[Synnen]

synnen.which husband you are talking about?if i am husband i will never leave my wife alone for such a long time in a foreign country.he left her alone and comes back and showing right on her.is this acceptable??is this his responsibility as husband??

If it was a MARITAL decision so that he could WORK to SUPPORT his family, then YES--it is his responsibility. In some cases, he may have had no CHOICE--if he had a work visa, for instance, if the job is gone, so is the visa and he has to return.

Either way--YOUR FRIEND was trespassing. It does not matter what the husband did or didn't do. The woman was NOT free for your friend to seduce, and he should have had enough honor not to mess around with a married woman. HE is at fault--so is she, but that's a different rant--and HE needs to grow up and realize that he can't get what he wants just because he wants it. NO amount of justification will make me change my mind on that.

And here's the thing: You seem to be looking for EXACTLY that--justification. There is none. Give up on that. Your friend needs to MOVE FORWARD, realize he can't have this woman, get his butt in counseling because he sounds VERY disturbed, and realize that she's gone and he needs to get over it.

Lesson learned: Don't get involved with married women. End of story.

[star2011]

Altenweg your thinking is really horrible.I told previously in one of my posts that he never asked her any sexual favour.how you can ask this question that how much more she has to sleep with him to get his loan back.first of all it was not a loan or favour given by him to get sex from her.he just saying now how she can go back easily to her husband back as nothing has happened between them in those 2 years? where is the question of sexual favour or to pay off the debts? comeon.its your viered thinking.its good my friend is not reading your post otherwise he will get mad.you are really diverting an issue on a very different track.its OK.he has done big mistake.may be in your words crime but please don't insult somebody's true love like this.yes he didn't have sex in last 4 months.as a man he feels that.but more thanthat he wants her as life partner.so please donot involve sex into this as a defending tool.I know he is wrong but his love is not wrong.the person he chosen is wrong but his love is true.he must have had sex with her but it was pure in love not in lust.if he asks her that she has to have sex with him till debts gets clear I will only slap him but the matter is different.he needs her as wife.fine anyway I have conveyed him all your advices.lets hope he will change his mind

[JudyKayTee]

True love? He was having sex with a married woman?

I continue to believe this is about you. I don't believe an unvinvolved party would become this involved and personalize the situation to this extent.

[star2011]

If I wants to get advice why I will say my friend? to whom I have to fear? its an open discussoin forum.I told earlier only he is in not good state of mind to have advices.so on his behalf I am asking you advices.as I care for my friend and I am the whole and sole witness of this story.understand.instead of giving advice why you are behaving like detective?

[JudyKayTee]

Because I am a Detective, that's why. Because I have years and years of asking questions, observing, getting a sense of people. I actually get paid for my thoughts and impressions.

Good guess - and if prizes were awarded, you'd win one.

(Oh, you're not the only witness. There's your friend, the woman, the husband and anyone else any of those parties wants to tell.)

[Wondergirl]

Do you live with this man? You said earlier you were watching him sleep and also mentioned something about being his roommate.

What is your relation to him?

[Cat1864]

we are staying abroad as room mates since last 10 years and back home also we are childhood friends.I only brought him here to work with me.so I am feeling guilty that I have brought him here.thats why my feelings about this issue are very strong.still I feel he should get his love.and that girl also still loves him,she still not refusing her love for him

synnen.which husband you are talking about?if i am husband i will never leave my wife alone for such a long time in a foreign country.he left her alone and comes back and showing right on her.is this acceptable? is this his responsibility as husband?

Which does lead to the question of where is your wife if you are living abroad with him? You ask a question about her and mention her in another person's thread.

my wife is having pain while intercourse.so she always avoid that.we are doing only oral to satisfy our needs.but I am not getting full satisfaction from that.I need intercourse.what to do

same thing happens with my wife.but when she comes on top of me with penetration she gets orgasm.try this position

Back to your 'friend', he may not have overtly coerced her into a relationship, but he was in a position of power over her by the very nature of his 'generosity'. IF she was left in a bad situation with children, then she was also vulnerable. Rescuers whether they are friends or therapists have to be very careful about misplaced emotions-his and hers. If he allows himself to objective about the relationship, the feelings may not be as strong as he wants to believe they are. However, he is the one who has to work that out for himself.

[star2011]

Good observation CAT. Let me clear.I am married person and staying with my wife.I have 2 bed kichen apartment.me and my wife staying in one and my friend staying in another bedroom.currently my wife has gone backhome in march as my mother is not well.she will be back in June.any more clarifications do you need?

[Wondergirl]

currently my wife has gone backhome in march as my mother is not well.she will be back in june.any more clarifications do you need??

While your wife is gone, let's say a woman friend begins to cook for you (lots of samosas!) and bring the food to your house, and while she's at your house, she does your laundry and cleans the bathroom and kitchen. She brings in your mail, sees your bills, and pays them out of her own money. She begins to grocery shop for you and pays for that herself too.

Now, instead of bringing prepared food to your house, she uses your kitchen and cooks the food she bought for you. She makes delicious meals and likes to serve them with soft music playing in the background and candles lit instead of electric lights turned on. She is very kind and even quite pretty.

You begin to give her hugs to thank her for helping you in your wife's absence. Soon those hugs become small kisses on her cheek. She returns the affection and kisses you too when she hugs you back. One evening after dinner, you find yourself with her in your bed. One thing leads to another, and you have sex with her. You are so grateful to her for all her kindnesses, so it seems like a good thank-you to her.

Your wife comes home in June. Now what?

[star2011]

Wondergirl,I really wondered.I am not able to understand what you wants to prove and say

[Wondergirl]

wondergirl,i really wondered.i am not able to understand what you wants to prove and say

Your wife is gone for so long and another woman began to give you comfort and even love, and so wanted to marry you. What would you say to your wife when she returned to you? Would you divorce her for the woman who loved you and took care of you while your wife was gone?

[star2011]

Comeon wondergirl.now you think about all its and buts there is no certainty in life.you aor me don't know what's going to happen in our life's tomorrow.yes.it may happens to me or to you also.I know you are poking me from my friend's story.you never know.offcourse everybody will try not to fall in such a kind of relation but nobody can change what's written in your destiny.when my friend fell into this relation initially they both tried to avoid and be friends but it happened somehow.so its foolish question to nask me.don't you think?that mean you mean to say all husbands and wives staying away definitely have some other relation?I am every time saying my friend has done mistake.but he is getting very harsh punishment from that

[Wondergirl]

I know you are poking me from my friend's story.

I simply wanted to know what you would do in a similar situation. I wondered if you had any empathy for the "victim".

nobody can change what's written in your destiny

I have free will and decide my own destiny.

when my friend fell into this relation

Your friend did not "fall into" this relationship. He should never have proceeded into it as far as he did with all his emotions uncovered.

initially they both tried to avoid and be friends but it happened somehow

It "happened" because each allowed it to happen. He had no respect for her marriage vows, and she did not say no because of obligation or fear.

so its foolish question to nask me.don't you think?

Not at all foolish. You are so agreeable with this friend's "need," so I wondered if the shoe were on your foot, what would happen then.

he is getting very harsh punishment from that

He used her need for his own advantage.

[star2011]

What advantage? if he just used her for his advantage then by now he would have thrown her.but he is still loving her like crazy and wants to be her life partner

[Wondergirl]

what advantage??if he just used her for his advantage then by now he would have thrown her.but he is still loving her like crazy and wants to be her life partner

That's too bad. She's married -- and always has been.

[JudyKayTee]

She already has a life partner - and she's proved it.

Isn't it time to close this thread?

[Alty]

what advantage??if he just used her for his advantage then by now he would have thrown her.but he is still loving her like crazy and wants to be her life partner

Star, I'm going to try one last time to try and explain things to you, because you really have an obscured view of the world.

I'm going to use an example. I have a car. I paid for the car, I put the gas in the car, I pay for the insurance, everything. The car is all paid for. I end up getting a job far away, and have to leave for 1 1/2 years. I ask you to look after my car.

You put gas in it when you go out, you wash it, you keep it in good running condition. When I get back, you decide that because you took care of my car while I was gone, you deserve to keep it. The thing, is, it's my car, by law. It's titled to me. It belongs to me. The only way for you to get it is for me to sign it over to you, and I won't. You did nothing to earn it and you have no right to it.

This is what your friend did. He went after a married woman. He had no right to. Then he fell in love with her. Now her husband is back, and she'd gone back to her marriage. That's not acceptable to him. He thinks that he has a right to have her because he took care of her for 1 1/2 years. That's not how things work.

The only difference between my car and this woman is that taking care of my car while I'm gone is not immoral. What your friend did is.

If you still don't understand, I can't help you. Apparently in your world marriage vows mean nothing, and everyone, even married people, should be allowed to just sleep with and play house with anyone they want, and people that want a married person should just grab what they want, without showing any respect for that marriage.

It just baffles me that you don't understand that what your friend did is wrong. I couldn't care less that he loves her. He has no right to. He never did!

[Synnen]

my friend has done mistake.but he is getting very harsh punishment from that

It's not "punishment". It is what he should have expected from getting involved with a married woman.

Yes, he made a mistake. Yes, he is paying for it.

Welcome to Life 101, where people take responsibility for and pay for their mistakes.

He is owed NOTHING by this woman or by life. If he wants to be happy, he needs to realize that and move on.