[Gullyver]

She's already out of the relationship and doesn't seem to give a hoot where you are in it.

There is NO reasonable reason to TELL her. Your actions will say it loud and clear.

Completely agree with you, whatever she may or may not feel it's not my problem anymore

And yes, at this stage of the comedy there is no reasonable motivation or way to tell her as my silence will say it loud and clear

[N0help4u]

You are only wanting this chat for closure got yourself. Or to make it as you has the last Word, she. Couldn't care less what you have to say. Just drop it. Forget the clothes.

[Gullyver]

You are only wanting this chat for closure got yourself. Or to make it as you has the last Word, she. Couldnt care less what you have to say. Just drop it. Forget the clothes.

No I am afraid this time you didn't get it right

I simply believe that a few minutes chat face to face is better way then a text message to say that I am out

Given she doesn't care less as you suggest my final gesture is totally unnecessary now, less time to waste for me

Lets' it all die and vanish in silence, probably the most graceful way given the situation she created and achieved

[N0help4u]

I wasn't saying you would be afraid I was saying your effort to explain or tell her anything is a useless waste of time.

[Wondergirl]

I wasnt saying you would be afraid I was saying your effort to explain or tell her anything is a useless waste of time.

And he is probably secretly hoping she will come to her senses and welcome him back.

Yes, a face-to-face meeting and/or chat is totally worthless. She couldn't care less if she ever sees or hears from him again.

[Gullyver]

And he is probably secretly hoping she will come to her senses and welcome him back.

Yes, a face-to-face meeting and/or chat is totally worthless. She couldn't care less i she ever sees or hears from him again.

... secretly hoping that she will want me back?

No dear, not at all, I am looking forward to focus on my life and all the things I need to accomplish

I said from the beginning that I do not wish her bad in any way, given the overall 2 years experience with her am almost sure that she may have some (maybe serious) bipolar issues or similar and so I hope that I am wrong but if so I am still sad (for her) the mean, tricky and unnecessary mind-games she used to hammer on the relationship,

Few honest, sincere words would have certainly be a much better way to remember each other but this doesn't count anymore

[N0help4u]

Exactly Its either hoping the spark ignites or that she walk away regretting Its over.

[Gullyver]

Exactly Its either hoping the spark ignites or that she walk away regretting Its over.

As human and a man if you ask me if I still have feelings for her I would lie if I said not...

I have not problem in admitting that if is this you trying to guess, no mysteries here

I am not wishing her to regrets me - whether she may or may not regret is her business, whatever she will learn from our story all depend on her wisdom, there is no reason for me to wish her bad luck - I wish her happiness sincerely in everything

As for me right now I am enjoying a deep retreat in my silence to regain my peace to find out slowly what I must learn from our story

[N0help4u]

as for me right now i am enjoying a deep retreat in my silence to regain my peace to find out slowly what i must learn from our story

Bingo!

[talaniman]

Anything she has or you have of hers is but an excuse and entirely irrelevant. You want closure, then accept the end and throw the junk away and disappear and end the dramatics and head games for yourself.

You are a hopeless romantic but this isn't a soap opera. Its real life. So disappear and FINALLY put and end to it. Do No Contact the right way and let healing begin. It never will until you have closed the door permanently.

[Gullyver]

I really like your 3 quotes at the bottom of your profile and message.

Anything she has or you have of hers is but an excuse and entirely irrelevant. You want closure, then accept the end and throw the junk away and disappear and end the dramatics and head games for yourself.

You are a hopeless romantic but this isn't a soap opera. Its real life. So disappear and FINALLY put and end to it. Do No Contact the right way and let healing begin. It never will until you have closed the door permanently.

I really like your 3 quotes at the bottom of your profile and message.

Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you an option in theirs... In my story this is was it was happening in the last 6 months until my decision to break up

Having a relationship should be a bonus to your life and should not be the only reason to be happy. Yes I fully see the point and agree 100%. Life must be made of many columns like a strong building not based on one point and yes, we must never expect anyone else to make us happy, a happy relationship is a bonus for each of the two partners which can only increase and eventually elevate even more the happiness we already feel inside

And I like the third one too...

I am a romantic but not hopeless and despite the sadness my healing has begun

Thank you to all of you friends who keep on posting opinions and views on our story

[Jake2008]

I'm not sure you're getting the reality of all of these goings on.

'Over' doesn't mean *poof* problem solved, and along with it, all the emotions, history, conflict, anger. No matter how well you feel now, the moment you see her for 'closure'- which is highly over rated in my opinion- much will still be right at the surface, and you have little control over that.

And why you don't, is simply because you have only worked on your desire or need to end the relationship. You have not walked the walk through the process of ending it, to being free of it- completely.

That takes time. Any serious relationship will cause a great deal of adjusting. Adjusting to independence, and learning how to live single again. Your confidence and self-esteem have taken a hit. There are very raw nerves at the end of any relationship, whether it was good or bad. To ignore it, or think you can skip part of healing, you are only kidding yourself, and you are leaving yourself wide open to fall into a romantic trap.

Be prepared. Know that conflicting feelings WILL happen, and you will have moments of doubt and confusion. It is hard to see reality and the finer points of how important the 'why' part was in your decision to end it. It is all too easy to be in that emotional place and remember the good times, and the reasons for splitting become blurred.

Not to mention that you have NO idea how she will react, and how it will affect you, because this is all too raw.

Please do not contact her directly. If there are personal effects to be exchanged- get a third party. Send her an email and tell her that you expect that by the end of the week, at 6 p.m. anything she wants will have been exchanged with that third party, otherwise you will consider it unwanted, and dispose of it.

Make sure the exchange includes her return of your property.

Keep it simple, brief, and honest.

Then, you can begin to heal.

[talaniman]

Your healing has not yet begun simply because you are still lamenting about closure.

[Gullyver]

I'm not sure you're getting the reality of all of these goings on.

'Over' doesn't mean *poof* problem solved, and along with it, all the emotions, history, conflict, anger. No matter how well you feel now, the moment you see her for 'closure'- which is highly over rated in my opinion- much will still be right at the surface, and you have little control over that.

And why you don't, is simply because you have only worked on your desire or need to end the relationship. You have not walked the walk through the process of ending it, to being free of it- completely.

That takes time. Any serious relationship will cause a great deal of adjusting. Adjusting to independence, and learning how to live single again. Your confidence and self-esteem have taken a hit. There are very raw nerves at the end of any relationship, whether it was good or bad. To ignore it, or think you can skip part of healing, you are only kidding yourself, and you are leaving yourself wide open to fall into a romantic trap.

Be prepared. Know that conflicting feelings WILL happen, and you will have moments of doubt and confusion. It is hard to see reality and the finer points of how important the 'why' part was in your decision to end it. It is all too easy to be in that emotional place and remember the good times, and the reasons for splitting become blurred.

Not to mention that you have NO idea how she will react, and how it will affect you, because this is all too raw.

Please do not contact her directly. If there are personal effects to be exchanged- get a third party. Send her an email and tell her that you expect that by the end of the week, at 6 p.m., anything she wants will have been exchanged with that third party, otherwise you will consider it unwanted, and dispose of it.

Make sure the exchange includes her return of your property.

Keep it simple, brief, and honest.

Then, you can begin to heal.

Your comments are very true.

I agree almost on everything you have said.

Completely true. 'Over' doesn't mean *poof* problem solved, obviously there are some many emotions, history, doubts and conflict and she certainly adds loads of anger (I have no anger at all about her or us).

You are right. No matter how well I may feel now, the moment I may see her for 'closure' (although I no longer want it now... ) all many emotions and feelings will surface, and if I am not wise and strong I will have little control over that tsunami of emotions and may say or do the wrong things deviating from my intentions.

At moment I promised to myself to act with all the wisdom I have in every thing may happen between and her and worked on my desire and need to end the relationship for the happiness and freedom of both of us.

It is also true that I have not walked the walk through the full process of ending it, to being free of it- completely. In fact, I need serious efforts to focus only on my life but I am trying really hard and succeeding slowly, a step or two every day.

I agree with you. This process is long, hard, painful and takes time.

It was a serious relationship, we wanted babies, moving abroad together etc etc and so as I said it is causing a great deal of adjusting to the vanished dreams to the long evenings we use to enjoy.

I disagree only about the confidence and self-esteem.

I feel I have been at all time loyal, honest, caring, supportive, respectful, attentive, polite, peaceful, cheerful, positive and frank up to the very end, even when I have been verbally abused aggressively and so, I feel really good inside about the way I handled the last difficult 6 months and the end this story.

I don't feel I have had a hit in this respect because I have done all it was possible to save the relationship and try to understand her so I feel good about myself because everything I have done it has been genuine and without malice

Right now I have lost so much weight, I am caring a lot about myself, getting fit, looking about ten years younger and I know where I am going in life.

In my life experience I learned that women or people in general, who act strong outside , indeed inside are very fragile specially if they had a difficult childhood and extremely sensitive and, I know it sounds strange but as a human and ex-boyfriend I feel a very strong compassion for her because I have somehow the gut feeling that she has hammered and destroyed a beautiful bond between us and I suspect most of this happened because her extreme insecurity which make difficult for her to handle some aspects of our relationship but this doesn't matter anymore...

I have the gut feeling (I really hope I am wrong) that she may try to be back at some point and this will be yet another test for me and for my life resolution

So you are right. I must be prepared and that I will have moments of doubt and confusion. In this situations, these vortex of emotions, as you said it is very hard to see reality and the finer details.

With the emotions still inside it may be all too easy to be in that deluded fake emotional place and remember only good times, and the reasons for splitting become unmarked and blurred, then mistakes may follow...

Yes, I have NO idea how she will react, and how it will affect you, because this is all too fresh. But I have the control of myself, I will have to control my mind rather than letting my mind controlling me, the inner battle

I have no intention of contacting her directly. There are personal effects to be exchanged- but yesterday She already refused to get a third party involved.
For some reasons she want to be there when I collect my things and give her ones but she wanted me to wait for her to call me whenever

Yes, I may send her an email keeping it simple, brief, and honest but at the moment I just don't wish her to call or email me, don't want to answer calls or texts for a long while. Now it's me who wishes a silent end for our story, it does not bother anymore

Thank you very much for your great post.

Have a peaceful day

Gullyver

Your healing has not yet begun simply because you are still lamenting about closure.

No, I started already to heal talaniman, I am very determined, life goes on brov

[talaniman]

Yes it does but it can't go very far, nor can healing even start with one foot firmly planted in the past. You still have a dogged determination to get something from her she isn't willing to give and despite the handwriting on the wall you still try to get that last contact, that last talk, to supposedly end on a high note with understanding and closure.

If healing had really started then you would just disappear and be done with this chapter of life. You are getting to that conclusion and sorry to push you harder, but healing works much better when you make the decision and take action for yourself and let the rest of that stuff go. Exchanging STUFF is but an excuse to hold the door open, and if it was truly that important would have been resolved long ago. Get new stuff and put hers away, and do NO CONTACT correctly starting NOW, and stop playing with your own heart.

It's NOT her, its YOU. Has nothing to do with her despite your well written attempts at trying to make us see her part in this failed experiment. Its you holding on to your own old feelings that were hurt. Accept it fully and quit half stepping my young friend.

[Gullyver]

Yes it does but it can't go very far, nor can healing even start with one foot firmly planted in the past. You still have a dogged determination to get something from her she isn't willing to give and despite the handwriting on the wall you still try to get that last contact, that last talk, to supposedly end on a high note with understanding and closure.

If healing had really started then you would just disappear and be done with this chapter of life. You are getting to that conclusion and sorry to push you harder, but healing works much better when you make the decision and take action for yourself and let the rest of that stuff go. Exchanging STUFF is but an excuse to hold the door open, and if it was truly that important would have been resolved long ago. Get new stuff and put hers away, and do NO CONTACT correctly starting NOW, and stop playing with your own heart.

It's NOT her, its YOU. Has nothing to do with her despite your well written attempts at trying to make us see her part in this failed experiment. Its you holding on to your own old feelings that were hurt. Accept it fully and quit half stepping my young friend.

... Well I am not really interesting in Exchanging STUFF anymore, I passed that point now, and I have already decided and started NO CONTACT rules so I don't quite get your point here

I don't undertsand what you mean about by my 'well written attempts at trying to make us see her part in this failed experiment."? I simply told how some chapters of the story have been between me and her in the attempt to read opinions and understand the real motivations behind the break up

So why do you use the word attempts and why should I make her appear her in bad light for any reason? The actions speak for themselves so I recounted the facts as they were and as I experienced them in the effort to understand

Last contact, that last talk and closure are not important anymore for me at this stage. Time will make me understand what I cannot see clear now

Now only I want is space, freedom and focus on next chapter of my life.

Yes, of course, healing works much better when anyone makes the decision and take action for themselves and yes, I am letting go all the rest of that stuff go

I do not believe in supermen and superwomen

We are all different in the way we see life and that's the real beauty of it,

We are not machines but people and we have deep feelings, so it is obviously a bit easier to see things from outside but I am sure that from your own life experiences you know that the sorrow after a break up with someone you still love is a serious challenge in life, I am sure it was the same for you as for anyone else

[Gullyver]

....Well I am not really interesting in Exchanging STUFF anymore, I passed that point now, and I have already decided and started NO CONTACT rules so I don't quite get your point here

I don't undertsand what you mean about by my 'well written attempts at trying to make us see her part in this failed experiment."? I simply told how some chapters of the story have been between me and her in the attempt to read opinions and understand the real motivations behind the break up

so why do you use the word attempts and why should I make her appear her in bad light for any reason? The actions speak for themselves so I recounted the facts as they were and as I experienced them in the effort to understand

last contact, that last talk and closure are not important anymore for me at this stage. Time will make me understand what I cannot see clear now

now only I want is space, freedom and focus on next chapter of my life.

yes, of course, healing works much better when anyone makes the decision and take action for themselves and yes, I am letting go all the rest of that stuff go

I do not believe in supermen and superwomen

We are all different in the way we see life and that's the real beauty of it,

we are not machines but people and we have deep feelings, so it is obviously a bit easier to see things from outside but I am sure that from your own life experiences you know that the sorrow after a break up with someone you still love is a serious challenge in life, I am sure it was the same for you as for anyone else

Hu hu, guess what, my ex-just texted me 11am this morning... …she texted ‘good morning, I am at home all day today’ -...

[Wondergirl]

Hu hu, guess what, my ex-just texted me 11am this morning .....…she texted ‘good morning, I am at home all day today’ -........

And you did (will do) what?

[Gullyver]

I did not reply at all ignoring her text and after good 3 hours she texted me again saying that something else unexpected came out and she had to go somewhere else to help a friend and so she said 'sorry for today, not possible anymore.

I came to know (for sure) from a common friend that it was a genuine impediment and that she really went to help although if she really wanted to talk about us she could have met me this evening but she didn't suggest that so... she still trying another one of her mind games and I didn't reply the her 2nd message neither...

[talaniman]

And spying on her through friends is a good idea?