[gypsy456]

Your emotions are telling you to contact him, but the best course of action is to make plans for keeping your self busy, and not contact him at all. If he contacts you, what makes you think he will treat you any better? He may say he will, but actions speak louder than words. If he contacts you, do not respond right away, but make sure your composed and cool when you do. I honestly hope you move on, and stop his settling for his degrading ways. You deserve someone who appreciates your attentions with love and gratitude. He does not.

Talaniman... as most of the time you are right.

It baffles me to read how many women allow themselves to be treated in a way less than they deserve...

Where does this come from...
Women who love too much ?

Women are so incredibly picky when it comes to buying a pair of shoes or a handbag...
And when it comes to women I sometimes wonder...

Does this make any sense at all ?

[gypsy456]

I meant to write...


When it comes to MEN I sometimes wonder... why settle for less, why allow to be treated like a doormat...

Ai ai ai.

[ordinaryguy]

Sometimes I just don't feel like I will be ok with him not coming back, regardless if the relationship was good or not.

If you'd rather have a bad relationship than no relationship, you'll always have a bad relationship. When you can be happy alone, you'll find someone you can be happy with.

[talaniman]

It baffles me to read how many women allow themselves to be treated in a way less than they deserve...

They are not happy with themselves, and do not love themselves, it goes for men as well as woman. Maybe they don't know how to love themselves. I don't know.

[HurtingALot]

So it's officially my birthday... and here I am hoping that my ex will somehow show up at my job (like he often did... obviously before this last slpit.) To update... we were together for 10 months... currently on a "break/break-up" as he says he wants to see if he misses me and can find happiness elsewhere. CRAZY! So those who have read my other posts will say that this relationship was no good for me basically from the beginning... and at times, I see that. BUT I STILL LOVE & MISS HIM. He failed to acknowledge or acknowledged late many occasions (Holidays, Valentine's Day... etc.) PLENTY while we were together. How could I think that it might be different now that we're apart?? But somehow I am hoping that he'll show up and want me back... today, maybe? And here's the thing... since he was a putz and often didn't acknowledge holidays when he wanted to be with me... is it crazy to think that it would be different while we're "broken up??" If he doesn't make any contact for my birthday, am I to take it that it's really OVER?? We haven't spoken or anything for 1 week... So that, to me, means we're still in the 2-week period he asked me to "wait" for me... If nothing today, does that mean nothing ever?? It's hard to smile on my birthday with all these feelings... it's not fair to be enduring this heartbreak. It comes and goes... and sometimes I know I am better off without him... But then it comes again and I could drown in my own tears.

[emopunk7]

OMG! I know exactly how you feel. I waited for my ex as well to see if she would visit me at my job at least one day and surprise me but never happened. Just expect the best and you won't be disappointed. Yes the feelings come and go. It's a roller coaster. Keeping busy and dating is the only answer... Just make sure he doesn't know your dating because then you will never have a chance, but u can't stay waiting. Why put him on a high stool when your the woman and he's not putting you on the high stool. How old are you by the way?

[HurtingALot]

Emo... I turned 31 today... although with all these heartbreak feelings, I feel like I am 12. Nightmare. When you say, make sure he doesn't know I'm dating, what do you mean? So many here say that it might make him want me back... Not that it is the only reason I'm considering it. I am just wondering if I don't hear from him during this "2 week" waiting period... is he really gone?

[fix-what-you-broke]

I'm not wanting to sound harsh at all as I have not read your other posts,but going off this one, there is no way I would wait for any guy that told me he was going to look for happiness elsewhere, that to me is a no go.
That's like saying I want to keep my options open and I will come back to you if I don't find anyone else.sorry if I am way off,it was just my initial thought after reading this.

[talaniman]

You would hurt a lot less if you weren't so selective about what you remember. Sure you had great times, but he also tramped all over your heart, in a cruel evil way. How come you never remember that when you get all bleary eyed. How come you don't get mad for being mistreated. Next time play the whole tape, and not just the good stuff. Now forget jerky boy and enjoy your birthday with people who really do love you. Happy Birthday

[gypsy456]

Trips down to memory lane often make it all look nicer than it was in reality.

The guy treated you without respect.

Wake up.
Healing takes time.
Take your time.
Invest it in yourself.

Move on.

Happy Birthday !

[HurtingALot]

I have been NC with my ex for just over a week... Sometimes I feel better and sometimes I feel like if I don't call him or go to him, I'll die. I miss him... and want him back. How do I know if NC is working? Sometimes I feel like I'm healing... but deep down, I know that I am hoping that NC will make him miss me and come back to me. How long does it take??

[talaniman]

HurtingALot]I have been NC with my ex for just over a week... Sometimes I feel better and sometimes I feel like if I don't call him or go to him, I'll die.

That happens to all of us after a break up.

I miss him... and want him back.

That happen after a break up too.

How do I know if NC is working? Sometimes I feel like I'm healing... but deep down, I know that I am hoping that NC will make him miss me and come back to me.

No contact will not bring him back. Sorry but it will let you heal, if you do it right and its easy, just cut all contact with the ex., and move to other, more important things in your life.

How long does it take??

Sometimes a day, sometimes the rest of your life, only you can know for sure.

[SAB123]

One thing I have learned from this forum is NC is not to get your ex back. It's for you to heal and make a wise and healty decision if or ex come's back. It's been 7 weeks since I contacted my ex fiancé. I think because of no NC she is missing me and driving past my house more often again on this break up, but my situation is different then yours. But I have my ups and downs and because of NC I'm starting to see her for what she is, but my heart is not fully healed and their's a slight chance I may take her back and if you read my threads you would say why? But NC's for you, not him.

[Jiser]

Does it work, does it not work? Who knows. Sometimes NC is not best in all circumstances, sometimes it is. The only thing you need to do is heal. NC will help with this so in a few months/years how ever long it takes you can make rationale decisions without the confusion of having contact with your ex.

If anything will happen in the future with your ex this is through some time apart to allow you both to have some independent living and learning. Treat this time in your life as a growing period, a lesson, time to work on what you want from life as this time will not always be around for you ;P Your only around once, so don't waste it.

[HurtingALot]

First, let me apologize in advance for this rant. I am just so upset all the time and it doesn't seem to be lifting. I am a busy girl, with a full-life and plenty to keep me busy. I have many friends (all of whom think I am crazy for letting this breakup make me so crazy... ) When I think back to the 10 months that my ex and I were together, there were really good times... and really not-so-good times. The relationship, all in all, was not a good one, when I can see it for what it was. The problem is... now that he has said he thinks it's over, and wants time to find happiness elsewhere, I am devastated. This man is selfish and egotistical... cannot get along with my friends or family, because he thinks he is above everyone, made little-to-no effort with my son, and overall was a drain on me emotionally. NOT GOOD. Why then, now that we are on a "break" or whatever this is, am I such a freaking mess?? I am constantly wondering what he is thinking, doing etc, even though I am pretty sure it's not much of anything, since he's pretty much a loner and has only 1 friend on the planet. I am wondering if the someone who obviously caught his eye is spending time with him... or if he is thinking of me at all, while I suffer. These thoughts consume my days... and I find little happiness in anything. I am currently talking to someone else I recently met... and it's going well. Think he's a great guy... but my heart is still so completely with my ex it is impossible to think of being without him. I keep waiting for him to realize what he lost and come back... and from reading these posts everyday, I know this is not the right thing to do, but I can't help myself. I am wondering if I need to go and see someone about this... I feel stupid, that I can't just let it go... What is wrong with me? Do these thoughts and feelings EVER go away? I feel like I am losing my mind. I just want him to come back and hold me and tell me that we can make it better. HELP ME!! I swear, if it weren't for these boards, I think I would just cry all day and night... Which is just crazy since I have so many other wonderful things in my life. What is wrong with me??

[gypsy456]

Quite frankly: it may be way too soon for you to see some other guy... you are obviously not healed from the previous relationship.

Spend time with your son and get back on a stable track, feel good without a man in your life and take a deep breath...

Move on.

[SAB123]

There is nothing wrong with you. These are all normal feelings. My ex fiancé broke up with me 3 months ago. Although it is getting better for me, I still miss and
Love her and her son. My ex was also selfish but soon as time goes buy you will start to see him for what he is. Not completely but start too. But if you don't let go you will never heal. About 3 weeks ago I let go of her and things started getting better. But your going to cry, feel lonely, hurt, feel anger toward him, hate, happy without him, pray he come's back, anyalize you/him in the relationship, miss and love him. I'm 3 months post break up, I still do have all those feeling still but they are not as bad as it was the first month. Once YOU decide to let go the real healing process begins. And trust me when I say this. She/I did no contact with each other for 6 weeks then I emailed her on her Birthday. That was the worst mistake I made, because I went rite back to square on. One suggestion is, that has helped me is read this forum and if you need to vent this is the rite place to be. So if you come home and cry all night that's normal. It's been a couple of weeks since I have but as tal would say and a lot of other people grieve when you have to. Don't hold back. But you will be fine.

[Geoffersonairplane]

I'm afraid that all the advice you have got so far on this is 100% correct. I came here 7 months ago with the same thought process. Most people do have false hope to begin with and No Contact feeds this thought process.

8 1/2 months post breakup and I have not heard from my ex. It was over the day we broke up. I spent 3 hard months in that false hope phase but eventually came out on the other side. It took around 6 months before I started feeling emotionally healthy again, less depressed and more positive but none of this would have been achievable if I refused to let go of that false hope which luckily I did not.

I can tell you that No Contact is for healing those wounds, for beginning a process of moving on. It is hard to accept but No Contact will not bring your ex back..

It all takes time and I always say this, Time really does heal, it just takes a while.

[HurtingALot]

Thanks again to all who are answering... I know that the whole NC thing is for me, more than anything... although I am not sure that I am healing all that much quite yet. Question though... I have also read over and over that contacting my ex will only drive him away more and for longer... It is best to leave him alone, so that if he's going to, he can see what he's missing? Still correct?

[questionanswerer]

First, let me apologize in advance for this rant. I am just so upset all the time and it doesn't seem to be lifting. I am a busy girl, with a full-life and plenty to keep me busy. I have many friends (all of whom think I am crazy for letting this breakup make me so crazy...) When I think back to the 10 months that my ex and I were together, there were really good times...and really not-so-good times. The relationship, all in all, was not a good one, when I can see it for what it was. The problem is....now that he has said he thinks it's over, and wants time to find happiness elsewhere, I am devastated. This man is selfish and egotistical....cannot get along with my friends or family, because he thinks he is above everyone, made little-to-no effort with my son, and overall was a drain on me emotionally. NOT GOOD. Why then, now that we are on a "break" or whatever this is, am I such a freaking mess???? I am constantly wondering what he is thinking, doing etc, even though I am pretty sure it's not much of anything, since he's pretty much a loner and has only 1 friend on the planet. I am wondering if the someone who obviously caught his eye is spending time with him....or if he is thinking of me at all, while I suffer. These thoughts consume my days....and I find little happiness in anything. I am currently talking to someone else I recently met...and it's going well. Think he's a great guy...but my heart is still so completely with my ex it is impossible to think of being without him. I keep waiting for him to realize what he lost and come back.....and from reading these posts everyday, I know this is not the right thing to do, but I can't help myself. I am wondering if I need to go and see someone about this....I feel stupid, that I can't just let it go.....What is wrong with me?? Do these thoughts and feelings EVER go away?? I feel like I am losing my mind. I just want him to come back and hold me and tell me that we can make it better. HELP ME!!! I swear, if it weren't for these boards, I think I would just cry all day and night.....Which is just crazy since I have so many other wonderful things in my life. What is wrong with me??????

I went through the same thing. Sometimes it's just the way your going to feel. Moving on is good. If you were happy with him, and keep worrying about him, I think you are still in love. Try to take it a little at a time. I think you should just move on and if he comes back to you, do what your heart says.