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Hey Star Gazer,
Nice to hear all that. By the way, I was only kidding about Gospel. I know how it's like when you're not attracted to a guy who's interested in you. And you sound just like me, "a girl who likes to please". It definitely is always hard to reject people. I haven't found, myself, a way to do this nicely... if there is a nice way... I also know how it's like when you find out the guy you're interested in is not "available". But, I guess you agree that it's not the end of the world. Yet, I still think YOU should find out from Carrot concerning his girlfriend. Sometimes, for some reasons, some people say things... but those things might not always be true. So, are you still shy to ask Carrot yourself? |
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Well yes I am too shy to ask Carrot myself... it's the way I am... I hate that part about me. I know I should ask him, but it's just so hard to come right out and say it. <SIGH> I hate being shy. :(
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Being shy sucks. Ranks right up there with having lupus.
Well, so you've mentioned you're shy, and you have low self-esteem around him. What goes through your mind when you see Carrot? Do you forget what you want to say? Do you envision yourself saying something and him snapping angrily at you, humiliating you in front of your co-workers? Do you think that he's a better person than you and so you believe you'd be bothering him or wasting his time with your company? Also, think about this: you're very personable online and people here like you--I am positive you're the same way in person and anyone who meets you will enjoy having you around. You're a good conversationalist and I'm sure Carrot would be happy to talk to you, no matter what the subject. You could pick better nicknames for your boy toys, though... :p |
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Ha ha! "Boy toys"... well Carrot has red hair... Gospel and Divinci are plays on their names... and Mr Good Bar... I actually have no idea why I chose that... I was under the influence... lol!
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How to make a guy cry?
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 Originally Posted by stargazer10
You seem like entirely too sweet and innocent a girl to have been on the bottle or on the wacky tobacky... Anyway, just keep that happy, cheery attitude when you talk to Carrot. Maybe he's not so into his girlfriend and wants a replacement... you never know... Originally Posted by aguillermo
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LOL! Well a lot has happened since the last post. Tonight I kissed Divinci. He broke up with his girlfriend two days ago. What I haven't really told you guys is that while I've been hung up on the whole Carrot thing... I have been attracted to Divinci, but I never really took it anywhere because of his girlfriend. I know it seems bad that we are already kissing two days after the break up, but (something for perspective) they had let the relationship linger for about two months before now. Meaning they knew the end was coming, but neither of them actually had the nerve to end it.
What sucks though is that where I work, everyone talks. So there isn't any way they are going to find out. Divinci and I both agree that they would say so much stuff that wasn't true and cause too much drama. So I'm confused. Do I want to see him privately/secretly or not. It is weird because I never really said anything before, but we both have great trust in each other. We talk about EVERYTHING. It's ridiculous. And what's weird is that we are complete opposites. |
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There are some things to think about.
First, there are reasons that some people choose not to date anyone they work with, and you already stated one of them; people talk. I think that you are wise to consider making your relationship as discrete as possible for this very reason. Second, a lot of managers/owners at various work situations (not just restaurants, but especially in restaurants) have a policy that workers cannot date each other. This is because people sometimes have difficulty separating their personal lives from their work lives. Now, add the fact that the person you have a relationship with and personal issues with also works with you. I worked with a couple who I thought had a pretty good relationship, but whenever they had personal issues with each other, it created a silent tension among them, which had effect on business. Because of customer complaints of inadequate service, management eventually told the couple that either they had to become more mature and deal with their personal situations better and not let them effect their work, or one or both could no longer work for the establishment. Third, this guy JUST broke up with his girlfriend, so take into consideration the idea of a possible rebound relationship for him. Even though the break up seemed to be in the works for a while, this guy may be in the needy phase, even if he was the one who did the breaking up. Just be careful. Finally, isn't Divinci the one who you said your family may have a problem with? Think about ALL of the reasons that you are attracted to Divinci. Sometimes people are attracted to someone or something because of the challenge. Once the challenge has been conquered, then the intrigue is gone and the attraction is no longer there. You have a lot to think about. |
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Originally Posted by stargazer10
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Oh girl! I was in this exact situation once. I was 99% sure he was flirting with me and God knows I was flirting with him. His office was way over on the other side of the building so we never spoke more than a few words at a time in passing each other. He got a promotion that was going to put him even further away and I was moving to another area myself. I knew I would never get to see him then! I've told guys at bars to dance with me but it's easy to find the confidence to tell someone to dance with you specially when you're tipsy , it's a whole other thing to ask a guy on a date when you're sober and at work. I thought to myself 'He's just shy, maybe afraid I'll hit him with a sexual harassment suit.” So one day I got my nerve up and hunted him down. I walked up to him and with confidence said, “You don't have a girl friend do you?” Why wait for a answer, of course he didn't ! At the same time I was holding out a piece of paper with my Email and phone number. I just froze in my place when he said,”I'm engaged.” And sure enough about a month later they were having a little party for him and his to be wife at work! Until then I had never in my life asked a guy out or offered my number. I would have never thought he was engaged 'cause I was sure he was flirting with me! Now I know how hard it is for a guy to ask a girl out and I know the feeling of that rejection when they say no. I think I would ask another guy out again if I really liked him but next time, I will make sure there is no girlfriend!
Girl just do it! If he says yes then just think of the self confidence you will gain. If he says no... well you'll get over it. I did and I don't really regret it. |
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Originally Posted by stargazer10
I think Mom's post was great (can I call you Mom, Mom?). There are indeed a lot of points to discuss. Here is my POV (as if you asked for it... ): 1) In almost EVERY workplace, people are going to talk, especially if you're all in your teens/twenties. You're just going to have to get used to that, even if you try and keep it discreet; unless you are completely nonchalant about it (which is hard to do if you really care about each other), word will spread. Try and be very discreet about it. 2) If it's just a small place, I doubt your work has a "worker dating" policy, though that shouldn't stop you from wondering how you're going to handle the time when your relationship doesn't work out. If this job is a long-term thing, you may seriously want to avoid dating any guy there; but if it's just something to get you through school then don't worry so much--there are other jobs out there. 3) The biggest thing, though, is the nature of his ex and their breakup. If it really was the sort of thing where the relationship was cooling off, then there's probably not a lot to worry about, since he knew it was going to end; he was probably just waiting for a replacement (maybe his ex was waiting for another guy to roll around, too). But if there are still feelings between he and the ex, you are going to have one royal mess on your hands... you may have to deal with his ex trying to win him back (which may still happen--jealousy works wonders for igniting attraction), or he may really see you as just a "rebound girl" and may wind up with someone else. He's 25, so hopefully he's mature enough to keep his head on straight, though these days mature people are hard to come by. You're going to want to tread carefully. Don't let yourself get too involved right away until you can see what DaVinci's really thinking. If it's a relationship you want, then wait to see if he's really into you before you commit yourself. Whatever you decide to do, good luck! |
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Huno,
Divinci has told me that he waited to break up with his ex because she was planning on leaving to go to school. So he didn't want there to be a rough period before that happened. Unfortunately, the break up couldn't wait any longer. I have been working there a month and a half and ever since the first day I saw them two (when I wasn't even a thought in Divinci's mind and neither him in mine) they were fighting, fighting, fighting. He has told me all about what had happened between them and why she couldn't trust him (the reason for the fights). And honestly, I have no idea what I want now. Divinci has always been "untouchable" in my mind since he did have a girlfriend at the time and now all that has changed. And what sucks is that he is of a different race than me and my parents are ultra-conservative and I can't bring him home to them. But, not all relationships have to exist with the intention of introducing him to my parents, right? I mean we talked for about two hours last night about things and I told him I couldn't bring him home to my parents and he completely understood. I mean, technically I can, but I would probably not be thought of the same by my parents (which is sad to say). |
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Originally Posted by stargazer10
Originally Posted by stargazer10
Anyway, well, you are right: not all relationships need to include the parents. So long as you're not in a situation that requires that he meet them, I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe if you've dated for many months you can introduce him and perhaps they'll be more accepting of him, if your parents are as conservative as you say they are, but as the relationship's just getting going there's no need for them to meet, or even for your parents to know about him. Actually, that kind of begs the following: do you live with your parents? Are they overbearing? Are they the type to know about every detail of your life? |
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I do live with my parents...
And the situation had more to do with the fact that we are totally different people and I said to him "usually you are not my type, but im drawn to you for some reason. and as sad as it is to say this, you aren't somebody i can bring home to my parents." And he said "i figured that." and was absolutely okay with the whole discussion. I am not racist and it doesn't bother me except for the fact that I know my parents wouldn't like it |
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Hey Star Gazer,
Unexpected, isn't it? Most of the time, we don't know what our "type" is (although we think we do know) and then we fall for some "type" we never thought we could fall for but we can't help it. Yet, it's amazing and sometimes it MIGHT BE even better than when you fall for the same "type" again and again. Concerning your parents and that "race" problem, I sincerely believe you shouldn't bother. You don't have to think about bringing him home yet, just not yet. It's too soon... maybe you too aren't even serious. I don't know, I'm just saying. I know how it's like to have ultra-conservative parents, but trust me you shouldn't worry about it for now. It's not like you're going to get married and they'll have no choice but accept your dear Divinci in the family. If ever that's going to happen, then you'd have a reason to worry... but this is not the case for now, so BE HAPPY and have fun! :) Why let your parents decide who you should be in a relationship with? |
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Originally Posted by huno
I think she freaked out because she thought you were too serious, too soon. Perhaps, she wasn't that serious... Is it? I would definitely freak out, too :p |
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Originally Posted by kristynn
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Originally Posted by stargazer10
You said before that you don't know what you want now... and you also say he isn't normally your type. I have to ask: what about him isn't your type? Originally Posted by kristynn
Yet, it's amazing and even better than when you fall for the same "type" again and again.
I know my type: quiet, mature, giggly but not to the point of being saccharine, of good morals and humble upbringing, and Spanish-speaking (I can't seduce in English). But what I can't stand is when I fall for some loud-mouthed, teenybopping girl who probably makes her dad worry she might come up in Girls Gone Wild. That to me just sucks. Logically, I know someone like me is best... but there's something about overly flirty girls that gets me every time. :( I'd totally give you a "disagree" thingy but you give stellar advice and I don't want to ruin your rep. :p |
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Finding places to meet and talk is correct. Most men and women , if given enough time, will willingly let it out that they are involved or not. Perhaps he doesn't know about you either. In a subtle way let him know your situation and check his response. It's really not bad to ask if he's seeing someone. If he is he will be flattered you noticed him, if not an opening has been created. See if he crawls through. If not, go for it.
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Originally Posted by huno
I totally agree with you on what you disagree. I edited my post and added "MIGHT BE" which was what I initially meant! *;) Couldn't rate your answer though... Actually, what I mostly had in mind is... when some people (not me) guys or gals who think they're into the blond hair / blue eyes but then.. oops! They totally fall for the opposite "type" dark hair / brown eyes, if you see what I mean. But this is just looks and as much as we say it shouldn't matter that much, it still does. By the way, I looooooooooooooove Spanish :p |
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