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starbuck8 · Mar 26, 2009, 09:08 AM

Oh, you've got that right! It's their way of prolonging things and sucking you dry. The courts work for the accused, not the other way around.

Justwantfair · Mar 26, 2009, 09:09 AM

Especially when it is established that it has nothing to do with the child. Just his desire to control the child.

starbuck8 · Mar 26, 2009, 09:11 AM

It is all about control. That's all they have! And of course, if was your fault this happened you know! ;)

Justwantfair · Mar 26, 2009, 09:14 AM

Well it's definitely in his mind my fault that I am winning.

In his mind, I am just a better liar then he is. ;)

starbuck8 · Mar 26, 2009, 09:16 AM

Are you sure that your ex and mine aren't related? Of course it's your fault that you are winning, and you betcha! You're a very good actress and expert liar!

... my case was different than yours, but same attitude! Oh, and yeay! His restraining order ran out yesterday!

Justwantfair · Mar 26, 2009, 09:24 AM

Ugh, to the restraining order running out.

It's amazing what a great liar you can be when everything you say is the truth! Easier not to get confused that way.

starbuck8 · Mar 26, 2009, 09:31 AM

Yes, I'm a little worried about the order running out. He's made threats around town, because he wants to get back at me for "making" him plead guilty.

The funny thing is, they can lie their faces off in court, when you are telling the truth, and somehow they get away with it, even if it can be proven that they have bold faced lied. Why do they even make them swear to tell the truth when they don't care if they do or not? Crazy!

Justwantfair · Mar 26, 2009, 09:33 AM

LOL.

That is definitely a close relative of my ex. I think that my ex has no idea what the truth and fiction are anymore. He will lie to me, about me, about things that JUST happened... I am just floored sometimes.

The absolute best was when his step-son hurt our daughter and he blamed it on summer camp that ended one month prior to the injury... like the photos weren't time stamped!

starbuck8 · Mar 26, 2009, 09:48 AM

My ex wouldn't know the truth if it hit him with a mac truck! He used to make me think I was losing my mind sometimes, because he would tell me that I did things that I clearly didn't do, and after awhile he almost had me believing that I really actually did it or said it! He put such a spin on things, that he had other people believing that I did these stupid things he accused me of, even if they knew better, or were actually around to verify that no such thing happened. They sure know the ins and outs of brainwashing techniques. It's scary actually.

But when it comes to the courts? Phhfffttt... they just turn the other way when they know and even have documented proof that they have lied. That is why I won't jump to call the cops for anything anymore. They don't do anything, and neither do the courts. It's screwed up.

My ex broke into my house, broke my ribs and cheekbone, and bruised my lung. He walked away with a $400 fine, and a restraining order for a yr. because of a plea bargain given without my knowledge or consent. I asked for an extension on the restraining order, and I was denied. He has to come and do something again apparently. HA!

Justwantfair · Mar 26, 2009, 10:10 AM

That is horrible.

Thank you for showing me some light in my dilemna.

starbuck8 · Mar 26, 2009, 10:24 AM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

That is horrible.

Thank you for showing me some light in my dilemna.

Oh, I'm not trying to down play yours at all. It sounds like you are going through hell with your ex. I'm just saying how stupid the court system works. It's very frustrating and maddening when it's always the person that is the accused, is always the one that gets away with the most in the system. Your ex seems like he really knows how to play the system, and you and your daughter are getting trampled on in the meantime!

Justwantfair · Mar 26, 2009, 10:39 AM

I didn't feel like you were trying to down play my lovely, heart warming experience, but it does help to realize that I am not on the worse end of the experience.

As we rode the elevator up to the Family Law floor, the lady next to me commented that she is in year two of being up there. I am on year seven for a marriage that lasted "married" for two months before his injury. It's ridiculous and sometimes I just need a reminder that I am not on the worse end of the spectrum.

starbuck8 · Mar 26, 2009, 10:46 AM

Yeah, it's a slow process that they drag out. Mine took almost a yr. and a half by the time we were done. I know how frustrating and draining that is.

Seven yrs. That is absolutely insane! Geeezzzz!

adam_89 · Mar 26, 2009, 10:58 AM

So, by the looks of it, I am considering not getting married. Loos like you 2 had a rough married life and I am doubting myself now. I am sorry you 2 went through so much.

starbuck8 · Mar 26, 2009, 11:06 AM

Not all relationships turn out like this Adam. Just make darn sure that you go into it with a lot of trust and respect for each other, and a lot of comunication and understanding before you walk down that aisle.

This is a good reason for relationship classes or counselling, before you do it too. You learn a lot more about the other person that way. And also, if your gut tells you something is wrong, don't look the other way, just because you want to be married. You'll be fine, just be careful.

adam_89 · Mar 26, 2009, 11:23 AM

I hope not. I am currently engaged and it seems like all we have been doing lately is argue. I just hope it is a stage thing right now.

Justwantfair · Mar 26, 2009, 11:38 AM

When I married, I had good intentions but not intentions for forever, he was joining the military and wanted to ensure that our family was taken care of, as it was post - 9/11.

When he was in boot camp, he became ill, he fell into a coma that lasted close to six weeks. Unfortunately when you are young and naïve you think that you will get back the same person you lost, but the sad fact is the person he is today, is not the person that I married. The mental capabilities of a person who spends that long in a coma is limited, no matter what their age or hope of recovery.

Adam, every situation is different but as long as you are marrying for the right reasons, you would never have to go through what I am going through. Don't rush into marriage though, there are many factors to consider and a divorce is divestating financially and emotionally.

I will remarry again though, just won't ever divorce again. :D

adam_89 · Mar 26, 2009, 11:44 AM

Ok, I understand that. I will take my time. Idon't want to go through al the hell of a divorce. I watched my parents go through it when I was 6.

Justwantfair · Mar 26, 2009, 11:45 AM

It's not pleasant. How are you doing today Adam? (I asked earlier but you never responded.)

adam_89 · Mar 26, 2009, 11:53 AM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

It's not pleasant. How are you doing today Adam? (I asked earlier but you never responded.)

Well, it was good until about 9 o'clock when me and my fiancé got into an argument. Then she keeps being mean. Now I think we are pretty much over.