoring me 5 hours after that. Messed up! Would anybody else deal with that? Why would she treat me like that? It was pretty reasonable for a boyfriend to be upset at a lying girlfriend but I don't get why she treated me like that and the next day she just text me saying sorry and I love you but on her break she just went to lunch with her supervisor instead of fixing us. Then when she did call she didn't want to talk about it and she was just tired of hearing it like she already gave up. It was strange.

[emopunk7]

I feel a bit down and I don't know why I still think of her... its like I still want to be right next to her and hold her and do everything to her. Why do I still feel this way? N y doesn't she feel that way? Am I not good enough?

[Cat1864]

am I not good enough?

She needs something different than what you have to offer. You need something different from what she gave.

Different does NOT equate to not good enough. Absolutes and relationships (or thinking about relationships) do not go well together. Too many variables.

[Alty]

Then when she did call she didn't want to talk about it and she was just tired of hearing it like she already gave up. It was strange.

Emo, if you harp on everything the way you've done here then I'm beginning to understand how she felt.

You can't seem to let anything go. If someone makes a mistake you keep bringing it up over and over again. No one likes that and no one should have to put up with it.

Even on her breaks she just had lunch with supervisors and stopped calling me except for like 5 minutes when she had an hour.

My husband never calls me on his lunch break. It's his lunch break! He's supposed to eat something. We can talk when he gets home. I don't have to have contact with him every minute of the day. I have other things to do, my life doesn't revolve around him.

I don't think any of us can offer you more advice. We keep telling you what you should be doing, you say that you're going to do it, then all of a sudden we're once again hearing the story of your breakup. We know it by heart, we've heard it millions of times already. I feel like I was there at this point.

Emo, when you're actually ready for help, to get past this and move on, then come back. Until you can let it go you won't get anywhere in this journey.

You have all the tools you need right here on this thread. We keep repeating ourselves and it's not going anywhere.

I wish you luck. I've done all I can, the rest is up to you.

[emopunk7]

I just woke up a bit happy and I wondered what I dreamt about and it was about having sex with her... Now I'm really sad!!

[JudyKayTee]

I am coming into this VERY late - my opinion? OP is obsessive. That drove this girlfriend away and will probably drive the next girlfriend away.

(735 posts on this one thread and OP still doesn't get it - ?)

[emopunk7]

U don't get it Altenweg... I didn't expect a call all the time... I got used to her only calling when she could and it wasn't a problem. But it was a problem that specific day because something serious happened and she still didn't put me first. Its not that I don't let it go its just that I was just stating everything that happened because I want to understand what it was about and why because I didn't do anything wrong for her to act in these ways. I only missed her during work and that's it. I just loved her while she was beginning to get too busy and instead of effort she just did things to make us worse. I'm not trying to bring her down but I just want to understand why she acted that way and maybe somebody knows.
You don't understand that the first time together I did dumb things that got to her...
I called exs but only for advice I swear.
I checked her phone
I would yell and be mean at times.
I wouldn't want to hang out much.

I worked on all those things and I can honestly say that this time together I didn't do any of those things not even once because I loved her and wanted everything to work. If I put that effort then why couldn't she put the effort of not doing things behind my back? Like I said I would have even forgiven her again but the way she reacted showed me she didn't care. Do you understand what I am trying to say?
I didn't do ANY of my past mistakes and I took her on the vacation and made her dream come true and took her to disney land and put her on a plane to Florida. I really cared and loved being with her and tried new things and we had lots of fun. She would just stay mad on purpose a lot the last month. I set up my room with pics of us on a canopy around my bed and I was setting up the candles... she comes up fast as if to check up on me. I don't need her checking up on me as if I can't be trusted... how much more could I prove I was trustworthy but she said she could never trust me. I don't get it. So as she comes up, you know when you don't want anyone to see the surprise,

[amicon]

Emo,you are going around in circles again.
What happened to staying busy and enjoying each day as it comes?
Come on,it really is time to let the past stay in the past.

[emopunk7]

So I yell noo don't come in yet and then she gets mad and says I yelled... like what the freak? I'm trying to set something up and I know she is just rushing to check up on me. Then I had to beg for her to come up and see it... then she finally gets on my bed and I say okay get ready and I did but when I get to the bed she still has her clothes on. I ask y and she says not yet. Then she turns her back and ignores me. So I finally get annoyed and she argues and goes downstairs and falls asleep on the sofa. After an hour I tell her to come on that I am taking her home because she can do that there... mind you she always throws me out but instead I ask to drive her home but she gets mad and walks home. Why would she act like that with me? I'm sooo confused! And why do I still miss her at times quite a lot. I'm glad I got over the pain but I want to stop thinking about her as well!! I hate it already!

[Alty]

Emo, I do get it. That's the problem.

You want to know what I see when you post?

1. Emo wants to get on with his life, wants to move forward, or so he claims. Sadly his posts don't support that.

2. Emo can't move forward because he keeps trying to find answers as to why it ended. Emo cannot accept that it doesn't matter how it ended, only that it did.

3. Emo obsesses about what happened, it's always on his mind, he posts about it at least once a week, often more, even though he's supposed to be moving forward.

4. Emo is stuck in the past.

5. Emo wants us to tell him why his ex did this. We don't know. Only she knows. Until Emo can accept that why it ended doesn't matter, that moving on means forgetting about it, Emo will be stuck right where he is, reliving the entire relationship, dissecting everything that happened over and over and over again.

6. Emo is in a rut. Until he realizes this, there's no way we can help him.

Emo, it's in the past. Until you are ready to leave it there, you don't have a future, you're destined to keep reliving the past and you will not find happiness that way.

She is not a part of your life anymore. What she did doesn't matter. What you do now does.

When you finally understand that, then we can help. Until then I fear that everything we say just goes over your head and hits the wall behind you.

Let me know when you're ready, really ready. You aren't ready now.

[Alty]

So I yell noo don't come in yet and then she gets mad and says I yelled... like what the freak? I'm trying to set something up and I know she is just rushing to check up on me.

So what? It's in the past.

then I had to beg for her to come up and see it... then she finally gets on my bed and I say okay get ready and I did but when I get to the bed she still has her clothes on. I ask y and she says not yet. Then she turns her back and ignores me.

So what? It's in the past.

So I finally get annoyed and she argues and goes downstairs and falls asleep on the sofa.

So what? It's in the past.

After an hour I tell her to come on that I am taking her home because she can do that there... mind you she always throws me out but instead I ask to drive her home but she gets mad and walks home.

So what? It's in the past.

Why would she act like that with me? I'm sooo confused!

It doesn't matter, she's in the past.

And why do I still miss her at times quite a lot.

Because you won't stop obsessing about the past.

I'm glad I got over the pain but I want to stop thinking about her as well!!

You're not over the pain. Want to know why? Every time the scab starts to form you rip it off and reopen the wound. You do it to yourself. You're the only one that can heal and move on but you refuse to. You keep going over everything that happened in this relationship, that's why you can't move on.

I hate it already!

So do we. We've given you the tools and you put them in a corner and let them collect dust.

You don't get it. Until you do, you'll be stuck where you are.

[emopunk7]

You have got it all wrong but not your fault because you are not me and I know you are helping me and I appreciate that. Altenweg the truth is that she never let my past mistakes go. Every argument we had she brought up how I called exs and any other thing I did wrong. I begged constantly for us to not bring up the past and just talk about the issue at hand. I didn't have to deal with that. It drove me crazy... I guess our communication wasn't great now that I think about it. I'm glad I am away from her certain reasons but then for certain reasons miss what we had and the good times! I hate this already!! I know it doesn't matter, its in the past now.

[Alty]

You have got it all wrong but not your fault because you are not me and I know you are helping me and I appreciate that. Altenweg the truth is that she never let my past mistakes go. Every argument we had she brought up how I called exs and any other thing I did wrong. I begged constantly for us to not bring up the past and just talk about the issue at hand. I didn't have to deal with that. it drove me crazy...I guess our communication wasn't great now that I think about it. I'm glad I am away from her certain reasons but then for certain reasons miss what we had and the good times! I hate this already!!!!!!! I know it doesn't matter, its in the past now.

No, I'm not you, you're right about that.

You say she never let your past mistakes go, every argument you had she brought up you past mistakes. Well, sweetie, that's what you're doing now. No wonder it didn't work out, neither one of you could let go of past mistakes. I'm sure that led to many arguments.

Breaking up is hard, but having read all of your posts, you're better off without her. You two were not good together because neither one of you could let the past be the past. Heck, now that your relationship is in the past you still can't let it go. That says a lot. I can only imagine what it was like when you two were together. I bet that every time you two argued both of you would bring up past mistakes each other made.

The fact is, it's over. It's done. It's past. No more. Kaput. Finit. The end. The only problem now is that you still want to rehash the past, even though it doesn't matter anymore.

You're torturing yourself over things that happened that you can't change.

We can't help you. You're not ready to let go.

[JudyKayTee]

[QUOTE=emopunk7 agrees: How am I obssessive? I am simply trying to get through this. I have been on NC since the day she said its over. I just rather come here and talk than with friends. Does that qualify as obssessive?
[/QUOTE]



You have been posting about this for months. Nothing has changed. You say you want to go forward but make no effort to actually move forward. Yes, coming on here - how many times? Going over and over and over the same things, yes, that's obsessive.

I'm sure one of the reasons you are here is because your friends are tired of hearing about it.

So, yes, that qualifies as obsessive.

Do you actually read the responses or just continue posting?

[emopunk7]

No, I feel like you ignored what I wrote... I said she would always talk about past mistakes and I just wanted to deal with the problem at hand. I would even tell her for us to not use words like always and all that. I really tried. I listened a lot as well which is probably why we lasted a while but what I don't get is that we didn't break up for any of these reasons. We broke up when she went out behind my back. Then this second time together she does it again except I do it back and we still break up. Out of everything why always over this? I also see that you wrote no you are not me. I didn't mean that in a bad way. I go over the details a lot yes. But I am wanting to get over it but why did I dream about having sex with her? I still want her but I want to not want her. Does that make sense. That's why I'm stuck right now.

[JudyKayTee]

You dream about having sex with her because she's always on your mind and - apparently - you aren't having sex with anyone else.

She doesn't want you - I don't know why you can't figure that out and move on.

I've had difficult breakups. I think everyone is betrayed at one time or another. Life goes on, painful as that truth is.